[INTP] need help with a girl (I'm INTP)

[ayoitsStepho]

I dont' want to annoy her with 1000random questions.

Trust me, I don't think you'll annoy her. If she likes you, she'll welcome it.
You've got to push that fear aside and just go for it! You've got it in you, just do it!

It can be better to feel foolish now than to regret later.

 

[Bamboo]

First off, I can imagine the tightness in your shoulders through the computer. Relax your shoulders, breathe in deep, be cool.

Second:

interesting like what? I already said before I like to be alone most of time and I'm very quite so it would be awkward for her to hang out with me. I knew we had to something "together" but I don't know what activity and I never went on a date before so spend my whole with a girl sound like a nightmare for me. Not to mention she won't have good time since I don't make jokes. I'm one of those guys who's serious all the time.

I can't tell you what's interesting. Surely, there is something to do on campus that is interesting to you. Something that two people can do. Like, go see something.

I'm pretty bad at making jokes - when I'm tense. If I relax, and look around for something amusing, I generally find it. If I tell you notice the color blue, and you look around the room right now, you'll notice a pile of blue stuff you never noticed previously. Same deal, try to find something amusing, either physically or situationally. Develop this skill.

EDIT: if I txt at night will she think I want to hook up with her rather than have relationship?

Hahahaha don't send her a message at 3am that says reads "BOOTZYCALLL?" and everything will be ok. (I'm joking, you'll be fine txting her at night.)

But really, it's too early to even plan out hooking up or relationships or anything, you just talked once, right? Get to know her. Do you REALLY like this girl?

 

[rhinosaur]

Just hang out with her and see what happens. If you like each other, it will become self-evident pretty quickly. If not, then you still come out with a net benefit of gaining experience.

Take Stepho's advice, and ask her questions. You already know some about her life, start from there. Don't ask random questions, ask her questions about what she's talking about, occasionally interjecting your own thoughts and opinions. This is called "making conversation" hahaha. Sry not poking fun at you, more at myself...

I think the "are you going to be at xxxx place" was an invitation to go hang out with her. I think you should take her up on the offer.

P.S. A lot of girls at college age just want sex. That's okay, as long as your expectations are also in line...

 

[Unique]

As a fellow INTP I've come to realize that the usual flirting and playfulness you speak of is completely not our style so even if you pull it off it will be draining on you and come across as fake

I've found getting to the point to be far more suited to me, being direct can be a sign of confidence and be very attractive also, you don't need to be some ESFP clown to have a girl like you, at the same time, people say that I never come across as very serious anyway so extra sillyness isn't really needed

Embrace what you already are, you only think you are boring because we don't do the normal, but let me tell you this, normals boring and if you have to be "normal" for this girl to like you, then she isn't worth it

Rock her world with your creative mind, I don't buy this shit that you are boring in the slightest, you are just afraid that if she sees the real you she will run, and you know what, if she does, let her, you shouldn't need to be anyone except for yourself

 

[think2much]

Do you REALLY like this girl?

yes and no but mostly yes.

Like I said above, I like her cause she's very pretty and she's excited to see me and seem to be interested in me.

I have NO experience at all with girls so it's suprising for me that she has interest in me. I dont' care if it's going to be a "hookup" or "relationship" I just wanna explore and learn about females.

to be honest I want to hook up with this girl more than having relationship with her. Mainly cause I dont' have the time to have a girlfriend. Not to mention having serious relationship will make me VERY emotional.

 

[think2much]

As a fellow INTP I've come to realize that the usual flirting and playfulness you speak of is completely not our style so even if you pull it off it will be draining on you and come across as fake

I've found getting to the point to be far more suited to me, being direct can be a sign of confidence and be very attractive also, you don't need to be some ESFP clown to have a girl like you, at the same time, people say that I never come across as very serious anyway so extra sillyness isn't really needed

Embrace what you already are, you only think you are boring because we don't do the normal, but let me tell you this, normals boring and if you have to be "normal" for this girl to like you, then she isn't worth it

Rock her world with your creative mind, I don't buy this shit that you are boring in the slightest, you are just afraid that if she sees the real you she will run, and you know what, if she does, let her, you shouldn't need to be anyone except for yourself

yes I agree it's not our style to be playful cause I hate it! and it drains the crap out of my mind....

I tried the whole confidence "stright forward". I tried being direct and I realize that won't get you laid. It will if you want to lower you're standards; even than it's hard to hook up with girls you don't know. I dunno I failed too mahy times trying this way and I read bunch of stuff online how to get girls and I realize I have to get to know them and flirt if I want to do anything with them. but I really love the whole "being direct" caues that's the REAL ME. I can't just go walk up to her and say "I want you", I could but I'm not gonna go anywhere with that(trust me I tried....).



