In regards to your social anxiety, just know this: your true self, your most authentic self (the one who doesn't like to talk about sex/feelings, or the one who really does desire to talk about it - whichever one is the authentic you) is exactly what you should go with. Strip off the pretentious thoughts that we're all so prone to have. Thoughts like, "Should I be like this or should I be like that?" That's stressful. Just strip down to the most authentic you and put that out there.
You might really like her for her mind, but don't forget that as an INTJ, your mind is a huge asset too. Your intelligence, your logic, your thought process, your humor, etc, etc, are things that you have to put out there on the table for her to see. Not in a fake way. In an authentic way. Put the fruit out on the table and let her sniff it - probably a 75% chance she's going to be intrigued by it. But, if you just keep it in your pocket, there's nothing to be intrigued by.
If she likes your authentic self, then you guys are probably off and running. If she doesn't, don't be offended in the slightest (I know this is easier said than done). Just realize that every fish in the sea isn't going to like you (just like you won't like all of them). But, you have to put your fruit on the table. If your mind is a banana, then put the banana on the table. If it's an orange, then put an orange on the table. Authenticity. But, if you're an orange, don't try to be a cantaloupe. It just doesn't work.