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[INTP] Bloody INTPS! Why are you so damn oblivious?

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
She's not oblivious, she's just not that into you. :coffee:
 

tcda

psicobolche
Joined
Nov 17, 2009
Messages
1,292
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5
goodgrief, why don't *you* take the hint?

This is also a point.

He should ask the intp in question straight up. I gave this advice before. If an intp is interested they will say yes. IMO
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
goodgrief, why don't *you* take the hint?

This too.

I said earlier it doesn't seem like you're ready for this, GoodGrief. And most of your posts just continue to reinforce that perception. You are far too hesitant, jumpy, unsure of yourself, and passive aggressive, it appears. The last one will be your downfall if she hasn't sniffed it out already.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
mmmmmm i fail XP.

What does passive aggresive mean?

Being ambiguous, cryptic or "hinting" as a means to reduce responsibility and "ownership" of your behavior. You clearly have feelings and desires, but only passively suggest them as to put pressure on the other person to "pick up on them" bring them into focus. It's tiring to put up with. That may not be the actual definition, but that's how I tend to think of it.
 

goodgrief

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2010
Messages
480
MBTI Type
INTJ
Being ambiguous, cryptic or "hinting" as a means to reduce responsibility and "ownership" of your behavior. You clearly have feelings and desires, but only passively suggest them as to put pressure on the other person to "pick up on them" bring them into focus. It's tiring to put up with. That may not be the actual definition, but that's how I tend to think of it.

I admit this is a fault of mine I can't seem to get over. However, it's not really pressuring if the other person never notices, is it?
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
I admit this is a fault of mine I can't seem to get over. However, it's not really pressuring if the other person never notices, is it?

Maybe she notices but just doesn't want to reject you? Or feels too awkward about approaching it?

There's also the chance she's just waiting for something more overt from you, and once that happens, she'll reciprocate interest. Might as well find out.
 

goodgrief

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2010
Messages
480
MBTI Type
INTJ
Maybe she notices but just doesn't want to reject you? Or feels to awkward about approaching it?

I suppose that's always a possibility but I don't think it's likely. BTW feeling awkward about approaching it is exactly my problem. Basically, this is what I have noticed. She considers me, in any case, a good friend. One of few. We share similar interests and some similar problems and are able to communicate well both jokingly and seriously. She feels at least somewhat open talking about her feelings with me, though she doesn't open up to many people. However, she shows no particular inclinations towards nor away from me. She has never said anything even slightly suggestive to me. Given the choice between seeing me and another of her close friends, there is roughly a 50% chance she will go with me. She has never displayed any romantic inclinations beyond humour or saying she finds a particular celebrity attractive. She is practically devoid of physical hints of anything and is quite antisocial most of the time. She always spends her weekends alone with little or no communication with others.

I really don't want to keep hinting, but I don't have the guts to take it any further. I've tried, and occasionally come close. We can have quite intimate discussions, at least compared to her and myself with others, but I think if she liked me or wished to reject me, she would at least have some tendency to avoid or initiate some form of interaction. For the most part she seems pretty casual and oblivious about the entire situation.

But of course I am not the best at psychology, particularly observational, so from this information, I will leave it up to you to decide.

And I will try to quit expressing my frustrations online.
 

Kaizer

sophiloist
Joined
Aug 20, 2008
Messages
795
MBTI Type
INTp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I admit this is a fault of mine I can't seem to get over.
you have to say it in so many words
However, it's not really pressuring if the other person never notices, is it?
& the reason could be or most likely is the exact opposite.. the signature obliviousness doesn't manifest itself in this way and definitely not when you've been 'obvious' to the point where you're asking all these questions.. .. also, just in case, power issues shouldn't be part of the discourse/interaction
 

goodgrief

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2010
Messages
480
MBTI Type
INTJ
& the reason could be or most likely is the exact opposite.. the signature obliviousness doesn't manifest itself in this way and definitely not when you've been 'obvious' to the point where you're asking all these questions.. .. also, just in case, power issues shouldn't be part of the discourse/interaction

Umm.. not quite sure what you mean. I haven't been all inyourface obvious to her if that's what you're saying.

