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[ENTJ] Advice for Dating ENTJ

hermeticdancer

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
209
MBTI Type
eNFp
Enneagram
4
I am dating an ENTJ and I am smitten. We have only known each other a couple of weeks so far but he makes my heart beat faster, and I think he is dreamy. I tend to forget what I want to say around him and my mind goes blank, I've never felt so unsure of myself before. I want to connect with him and get to know him better, he says he has trouble reading me, and I am mysterious, but that is because I am scared to mess it up. Does anyone have any advice on how to interact/date an ENTJ or what makes them happy?

Should I come right out and ask him what he wants and needs or just go with the flow and have fun. He says he wants someone deep, to enjoy the good things in life with who is comfortable in herself... I just dont want him to get bored with me.
 

tinkerbell

New member
Joined
Aug 31, 2008
Messages
3,487
MBTI Type
ENTP
Can't say for sure what an ENTJ man would want, but honesty is usually a good start place.

getting all in a flumix and forgetting what you would normally say is not a good oucome as the ENTJ is likely to want to know what you are like in conversation/holding your own etc. So chill out.

Don't play games
Don't try and make him jelous or insecure.. they tend to be a bit dismissive of that type of crap
Don't have emotional dramas that directl involve him
He's likely to want a traditional male role - so don't be to I'm independant
Don't be full of shit... have intellegent dicussion and challenge his thinking but not with bad thinking/crap

Good luck, you sounds pretty loved up, and you ought to go very well together
 

Shaunward

New member
Joined
Jan 24, 2010
Messages
297
Be direct and don't assume him to read in between the lines. Even if he can figure out what you're trying to say, he won't likely rely on assumptions. If you want him to know/act on something, say so very directly. He won't be able to respect you if you can't communicate clearly to him.

Respect, honesty and communication will be the foundations of what he looks for. Try to intellectually challenge him - he'll find it a turn-on. As long as you can keep him challenging him (on a non-emotional level), he'll never find you dull.

Whatever you do, don't try to play emotional games. Chances are that while he doesn't likely have the patience for it, he can be better at it than you. Expect him to always be 10 steps ahead. Surprise him in nice ways.
 

Ace_

New member
Joined
Jun 2, 2009
Messages
233
MBTI Type
TNT
I'd say "just be true and genuine" but you're an ENFP so I suppose you don't have problems with that.

Just go with the flow and try to make him have fun(isn't that what ENFPs do best?).

Knowledge and intelligence will impress him certainly so don't be afraid to talk about intellectual stuff. We love that.

ENTJs like their mates to be someone who will stimulate them intellectually and make them a better person. To ENTJs life is all about self improvement, to become better and better every day.

I don't think you'll have problems because ENTJs and ENFPs mix well together. I have a great ENFP friend and we've never had a fight.
 

thinkinjazz

New member
Joined
May 18, 2009
Messages
247
MBTI Type
ENFP
I am dating an ENTJ and I am smitten. We have only known each other a couple of weeks so far but he makes my heart beat faster, and I think he is dreamy. I tend to forget what I want to say around him and my mind goes blank, I've never felt so unsure of myself before. I want to connect with him and get to know him better, he says he has trouble reading me, and I am mysterious, but that is because I am scared to mess it up. Does anyone have any advice on how to interact/date an ENTJ or what makes them happy?

Should I come right out and ask him what he wants and needs or just go with the flow and have fun. He says he wants someone deep, to enjoy the good things in life with who is comfortable in herself... I just dont want him to get bored with me.

I don't think you should be too worried about boring him, you're an ENFP, we are known for being entertaining and fun.

I've been dating my ENTJ for about 3 months now; I've known him for about a half a year altogether. I love him and he's falling for me... blah blah blah. I think it's is a great match.

1)Just be yourself. Don't worry about what he wants from you.

2)If you feel nervous around him and are having a tough time being yourself, which it sounds like you do, since ENFP's are very easy to read when they're being themselves (my ENTJ says it's like watching a movie), then you should spend more time together as friends so there's less pressure to want to "catch" him right now. Being friends first is the best way to ease into any relationship. Keep things simple for now and just laugh off the rest. Laughing together is the most important thing in any situation.

