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  1. #131
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Well, I would worry about that, too. It's one thing to be yourself, but another to amplify how you really are in an effort to scare off the wrong ones or test a potential mate. I mean, I understand it as a strategy, but I prefer to hang out and interact with someone for a while. I can usually tell how they react in certain situations and whether our personalities gel. I've had men want to "get it all out there" in the first couple of dates, and while I understand it, it kind of kills the romance for me. First of all, it's a date, not a job interview, and second of all, at that point, I don't know all the good stuff about you yet that's going to help me overlook the other stuff.
    I just say what's on my mind. If the subject comes up I talk about it, if it doesn't come up, it doesn't come up until it looks like something should be said.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #132
    Senior Member Froody Blue Gem's Avatar
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    I really haven't had that many romantic relationships, the only one I really had didn't last very long. I had literally no experience before that, so I guess that I'm a late bloomer. There is a lot that goes into a relationship and because I had never had another one prior to it, a lot about it was alien to me, and I botched up a lot of the unspoken rules. Both components have to be working in synch, and a lot of communication is necessary. If you are a cruddy communicator, it goes downhill quickly. People may need a lot of growth and to find themselves to have a healthy working relationship. After it was over only then did I realize a lot of the ways I screwed up but in the moment, I really wasn't aware of what I was doing wrong.

    I know how I want the ideal relationship to be, the rules of how it should go, but in the moment and actually being in one, I don't know squat. Connection is a key part of the relationship, I move very slowly, and the other person may move very quickly. There is a lot of gray area, when the right time to do or say things is.
    9w1 5w4 2w3 sp/so


    I couldn't Understand how you could be so bold.
    Maybe I'll find myself smiling on that distant shore...
    Maybe I'm not alone.


    Melancholic-Phlegmatic
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  3. #133
    NoFsgiven IBleedPumpkinJuice's Avatar
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    Looking at my past relationships, maintaining a relationship is not a challenge for me. But finding a suitable partner is not that easy for me. There aren't many that crossed my path that I could fall in love with.
    The moment I fall for someone, I really do. And speaking from my experiences, they do too - and they've showed me consistently to be committed to our relationship.
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  4. #134
    Prickly Hermit of the Forest's Avatar
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    Relationships... what are those?
    Chase the adventure. Cherish the joy.


    Cu·ri·ous
    adjective
    1. Eager to know or learn something.
    2. Strange; unusual.



    INTP ~ 9w1 2w1 5w6 so/sx ~ Burned Hufflepuff
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  5. #135
    Now with less salt. Methylene's Avatar
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    My god, yes.
    If you're in the right place, finding a date is not the biggest problem (I discovered I'm a trap for nerds, apparently). The challenge is convincing myself to become emotionally close to anyone and letting down the "glass wall" that separates me from other people. Relationships are a big investment of time and energy I usually don't feel like doing.
    I don't think that it's so personal
    Anymore
    I don't think that it's irreversible
    Anymore
    Sometimes I feel like I'm a sentimental trooper.

    6w5 - 3w4 - 9w8 so/sp
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  6. #136
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    i am kind of at a point where it's just easier not to even try.

    I don't particularly like that, but I've been let down enough / had enough things that failed that it just seems likely any investment I make will never really go anywhere, so then I automatically just focus my energy on things with more reliable outcomes.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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  7. #137
    7w8 3w4 1w2 I, Tonya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Methylene View Post
    My god, yes.
    If you're in the right place, finding a date is not the biggest problem (I discovered I'm a trap for nerds, apparently). The challenge is convincing myself to become emotionally close to anyone and letting down the "glass wall" that separates me from other people. Relationships are a big investment of time and energy I usually don't feel like doing.
    If they pursue you would it change your opinion, or would you have to like them before they can have any affect on you?
    Promise me. From here on out, never again waste new tears on the past.
    ~Along With the Gods

  8. #138
    Now with less salt. Methylene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I, Tonya View Post
    If they pursue you would it change your opinion, or would you have to like them before they can have any affect on you?
    In my experience, whether they pursue me or not makes no difference, as the actual problem is making me to feel anything in their regards. I don't want to sound vain or shallow, but last few months it has happened that they would really pursue me and I would just run away, or be annoyed at them. They would complain about me being cold, while I was trying to understand why I was like that and why couldn't I feel anything. I was also annoyed at myself because of that.