Power issues - Not ever discussed. We seem to be on essentially equal grounds. Though once again I am not 100% sure if I'm reading what you're saying correctly.
 

goodgrief

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2010
Messages
480
MBTI Type
INTJ
But no one else can recognise the hint, right? :huh:

Well I don't hint to people unless I have something I am afraid to directly say to them but really want to, as seen here.

I don't do it very often, so I wouldn't know with others.
 

CollisionCourse?

New member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
52
MBTI Type
INTP
If you can't say it, because you're afraid to spoil the impression by being nervous, then don't expect it to get any better, especially if you'll spend more time thinking about it, so you should just go with that.
 

goodgrief

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2010
Messages
480
MBTI Type
INTJ
I know. I'm obsessive and I spend too long thinking about things. I got that from the start. What I'm not so good at is magically willing myself to stop.
 

Spamtar

Ghost Monkey Soul
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
4,468
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Less about goodgreifs problem of having the hots for an INTP and not willing to seducer her but rather bug her with vague hints. (you keep this shit up you are gonna start to piss her off)

Rather more as to the OP question itself as to whether the INTP gets the hint or no.

Suspect a lot of INTPs usually get the hint and simply choose not to overtly express their thoughts on the subject. Or we notice the hint in our mental side view mirrors but are focusing on something else. Sometimes while in my head I can be pretty oblivious of the surrounding physical environment.

Notice some INTPs and NTs in general can have a hard stare when there is no emotion attached. The response by other is that some, especially EFs, are susceptible become hostile to it.

I noticed an instance of slipping into that mode of the hard stare with the addtion of being put off a little by some EF having some loud argument with his girlfriend and him looking like a total douche. Looking indirectly at my hard stare he starts ranting to himself and really working himself into a lather saying ( I really wish someone took a swing at me, right now thats the last thing the would do). Finally, after a good passage of time and the guy is still ranting to himself when I am now the only one in the room left, fighting off the temptation to give this drama punk what he is asking...I respond to his cry for help...wake up out of the my introversion trance and introduce myself and ask his name. This seems to calm him down and I slip back into my contemplative thought process again.

Thus I am trying to mix in a little Care Bare Stare into my hard gangsteresq stare just so I will not be interrupted as harshly from my daydreaming.
 

Weber

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
202
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5
Do you really need to make a thread every time you perceive an incremental development in your non-relationship? It's pathetic, childish, histrionic and tiresome all at once.
 

Uytuun

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
1,633
MBTI Type
nnnn
Do you really need to make a thread every time you perceive an incremental development in your non-relationship? It's pathetic, childish, histrionic and tiresome all at once.

Lol, Weber hit you with the irritated Te reaction your Fi has disabled in you, goodgrief. I don't advise repression using Te, though, but it does seem that you've lost perspective.

You have to own not only your behaviour, like Jock said, but also your emotions. You like this girl. Nothing wrong with that. Right now, though, your focus seems to be on avoiding rejection (which is essentially a selfish reflex), not so much on trying to advance the relationship or opening your heart. You can't control the way she feels or what she wants - allow her the right to her own emotions. Let her know how you feel without attaching a bunch of expectations to the action. It's a beautiful thing to have feelings for someone, enjoy them, don't let them instill fear in you.

When I'm completely overwhelmed by emotions, it helps to verbalise to myself how I feel and literally explain the situation to myself...it helps with processing the feelings...tends to take me down an analytical and introspective path where I try to figure out what's going on step by step. Sometimes it helps to undermine the basic assumptions on which your emotional response is based (stuff like "do I really want this?" etc. etc.). Raging emo is not good for loving.
 
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