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[INTP] INTP's and childhood/adolescne - "best years of your life", or a grey blur?

tcda

psicobolche
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EDIT - apologies for the typo in the title. fucking keyboard.

Basically, with regards to real living memories, I can only remember small fragments of my childhood/adolescence. Otherwise, when reminiscing, I can remember events and trends (like, Pokemon, yo-yo's - what the fuck!? - teenage girls sucking dummies! - WTF!X2 - elections, world cups, economic crisis, protests, wars), but not really in any 'personal sense', i.e. I don't associate them with any feeling or active participation/reject/response on my part. (This is up to the Iraq war, were I associate this with a strong opposition on my part).

Now regarding personal life, even less. I can barely remember anything or primary school, I know when I was very young (maybe 8?) I started getting bullied by some older kids, I know I didn't tell anyone. I remember once they pulled a knife on me, and I remember hiding in the toilets during lunch break for an indefinite period of time, but I can't remember how long this went on for. Also I don't remember feeling anything about this, or having any anger or sadness, only fear - which isn't really an emotion.

Apart from that I don't remember much else of primary school - I know we used to play football ("soccer), but I don't remember what I thought of it or anything specific. Secondary school obviously I have more memories of the different friendship groups, the way things oeprated, what we used to do, but again it's like watching a set of facts and stills, I don't remember much involvement or emotional response one way or another on my part. I hated having to get up in the morning and go, I found most of the classes boring, I lacked attention, but I wasn't exactly actively wanting to "change" anything and didn't join any Cauldfield-esque sub-clique against the "phoneys" - rather I would just go through the motions, socialize jsut enough, be friendly just enough, join in common activities just enough, and wait to get home. I remember having one crush for a short period of time and little else.

Otherwise I guess I was in my own little world, my attitude to the outside world being "path of least resistance" so that I could get home quicker.

It wasn't until about 16 y/o that I began to use Ne I would say - I would say there were times before then that I would use it ery well, but that it was discouraged and I repressed it, as I considered "intellectual" to be synonymous with impractical, effeminate, geeky etc. Sad I know but that's the way millions of people have been brainwashed to think...

I wondered if this lack of Ne-Fe is common to INTP's during childhood/adolescence (obviously depends a lot on your childhood), leading them to effectively have very little memory of childhood/adolescence. I don't think it would be the same for INTJ's as their Ni is the prime function and their Fi is very fudnamental (as Si is to INTP's) and I would expect them to be more actively seeking an "identity" as youngsters.
 

Trentham

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There was a post on this same topic the other day at INTPc, and I was amazed by how much detail my fellow INTPs there remembered from their childhoods. Like you, everything I recall from the first ~16-18 years of my life consists of a blur of random ingrained images, and a lot of fuzzy approximations beyond that. People I grew up with, as well as family members, are baffled at how little detail I seem to remember.

I've not given any thought to whether this memory deficit is function-related or not.
 

Oeufa

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I can remember quite a lot from my childhood. I actually have a pretty good memory for lots of different places I was, people I saw, everyday life etc. Then again I'm only 18 so there's time for all that to fade yet. I hope not though, it's nice to remember it all :)
 

Oom

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I identify with you guys. But along with that I have a sense of longing for the past. If only I could've been in 7th grade forever...:cry:

My fiends and I hadn't discovered:

1. Drugs
2. Girls
3. Bullying

:doh:
 

Trentham

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Then again I'm only 18 so there's time for all that to fade yet. I hope not though, it's nice to remember it all :)
At 18 I still remembered quite a bit, but by my mid-20s all that stuff had begun to rapidly fade into obscurity. It's as if leaving school and entering the Real World literally flipped the page into a new chapter, and left few traces of the previous ones.

3. Bullying
You hadn't discovered bullying by 7th grade? Wow.

Unfortunately I became well-acquainted with that one fresh out of kindergarten.
 

Oom

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You hadn't discovered bullying by 7th grade? Wow.

Unfortunately I became well-acquainted with that one fresh out of kindergarten.

Hahahahahahaha!!!.............. I don't think you understand. I'm from a small town in Iowa.
 

Trentham

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Hahahahahahaha!!!.............. I don't think you understand. I'm from a small town in Iowa.
I'm from a small town in Mississippi.

And, you're right, I probably don't understand.
 

Oom

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I'm from a small town in Mississippi.

And, you're right, I probably don't understand.

Some how I feel that you took offense. The thing is, my friends and I were oblivious to everything back then. It was always there, we just hadn't discovered it quite yet.
 

Trentham

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Some how I feel that you took offense. The thing is, my friends and I were oblivious to everything back then. It was always there, we just hadn't discovered it quite yet.
No, I wasn't offended, I'm just new to this crowd so I have no idea what I'm doing yet in terms of interactions. :D Ne can only take me so far.

