[MBTI General] Help! ENFP + INTJ woes and questions

[megm87]

And to respond to the question 'what are his values?' That in itself is something I can't exactly answer. I feel they are definitely good, and he simply expects me to not hide anything or try to deceive him in any way. He wants me to be there/be on his side. He has said so many things regarding morals and values over our various conversations the past week that my brain is spinning full of them haha. He also hates manipulation, and I think his irrational fear that I will use my wily ENFP ways to constantly manipulate him with him knowing makes me constantly question whether I am manipulating him or being genuine. Hopefully once I regain his trust this will fade away because it hurts to be accused of manipulating someone (especially your SO) when you have been true to yourself and them

I will say that he needs to work on: being patient (SO much haha, even he as said this) and waiting for great things to come (he doesn't understand how sometimes you have to do work that seemingly won't directly get you to your goal to get to your goal even if it sucks) and that sometimes even his amazing intuition can become clouded (from fear or disillusionment.)

 

[Kalach]

The thing about values is for him to answer. It'll take twenty or so years to figure it out. But, to some degree, INTJs have the same thing as ENFPs: discover not just what is felt but what is valued. It's a stabiliser in times of crisis, a guide, so one knows where to put the effort.

But emo by itself isn't such a good thing for an INTJ. It's a guide, but the thinking and the perceiving are substantially more important for the health of the individual.

And now, on to the part that I'm not sure of...

I wonder if being supportive and kind are really that good for an INTJ who's gone over to the dark side. Does an INTJ need a doormat? But likewise, and this is the tricky bit, does he need a motivator either? Any attempt to motivate him out of the hole will be suspect, and he'll either dig himself deeper or do the right thing and shake some of the suspicion off. Either direction depends on perception.

I'll go out on a limb and say he doesn't want to be as harsh and uncompromising as he is being, but from his point of view, does he have a choice? Actually, yes he does, either he trusts or he doesn't. But how to trust? If he doesn't know yet that sometimes you just let people be what they are, then he may not know that he can ease up on the harsh pronouncements and sudden, mean decision-making.

So... what to do? Dunno. Time. The breaking of old patterns and the creation of new.