[INTP] Bloody INTPS! Why are you so damn oblivious?

[lunalum]

I believe the real question is: why can't people be more direct?

 

[copperfish17]

I believe the real question is: why can't people be more direct?

This is much easier said than done.



And it's a rather idealistic sentiment too, IMO.

It just ain't gonna happen...

 

[Ming]

I like INTPs for being secretive..

 

[Grungemouse]

I'm far from oblivious. *scratches head* As an English major, it's hardwired into me to analyse literary texts, which involves deciphering the symbolic; why did the author choose this word, rather than its synonym? What effect does this have? What are the implications? Naturally, I pick apart the words and actions (or lack thereof) of people I interact with. I think, "They could have done a number of things, or said anything, so why did they choose to X or Y?" Cue the silent brainstorming of possible interpretations. With people I'm interested in, every word and action is picked apart like this, only more obsessively. Until I have conclusive evidence, any interpretation is equally plausible. Thus, I feign obliviousness until confirmation is provided and I can respond accordingly.

There was this one guy who was pretty underhanded. He decided to play the "nice guy" role and pretend to pursue a friendship with me, whilst dropping ambigous hints. To be honest, I found his lack of directness disgusting. If he was interested in a relationship, being upfront about his feelings from the beginning would have been the best option. The way he went about it was just repulsive, and the most frustating part was that he was obvious enough to make a blip on my radar, but ambigious enough so that I couldn't reject him without looking like a jerk. Throwing hints = FFFFFFUUUUU.

INTPs, or perhaps any girl, need the pursuer to be direct and honest. Ambiguity leaves room for multiple interpretations, regardless of whether there is requited interest or not.

 

[Grungemouse]

This is much easier said than done.



And it's a rather idealistic sentiment too, IMO.

It just ain't gonna happen...

Perhaps if the individual doesn't have a lot of relational experience. It is incredibly hard, especially for those who value self-preservation, but the way I see it is if you don't do anything, then you obviously don't want it enough. I'm pathologically shy, but in the rare instances I'm crazy about someone I bite the bullet and find my own way of indicating interest, ASAP. None of this "friendship" and "waiting" BS. Which involves going against my natural tendencies to over-analyse. Easier said than done. But hey, I'm in a relationship.

 

[copperfish17]

...but the way I see it is if you don't do anything, then you obviously don't want it enough.

Not too sure if the bolded part is always true. I'm more inclined to say: "if you don't do anything, then you won't get ANYWHERE" (hear that, OP?). Nevertheless, we are in agreement that one should do something if one wants to take a relationship to the next level, so that's cool.

I'm pathologically shy, but in the rare instances I'm crazy about someone I bite the bullet and find my own way of indicating interest, ASAP.

Yes.

 

[ZPowers]

What're you guys talking about?

 

[MiasmaResonance]

._.

 

[Weber]

._.

That sums it up.

 

[lunalum]

This is much easier said than done.



And it's a rather idealistic sentiment too, IMO.

It just ain't gonna happen...

I would think that hinting takes more effort than just saying what is on one's mind. So, the hinting type of indirectness isn't really easier. But if what is meant by indirectness is just straying from what one means to say because one cannot form the words, that is different. I doubt this unavoidable type of indirectness is the subject of this thread though, due to the OP. I don't get 'hinting.' Is it really too much to ask for someone to say what they mean?And if someone wants to get all cryptic, they should not complain that the receiver is oblivious

 

[MiasmaResonance]

That sums it up.

I know, right?

 

[Jonny]

Personally, I don't like to make assumptions. It's not that I'm oblivious, it's that I don't base my actions on hunches. Whenever I have come to a conclusion without close to 100% certainty, I have always felt incredibly uncomfortable; and on the few occasions when those conclusions have proven false... well, let's just say those "failures" still haunt me.

 

[Tallulah]

I'm far from oblivious. *scratches head* As an English major, it's hardwired into me to analyse literary texts, which involves deciphering the symbolic; why did the author choose this word, rather than its synonym? What effect does this have? What are the implications? Naturally, I pick apart the words and actions (or lack thereof) of people I interact with. I think, "They could have done a number of things, or said anything, so why did they choose to X or Y?" Cue the silent brainstorming of possible interpretations. With people I'm interested in, every word and action is picked apart like this, only more obsessively. Until I have conclusive evidence, any interpretation is equally plausible. Thus, I feign obliviousness until confirmation is provided and I can respond accordingly.

There was this one guy who was pretty underhanded. He decided to play the "nice guy" role and pretend to pursue a friendship with me, whilst dropping ambigous hints. To be honest, I found his lack of directness disgusting. If he was interested in a relationship, being upfront about his feelings from the beginning would have been the best option. The way he went about it was just repulsive, and the most frustating part was that he was obvious enough to make a blip on my radar, but ambigious enough so that I couldn't reject him without looking like a jerk. Throwing hints = FFFFFFUUUUU.

INTPs, or perhaps any girl, need the pursuer to be direct and honest. Ambiguity leaves room for multiple interpretations, regardless of whether there is requited interest or not.

SO SO SO true. My friends marvel at how oblivious I seem to be to guys liking me, but it's really mostly the above. I never assume anything unless I've been given some direct signs that the interested party is interested. If a guy invites me to "hang out" sometime, or says, "oh, hey, I have this extra ticket for blahblahblah, and I don't have anyone to go with..." I usually just take him at his word, though my friends insist that there's only one way to interpret those sorts of invitations. It's taken me a long time to learn that lesson.

I do appreciate a guy showing interest, but not appearing sycophantic or desperate. Confident interest is intriguing.

 

[Salomé]

Being ambiguous, cryptic or "hinting" as a means to reduce responsibility and "ownership" of your behavior. You clearly have feelings and desires, but only passively suggest them as to put pressure on the other person to "pick up on them" bring them into focus. It's tiring to put up with. That may not be the actual definition, but that's how I tend to think of it.

That's not the definition. But it really should be!
It's beyond tiring. It's infuriating.

There was this one guy who was pretty underhanded. He decided to play the "nice guy" role and pretend to pursue a friendship with me, whilst dropping ambigous hints. To be honest, I found his lack of directness disgusting. If he was interested in a relationship, being upfront about his feelings from the beginning would have been the best option. The way he went about it was just repulsive, and the most frustating part was that he was obvious enough to make a blip on my radar, but ambigious enough so that I couldn't reject him without looking like a jerk. Throwing hints = FFFFFFUUUUU.

INTPs, or perhaps any girl, need the pursuer to be direct and honest. Ambiguity leaves room for multiple interpretations, regardless of whether there is requited interest or not.

Yes, yes, yes! This is exactly what is so repulsive about so-called "nice guys".
Guys who won't even give you the satisfaction of rejecting them, but go around bitching about how hard done by they are, they're the worst. Girls are much more upfront about their interest and much more likely to take a "thanks, but no thanks" on the chin rather than having a fucking breakdown about it. WTH, is it with guys and rejection?

But being too obvious is annoying too, right?

 

[Fluffywolf]

I'm good at taking hints, bad at following up on them.