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[NT] Spiritually hollow

Risen

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For over a year now I have walked through life devoid of any sense of spirituality or religious faith. What was once deep within me for my entire life I expunged from my being. I valued truth above all things and autonomy in the path I pave through life, but spirituality threatened both. The illusion of a spiritual world, of lofty and ethereal explanations for the workings of the universe we live in, which have no basis in reality. The belief in a divine consciousness and beings which have control over lowly humans, whose fates are predetermined. My values, truth, strength, power, integrity, free will, so aggressively accosted by the very concept of a spiritual world. And so I left it behind.

But I am no fool. I know very well the purpose such strong beliefs hold in the human psyche, in the collective society. I know it is a cornerstone of stability and direction, of strength and integrity. However, given my nature, the forces of evolution/devolution were pushing me there ever so steadily. I grew up with a deep desire for power and control. The power to crush the people who stand in my way, my enemies in life. The power to exercise my own will, to be above the manipulative hand of my creator(s).

My dissension was symbolic of my desire to free myself from the creator. I will no longer be a puppet of an omniscient and faceless being, nor will I obey the strings embedded within me and pulled by the one who gave birth to me. All my life I have fought against these forces, desiring nothing more than to be above them all. What foolishness. It saddens me that it took me this long to see it for what it really is. All the years I have spent developing myself, my mind, my own psychology. All for the purpose of being a human of my own creation, not bound to the rules set by powers above me, nor in any way reminiscent of their original creation.

I believed I would rise above. But like the great Satan, I have succeeded only in falling deeper into the dark void of my hollowed self, towards the event horizon of a singularity that has always been there at the center. Those things I have attempted to build beyond it and around it are but mere attempts at creating my own shell, my own ego. And somehow severing myself from both creators has left me without an anything to hold the pieces together. The shell weakens and crumbles. Steadily they fall inward towards destruction.

It's too late. They win. The indomitable will have their way. Everything I am will fade, everything I claim to be mine will fall through my fingers, and all that will be left to me is my original form. The long forgotten. The faceless man. That accursed hollow.
 

Synarch

Once Was
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dwingdwang_massive_huge_joint_weed_chronic_marijuana_pot_hot_girl_smoking_smoke_cigarette_sexy_babe_burning_blazing.jpg


Smoke this shit, bro.

You're a young man. It's your job right now to be angry and want to destroy/create. This is a good thing. I like hearing your struggles. It's good for you.
 
G

Ginkgo

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^HAHA.

I understand you Risen, at least in some existential sense.

Notice how both you and God are faceless. Coincidence?
 

nolla

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Searching for truth with conviction is probably the most spiritual thing there is.
 

Risen

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^

Notice how both you and God are faceless. Coincidence?

Hehe, I didn't realize that.


Searching for truth with conviction is probably the most spiritual thing there is.

The truth is that the spiritual is nothing but lies born of ignorance. The truth is that these lies are very much needed by human beings to give solidarity to their own subjective reality, to give them strength, purpose, fulfillment, belonging, joy, etc.. The truth is that I do not have the strength to stand with the truth, apparently.

I don't know how to reconcile all the crap that is fueling my implosion.
 
G

Ginkgo

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Hehe, I didn't realize that.




The truth is that the spiritual is nothing but lies born of ignorance. The truth is that these lies are very much needed by human beings to give solidarity to their own subjective reality, to give them strength, purpose, fulfillment, belonging, joy, etc.. The truth is that I do not have the strength to stand with the truth, apparently.

I don't know how to reconcile all the crap that is fueling my implosion.

You need to do something to take your mind off of these issues. Searching for the truth is a noble pursuit; but in this modern age, the flux of information we receive is largely incongruous. The more we digest, the more we expel - increasing our metabolism for processing data. Unfortunately, it lacks logical consistency.

Tell me, is there some ulterior motive that is compelling you to discern your world-view?
 

nolla

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The truth is that the spiritual is nothing but lies born of ignorance. The truth is that these lies are very much needed by human beings to give solidarity to their own subjective reality, to give them strength, purpose, fulfillment, belonging, joy, etc.. The truth is that I do not have the strength to stand with the truth, apparently.

I don't know how to reconcile all the crap that is fueling my implosion.

I very much get what you are saying. I am in some ways there myself. The quest for truth leads inevitably to the void. But, it takes a conviction to get there as you are not ready to settle for less than the truth. That is why I call it spiritual, though it can seem quite opposite.

I don't have any solution for the anxiety, unfortunately. Buddhist have a lot to say about this, though. The point seems to be to accept the void and the anxiety. I've been listening to Alan Watts a lot lately. He has a nice way of explaining zen...
 

Risen

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I don't have any solution for the anxiety, unfortunately. Buddhist have a lot to say about this, though. The point seems to be to accept the void and the anxiety. I've been listening to Alan Watts a lot lately. He has a nice way of explaining zen...

Have any links?
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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Right now I just have one basic question to ask:
Why did you pick Risen as a username?
 

Risen

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Right now I just have one basic question to ask:
Why did you pick Risen as a username?

Perhaps a subconscious statement of the antithesis to my current state of being. That and/or its a cool name I got from an anime series :p .
 

nolla

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Have any links?

Well, there are a bunch of torrents of his lectures as audio books going around but I would recommend a book instead. The problem is that the book was translated into Finnish and named "Zen", and there is no such book in English. I guess it must be "The Way of Zen".