    I really have to like them before they can have any affect on me, so when it happens I instantly become a 12 years old girl and lose any sign of rationality (so, that's the sign). I still don't understand exactly how to make it happen when it should, though. It just happens very rarely, so I wish I could just feel something more often.

    Insert a decent title here
    Last post I wrote there is a practical example of what happens when I'm caught in the limbo.
    I don't think that it's so personal
    Anymore
    I don't think that it's irreversible
    Anymore
    Sometimes I feel like I'm a sentimental trooper.

    6w5 - 3w4 - 9w8 so/sp
    RLUEI
    Chaotic neutral.
    LII-Ne.

  9. #139
    7w8 3w4 1w2 I, Tonya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Methylene View Post
    In my experience, whether they pursue me or not makes no difference, as the actual problem is making me to feel anything in their regards. I don't want to sound vain or shallow, but last few months it has happened that they would really pursue me and I would just run away, or be annoyed at them. They would complain about me being cold, while I was trying to understand why I was like that and why couldn't I feel anything. I was also annoyed at myself because of that.

    I really have to like them before they can have any affect on me, so when it happens I instantly become a 12 years old girl and lose any sign of rationality (so, that's the sign). I still don't understand exactly how to make it happen when it should, though. It just happens very rarely, so I wish I could just feel something more often.

    Insert a decent title here
    Last post I wrote there is a practical example of what happens when I'm caught in the limbo.
    In all due respect "I would just run away" is hilarious.
    I do relate somewhat but I'd directly tell them I don't care who has romantic feelings toward me. I mean especially given they become demanding and selfish thinking in how they can treat me (in revenge for not reciprocating their feelings). This overthinking would cause me too much stress to please them, so quick reassurance idgaf stops them.

    The second part makes sense. Though, I'd pursue the one I'm interested in...and I usually don't even "feel" attracted enough to go after them.
    " I wish I could just feel something more often." Lol, I hope for you too.=)
    Promise me. From here on out, never again waste new tears on the past.
    ~Along With the Gods

  10. #140
    Now with less salt. Methylene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I, Tonya View Post
    In all due respect "I would just run away" is hilarious.
    I do relate somewhat but I'd directly tell them I don't care who has romantic feelings toward me. I mean especially given they become demanding and selfish thinking in how they can treat me in revenge for not reciprocating their feelings.

    The second part makes sense. Though, I'd pursue the one I'm interested in...and I usually don't even "feel" attracted enough to go after them.
    " I wish I could just feel something more often." Lol, I hope for you too.=)
    Don't worry, I'm perfectly conscious of that myself^^"
    But I usually feel like telling them would be too hurtful, or maybe I just don't have the balls. I don't know, saying out of nowhere "look, I don't care about you" when I literally gave no sign of emotional involvement is harder to me than just ghosting them. I'm not proud of this, of course.
    They've never been revengeful for not reciprocating, just more clingy, I guess. When it happens, it's usually too late because I'd feel like my freedom was at risk.
    I can't fall in the trap of emotional manipulation if I don't feel anything.

    For short, it's complicated and I definitely hadn't been a good person, but I'm trying to fix this part of me. Sometimes, feeling naive and thrilled about love just feels right.
    I don't think that it's so personal
    Anymore
    I don't think that it's irreversible
    Anymore
    Sometimes I feel like I'm a sentimental trooper.

    6w5 - 3w4 - 9w8 so/sp
    RLUEI
    Chaotic neutral.
    LII-Ne.
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