[INTP] INTP Women

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

INTP and INTJ females are equally as rare, I think.

Estimated Frequencies of Types - CAPT.org

Maybe I've just missed them somehow, but I don't think I've ever met an INTJ female. I have a female friend who is INXP. I'm not 100% sure if she's a T or F (she isn't openly emotional and rather rational but sometimes I think her logic is very flawed and biased on how she feels) and I have met INTP girls before.

 

[Totenkindly]

So, I'm an ENTJ male and according to personality page info would be most compatibly matched with an INTP female. I think this could be true. Since you all here are (largely) INTP women, what do you think of this? Is this combination valid? Have you experienced it? How does it go?

It depends on the person, obviously; but no, I haven't been with an ENTJ guy, and I don't typically bond easily with ENTJs. The J really clashes with my P and this would impact lots of areas of the relationship, as well as intellectual exchanges.

 

[Salomé]

I have very mixed ancestry and my appearance is unusual (red hair, reddish-orange skin color--no, not like an oompaloompa, more like copper, freckles)

Thank you for making me laugh today.

So, other INTP females... how does it feel to be you?
It's pretty shitty, but I can't think of a type I'd rather be.

What things did you have to overcome in order for people to accept who you are?
I like INTPs, esp INTP women - the more INTP, the better.
I find other people tend to like me more than I like them, so I figure I'm not the one who needs to change.

INTP women tend to develop Fe better than INTP men, due to society wanting them to be more emotional... thoughts on this?
There is a kind of circularity to your argument: in order to be susceptible to the pressure to develop Fe, one has to have Fe to start with...(since Fe effectively is that susceptibility). Also, you can't make someone "more emotional" by wanting/expecting it.

So, do women have a more F[e]-friendly brain to start with? Probably. Assuming functions are innate, and based on how many more female F-doms/auxs there are than male... Seems that testosterone fucks ups F development to a greater or lesser extent. (There is evidence to suggest that women's brains integrate emotional input better than men's do - which tend to be more specialized/compartmentalized.)

So, I'm an ENTJ male and according to personality page info would be most compatibly matched with an INTP female. I think this could be true. Since you all here are (largely) INTP women, what do you think of this? Is this combination valid?

In a word. No.

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

What I find more bizarre is the other suggestion of an ideal relationship type. ESTJ. Wouldn't most INTPs be hell annoyed by the ESTJs comparitive lack of intuitive imagination, strong drive and need for organisation and strong business sense? I think an ESTJ partner would drive me crazy, and I them. It's especially funny considering the friendship section says "INTPs are likely to have friends who share their interests and pursuits. Since the INTP loves theories, ideas, and concepts, they are not likely to have much patience or understanding for people with the Sensing preference, who are not usually comfortable with abstract conceptualizing."

 

[Totenkindly]

What I find more bizarre is the other suggestion of an ideal relationship type. ESTJ. Wouldn't most INTPs be hell annoyed by the ESTJs comparitive lack of intuitive imagination, strong drive and need for organisation and strong business sense? I think an ESTJ partner would drive me crazy, and I them. It's especially funny considering the friendship section says "INTPs are likely to have friends who share their interests and pursuits. Since the INTP loves theories, ideas, and concepts, they are not likely to have much patience or understanding for people with the Sensing preference, who are not usually comfortable with abstract conceptualizing."

My main experience with an ESTJ guy occurred in an Amateur Press Association back in the 90's. He had been a founding member and acted for many years as Central Mailer (the guy who collates material and sends out issues on a scheduled basis), and he was very diligent in keeping on schedule and doing quite the professional job and was easily the most "responsible" member of the group.

However, he was also very busy and stressing because he was involved in different activities and demanded a high degree of precision/order from himself, so I took over for two years or so. Let us just say our general way of doing things was very different.

The funny thing was that we fought a lot in the early part of our relationship -- he didn't trust my competence (I was too fuzzy), and I thought he needed to get the stick telephone pole out of his ass -- but after we got into it a few times, he became very aware that I was structured in my own way, was responsible, and was professional, and I could respect his good qualities. I also appreciated the more practical and "tangible" logic he brought to things, which helped cut through the abstract nature of my own; sometimes practical order is helpful to just make sure a job gets done and meets certain criteria consistently.

No, I don't think I could handle an actual marriage partnership with someone like that -- their need for external order would leave me feeling I was in a cage, and the lack of regard and ease for seeing and embracing intangibles on their part would leave me feeling disconnected. But as friends or coworkers, I could appreciate it.

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

Yeah, not saying it's impossible, but I certainly doubt they're our near ideal partners. I don't think that the system they use for working that out is very reliable.