I do get what you're saying now, though. I was oblivious to a lot of things too, but bullying wasn't one of them. Pretty much all the schoolyard archetypes were present and active from first grade onward. This was back in the early 80s...it's possible things have changed a lot since then.
 

Oom

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No, I wasn't offended, I'm just new to this crowd so I have no idea what I'm doing yet in terms of interactions. :D Ne can only take me so far.

I do get what you're saying now, though. I was oblivious to a lot of things too, but bullying wasn't one of them. Pretty much all the schoolyard archetypes were present and active from first grade onward. This was back in the early 80s...it's possible things have changed a lot since then.

A lot had probably changed. I was in 7th grade in 2000? I don't remember. I'm in college now, shows you how much of a blur a decade can be.

I never was one to get bullied, my friends were on the other hand.
 

kelric

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At 18 I still remembered quite a bit, but by my mid-20s all that stuff had begun to rapidly fade into obscurity. It's as if leaving school and entering the Real World literally flipped the page into a new chapter, and left few traces of the previous ones.

I'm in the same position (in older 30's by now). I remember some sparse details, mostly "big events", good times with my best friend, etc. but not much detail, really. More overarching themes, if anything. I suspect that most of the specific incidents that I remember easily now are more due to the fact that I've given them reinforcement over the years than anything else.

Not that I'm in an early-life-amnesia state or anything, but compared to my twin sister? I think that she remembers a lot more detail than I do. One additional factor is that I moved away from my childhood home a long time ago -- I don't come into contact with anything physical, etc. that might trigger reliving memories of things past. I think that probably matters too.
 

Matthew_Z

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My childhood is the fantastic tale of a very unique person who suffered through some of the worst emotional hell imaginable and later met some friends and for some reason gained a positive outlook on life. I'm allowed to write my history as I please and I do please to repress anything before the age of 11. I generally have a strong visual memory and can recall a lot of bits here and there, almost all of them when I was feeling rather self conscious. I know who I was way back then and I know I'm determined to not be that way again.
 

Trentham

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One additional factor is that I moved away from my childhood home a long time ago -- I don't come into contact with anything physical, etc. that might trigger reliving memories of things past. I think that probably matters too.
Good point! I did that as well; in the past 15 years I've only been to my hometown about once every three months or so.
 

matthew86

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Ok if you ask me to rember something from my childhood it all depends on what you ask. My memory is very sharp but if I have no intrest in something I can tend to completely write it off (very bad about this growing up). If it was something very emotional though I remember it vividly...too vividly sometimes. I remember when my mom left when I was 8 years old, I remember being diagnosed with grave's disease and spending a year in the hospital going through experimental treatments, and I remember when my alcoholic step father first hit me. It wasn't all bad though, I also remember my half sister and half brother cry in joy over me finally getting out of the hospital, I remember every detail when the Army told me who and where my biological father was after I enlisted, and I remember my best friend from highschool and the first day I saw her. Now I may only be 23 years old and was home schooled up to high school, but I do know that anything I remember (especially well) is because it is something very important to me, even all the bad memories as they define me and remind me what I strive not to be. I think what has helped me best with my memories is my friend growing up who is an INFP and she taught me the importance of the connection between my fellings and my memories. Now this is something that I'm always pondering but so far I can not disprove her reasoning on the subject.
 

Spamtar

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Being a kid was mostly great except sometimes time crawled. I keep on thinking becoming an adult would be great. That at 18 I would have mass cash, freedom and have mass sex with a bunch of hot babes.

18 was a fun...mostly a slackfest...but not close to what I imagined it as a kid.

Also it is kinda amazing all the bullshit they 'teach' you as a kid. Mostly lies and half-truths.

Wouldn't mind being a kid again if had the chance.
 

Fluffywolf

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I've nothing but good memories until I was about 17, then I had some shit going on until I was 21, after that everything was all about roses once again.
 

Spamtar

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Although not nearly as bad as his youth I can relate to a lot of the childhood short stories of Charles Bukowski. Being a kid, relating to kids, is like thinking a lot differently than most adults. Most kids irritate me now, but they seem to recognise that I am able to relate to their reality and seem to crowd me when they get the opportunity. Guess I am still a child at heart.
 

Regan

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i am exactly the same. i don't remember details of my younger years and i don't really care. i've had situations like that, where someone asks about my 'childhood' and i can't give them specifics, and they're surprised.


mmm, this is why i love these types of forums
 

Oeufa

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Although not nearly as bad as his youth I can relate to a lot of the childhood short stories of Charles Bukowski. Being a kid, relating to kids, is like thinking a lot differently than most adults. Most kids irritate me now, but they seem to recognise that I am able to relate to their reality and seem to crowd me when they get the opportunity. Guess I am still a child at heart.

Actually I'm the same. I tend to get along very well with young children. I'm just an overgrown child :tongue:.
 
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