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[INTP] How to get this INTP to like me?

goodgrief

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I asked a thread a while ago to find out what type my friend is and the general consensus is INTP. Anyways, I want to get her to like me because I really like her, but she is showing no interest. She is sociable, independent, casual and stuff, and I fail socially, so any ideas?
 

Unique

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Talk to them 1 on 1 INTPs don't show their true selves to those around them and prefer to adapt and mirror others

Get some good 1 on 1 moments show that you aren't just like everyone else and an INTP just might like you

Hope that helps
 

Asterion

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I imagine it would be hard to tell whether she's interested or not. If she willingly spends more time with you, you could take that as a good sign. I definitely agree with Unique here, more time with her will make it easier to tell.
 

goodgrief

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I imagine it would be hard to tell whether she's interested or not. If she willingly spends more time with you, you could take that as a good sign. I definitely agree with Unique here, more time with her will make it easier to tell.

Yes I have been looking for subliminal clues, but not really found any. If there is my immediate group of friends and her most immediate group engaging in seperate conversations, I've noticed she mostly goes with th other group, and among other things, I can tell she's not really into me.
 

Unique

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Yes I have been looking for subliminal clues, but not really found any. If there is my immediate group of friends and her most immediate group engaging in seperate conversations, I've noticed she mostly goes with th other group, and among other things, I can tell she's not really into me.

You can actually read an INTP? We seem disinterested in everyone thats just our composure

As I said, INTPs put on "a face" when it comes to groups, get them alone

That is all ;)
 

goodgrief

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You can actually read an INTP? We seem disinterested in everyone thats just our composure

As I said, INTPs put on "a face" when it comes to groups, get them alone

That is all ;)

Well she is hard to understand sometimes, which is why I had difficulty typing her. But she doesn't seem to change much to fit in. She's always herself, which is one of the things I admire about her.
 

Asterion

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Yes I have been looking for subliminal clues, but not really found any. If there is my immediate group of friends and her most immediate group engaging in seperate conversations, I've noticed she mostly goes with th other group, and among other things, I can tell she's not really into me.

I think you're probably right about that. Well, the way I see it is that you have two options: Persist, or get over it. Persistance takes a lot of effort, but it's probably worth it, it is likely to pay off eventually. Getting over it should be easy enough, but you'll miss the opportunity. I generally find that putting in more effort is the best option in life.
 

goodgrief

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I can persist easily on something I really care about. But INTPs, do you like INTJs and how should I act to get her to like me? I mean I'm not going to change myself completely. Just subtle adjustments to get some good points.
 

Unique

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Well she is hard to understand sometimes, which is why I had difficulty typing her. But she doesn't seem to change much to fit in. She's always herself, which is one of the things I admire about her.

Difficult to type? Think you might of got her type wrong buddy, INTPs natural state is not one the majority warm up to

Most people are SFs, INTPs have to put on some sort of act to have them like them

By no means is it impossible for an INTP to get along with everyone, but I really can't see it "just happening" like it might with an ESFP or something. The INTP has to move out of their comfort zone
 

Asterion

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I can persist easily on something I really care about. But INTPs, do you like INTJs and how should I act to get her to like me? I mean I'm not going to change myself completely. Just subtle adjustments to get some good points.

Personally, I like INTJs... not sure that I'm a typical INTP though (like Unique, I'm a 9). Apparantly INTP and INTJ don't tend to get along so well. Not sure that I believe that.

What do you mean by adjusting yourself? Improvements are a good way to go, adjustments might not be you. It's important to be you.
 

goodgrief

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Difficult to type? Think you might of got her type wrong buddy, INTPs natural state is not one the majority warm up to

Most people are SFs, INTPs have to put on some sort of act to have them like them

By no means is it impossible for an INTP to get along with everyone, but I really can't see it "just happening" like it might with an ESFP or something. The INTP has to move out of their comfort zone

I'm calling her INTP because I listed her main traits and the people here said it was INTP. She is VERY N and she's more I than E but it was the other 2 I was less sure of. And she doesn't get on with EVERYONE (She absolutely hates an ISTJ in one of her classes). What I mean is that in the group of people she speaks too, she doesn't seem to change herself.
 

Asterion

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Not sure if it matters whether she's INTP or not, the same stuff should apply regardless. Introversion does play a big role though because they're harder to read. INTPs can so be likeable!! lol
 

goodgrief

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Personally, I like INTJs... not sure that I'm a typical INTP though (like Unique, I'm a 9). Apparantly INTP and INTJ don't tend to get along so well. Not sure that I believe that.

What do you mean by adjusting yourself? Improvements are a good way to go, adjustments might not be you. It's important to be you.

I love INTPs. My best friend is INTP.

Adjusting to get her to like me sorta connotates improvement doesn't it?
 

copperfish17

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You can actually read an INTP? We seem disinterested in everyone thats just our composure

As I said, INTPs put on "a face" when it comes to groups, get them alone

That is all ;)

Unique is spot-on (esp. bolded parts). :D

Several people have told me that I (an INTP female) am very hard to read. From my understanding this is not because I am intentionally trying to be secretive/mysterious/deceiving; I just don't feel inclined to reveal things about myself because that's hardly ever necessary e.g. when engaging in a conversation.