But, the lectures are quite good, actually they are very inspiring. I just find them a bit inconvenient as you can't stop to contemplate as easily as with a book. There's also no way of knowing which lecture is about the subject you are looking for as he has quite a bouncy style... he might first talk about christianity, then make a dirty joke (which somehow explains the previous idea), then jump to the actual subject... Just pick a lecture randomly, he has the same basic themes in most of them anyways...
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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Spirituality that involves a personal god or creator, in my truly humble opinion, is an immature form of spirituality. There are other forms of spirituality, namely Eastern religions, that don't have anything to do with a personal God and don't tell you what you have to do with your life. They offer techniques for investigating your experience and really understanding what it means to be free, what it means to have joy, and what it means to generate inner peace. They only instruct insofar as you are looking for a solution to your existential dilemmas. They don't require everyone to practice their religion to achieve some compulsory end. They're an advanced form of psychology that don't require that you suspend your skepticism or intelligence, but rather embrace it. And they definitely do provide you with a source of meaning to fill that void. I speak from personal experience.

You're smart. Buy a book on it that sounds interesting to you. Just keep an open mind when you come across terms and ideas that seem fluffy or unfamiliar. You can actually make sense of all of that stuff just by examining the experiences you'd already had, just carefully. I think you've enjoy Alan Watts. He's Western, fucking brilliant ENTP (certified) and has a limpid writing style.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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I've been listening to Alan Watts a lot lately. He has a nice way of explaining zen...

Too funny. I actually didn't read your post before I mentioned Watts in my post. Watts is the man. If you like his lectures (I've listened to a lot of them myself) you should read the Wisdom of Insecurity. It's absolutely beautiful and brilliant.

My favorite quote from the lectures: "Reality isn't material. Reality isn't spiritual. Reality is *hits something loud*..and we won't give it a name."
 

nolla

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Too funny. I actually didn't read your post before I mentioned Watts in my post. Watts is the man.

:D

If you like his lectures (I've listened to a lot of them myself) you should read the Wisdom of Insecurity. It's absolutely beautiful and brilliant.

Thanks for the tip. I have only read the book I mentioned earlier. I am sure I will have to get more of them when I have some extra money... Actually, I think I have to buy another copy of the same book. I lent it to mom and I doubt I will ever get it back, she just can't get enough of it... :yes:

My favorite quote from the lectures: "Reality isn't material. Reality isn't spiritual. Reality is *hits something loud*..and we won't give it a name."

I actually listened to that lecture yesterday...
 

ajblaise

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So are you still an insane right-winger or not? You change that much?
 

Asterion

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Why would you want to believe in something? For the structure? For the peace of mind? What's wrong with the freedom and independence of forming your own perspective of the world? Would having it fed to you in bite sized truths within lies really make you happy? The security of the hoard comes with the loss of your freedom.

I see people growing up and succumbing to peer pressure, becoming apart of something bigger than them so that they can feel secure. All it really does is takes them out of their element, or transforms them into someone that they are not. This is what 'normal' people do, they group together, forming a pact. The people who are part of this group then band against people who are not in the group, because they are convinced that you want to become 'normal'... who in their right mind would not want to be 'normal'?

The lead singer from Motion City Soundtrack is one cool INTP dude, and as you'll see, he's got the right idea:

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsGqz3XvnVc"]Motion City Soundtrack - @!#?@![/YOUTUBE]

*the sound sounds better without the censorship. Get the album, it's insane :D
 

VYCanisMajoris

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I don't believe souls exist, I mean... really the idea of a soul is the foundation of all religion and has just as little proof of any sort of god.

I think ancient humans came up with idea of a soul to ease their fear of death... Don't worry, daddys not gone, hes waiting for you. Don't worry, life isn't over, you go to a better place. There is no proof of any of this. There just isn't. To me "God" was invented as mythology to try and explain this bizarre idea of "the soul". However, both of them are equally untrue.

That's my take on it.

Believe in yourself, believe in the people around you. It's important to think positive. Positive things happen when you think positively because if you believe something hard enough it often comes true somehow. It's important to be a part of a community. Show love and you'll be shown love. Share and you'll be shared with. Don't believe in imaginary superstitions. No matter how many people believe in them.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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To the OP:

You may just have landed on the wrong spiritual path. Not all demand you turn your back on your self and your values. Some will even support you in these. To acknowledge a spiritual power is not the same as being its puppet. Not all faiths view deity -- or us -- that way. Some view deity as something that is within each of us, an extension or expansion of the idea of a "divine spark", perhaps.

I have been through my own spiritual wasteland, for rather more time than I like to recall. The specific steps I took to get beyond it won't help you, since you must find your own way, but I will tell you that I did start by tossing out everything that had come before: the bad and any good since I couldn't separate it out any more. Also, I came to realize I was trying too hard. Eventually, I stopped searching for the truth and learned to be quiet and still enough that it could find me.

In this vein, you might find meditation helpful. It requires no particular beliefs, but can be undertaken simply as a mental exercise.
 

ocean

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Welcome to atheism

Risen, you should be happy you've discarded all that garbage. The more truth you find in life, the more all will seem dark, gloomy and hopeless. If you don't like what you have just found, I advise you to turn back into the middle ages and build yourself a new pagan object of worship, or at the very least hit the local mall and buy some hazelnut frappuccino. Should you continue in pointing the survival tool of your mind to abstract things and existential issues, you will find a lot more to grieve about :)
 
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