So just try to be friends first okay?
 

Provoker

Permabanned
Joined
Feb 4, 2008
Messages
252
MBTI Type
INTJ
Advice? Read a logic textbook. If your F is high, then read a few more logic books.
 

Fecal McAngry

New member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
976
I am dating an ENTJ and I am smitten. We have only known each other a couple of weeks so far but he makes my heart beat faster, and I think he is dreamy. I tend to forget what I want to say around him and my mind goes blank, I've never felt so unsure of myself before. I want to connect with him and get to know him better, he says he has trouble reading me, and I am mysterious, but that is because I am scared to mess it up. Does anyone have any advice on how to interact/date an ENTJ or what makes them happy?

Should I come right out and ask him what he wants and needs or just go with the flow and have fun. He says he wants someone deep, to enjoy the good things in life with who is comfortable in herself... I just dont want him to get bored with me.
Having dated an ENTJ: You do not need to censor yourself AT ALL 99% of the time...
 

thinkinjazz

New member
Joined
May 18, 2009
Messages
247
MBTI Type
ENFP
(always trying to adapt to the environment to be what people want, that is me enfp)
that is what I have done and practiced my whole life, I guess, and where has it gotten me?

I have no life, no friends, I live at home with my parents and I don't know what I want to do with it. This is a low point for me.
Part of me is hesitant to even persue this because of the timing, I feel like I don't have much to offer. ( sorry if that was
I know I do, but just in the mental arena. I've been hibernating in the cold for so long--can't think. I want him. But I fear that I can't have someone like him I don't want to try to be some kind of pseudo intellectual, when I have read a book since it was last necessary. I love good movies and music, and being creative, but lately, Ive been depressed. Uncertainty about direction in life, career, no long term goals. I'm in the doldrums, for the first time since a teenager.
I told him briefly about it, and he asked me out again. I can see myself falling for him, I am afraid that I won't be able to keep up with his energy and have that passion and intensity that to offer back... I can be sweet, and attractive, kind and loving, but I may run out of things to entertain him with...

I thought that people didn't want to be entertained anyways,. I do wish I was more passionate about things... It's like maslow though, who cares about a painting when you can't eat. I am just not that passionate yet, about "work" either but I haven't lost all hope yet. I don't want to get negative, emotional and start complaining-easy to do when depressed. I am managing to keep it positive, but running out of things to say. I am mostly curious about him. I can tell him about my life, but i need a way to do it that is less despairing.

I think a lot of people go though transitional periods, he just got out of a breakup, with someone he loved recently.

Do you think it is fair to do this... can something healthy come out of this? (dumb question to ask in a chat room)

I think I need see a counselor and devise a plan or something.. geesh

Just be yourself and don't worry so much.
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
Just tell him what you told us in the OP. If someone said that to me, about me, it would probably make me smile, then I would try a little to make them feel more comfortable if I really liked them. Don't try to meet him on his level and fail at it, example being too afraid to speak up, or acting out of character. That never works.

If you don't what to say, just say that. Eventually you will fall into your niche and he will respect you more than if you lose your frame trying to please him.


*This is from the female perspective though.
 

JustHer

Pumpernickel
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
1,954
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Don't be one of those annoyingly flaky ENFPs. Do what you say
 

hermeticdancer

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
209
MBTI Type
eNFp
Enneagram
4
the point being.
I want to be authentic, and let my guard down with someone who I can trust. This person has to prove that. When they say things that are insensitive, and wan't to banter back and forth, whatever, when it is directed at me it, that is not okay, I don't like it.

In all honesty, I don't like to agruge in a man I'm in planning on having a relationship with. I don't consider it fun, logical debate after awhile, it's just aggression and disrespect at a certain point. And I don't want to have to put someone that has such a big ego in their place, sounds like a lot of head games to me, and confusing that could turn ugly and plain weird if we started making fun of eachother back and forth.

In short bursts it's okay, but all the time is annoying and I can't keep up with it. I would say get a debate partner...

That is I noticed recenly him confronting me on things... I don't like it so I told him, and he said he would be more sensitive.
And then he said, he didn't know what else to say to me...

