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[INTP] How to get this INTP to like me?

INTPness

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Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
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INTP
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5w4
I do this all the time when I have to walk across the road to one of my classes. I love it. So you think that'll help?

Well, yeah, that's what we like. But, just because you do that doesn't mean she will automatically like you in a romantic way. Either she sees you that way or she doesn't. But, that's how to get close to us and give yourself the best chance.

Also, do not try to control, manipulate, mold, coerce, or cage this animal. That's when we either (a) show our teeth, or (b) hop the fence and never come back. :cheese:
 

Cerridwen

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Joined
Feb 17, 2010
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
1. Get her alone
2. Have good "N" conversation with her.
3. Repeat several times. Days or weeks might pass between each meeting, but that's probably preferable for her.

Yes.

Keep in mind things will move very slowly. She may not even notice you like her. So just persist, persist, persist. Eventually, you'll get some kind of response from her. Keep in mind, if she doesn't like you the same way, she'll probably tell you straight up.

While persisting, please try not to crowd her and try to spend every waking minute with her. That will probably scare her off (or at least it scares me off when some guy won't leave me the heck alone). Have a conversation about one of her interests one on one, wait a day or two, do it again, wait a few days, and do it again, etc. That's how my boyfriend got to me, anyway. It's just a matter of holding my interest and slowly getting eased into a relationship.
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
Relationship sense. She already likes me in general. I'm her friend.

I'm not sure if this is an INTP thing, a female INTP thing, a female thing or just a me thing; but I don't date friends. Sure, my standards for friendship are identical to romantic relationships (makes sense in the long run, I find) but once I call someone a friend, that's usually as far as it will go. Why jeopardise a relationship by throwing romance into it, if it's going well on a platonic level? I dunno. I prefer to pursue a romantic relationship from the beginning and allow the "friendship" to develop inside the relationship, rather than make friends first. But like I said, that could just be my take on it. All I'm saying ia don't expect her to just see you in a totally new light.
 

goodgrief

New member
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Apr 3, 2010
Messages
480
MBTI Type
INTJ
I'm not sure if this is an INTP thing, a female INTP thing, a female thing or just a me thing; but I don't date friends. Sure, my standards for friendship are identical to romantic relationships (makes sense in the long run, I find) but once I call someone a friend, that's usually as far as it will go. Why jeopardise a relationship by throwing romance into it, if it's going well on a platonic level? I dunno. I prefer to pursue a romantic relationship from the beginning and allow the "friendship" to develop inside the relationship, rather than make friends first. But like I said, that could just be my take on it.

I am actually the total opposite of that. I absolutely CAN NOT date someone unless I know them as a friend and know that I would enjoy a romantic relationship with them. I have to feel a deep and important connection. Maybe that's why I've never had a relationship before, I have high standards. Although I'm only 17. But yeah, I would only date someone I knew well. I can't even imagine trying to date someone I didn't know. I would completely screw it up though. That's certain.
 

hilo

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Mar 8, 2010
Messages
186
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INTP
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9 sx
I'm not sure if this is an INTP thing, a female INTP thing, a female thing or just a me thing; but I don't date friends. Sure, my standards for friendship are identical to romantic relationships (makes sense in the long run, I find) but once I call someone a friend, that's usually as far as it will go. Why jeopardise a relationship by throwing romance into it, if it's going well on a platonic level? I dunno. I prefer to pursue a romantic relationship from the beginning and allow the "friendship" to develop inside the relationship, rather than make friends first. But like I said, that could just be my take on it. All I'm saying ia don't expect her to just see you in a totally new light.

I don't know how old you are, but have you ever liked someone romantically and had them consider *you* "just a friend"? How would you take that? Just forget about it and be friends?

I agree with the last poster. The potential boyfriend group is a small subset of the friend group, also known as people I actually like to be around. I can't imagine those two sets not being contained like that.
 

goodgrief

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Apr 3, 2010
Messages
480
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INTJ
I don't know how old you are, but have you ever liked someone romantically and had them consider *you* "just a friend"? How would you take that? Just forget about it and be friends?

Honestly, it would tear me apart inside, but I would pretend to be indifferent about it because I would be totally screwed if I lost them as a friend because of it.
 

theadoor

*hmmms*
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
586
MBTI Type
esfp
Enneagram
8w9
Relationship sense. She already likes me in general. I'm her friend.

I'm not an INTP, but there's one lesson I've learnt and now it's like an unwritten law for me. I just simply avoid getting too close and friendly with my boy friends. The same thing always happens after a while and it just makes the whole friendship thing way more complicated.
If you really like her as a girl and you're ready to take the risk and probably ruin the friendship or make it very awkward, I would say just be a bit more aggressive, show her you like her and invite her out. If you never try, you never know.
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
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INTP
Enneagram
5
I don't know how old you are, but have you ever liked someone romantically and had them consider *you* "just a friend"? How would you take that? Just forget about it and be friends?