 

[Tallulah]

INTP women don't seem to have a need or desire to be balanced out by a J. We're much more likely to feel boxed in by J-ness. I could see being with a mild J if he understood he wasn't going to change me.

 

[Redbone]

Have to agree with Tallulah. The only J-types I've been able to get along with IRL are ENTJ and INTJ. I did have a guy I lived with that was ESTJ but he was a very nice ESTJ...I got tired of him shaking his head over me, though.

 

[Salomé]

INTP women don't seem to have a need or desire to be balanced out by a J. We're much more likely to feel boxed in by J-ness. I could see being with a mild J if he understood he wasn't going to change me.

I wonder why that is? When so many of the men end up with IXXJs...

I was fond of an ESTJ once. But he used to schedule our activities down to the nanosecond. It made me laugh and I liked teasing him about it at the time, but I think it would eventually drive me nuts.
He was fantastic fun though, clever and funny and modest and good at everything. Very sexy.
But I really hate being on the clock. Naturally, I take a reeeaaallly long time to do anything and everything. And even though he was very good- natured and patient, I just can't relax around Js in the way I can with Ps. I feel like I'm always being rushed or measured in some way. I imagine my heel-dragging is just as irritating to them.

 

[Tallulah]

I wonder why that is? When so many of the men end up with IXXJs...

I was fond of an ESTJ once. But he used to schedule our activities down to the nanosecond. It made me laugh and I liked teasing him about it at the time, but I think it would eventually drive me nuts.
He was fantastic fun though, clever and funny and modest and good at everything. Very sexy.
But I really hate being on the clock. Naturally, I take a reeeaaallly long time to do anything and everything. And even though he was very good- natured and patient, I just can't relax around Js in the way I can with Ps. I feel like I'm always being rushed or measured in some way. I imagine my heel-dragging is just as irritating to them.

I think in some of those situations, the J woman ends up doing a lot of the practical stuff the INTP dude can't be bothered with. It doesn't seem to work that way in reverse. It's a pity straight INTP women can't have a nice wife to handle our affairs.

I agree about feeling like I'm on the clock. I was raised by Js and tend to want to reaaaaally take my time if someone's pressuring me to adhere to their schedule. I don't like feeling that way in a relationship.

 

[Totenkindly]

I think in some of those situations, the J woman ends up doing a lot of the practical stuff the INTP dude can't be bothered with.

Yes, that's how I see it... especially when it comes to maintenance-related things (relationship maintenance, house maintenance, family maintenance, etc.) The woman makes all the practical decisions he (1) isn't interested in making just as a matter of course and (2) finds confusing to resolve because he doesn't have as good as sense of emotional or relational matters. A lot of those decisions might seem arbitrary also, from a rational POV, and tied in more just to personal preference; and for people not really attached to their emotions or able to sense their preferences easily, they can be excruciating to make. J women tend to free up the INTP male to just chase his intellectual fixation of the moment.

It doesn't seem to work that way in reverse. It's a pity straight INTP women can't have a nice wife to handle our affairs.

....hmmm... market opening!

I agree about feeling like I'm on the clock. I was raised by Js and tend to want to reaaaaally take my time if someone's pressuring me to adhere to their schedule.

heh.

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

Yes, that's how I see it... especially when it comes to maintenance-related things (relationship maintenance, house maintenance, family maintenance, etc.) The woman makes all the practical decisions he (1) isn't interested in making just as a matter of course and (2) finds confusing to resolve because he doesn't have as good as sense of emotional or relational matters. A lot of those decisions might seem arbitrary also, from a rational POV, and tied in more just to personal preference; and for people not really attached to their emotions or able to sense their preferences easily, they can be excruciating to make. J women tend to free up the INTP male to just chase his intellectual fixation of the moment.

Probably more likely with an SJ who would be more willing to fall into female gender roles. I reckon NJs would be less lenient with their male partners.

But personally I'd rather have a relationship with a P, and probably an NP as well.

 

[Totenkindly]

Relationally, I do best with NPs.

However, that kinda puts us in a bind when it comes to paying the bills on time, creating chore lists, and adhering to schedules.

Then AGAIN... neither of us care if we're on time, get all the chores done on a routine basis, or get everywhere on time, so... what's it matter?

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

Relationally, I do best with NPs.

However, that kinda puts us in a bind when it comes to paying the bills on time, creating chore lists, and adhering to schedules.

Then AGAIN... neither of us care if we're on time, get all the chores done on a routine basis, or get everywhere on time, so... what's it matter?

This. Except maybe the bills.

 

[Redbone]

I wonder why that is? When so many of the men end up with IXXJs...