OMG I LOVE this freaking forum soo many people are smart and can actully understand me.


Yes it's true, I am scared she'll know the "real me" and run away. From my experience a lot of friends/girls have done that, I never had a friend for long time.

Honestly I don't think I'm "boring". what I MEANT was people think I'm "boring" and I feel like I shouldn't have to prove to them that I'm not boring. I couldn't care less if people think I"m boring. But I do care what she thinks cause I want her.

First off, I can imagine the tightness in your shoulders through the computer. Relax your shoulders, breathe in deep, be cool.

Second:


I can't tell you what's interesting. Surely, there is something to do on campus that is interesting to you. Something that two people can do. Like, go see something.

I'm pretty bad at making jokes - when I'm tense. If I relax, and look around for something amusing, I generally find it. If I tell you notice the color blue, and you look around the room right now, you'll notice a pile of blue stuff you never noticed previously. Same deal, try to find something amusing, either physically or situationally. Develop this skill.



Hahahaha don't send her a message at 3am that says reads "BOOTZYCALLL?" and everything will be ok. (I'm joking, you'll be fine txting her at night.)

But really, it's too early to even plan out hooking up or relationships or anything, you just talked once, right? Get to know her. Do you REALLY like this girl?

well if I go out and see something. I usually go out alone cause I like to explore things myself. It wouldn't help with the girl cause I wouldn't say a word to her. Not to mention I like to wonder around and explore.(I never stay with the group)

I don't even try to make jokes......... I can be goofy with some people I know. (like 1 or 2, lol)

 

[Tecla]

I've been in your situation a few times. They never went anywhere, but the experience helps win or lose.

Here's a few things I've learned:
Don't have expectations, just let it happen, see where it goes.

As cliche as it is, be yourself. You don't have to hide anything about you. She may find what you do charming or repulsive, that's not your choice to make.

Girls are people too. There's no secrete code to unlock them, just talk. And, if you're anything like me, this can quickly kill my interest in them(or vice versa).

Make mistakes. Treat her almost like a training dummy. Don't put too much thought into your actions, trial and error helps you to learn.

You never know what will attract her. I've found being different, even if it was my quietness/awkwardness, helped my chances. This goes with be yourself, there is no correct way to be/act to land a lady.

No, you aren't getting laid, but you still get to have standards. Have an idea of what you want in a girl. If you jump into a relationship with a person you don't like you will probably be miserable, especially as an INTP. If you go one night stand route disregard this.

Well that some of what I learned. Just go for it, you're probably going to fail, but you might get lucky. Like I've posted, the experience alone is what you need. DISCLAIMER: Take everything I've said with a huge heaping of salt; I am a 20 year old virgin that killed any resemblance of a relationship after being around a girl for 2 weeks(happened twice). I've gained experience and confidence from the failures, but I'm hardly qualified to give sound advice.

 

[slowriot]

You seem to be in analyzing mode too much. I what you lack is experience with girls that really wants you for the person you are.

The convo you had with her seemed dull yes but its a starting point. What to me seems to be the problem is the start, once you get going it just comes natural.

Your basic issue seems to be that you dont know if this girl will be like other girls you've encountered or will like you. And you cant know that until you've spent time with her. So just be who you are and if she finds you boring, then you'll find someone else that wont.

I think the main problem for intps is that we ourselves put big stones out in front of us, we put too much expectations on ourselves and forget to live a little. I've gone through the whole "oh man I cant do that because I lack this and this" but then I've just said no to my own thoughts and just acted. Sometimes going against your own nature can be really worthwhile.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

Maybe let her take the lead in the convos. If you don't have anything to say to her, let her pick the topics you talk about and just talk about whatever she wants to talk about. Takes the pressure of trying to "be interesting". She won't get bored if you're talking about the subjects of her choice, right.

And go from there.

And this "date" is as much for your sake as it is for her, so challenge her with whatever goes through your mind. She might surprise you with her answers and her own thoughts. I know my INTP fired off some weird ass questions on our first dates... threw me off my game totally, but I thought it was so charming and I was completely fascinated with him.

It sounds cliche, but do something FUN. A fun activity will help you in every way, trust me. Takes the pressure off from talking, you get to know each other from studying behaviour rather than what they are saying. And added dopamine and adrenaline will play in your favour.

Don't be scared to scare her off. She already sees something in you, otherwise she wouldn't have agreed on seeing you again. Be who you are. And if she can't appreciate that, then see JocktheMoties sig.

Good luck!