Well at least he is being honest... I wonder what we can talk about? Its too hard now that I think about it. This is stressful.
Why do some people seem to tease and want it thrown back at them?

That is why I just don't bother talking... in the end. Can't get blamed that way. and I'll be darned if I will schooled by someone for some bs.
 

Silencio

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Joined
Sep 27, 2009
Messages
80
MBTI Type
ENTJ
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8w7
the point being.
I want to be authentic, and let my guard down with someone who I can trust. This person has to prove that. When they say things that are insensitive, and wan't to banter back and forth, whatever, when it is directed at me it, that is not okay, I don't like it.

In all honesty, I don't like to agruge in a man I'm in planning on having a relationship with. I don't consider it fun, logical debate after awhile, it's just aggression and disrespect at a certain point. And I don't want to have to put someone that has such a big ego in their place, sounds like a lot of head games to me, and confusing that could turn ugly and plain weird if we started making fun of eachother back and forth.

In short bursts it's okay, but all the time is annoying and I can't keep up with it. I would say get a debate partner...

That is I noticed recenly him confronting me on things... I don't like it so I told him, and he said he would be more sensitive.
And then he said, he didn't know what else to say to me...

Well at least he is being honest... I wonder what we can talk about? Its too hard now that I think about it. This is stressful.
Why do some people seem to tease and want it thrown back at them?

That is why I just don't bother talking... in the end. Can't get blamed that way. and I'll be darned if I will schooled by someone for some bs.

You seem like you would be WAY more fitted for an INFJ or a less 'agressive' type... XNTJ's love to debate, it's a huge part of our personality and it works it's way in to everything we experience. This 'big ego' you percieve is just our passion for knowledge and our desire to back up what we percieve as right. By no means are we overly attached to our initial views and we have great admiration for those who can make us view things differently. This is why ENTJ's especially (they are a little more agressive with their views because of Te) are paired mainly with other 'T' types because they aren't too sensitive (ENTJ's can very easily offend an 'F' type without even realizing it) and they usually enjoy conversations (especially INTP,INTJ,ISTP). ENTJ's love to tease and be playful, it's how they express their love and its how they like to recieve affection (although it isn't the only way). If you're just going to 'not talk' then you might as well end it before he does... then atleast you'll feel like you ended it on top lol... Anyways, I guess there has been some positive feedback on the ENFP-ENTJ couple but personally i've found every ENFP of the oposite sex to be very difficult and annoying to talk to. But anyways, I'm just one ENTJ and this was only my opinion so yeah...take it with a grain of salt I s'pose.
 

JustHer

Pumpernickel
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
1,954
MBTI Type
ENTJ
You seem like you would be WAY more fitted for an INFJ or a less 'agressive' type... XNTJ's love to debate, it's a huge part of our personality and it works it's way in to everything we experience. This 'big ego' you percieve is just our passion for knowledge and our desire to back up what we percieve as right. By no means are we overly attached to our initial views and we have great admiration for those who can make us view things differently. This is why ENTJ's especially (they are a little more agressive with their views because of Te) are paired mainly with other 'T' types because they aren't too sensitive (ENTJ's can very easily offend an 'F' type without even realizing it) and they usually enjoy conversations (especially INTP,INTJ,ISTP). ENTJ's love to tease and be playful, it's how they express their love and its how they like to recieve affection (although it isn't the only way). If you're just going to 'not talk' then you might as well end it before he does... then atleast you'll feel like you ended it on top lol... Anyways, I guess there has been some positive feedback on the ENFP-ENTJ couple but personally i've found every ENFP of the oposite sex to be very difficult and annoying to talk to. But anyways, I'm just one ENTJ and this was only my opinion so yeah...take it with a grain of salt I s'pose.

This is very true.


I don't understand how you can not like the very things that make him who he is, and yet still expect to somehow have a relationships with him. Find an INFP or something
 

hermeticdancer

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
209
MBTI Type
eNFp
Enneagram
4
People can be forceful and direct but don't be rude about it to me at me, that is all I'm saying. Don't change for me, but don't ecpect it back in return either all the time. Because I don't operate that way. I don't mind if he is being playful debating and stuff. But when someone is rude to you. Its not fun. It makes me want to shut down, and not want to open up emotionally and express my vulnerable side. Get it.