Yes, but I didn't actually realise how I felt about them until later on. I just thought I really enjoyed their company. I ignored my feelings until they subsided, in order to preserve the friendship. Turned my attention towards other potential partners. I'm less emotionally oblivious now, though. :laugh:
 

hilo

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Mar 8, 2010
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Yes, but I didn't actually realise how I felt about them until later on. I just thought I really enjoyed their company. I ignored my feelings until they subsided, in order to preserve the friendship. Turned my attention towards other potential partners. I'm less emotionally oblivious now, though. :laugh:

mmm, emotional obliviousness is sort of endemic to (young) INTPs I think.

When I was much younger, one of my best friends (an ENTP) asked me out on a date, which I remember totally shocking me at the time (now it wouldn't, I have learned to pick up on external cues). I said "no" and literally went on talking about whatever it was we had been before that. I basically *refused* to let it be awkward. Like I deleted the event. Strange, I know. Years later we are still really great friends.
 

tcda

psicobolche
Joined
Nov 17, 2009
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1,292
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intp
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5
Personally I'm male so obviously in relationship advice, this is a big factor regardless of her also being intp.

but what I like in terms of personality and also my experience what intp women like is someone who will be forward and flirtatious but at the same time chilled out, self-assured, and not at all intense or clingy or needing to be "taken care". Oh and there has to be physical attraction and sexual chemistry as well (those previous things are what add up to sexual chemistry IMO).
 

Unique

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Oct 14, 2008
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1,702
Loud impressive fast paced displays might impress other types

However I can very well become interested in a friend, actually I prefer it

Just don't let us completely figure you out, then its all over

I might be a male INTP but same principle applies, we quickly get bored with literally anything we have more or less "worked out" thats why we tend to go for people who have depth to them
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Nov 5, 2008
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14,717
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ENFP
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4dw
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sx/so
I think this new thread/post could help you out :)

I have made friends with an INFP male over the past couple of months. It's an interesting friendship for me because most of my relationships are based on mutual intellectual interests, which is not to say this INFP isn't intelligent, but this relationship has clearly developed based on him being emotionally attracted to me. This is rather new to me, at least with a fellow introvert.

It was obvious from our first meeting that he really enjoyed my company. He would stand there giving me puppy dog eyes and gradually ease closer to me, as though he just wanted to be physically near me. After we'd know each other for a bit and I had discovered how kind and gentle he was, I decided his friendship was very much worth cultivating, and told him that it was okay for him to come near me and to touch me. Immediately, relief flooded him and he began hugging me and kissing me on the top of the head. I find it interesting that his feelings toward me are so protective and innocent (I'm rather good at figuring out when men are friendly and when they just want my body). People who approach me for friendship or relationships usually do so because they're interested in my mind or we share hobbies, so I find it unusual but a little heartwarming that he clearly adores me personally.

At the same time, we often have rather odd little discussions. One of our first talks involved him telling me how he felt 'bunny-ish', which perplexed me as I've never felt anything other than Mipp-ish. I asked him if he was a member of that Otherkin subculture I'd heard about on the internet, and he responded with confusion. He's not any sort of Otherkin, he just feels 'like a bunny rabbit' sometimes. While not rational, it seems harmless enough. He also rarely bugs me with small talk. It's pleasant to be around someone and not have to listen to idle chattering about inane topics.
Overall, I'm very satisfied with my INFP friend. I'm not sure I'd want two dozen INFPs just like him, but I think that this relationship will be good for both of us. How are the other INTP/INFP friendships/relationships going? What are the oddest things your INFP companion has said or done? (I think my friend's other unusual moment was wearing a chicken hat to a heavy metal club with me. No, I don't know why it wasn't a bunny hat.)
 

MacGuffin

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xkcd
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9w1
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sx/sp
Throw a brick at her car.
 

Craft

Probably Most Brilliant
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Jan 8, 2010
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Throw a brick at her.
 

goodgrief

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Apr 3, 2010
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480
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INTJ
Hey, something that somehow (I dunno) slipped my mind before is that she can be quite the misanthrope. Though she's never shown it as strongly as she did today. She was discussing how she thought people were stupid with all the things they do, violence, pollution, shallowness, etc. What do you do with that kind of person?
 

Unique

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Show that you are not one of the typical humans

I get the exact same way, I find it refreshing if there's at least a few people that "get it"
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
Hilo said:
mmm, emotional obliviousness is sort of endemic to (young) INTPs I think.

Spot on. I was thirteen/fourteen at the time. First and only time I've experienced unrequited love.

Hey, something that somehow (I dunno) slipped my mind before is that she can be quite the misanthrope. Though she's never shown it as strongly as she did today. She was discussing how she thought people were stupid with all the things they do, violence, pollution, shallowness, etc. What do you do with that kind of person?

Maybe she's PMSing/tired/stressed? I have the sudden ability to read ulterior motives into peoples actions and words in these circumstances. Or simulate arguments/confrontations with them in my mind. Best bet is to suggest alternative explanations for the issues she raised that aren't centred around the stupidity of mankind. Rationalise as to why the causes of these issues are necessary/inevitable in the world.
 
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