 

[INTP]

Ti is your enemy when you try to interact with opposite sex. Try to let go of the whole thinking thing and try to go with the flow using Ne. It doesent matter what you say, just say something not so serious. It will most likely come out as goofy, just dont overdo it so that you wont look fake and that she realizes that its not all you are. Its not only what you say, but its more how you say it. You can basically say anything weird, but if you say it in goofy playful way, you wont be seen as weirdo, but funny. At some point try to bring more Ti to the game by starting a deeper conversation about some school stuff for example and let your intelligence shine. now your funny AND incredibly smart

 

[cafe]

On second thought, you don't sound very nice and your intentions sound very self-serving. I hope girls avoid you until you grow up a bit.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

On second thought, you don't sound very nice and your intentions sound very self-serving. I hope girls avoid you until you grow up a bit.

Self-serving? This whole thread is about how he can look more interesting to her.

Don't know about nice, but he seems harmless to me. He just needs to get out there and learn about relationships and the opposite sex. He can't do that if girls avoid him.

This girl has given him a chance, and he wants to take it. Also seems like he wants to do a good job. What's wrong with that? This might push him out of him comfort zone, which is good.

I think his inexperience with romantic relationships caues him to sound self-servant, which isn't difficult to understand. Especially for an introvert.

 

[cafe]

Self-serving? This whole thread is about how he can look more interesting to her.

Don't know about nice, but he seems harmless to me. He just needs to get out there and learn about relationships and the opposite sex. He can't do that if girls avoid him.

This girl has given him a chance, and he wants to take it. Also seems like he wants to do a good job. What's wrong with that? This might push him out of him comfort zone, which is good.

I think his inexperience with romantic relationships caues him to sound self-servant, which isn't difficult to understand. Especially for an introvert.

Posts 57 and 58 don't sound like somebody I'd want a girlfriend getting involved with. Introversion doesn't put me off, wanting to know how to act nice enough to get hook-up and not having any friends, male or female makes me think there are other areas that need developing first.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

Posts 57 and 58 don't sound like somebody I'd want a girlfriend getting involved with. Introversion doesn't put me off, wanting to know how to act nice enough to get hook-up and not having any friends, male or female makes me think there are other areas that need developing first.

Social skills can only be learned.. socially. I think this is a good step.

 

[cafe]

Social skills can only be learned.. socially. I think this is a good step.

I think making some platonic friends might be a better start than finding someone to hook up with, but who knows, maybe he'll actually get a friend out of the deal.

 

[Unique]

Silence NF! *slaps* lol totally kidding cafe, I get where you are coming from but you have to understand that younger immature INTPs are actually quite lovely on the inside but feel the need to understand some "theory" before they will have any luck with the ladies

refreshe123d I noticed you mentioned you read some material on helping you with this, if its that PUA stuff then that gigs probably not for you, its very geared towards S types attracting other S types, not that there's anything wrong with the sensor type conversation but the reason you might be boring people is you are going after the wrong type of people

Also not good because its totally not you, it will drain the hell out of you because you will want to go back to your preferences

Work with what you have... aka be yourself, that is use your functions wisely

Ti purely to make her think "wow original idea, lets do that!"
Ne your bread and butter socially, its not everyones cup of tea but who cares right?
Si pretty much where most the INTP humor comes from IMO
Fe very important, your squishy undeveloped feelings can actually be considered quite "cute" to the point of actually being charming

I'm an INTP social success, I say this not to brag but to make you see that it is possible we CAN be quite the charmer but in OUR way not in some BS way that SJs think you need to act

I like to wow people making them think outside the box, I let them slip into my world then they can slip me into theirs, which I don't mind so much because usually for S types that means something involving laser lights and music, fuck yeah!

 

[slowriot]

cant we also derail the thread and talk about his poor choice in username? I get annoyed everytime I look at it!

 

[cafe]

Silence NF! *slaps* lol totally kidding cafe, I get where you are coming from but you have to understand that younger immature INTPs are actually quite lovely on the inside but feel the need to understand some "theory" before they will have any luck with the ladies

I am aware that they can be quite lovely on the inside because I fell in love with a 20 year old INTP once upon a time. He was lovely. He is even more lovely now. Mine would have never just used a girl for sex because it was inconvenient to have a relationship.

This guy does not sound so lovely to me.

 

[Salomé]

Silence NF! *slaps* lol totally kidding cafe, I get where you are coming from but you have to understand that younger immature INTPs are actually quite lovely on the inside but feel the need to understand some "theory" before they will have any luck with the ladies

Not all of them are lovely. I seem to think I came to a similar conclusion last he was here. Needs to work on social graces big time. (Coming from me, that says something.)

Si pretty much where most the INTP humor comes from IMO

what makes you think that?

 

[INTP]

Si pretty much where most the INTP humor comes from IMO

mine comes mainly from Ne