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[MBTI General] Calling out ENxJs (to all types)

onemoretime

Dreaming the life
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
4,455
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3h50
What's your reaction when they get into "one of those situations" (sorry guys), and they're trying to take charge when it's not asked for? Mine is usually to make it very clear that they have no authority at the time, and suggest alternative routes to achieving mutually beneficial goals.
 

murkrow

Branded with Satan
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Jul 19, 2008
Messages
1,635
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INTJ
Just because it's not asked for doesn't mean it won't be helpful.

It sounds like your reaction to someone trying to take charge is to take charge yourself.
 

TopherRed

New member
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Jul 28, 2009
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ENFJ
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so/sx
Hard to say. Why do you think they did?
 

onemoretime

Dreaming the life
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Messages
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Just because it's not asked for doesn't mean it won't be helpful.

It sounds like your reaction to someone trying to take charge is to take charge yourself.

Just because it's helpful, doesn't mean it's appropriate. I'd say it's more like trying to create a win-win situation.

Hard to say. Why do you think they did?

The person in question just has a meddlesome personality, and doesn't know when to stay out of things unless it's made blindingly clear.
 

murkrow

Branded with Satan
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Messages
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INTJ
What makes it inappropriate?

Are they overstepping some sort of chain of command?
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
The person in question just has a meddlesome personality, and doesn't know when to stay out of things unless it's made blindingly clear.

Then I guess just make it blindingly clear.

Fight fire with fire maybe?

TBH I've never really had this problem.
 

tinkerbell

New member
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Aug 31, 2008
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3,487
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ENTP
oh, oh oh,oooooooooooooooooh the J ness... control, eeeeekkk

Love it when they do that. :)

No I very firmly say no to what ever it is they are trying to get me to do.... I may stand my ground on them. It can be done through body language or verbally....sometimes it's tough to do.... but nessesary
 

TopherRed

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:steam: Before this turns into another ENxJ abuse thread, let me just say that it varies on the person!

I've got an ESFJ grandma that needs to obsessive-compulsively control everything! I don't do that. We both lead with Fe.

So you may have set off some genuine NJ triggers, or you might just have an insecure OCD ENxJ person on your hands. Don't throw all of us into the bonfire, my P-is-for-Preceiving friend. Some of us are trained to let the ship go down with its captain if there is no distress call sent out. I am an admiral, but I've also got my own ship to worry about. I'm only going to jump ahead of you if you require my help, if it's an agreement between us that I am in or can take charge, or if my butt is on the line, and I value what'd I'd lose with you in command more than I value our relationship, or the social niceity of respecting you, even when it's not called for.
 

JHBowden

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May 14, 2009
Messages
201
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ENTJ
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3
What's your reaction when they get into "one of those situations" (sorry guys), and they're trying to take charge when it's not asked for?
In my case, this would be ENTJ on ENTJ action, which sounds pretty hot.

Seriously though, if we're in a chaotic situation and someone, another ENTJ maybe, brings balance to the force by nudging things in the right direction, I'm not going to object-- less hassle for me, right? I hate hassles.

Better question is what to do when a leader does something stupid, or if someone is taking charge in a casual situation that does not call for leadership. The first question depends on whether you like the person, whether you'll look bad if the person in question screws up, i.e. what your general goals are. In the second case, just make fun of the person in a friendly way for being an idiot.

:devil:
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
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5,903
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Hey, what the hell onemoretime, I would have opened this topic much more efficiently, why didn't you let ME do it? Now our group is screwed!
 

corey_vann

New member
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Aug 22, 2009
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153
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ENTJ
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8sx
Seriously though, if we're in a chaotic situation and someone, another ENTJ maybe, brings balance to the force by nudging things in the right direction, I'm not going to object-- less hassle for me, right? I hate hassles.

Better question is what to do when a leader does something stupid, or if someone is taking charge in a casual situation that does not call for leadership. The first question depends on whether you like the person, whether you'll look bad if the person in question screws up, i.e. what your general goals are. In the second case, just make fun of the person in a friendly way for being an idiot.

:devil:

ditto.
 

onemoretime

Dreaming the life
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3h50
Hey, what the hell onemoretime, I would have opened this topic much more efficiently, why didn't you let ME do it? Now our group is screwed!

