Female NT's: Are relationships a challenge?

[Amethyst]

I was just curious to see if there are many female NT's out there who either find it difficult to find a relationship, keep a relationship, or just stay interested in relationships in general. Relationships are, in general, challenging, but is it more challenging for you compared to other people you're with? Do you find your friends getting into relationships a lot quicker than you, or is it easier for them, etc.?

So, do you find it difficult to find a date or keep a relationship in your interest, why or why not?

[teslashock]

The most difficult part of dating is finding someone who's interesting enough to keep my attention for more than a few weeks/months. Once I find someone whom I really enjoy (on more than a superficial level), a relationship comes pretty naturally.

[figsfiggyfigs]

ROFL!

YES, of course. I have high expectations, and they are rarely met; also, most guys find me intimidating, and those that do have the balls to ask me out are not what I'm looking for. Most guys find me too "domineering", like I've told a few members on here, I've acutally heard this a few times from guys. : (


I'm trying to control my control issues. LOL!!!!!

I've only been in 2 relationships, both serious.
and the only reason the first one lasted so long was because I was young and was trying so hard to hold back who I truly was( scheduled, responsible, ambitious, qualities people my age found "buzz kill" worthy); but we all know you can't fight who you really are.

The second guy was intellectually under-stimulating, and he was way to serious way to fast; I didn't like him very much and he was already starting to talk about getting married. I bolted when I had the chance.
Usually I like people who know what they want and when they want it, thats great, but when love is involved, the other person has to feel it too. I couldn't continue dating him out of pity.


I rarely find guys I like. Sure there are plenty of guys I find attractive, but they are only good for one thing; which I don't do with guys who I am not dating.


I'm starting to ramble.

Sorry. I got Java on the brain

[Katsuni]

I was just curious to see if there are many female NT's out there who either find it difficult to find a relationship, keep a relationship, or just stay interested in relationships in general.

So, do you find it difficult to find a date, why or why not?

GETTING a relationship isn't hard... keeping one once they learn about me is a bit more difficult. So far my record is about 3 years.

Seems after about that long, people just get fed up with me and give up.

Kinda sucks sadly... but maybe the current one will last longer, it's gone through a few rough sections already and already managed to pass them in one piece. Or well, it's more like several pieces and then like T1000 and blooooobs back together :O

>.>

It's a valid analogy >=O

But yeah, when yeu give off a certain appeal, it's easy to reel in relationships. The problem just becomes that, once they get to know yeu, they realize that yeu're more than they can handle and they just give up rather than fight for something worth keeping.

Relationships aren't easy... they're alot of work to maintain. And I don't mean jewelery and gifts and crap either, but understanding, being there for the other through rough times in their life, and stuff like that, which's not easy to do, and most people seem to break down rather than fight for the one they care for.

I'll give my all to help them through their dark moments, no matter how it hurts, I'd just like to see a little reciprocation at times...

That and I get more than a little irritated at the whole "Oh... yeu mean I have to actually TALK with yeu? And DO stuff with yeu? WTH yeu're supposed to be a trophy wife who sits still and shuts up!" mentality many seem to have >.<

[Amethyst]

ROFL!

YES, of course. I have high expectations, and they are rarely met; also, most guys find me intimidating, and those that do have the balls to ask me out are not what I'm looking for. Most guys find me too "domineering", like I've told a few members on here, I've acutally heard this a few times from guys. : (


I'm trying to control my control issues. LOL!!!!!

I've only been in 2 relationships, both serious.
and the only reason the first one lasted so long was because I was young and was trying so hard to hold back who I truly was( scheduled, responsible, ambitious, qualities people my age found "buzz kill" worthy); but we all know you can't fight who you really are.

The second guy was intellectually under-stimulating, and he was way to serious way to fast; I didn't like him very much and he was already starting to talk about getting married. I bolted when I had the chance.
Usually I like people who know what they want and when they want it, thats great, but when love is involved, the other person has to feel it too. I couldn't continue dating him out of pity.


I rarely find guys I like. Sure there are plenty of guys I find attractive, but they are only good for one thing; which I don't do with guys who I am not dating.


I'm starting to ramble.

Sorry. I got Java on the brain

Haha, I have that same issues with guys. I feel like most of the guys I show interest in are too controlling, and pretty much everyone of them under-stimulating. I dated a guy (the only time I've ever gotten a date and decided to try it) and...I'll admit it, it was online
But anyway, we talked for a while, and he seemed pretty smart at that time, but once we met in real life, he just gawked at me and what I was saying and just looked stupid. I'd be better off talking to a brick wall, and I wish I was at that point. He was also over-chivalrous, I don't know about all of you, but I find that to be a big turnoff, especially when I tell him I don't like it when he's being over-chivalrous, but disregards any comment I have of it and continues anyway. :steam:

Haha, ranting too, sorry.