You can vent off about the world but don't take it out on me, in other words.
And no I am not an INTP,INTJ or ISTP female. And I never will be, I can only be myself. I realize he will never be an INFJ, or INFP, of bla bla. I don't want him to be. It's just I don't want to get snarky with eachother, I don't think its cute or funny. I dislike sarcasm at a certain point, it makes me feel uncomfortable, but nothing deep is going to come out of that, for me. I don't like the way I feel about myself, if I have to engage in that kind of banter a lot. That is the main point, I feel like a phony, or some kind of a-hole. Not very feminine and compassionate.

I have noticed with NTJ's that when we are around each other for extended periods of time we tend to get on each others nerves. We have a good time when we are relaxing together, or doing something pleasurable.

You could be right about INFP/INFJ theory... in terms of communication for sure, you are right about the smooth flow. One's I have met ended in the friend zone however due to lack of physical attraction for me.
 

hermeticdancer

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
209
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eNFp
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4
I believe a relationship is how the other person makes you feel about yourself. That is how you can measure it. And if that is congruent with how you want to develop as a person.

For example. I want to become more compassionate and a better listener, I want to show my sensitive side, and grow, as well as make better decisions, care about people, be empathetic, show concern, but I have a rational view point on life at the same time in terms of science nature (not being a religious person.)

Do you think it is possible for and NT and an NF to be together happy if the NF wants to feel appreciated for her sensitivity? I can be funny and sarcastic, but I see it more as a defense mechanism to uncovering the true me, and really expressing myself. Maybe that is why I dont like it. For ENTJs its real I guess, its not a defense?

what does the entj want to be more like do you guys think? What do you want to improve about yourself? Do you like it when people ask you questions, or would you rather hear them talk about themselves or talk about theories, or things they are passionate about? Do you mind when people talk about personal things in their lives?

maybe its introverted thinking people that can being out your passions
 

corey_vann

New member
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
153
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8sx
I have noticed with NTJ's that when we are around each other for extended periods of time we tend to get on each others nerves. We have a good time when we are relaxing together, or doing something pleasurable.

this has been my experience with every ENFP I have ever known.
 

JHBowden

New member
Joined
May 14, 2009
Messages
201
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3
hermeticdancer--

I'm sure there's a man that wants to share his thoughts about puppy dogs, rainbows, and ice cream with you!

I agree with you completely about the confrontation. However, if you believe my first sentence above is confrontational, then you need a man that's emo and submissive. Just sayin'.

He probably likes you because ENFPs are fun, without realizing there's a super serious melancholy side that comes with the initial purchase. Just give him the troof, and everything should work out.
 

Ezra

Luctor et emergo
Joined
Dec 12, 2007
Messages
534
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I am dating an ENTJ and I am smitten. We have only known each other a couple of weeks so far but he makes my heart beat faster, and I think he is dreamy. I tend to forget what I want to say around him and my mind goes blank, I've never felt so unsure of myself before. I want to connect with him and get to know him better, he says he has trouble reading me, and I am mysterious, but that is because I am scared to mess it up. Does anyone have any advice on how to interact/date an ENTJ or what makes them happy?

Should I come right out and ask him what he wants and needs or just go with the flow and have fun. He says he wants someone deep, to enjoy the good things in life with who is comfortable in herself... I just dont want him to get bored with me.

If you're the woman in that photo, keep doing whatever it is you're doing.

Not to unnecessarily alarm you, but he says he wants a woman who is comfortable in herself. Are you comfortable in yourself being mysterious and hard to read? And I'm sure if he's great you don't want to mess it up, but if you're totally honest and straightforward with him, you should be fine - things will naturally progress and develop as they are meant to.

And if you're interesting you have nothing to worry about! :)
 

JHBowden

New member
Joined
May 14, 2009
Messages
201
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3
Daniel Plainview is my hero.

"When it comes to the showdown, they won't be there."
 
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