Also, I do the chameleon thing quite often. :cheese: Most people only see a certain side of me, which is why opinions of me tend to vary on a large scale. But like you said, goodgrief, I always retain a strong sense of myself. My core never changes even if my behaviors change.

Generally speaking, INTP's are less relationship-oriented than most other types. Most are strictly minimalistic in terms of their social life, and aren't very likely to build "unnecessary/extraneous" relationships. Definition of "unnecessary relationships" vary with the INTP in question.

I tend to like me INTJ's coz they're intelligent and understand me on a level many other types don't. ;) I assure you it's not just an enneagram 9 thing (I'm a 5, btw).

So moving on to tips to get an INTP to like you:
1. MOST IMPORTANTLY: Establish yourself as an intelligent person. Being proficient in something the INTP knows little about really helps.
2. Initiate conversations, but don't push the "small talk." I've yet to meet an INTP who likes "small talk."
3. Be humorous, but not plain silly.
4. Don't be overly energetic/show too much enthusiasm. It wearies the INTP.
5. Be genuine. INTP's generally don't believe in putting up a facade.

//will add more later.
 

FFF

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What people of a certain personality category like varies from person to person (possibly that could be from the imprecision in defining personalities with categories). There's also non-personality issues such as she might think you're physically unattractive even if lots of other people do find you attractive.
 

hilo

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Difficult to type? Think you might of got her type wrong buddy, INTPs natural state is not one the majority warm up to

Most people are SFs, INTPs have to put on some sort of act to have them like them

By no means is it impossible for an INTP to get along with everyone, but I really can't see it "just happening" like it might with an ESFP or something. The INTP has to move out of their comfort zone

Not all INTPs are socially retarded. I am also a 9, for what it's worth. I dated an INTJ for 3.5 years, and it was mostly very good. However, it took months of drunken flirting and extreme physical attraction to get the relationship to happen (I was more of the agressor). Also this particular INTJ had a surprising amount of relationship experience so he wasn't completely unable to ask a girl out (though usually under the guise of doing X cool thing, not going on a traditional date which is usually lame and awkward imo).

My advice would be to be yourself, but work on your E. Try to be more interested in her group generally, put your opinions out there, take charge, etc. Don't force it. She will notice you eventually. It will probably take a lot of patience. My first boyfriend spent 3 months on a "project" to get me to date him (of course I did not know this, he was just a friend). So I would work on her from a friendship perspective if you really don't think she's into you yet.
 

Unique

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Not all INTPs are socially retarded. I am also a 9, for what it's worth. I dated an INTJ for 3.5 years, and it was mostly very good. However, it took months of drunken flirting and extreme physical attraction to get the relationship to happen (I was more of the agressor). Also this particular INTJ had a surprising amount of relationship experience so he wasn't completely unable to ask a girl out (though usually under the guise of doing X cool thing, not going on a traditional date which is usually lame and awkward imo).

My advice would be to be yourself, but work on your E. Try to be more interested in her group generally, put your opinions out there, take charge, etc. Don't force it. She will notice you eventually. It will probably take a lot of patience. My first boyfriend spent 3 months on a "project" to get me to date him (of course I did not know this, he was just a friend). So I would work on her from a friendship perspective if you really don't think she's into you yet.

I think I'm getting misunderstood with that post, what I thought I'd made clear was that for certain types it comes more natural to be social in groups etc where as INTPs actually have to make the effort, leave their comfort zones etc.... thats why I said it wasn't impossible just not natural. I'm pretty social myself..

I really fail to see how an INTP would be impressed by anything socially gimmicky

Unique is spot-on (esp. bolded parts). :D

Several people have told me that I (an INTP female) am very hard to read. From my understanding this is not because I am intentionally trying to be secretive/mysterious/deceiving; I just don't feel inclined to reveal things about myself because that's hardly ever necessary e.g. when engaging in a conversation.

Also, I do the chameleon thing quite often. :cheese: Most people only see a certain side of me, which is why opinions of me tend to vary on a large scale. But like you said, goodgrief, I always retain a strong sense of myself. My core never changes even if my behaviors change.

Generally speaking, INTP's are less relationship-oriented than most other types. Most are strictly minimalistic in terms of their social life, and aren't very likely to build "unnecessary/extraneous" relationships. Definition of "unnecessary relationships" vary with the INTP in question.

I tend to like me INTJ's coz they're intelligent and understand me on a level many other types don't. ;) I assure you it's not just an enneagram 9 thing (I'm a 5, btw).

So moving on to tips to get an INTP to like you:
1. MOST IMPORTANTLY: Establish yourself as an intelligent person. Being proficient in something the INTP knows little about really helps.
2. Initiate conversations, but don't push the "small talk." I've yet to meet an INTP who likes "small talk."
3. Be humorous, but not plain silly.
4. Don't be overly energetic/show too much enthusiasm. It wearies the INTP.
5. Be genuine. INTP's generally don't believe in putting up a facade.

//will add more later.

Good points to follow
 

INTPness

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1. Get her alone
2. Have good "N" conversation with her.
3. Repeat several times. Days or weeks might pass between each meeting, but that's probably preferable for her.
 

goodgrief

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1. Get her alone
2. Have good "N" conversation with her.
3. Repeat several times. Days or weeks might pass between each meeting, but that's probably preferable for her.

I do this all the time when I have to walk across the road to one of my classes. I love it. So you think that'll help?
 
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