[figsfiggyfigs]

I'll give my all to help them through their dark moments, no matter how it hurts, I'd just like to see a little reciprocation at times...

Seriously.
I can't even stress that first part enough.

I'm always there for anyone who needs it, I make sure I lend an ear.

I may not be the most sympathetic person( very bad at it in-fact), but if I am one thing, its empathetic.
I'm very good at putting myself in peoples shoes, and listening to what they have to say. I will go out of my way to make sure they feel like they have someone to rely on; however, it seems that most people, including some of my best friends don't reciprocate often.
In a relationship, this is one of the worst things ever. I need to know I can rely on someone for support when I need to vent about something, I rarely do it anyways, so when I want to, you know it's important to me.
They never made me feel comfortable doing so, and the rational part of me alway said " This is something that can be solved easily, you don't need to discuss it". I ended up keeping everything to myself, and felt like I was only there for them, and not myself, basically, just along for the ride. ( this is when I was still really young, inexperienced, and had a hard time being myself)

That and I get more than a little irritated at the whole "Oh... yeu mean I have to actually TALK with yeu? And DO stuff with yeu? WTH yeu're supposed to be a trophy wife who sits still and shuts up!" mentality many seem to have >.<

and after all of that, they do THIS.:steam:


This is why I rarely date anymore. I don't date anyone that I don't know very well, and who know me just as much. They know what kind of person I am, and how I think AHEAD of time; vice versa.

[Amethyst]

.
I ended up keeping everything to myself, and felt like I was only there for them, and not myself, basically, just along for the ride. ( this is when I was still really young, inexperienced, and had a hard time being myself)

Hah, I could never be like that. I'm pretty much the 'If I give this, I receive something of equal value' kind of person in a relationship. Sure, I'll give just to give, but I never let it get to the point where I'm being taken advantage over, and a lot of guys do that to girls around here, and I guess they see I'm not like them/

[figsfiggyfigs]

^ yes, well, in a relationship it should be equal; both people involved should WANT to give as much as they can, not just one person. Like I said, I was really young, and it was my first relationship.

its one of THESE moments [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4AqrzGm-L0"]DUMB DUMB DUMB![/YOUTUBE]



I have no problem being who I am now, saying what I want--basically an true ENTJ.

There is nothing wrong with compromising, and always allowing an adjustment for improvement; but like you said, I won't allow myself to be taken advantage of. compromising and opportunism are 2 different things.

[Kaizer]

Hah, I could never be like that. I'm pretty much the 'If I give this, I receive something of equal value' kind of person in a relationship. Sure, I'll give just to give, but I never let it get to the point where I'm being taken advantage over, and a lot of guys do that to girls around here, and I guess they see I'm not like them/

^ yes, well, in a relationship it should be equal; both people involved should WANT to give as much as they can, not just one person.

Good to see the distinction being drawn between a trading dispensation versus the other one which I think is the better outlook.. referred to by an ENTJ female as an idealistic one or a less/non realistic one.

Also, ppl tend to see this in 'relationships' but it holds true more across the board than not.. just a matter of perspective and underlying factors that dictate the fundamentals that shape an outlook.

[Salt n' pepper]

When I first saw the title for the thread, I thought this was going to be about relationhips as a challenge. Like, if we thought a relationship was just another task or goal, or whatever. Cause I literally told one of my girlfriends a few months ago, that one of the reasons why I enjoy my current romantic relationship so much is because his personality is such a great challenge for me that I just wanna figure out and well, master. Keeps me interested.

Anyway,

I was just curious to see if there are many female NT's out there who either find it difficult to find a relationship

No, it's not difficult for me when I want one. If I want a relationship, I pursue one. Usually I don't bother or care, and it's hard for me to really fall for someone. Only done it once.

keep a relationship

Hm, no. Not really. I work hard at my relationships, once I'm in one. Too hard most of the times. And maybe that could result in me coming across as too controlling. I can become hell-bent on making somthing work out, once I'm invested.

But I'm usually good at relationship maintenance. I don't have to think about it too much. With the exception of the INTP I'm with right now.

just stay interested in relationships in general

I don't think about relationship on a regular basis, when I'm not attached. So they are not too interesting to me if they are not relevant. However, while in a relationship, I have no toubble staying intrested in someone I chose to be with. I already made the call that he is worth while.

So, do you find it difficult to find a date, why or why not?

No, not when I want to. But generally, I'm not interested in dating.