[MBTI General] ENTP:ENFP dating (Bad idea)

[yenom]

What type is GOD? Oh, yeah, ENTJ. No worries, mon. ENTJs and ENFPs are compatible.

pretty sure GOD is a P.

 

[jenocyde]

I'll only speak for myself here. But, I'll speak honestly. As I've gotten older and more mature, I've realized that I just cannot fall into this. Basically, I have to be a man in every sense of the word.

But, as a younger INTP I think I would have given this vibe even more. For me, it was because I really could be pretty darn inept in some areas of life. Almost hopeless. And so it felt good to have *her* remind me that everything was OK. If I was at work and had a series of important meetings and really felt that I didn't do well or that my social skills hurt me in the meetings, then I came home feeling really down on myself - feeling very incompetent. Competence is HUGE for me. I have to know that I'm at least capable, but preferably "very good" at what I'm doing. And so, as little boy-ish as it seems, I might have come home looking for some sort of coddling to get rid of that really messed up, hopeless, "I'm an incompetent loser" feeling. The woman you care about can really help in that area.

But, with age and experience (hopefully), we grow up and learn to give our best and hold our heads high in every situation. And to be a man, not a boy.

Haha, glad you were able to come to your senses!!

I totally get that about competency and can see how a young INTP man could easily fall for a warm and supportive lovely ENFP lass. They can be quite emotionally breathtaking*... no one could blame you for wanting that.


(*for some, this is done via smothering. but there's a place for it in life, sometimes.)

pretty sure GOD is a P.

I would hope so... that would explain so much!

 

[yenom]

I would hope so... that would explain so much!

Of course I am only talking about myself, not the dude that lives up the sky.

I think the relationship can work, but conflicts can happen because the two types are too similar.
I think ENFP is one of the most compatible types with ENTP. There are several.

 

[BlackCat]

^well put!

I think the ENTP/ENFP dynamic can certainly work, but it isn't inherently a spectacular or mind-blowing union (... um, with respect to intellectual/emotional/psychological needs, at least!)

Personally in my experience people who are very similar in type who get along well will have a comfortable relationship, but it may be dull. Basically what you said.

 

[Bubbles]

I'll only speak for myself here. But, I'll speak honestly. As I've gotten older and more mature, I've realized that I just cannot fall into this. Basically, I have to be a man in every sense of the word.

But, as a younger INTP I think I would have given this vibe even more. For me, it was because I really could be pretty darn inept in some areas of life. Almost hopeless. And so it felt good to have *her* remind me that everything was OK. If I was at work and had a series of important meetings and really felt that I didn't do well or that my social skills hurt me in the meetings, then I came home feeling really down on myself - feeling very incompetent. Competence is HUGE for me. I have to know that I'm at least capable, but preferably "very good" at what I'm doing. And so, as little boy-ish as it seems, I might have come home looking for some sort of coddling to get rid of that really messed up, hopeless, "I'm an incompetent loser" feeling. The woman you care about can really help in that area.

But, with age and experience (hopefully), we grow up and learn to give our best and hold our heads high in every situation. And to be a man, not a boy.

Haha, mm. This can be very true. I've noticed it with INTP guys I know, and a bit with the one I'm dating. It's also a big enneagram 5 thing...wanting to be competent. I notice it in a INTJ e5 I know, too. And that behavior does commonly ensue...

Um, but the topic!

Depends.

I do notice a lot of couples work with just one letter switched (usually the F/T), and it's certainly true for myself being with a Thinker. The difference is, ENFPs and ENTPs are each quite stubborn. Not that other types aren't, but these two types in particular really are. And they can butt heads.

ENTPs have a weakness of being too blunt, or being too objective and therefore "unkind" and tactless sometimes. It can really upset people--especially Feelers. An ENFP just doesn't see the need for that line of "hurtful" thinking. See, an ENFP thinks people should rely on their own system of judgment or gut to achieve decisions or beliefs. An ENTP thinks people should explore all options and do what makes the most sense.

So ENTP is like, "Wow, that's a stupid idea," and the ENFP is like, "Stop being a bitch. You don't know what that other person is feeling." And the ENTP reasons, "Well, but I know what makes sense, and that sure doesn't." And the ENFP says, "How f*cking presumptuous of you."

I have an ENTP best friend and an ENFP best friend. They've never met, but I know they'd get along. Why? The ENFP knows when to let water roll off his back, and the ENTP knows when to keep her mouth shut. Fact: for an ENFP and an ENTP to get along, they both must learn to curb their own faults.

The ENTP will have to learn to think about the other person's feelings before saying what comes to mind, and that those feelings--while maybe not always logical--are unavoidable factors of behavior.

The ENFP will have to learn that not everything is meant to be taken personally, nor is everything an attack, but sometimes just playful philosophizing.

Basically, EMBRACE YOUR PERCEIVING SKILLZ. And it should be okay.

 

[visaisahero]

pretty sure GOD is a P.

Really? My thought process:

He seems to have a penchant for judging and smiting people with plagues and turning them into pillars of salt and stuff like that. He seems to be an extrovert, considering how much he thrives on attention (aka worship) so ExxJ-

I think his inferior should be Fi because he seems to be pretty inconsistent with how he feels about things.

If he's an extroverted judger, his introverted function would probably be intuitive- God seems like quite an Ni guy, don't you think?