I was fond of an ESTJ once. But he used to schedule our activities down to the nanosecond. It made me laugh and I liked teasing him about it at the time, but I think it would eventually drive me nuts.
He was fantastic fun though, clever and funny and modest and good at everything. Very sexy.
But I really hate being on the clock. Naturally, I take a reeeaaallly long time to do anything and everything. And even though he was very good- natured and patient, I just can't relax around Js in the way I can with Ps. I feel like I'm always being rushed or measured in some way. I imagine my heel-dragging is just as irritating to them.

Yeah...ESTJs can be sexy as hell with that confidence.

I got a weakness for SJs...it's my masochistic side trying to display itself for flagellation.

But that impatient foot tapping in the background...

"It's 7:00 a.m. Why aren't you up yet?"
"Wha--? I just went to bed a few hours ago. Is something wrong?"
"No."
"Then why the fuck are you waking me up now?"
Looks of shock and disgust exchanged here.
Points at clock--"Because it's 7:03 now and it's time to get up!"
Thoughts of "jerk" and "lazy-ass" passed telepathically now.
"Fuck that. It's Saturday and the only thing I have to do now is sleep. Now GTFO. I'll see you at 1:00...maybe. And don't ever do this shit again."

SJ comes back in at 1:00 p.m.

ooh, this does not look good....

 

[Salomé]

I think in some of those situations, the J woman ends up doing a lot of the practical stuff the INTP dude can't be bothered with.

But J men can be good at handling practical stuff too. I can understand rationally why they'd make that choice, I just don't really understand the attraction. After all, few of us make these choices rationally, even if we can rationalise them after the fact. For that matter, I can't understand what Js see in Ps. Seems like they are the masochistic ones to pursue people who are bound to frustrate and irritate them. I never met a J I couldn't irritate (often without trying ).

It comes back to the gender passivity difference that I still have no solid answer for. Male INTPs don't seem to mind being bossed around, in fact, they like it; female INTPs always seem to balk at it. Perhaps it comes from looking beyond surface interactions to an understanding of the real power dynamics at play. Perhaps it's just the influence of social conditioning.

Then AGAIN... neither of us care if we're on time, get all the chores done on a routine basis, or get everywhere on time, so... what's it matter?

NPs for me too.

 

[MacGuffin]

INTP women don't seem to have a need or desire to be balanced out by a J. We're much more likely to feel boxed in by J-ness. I could see being with a mild J if he understood he wasn't going to change me.

It seems that INTP women don't want to be boxed in by anyone, J or P. They seem more likely to be single (and happier being single) than INTP men.

 

[Spartacuss]

It seems that INTP women don't want to be boxed in by anyone, J or P. They seem more likely to be single (and happier being single) than INTP men.

Too true.

 

[mrcockburn]

Yeah...ESTJs can be sexy as hell with that confidence.

I got a weakness for SJs...it's my masochistic side trying to display itself for flagellation.

But that impatient foot tapping in the background...

"It's 7:00 a.m. Why aren't you up yet?"
"Wha--? I just went to bed a few hours ago. Is something wrong?"
"No."
"Then why the fuck are you waking me up now?"
Looks of shock and disgust exchanged here.
Points at clock--"Because it's 7:03 now and it's time to get up!"
Thoughts of "jerk" and "lazy-ass" passed telepathically now.
"Fuck that. It's Saturday and the only thing I have to do now is sleep. Now GTFO. I'll see you at 1:00...maybe. And don't ever do this shit again."

SJ comes back in at 1:00 p.m.

ooh, this does not look good....

This reminds me of when I was a kid with my ESFJ mother:

ESFJ: "ZOMG Alex it's already 8:00 am, wake up and start getting ready."
Me: *pretending to sleep*
ESFJ: "Alex."
ESFJ: "Alex."
Me: zzzzz.
ESFJ: "Half the day is practically GONE, don't you want to get things done?"
Me: ..................................
ESFJ: "Saturday's are for being PRODUCTIVE! How can you sleep like that all day?"
ESFJ: *picks up her slobbery Pomeranian and dumps it on my head*

BITCH SLAP X 2

Me: "GTFO. Now."

And interestingly enough, my mother always squandered the whole "productive" day chatting on the phone, yet I started getting my own shit done at noon and didn't stop until midnight.

How INTPs would put up with this, I have no idea.

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

And interestingly enough, my mother always squandered the whole "productive" day chatting on the phone, yet I started getting my own shit done at noon and didn't stop until midnight.

How INTPs would put up with this, I have no idea.

I do a lot less than I'm told to and I get yelled at but I just zone out a lot of the time.