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[INTP] INTP emotional maturity and cheating

hilo

New member
Joined
Mar 8, 2010
Messages
186
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9 sx
I have always been a bit self-congratulatory on my seemingly developed Fe (for an INTP) - I've always gotten what I wanted in relationships and have only rarely been lonely and/or disconnected or had issues saying what I felt or being appropriately demonstrative when needed. I've also rarely been unhappy in relationships, even those that ended, and have never, not ONCE, had the desire to cheat on a partner.

With that introduction, I just cheated (big-time emotional + physical over a few days on holiday) on my long-term INTJ partner with (I am fairly sure) another INTP.

This was so out of the blue and unanticipated, and so very very damaging to my own feelings about my current relationship that I'm now thinking that my supposed self-confidence in my emotional abilities was all overconfidence and basically crap. Has anyone else had a similar experience? I thought that INTPs were supposed to be good at analysis, but it seems in this case I had a LOT of repressed shit going on that I really had no conscious knowledge of. Or at least that seems to be the case assuming that hardcore falling for someone you hardly know doesn't come out of nowhere.

Right now I'm stuck in a bit of limbo about what to do but it's not a state that can last.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
You fell into the trap of thinking you could anticipate everything life has in store for you. Enjoy your suffering. You will either grow or shrink from it.
 

hilo

New member
Joined
Mar 8, 2010
Messages
186
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9 sx
You fell into the trap of thinking you could anticipate everything life has in store for you. Enjoy your suffering. You will either grow or shrink from it.

Interesting. I'm not really sure I can box this up as "shit happens"... I believe in consequences - of ignoring/suppressing feelings or actions, in this case.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
Sounds like you just had an opportunity. And being self-centered, you took it. Is that bad? Not necessarily. But, no need to dress it up as suppressing feelings unless you mean suppressing feelings of wanting to rampage some ass, which is all too human a feeling.
 

hilo

New member
Joined
Mar 8, 2010
Messages
186
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9 sx
I've "had opportunities" before - and didn't take them. It's not the sex that's the problem, but the rapidity of emotional transfer at issue. I won't argue with whether it's self-centered/bad or not, but to clarify: I'm now considering leaving my bf, when a week ago I had no problems with the idea of being together forever. I'm really just interested if other INTP-ish types have had the switch turned like that as well, or if there's any worry about temporary insanity here.
 

Little_Sticks

New member
Joined
Aug 19, 2009
Messages
1,358
I wish I had your problems. They sound a lot better than mine. I vote that you have your ovaries removed and make everyone a 'friend with benefits' - kill two birds with two stones; it's win-win for everyone.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
I've "had opportunities" before - and didn't take them. It's not the sex that's the problem, but the rapidity of emotional transfer at issue. I won't argue with whether it's self-centered/bad or not, but to clarify: I'm now considering leaving my bf, when a week ago I had no problems with the idea of being together forever. I'm really just interested if other INTP-ish types have had the switch turned like that as well, or if there's any worry about temporary insanity here.

Have you talked to your boyfriend? He might make a decision for you. In fact, I'm sure he would.
 

fusetah

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2009
Messages
92
MBTI Type
CAGE
I wish I had your problems. They sound a lot better than mine. I vote that you have your ovaries removed and make everyone a 'friend with benefits' - kill two birds with two stones; it's win-win for everyone.

Jeez, what a way to introduce a junior-member to the forums. You are calling her a sl-t in her first thread start:shock:
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
I wish I had your problems. They sound a lot better than mine. I vote that you have your ovaries removed and make everyone a 'friend with benefits' - kill two birds with two stones; it's win-win for everyone.

She said it wasn't the sex.
 

fusetah

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2009
Messages
92
MBTI Type
CAGE
Indeed she did.


To the OP; Is emotional validation a relativly new experience to you? You don't seem immature in general, but there is something there..

I don't think this is type related at all, you should consider talking to your friends about this
 

Bamboo

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
2,689
MBTI Type
XXFP
What was suppressed?

And why would bringing these suppressed feelings to the surface cause this rapid emotional transfer?


Answering these questions will help guide your choices. If you want, you can answer them here, or on your own, but either way, figure it out.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
early 20s, why?

You're just a bit inexperienced. It's not possible for you to even have seen what the world has to offer in terms of other people and experiences. I hate being the old person saying this, but it is how it seems. You probably still feel like life is this long thing.

And, sorry you're having a hard time. You should discuss it with your boyfriend. He might understand more than you think.
 

hilo

New member
Joined
Mar 8, 2010
Messages
186
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9 sx
Indeed she did.


To the OP; Is emotional validation a relativly new experience to you? You don't seem immature in general, but there is something there..

I don't think this is type related at all, you should consider talking to your friends about this

It might really not be type related, but sometimes it's easy to start viewing relationship problems through that lens when you're struggling to make sense of something. shrug.
 

Spamtar

Ghost Monkey Soul
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
4,468
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
If you don't have a ring it don't mean a thing.

Don't worry, its just sex, all is forgiven...just don't tell your SO.

Edit: and don't tell your friends because they will just turn around and tell your SO. There is a saying that gos "silence is golden"
 

fusetah

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2009
Messages
92
MBTI Type
CAGE
It might really not be type related, but sometimes it's easy to start viewing relationship problems through that lens when you're struggling to make sense of something. shrug.

Avoid putting the responsibilty on the system, and take it yourself insted. Try to talk to some friends about it
 

Bamboo

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
2,689
MBTI Type
XXFP
I've "had opportunities" before - and didn't take them. It's not the sex that's the problem, but the rapidity of emotional transfer at issue. . . . I'm really just interested if other INTP-ish types have had the switch turned like that as well, or if there's any worry about temporary insanity here.

If you don't have a ring it don't mean a thing.

Don't worry, its just sex, all is forgiven...just don't tell your SO.

Seriously?
 
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