So Te, Ni, Se and Fi inferior- ENTJ!

 

[verna]

See, an ENFP thinks people should rely on their own system of judgment or gut to achieve decisions or beliefs. An ENTP thinks people should explore all options and do what makes the most sense.

This is really insightful for me. As an INTJ in a relationship with an ENFP and an ENTP, your reply helps me understand them a bit better. The part I quoted is so...very...them.

And that's before I get involved (if I choose to), and it gets even more confusing.

My ENFP partner: Do what you want. Whatever happens happens. We'll see when we get there.

Our ENTP girlfriend: Try it and see, if you don't like it, try something else. Experiment.

Me, INTJ: *craves stability and something real, please?*

 

[onemoretime]

Really? My thought process:

He seems to have a penchant for judging and smiting people with plagues and turning them into pillars of salt and stuff like that. He seems to be an extrovert, considering how much he thrives on attention (aka worship) so ExxJ-

I think his inferior should be Fi because he seems to be pretty inconsistent with how he feels about things.

If he's an extroverted judger, his introverted function would probably be intuitive- God seems like quite an Ni guy, don't you think?

So Te, Ni, Se and Fi inferior- ENTJ!

Which god are we talking about here? He doesn't exactly have a consistent personality from source to source.

 

[visaisahero]

That's true. I guess we'll never know, then!

 

[INTPness]

Haha, glad you were able to come to your senses!!

I totally get that about competency and can see how a young INTP man could easily fall for a warm and supportive lovely ENFP lass. They can be quite emotionally breathtaking*...

I didn't mean to imply that *she* was an ENFP. She was actually ESFP. Young, immature INTP's don't discriminate with who we want to "mother" us.

 

[visaisahero]

^to paraphrase that,

MMMM BOOOOOOBIESSSSS!!!

I can relate.

 

[tinkerbell]

I got on really well with my ENFP guys.... we could talk legs of donkeys

 

[SillySapienne]

I think it's kinda stewpid to assume that two types cannot work out in a relationship.

Even though INTJs are supposedly the ENFPs ideal match, I can think of a handful of them that I wouldn't want to touch me or any living thing I love with a ten foot pole.

I think the individual(s) and their pasts, and all that makes them them supercedes the importance of their MBTI types.

 

[ZiL]

I wonder if female/male has anything to do with it. As female ENTPs, we tend to be "softer" than the men - and male ENFPs tend to be just, well, less histrionic than the ladies (ESFP men on the other hand... *shudders*)

I do think this might be part of it. Both of us are a bit androgynous as is, and we were both already rather balanced in T/F before we started dating. I think our types have been toned down a bit by culture training...I know I act more soft when I don't know people because I don't want to turn people off, meanwhile he acts very masculine in groups of guys but is completely goofy and childlike with me. He's a very calm individual (unless he gets cut off on the road or gets into a conversation about Walmart).

Seriously, guys, as has been said, you can predict problem dynamics, but it depends so much on the individuals and how they react to the differences.

 

[visaisahero]

I think it's kinda stewpid to assume that two types cannot work out in a relationship.

Even though INTJs are supposedly the ENFPs ideal match, I can think of a handful of them that I wouldn't want to touch me or any living thing I love with a ten foot pole.

I think the individual(s) and their pasts, and all that makes them them supercedes the importance of their MBTI types.

correct! I prefer to think of such things as... suggestions or things to direct your attention towards, rather than look at them as hard and fast rules. You never know what you might end up missing out when being so rigid

 

[visaisahero]

Just to check, though, do we have any happily committed ENFP/ENTPs here in a long term relationship?

 

[Bubbles]

I know an ENTP and ENFP long term lesbian couple.

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

I've had 3 serious ENFP girlfriends, one just recently.

All 3 started off with a lot of excitement, but wore on with time more so than relationships with other types, like gum that's lost its flavor. I also have to act like an ENTJ with an ENFP otherwise nothing gets done.

 

[Mondo]

Fe and Fi can cause a lot of problems.
From my experiences with ENTP/ENFP relationships.. the ENFP is more emotional and is more likely to believe that what he or she feels is fact.
The ENFP tries to project his/her own feelings on to another person and that's how he/she makes judgments on what to do- while the ENTP is more likely to treat everyone equally and follow a logical/objective code on how to do so. Ironically, the ENTP could see the ENFP as selfish and not truly concerned about others.
Fe has a person focus on how to make others happy and Fi has a person focus on how to make him/herself happy.

I know not all ENFP's are like this- but I'm thinking of one I know.

I guess a mature ENTP and mature ENFP should get along fine though- one who is comfortable enough with the auxiliary function to know how to deal with conflicts related to it.

 

[verna]

I find that my ENFP partner gets tired of our ENTP girlfriend and needs her space away from her sometimes. Maybe it's too many similar traits and extraversion in one room (like testosterone). Unfortunately, this isn't longterm, so the "newness" hasn't worn off.

She doesn't do the same with me (INTJ). We never seem to get tired or bored of one another. But, we do take mutual breaks to ensure our personal needs are taken care of (for me: reading, meditating, writing), so perhaps this helps?

I just know that our ENTP can be a bit clingy/smothering, and needs lots of extra care, while we (INTJ/ENFP) just seem to naturally fit like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Interlocking, not overlapping.