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[NT] Female NT's: Are relationships a challenge?

thescientist

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I was just curious to see if there are many female NT's out there who either find it difficult to find a relationship, keep a relationship, or just stay interested in relationships in general.

I find it difficult to meet the right person. I think it has to do with my standards. I can tell right away if I will connect with someone or if someone intrigues me. Most of the time...they DONT...so they just immediately go in the "No" pile.

I can make friends just fine for an INTJ, but relationship material is so difficult to come by. Someone I'm attracted to, physically, mentally and can simultaneously share similar values and interests...does it even exist?

Maybe my standards are unrealistic?
Maybe I'm searching for some transcendental elusive connection?
Maybe I'm meeting too many S's? Sometimes I wish I could escape to a world full of N's...

I just can't settle for something that doesn't feel 100% right...

:(
 

thescientist

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Do you find your friends getting into relationships a lot quicker than you, or is it easier for them, etc.?
?
I dunno. Maybe my E and S friends have an easier time?

For me, it's not being an NT female that's the issue, it's the awkward introversion plus the NT. I've managed to be much more social over the years to the point where I don't seem like an INTJ when I'm out and about. The problem with this is that I start attracting types that are not really my cup of tea. If I'm my retracted INTJ self while I'm out, I miss out on meeting others and feel like a social outcast. It's like I can't win either way! Guess I need to find that balance...

The last time that I attracted someone that I had a connection with was when I was being my INTJ self! AT WORK! In my serious, no-bs INTJ mode, oblivious to everyone and everything around me.

It's not that I'm NOT being myself when I'm out having fun...it's just easier to put on my social hat and not be the wallflower. Even then it's not like I'm outrageously outgoing when doing so. It gets exhausting after a while, and I naturally retract.
 

Giggly

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I dated a female entp and i can tell you, (though this may be only in my case) that the reason that it was so frustrating for me was not that i couldn't handle her and thus didn't want to fight to hold on, (we were a total intellectual match, thats what i found most appealing about her actually), its more that her disatatchment and fear of getting to close was hard to live with. I think saying that its because people cant handle you guys is a very entp way of understanding it and possibly pretty innaccurate.

As cliche as it sounds, my general observation of people is that they always want what they can't have and then when they get it they don't want it anymore. Not implying that NT's always feel this way but maybe some know this instinctually and are naturally guarded.
 

Salomé

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The last time that I attracted someone that I had a connection with was when I was being my INTJ self! AT WORK! In my serious, no-bs INTJ mode, oblivious to everyone and everything around me.
What's wrong with meeting someone at work?
I imagine this is pretty common for introverted NTs.
 
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What's wrong with meeting someone at work?
I imagine this is pretty common for introverted NTs.

I met mine at work.

It's a pretty good environment to meet someone and get to know them, without the romantic pressure.

And watching someone doing something they are good at and like, is pretty attractive.
 

Salomé

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I met mine at work.

It's a pretty good environment to meet someone and get to know them, without the romantic pressure.

And watching someone doing something they are good at and like, is pretty attractive.

True. I much prefer it to perfunctorary socialising.
I've met a couple of people this way.
I mostly work with other NTs though so..
 

MacGuffin

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So what makes it hard?

As in, harder than for non-NT women. Expectations of the men? Higher standards?




Masculinity? ;)
 

Salomé

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Too late! That troll has already been tried. Read the thread, doofus. :p

Also, assuming an automatic interest in men is a mistake a lot of your sex seem to make.
 

Amethyst

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I find it difficult to meet the right person. I think it has to do with my standards. I can tell right away if I will connect with someone or if someone intrigues me. Most of the time...they DONT...so they just immediately go in the "No" pile.

I can make friends just fine for an INTJ, but relationship material is so difficult to come by. Someone I'm attracted to, physically, mentally and can simultaneously share similar values and interests...does it even exist?

Maybe my standards are unrealistic?
Maybe I'm searching for some transcendental elusive connection?
Maybe I'm meeting too many S's? Sometimes I wish I could escape to a world full of N's...

I just can't settle for something that doesn't feel 100% right...

:(

I feel the same way, if something seems 'off', it's off, which has lead to me never having a relationship before and going on many failed first dates. I'd say I'm not entirely picky (aw hell I so am), but there are certain flaws in a guy that I can stand, and those I cannot stand. But then you also have to in the qualities that you like over others...and as you can see I'm really over-thinking this lol.
 

MacGuffin

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Too late! That troll has already been tried. Read the thread, doofus. :p

Also, assuming an automatic interest in men is a mistake a lot of your sex seem to make.

I would assume, maybe I'm wrong, that the expectations men have of women would be a lot more difficult to handle than the expectations women have of women in relationships.
 

Salomé

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I would assume, maybe I'm wrong, that the expectations men have of women would be a lot more difficult to handle than the expectations women have of women in relationships.

Why would you assume that?
 

Tallulah

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I would assume, maybe I'm wrong, that the expectations men have of women would be a lot more difficult to handle than the expectations women have of women in relationships.

I'm not sure what you mean. Can you explain?
 

thescientist

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What's wrong with meeting someone at work?
I imagine this is pretty common for introverted NTs.

Nothing wrong with it. It was just disastrous in my case. Lying scumbag fickle ENFP who toyed with my heart for a whole year. Had never fallen harder for anyone. I behaved like a total idiot. Life learning lesson I guess.

My belief-system narrows the pool down much more as well. ENFP and I didnt share the same belief-system/values.
 

Salomé

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Nothing wrong with it. It was just disastrous in my case. Lying scumbag fickle ENFP who toyed with my heart for a whole year. Had never fallen harder for anyone. I behaved like a total idiot. Life learning lesson I guess.

Ah ok. Yeah I know that one.
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

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Nothing wrong with it. It was just disastrous in my case. Lying scumbag fickle ENFP who toyed with my heart for a whole year. Had never fallen harder for anyone. I behaved like a total idiot. Life learning lesson I guess.

My belief-system narrows the pool down much more as well. ENFP and I didnt share the same belief-system/values.

Hey, you live and you learn.

Our sight is completely fucked up when we can't have what we want, and emotions are involved.

ENFPs.... man oh man. they're great to be friends with, but not to date... Dated one me self. Not a pleasant result. I too acted like an idiot. :p
 

runvardh

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Work can be difficult to find people if your co-workers are all the same sex as you and you just so happen to be straight... *sigh*
 

Orangey

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Wouldn't women be more understanding of other women? No?

I figure gender stereotypes would be reduced in homosexual relationships.

You originally just said "expectations," not gender stereotypes. There are still expectations, just perhaps not exactly the ones that men would traditionally have for women (though there are some of those, too.)
 

MacGuffin

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You originally just said "expectations," not gender stereotypes. There are still expectations, just perhaps not exactly the ones that men would traditionally have for women (though there are some of those, too.)

Then what expectations would a lesbian have that would be difficult for an NT woman?
 

Orangey

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Then what expectations would a lesbian have that would be difficult for an NT woman?

Dunno. I can imagine that there would probably be the same kinds of "be caring," "show affection," "spend lots of time with me," etc., types of expectations that would be more difficult for NT women than for other types.
 
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