Fortune favors the bold :D
 

Oeufa

New member
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Jan 5, 2010
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694
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INTP
What's your reaction when they get into "one of those situations" (sorry guys), and they're trying to take charge when it's not asked for? Mine is usually to make it very clear that they have no authority at the time, and suggest alternative routes to achieving mutually beneficial goals.

That doesn't work with my EXTREMELY J ENFJ mother *sigh*. Usually I just say nothing to her, staring her down until she changes the subject. It works about 90% of the time.

Eg: I originally decided to do a liberal arts degree because I intended to go into 2nd level teaching. About a month ago I decided I didn't want to teach anymore, so I switched from a joint major programme (English and Music) to a pure Music one. My mother went completely ape-shit at this point and was giving out to me for ages. When I wouldn't reply to her she changed the topic to clothes (she's seen something somewhere she thought I'd like or something :shock:) and when I still wouldn't reply she asked what arrived for me in the post that day (I'd ordered lots of cds online which finally arrived :D) and then ensued a great conversation! If it was anyone else though I just would have told them to F off and leave me the hell alone ages ago though :tongue:
 

Silencio

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Sep 27, 2009
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80
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ENTJ
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8w7
What's your reaction when they get into "one of those situations" (sorry guys), and they're trying to take charge when it's not asked for? Mine is usually to make it very clear that they have no authority at the time, and suggest alternative routes to achieving mutually beneficial goals.

The only reason we ''take charge'' is because nobody else does. We see how things could be done as fast or as best as possible so nobody is wasting more time/effort than they need to. We don't NEED to lead, if someone else has more experience and shows competence then I will gladly obey them. If someone has a great idea, it will be listened to and executed. You know what's REALLY annoying... when people assume we're 'bossy' because we know how to get things done and aren't partial to shitty work or wasting time. You'll all be much happier if you just realize we have a much better idea of how things work... you're like children who bitch because ''mommy'' wants them to get to bed on time so they aren't cranky in the morning, then you try to ''stand your ground'' with trivial bullshit reasons like ''but i'm not tired!!'' or ''you can't make me!1!!''... ''oh, you aren't?...well, get to sleep moron or life will be a lot more difficult for you in the future''. Long story short, be quiet.;)
 

onemoretime

Dreaming the life
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The only reason we ''take charge'' is because nobody else does. We see how things could be done as fast or as best as possible so nobody is wasting more time/effort than they need to. We don't NEED to lead, if someone else has more experience and shows competence then I will gladly obey them. If someone has a great idea, it will be listened to and executed. You know what's REALLY annoying... when people assume we're 'bossy' because we know how to get things done and aren't partial to shitty work or wasting time. You'll all be much happier if you just realize we have a much better idea of how things work... you're like children who bitch because ''mommy'' wants them to get to bed on time so they aren't cranky in the morning, then you try to ''stand your ground'' with trivial bullshit reasons like ''but i'm not tired!!'' or ''you can't make me!1!!''... ''oh, you aren't?...well, get to sleep moron or life will be a lot more difficult for you in the future''. Long story short, be quiet.;)

Short story long, develop some Fe and figure out how to modify your approach based on the social context :newwink:
 

JustHer

Pumpernickel
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
1,954
MBTI Type
ENTJ
The person in question just has a meddlesome personality, and doesn't know when to stay out of things unless it's made blindingly clear.

Sounds like this person has boundary issues.

If you want them to stop being so meddlesome, try to figure out what is causing them to act that way. Are they really insecure? Do they think you will like them more if they consistently help you? Do they not trust you to make good decisions on your own? Maybe they just want to be kept updated, people won't just trust your decisions if you never tell them what they are based on or show them that you put a lot of thought into them.

This is what happened to me with an overly meddlesome ESFJ I worked with. I just started keeping her in the loop about how things were going and giving her small details about why I wanted things done a certain way and she backed off cause she started to trust me more.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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What's your reaction when they get into "one of those situations" (sorry guys), and they're trying to take charge when it's not asked for? Mine is usually to make it very clear that they have no authority at the time, and suggest alternative routes to achieving mutually beneficial goals.

Look. Your pants don't unzip themselves.
 

Domino

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