[NT] Mother of NT's

[corey_vann]

Pretty sure mine is an ENFP. She is 100% ruled by emotions and constantly looks to others for validation and approval. Can't be alone and always needs a man. Consistently makes bad choices. Very rarely do we have conversations that don't end in her pissed at me for one reason or another.

 

[d4mselfly]

ENFJ. Fun times.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

Definitely softer type. ESFJ, I'm pretty sure.
We've never bonded and I've never felt close to her growing up. She was rather, discouraging of my interests. It's not until now that we've actually been able to communicate properly. But it's mostly because I know she means well and I let shit slide. I can do this because I don't live at home anymore. My mother has also done a lot of improving since my childhood, it's probably a combo of both. She's more open-minded and chill now. I love my mom, though. She's extremely caring, nurturing and concerned.

 

[mrcockburn]

She was a batty ESFJ who hounds me about getting married and having kids. She's OBSESSED with babies and because she's too old to have kids, she has two little chihuahuas that she dresses in complete outfits, sends them to PUPPY CAMP and created Myspace pages for. (I'm being serious. Though she eventually took it down, thank god.)

Very overprotective, needy, obsessive, emotional and maternal to the hilt. She successfully dominated my INFP father, but I'm not my father.

 

[TiNe_2_IP]

I'm not laughing at your situation, which sounds truly frustrating, but the way you've told it. You have narrative skills. And, welcome to the forums.

Thank you, not often I get noticed, being short makes it hard for others to see me at the counter.
Glad to be here, it's a fascinating though sometimes confusing place to visit. Quite often lose the 'thread', excuse the pun, and wonder What the hell are they talking about? Sorry for not introducing myself properly just thought I would jump right in without all the chitchat.

 

[thescientist]

ESFJ...controlling, overprotective, highly anxious.

We have such a hard time communicating, and she constantly guilt-trips me with her emotions And I constantly hurt her with my blunt words. Her intentions are always good though. She just wants the best for me.

 

[jenocyde]

Mine's an ISFP.
She's really self absorbed and always pins all her unrealistic expectations on me.
From the time I was four, she put me in stupid classes I never liked.
It started with ballet classes at four (I'm a girl ... =D) and it ended when I was ten..
After six long years of getting dragged to class after getting beaten up by her that is.
Her reason to lay a finger on me? - It's my fault for not cherishing whatever shit she threw at me, because I was living her dream.. what she wanted as a kid she couldn't get, so she threw it all at me.
Sure she was caring in her way.... though,
In all the wrong ways, with all the wrong reasons.
Paranoid and delusional? Check.

She's pretty quiet,keeps things to herself, but overbearing all the same. She would throw a silly tantrum like a child in public places - whenever you don't do as she says, irrational behavior follow soon after.
And I never had a say in anything. She would deem them as stupid. Then again, who is she to judge? Everyone has a different perception, likes, dislikes, wants and desires. She would always lament about how, "I want the best for my children!" and,
"Never let anyone look down on you!" <-- that would refer to my relatives, my father's side that is.
Oh yeah, ISFP mom and ESFP dad. Worked out terribly, I guess it wasn't because of their personality. But how stubborn they were and never sorted their issues out but built them up till one day all of it just erupted - all of the anger and pain, they would vent on the children. One's physical, the other uses mental torture.. oh right, not forgetting the excessive use of religion and condemning their kids to hell.
Oversensitive? Check.
Unreasonable? Check.

Right now? I'm still a tool for their manipulation and games for amusement.
She used to use guilt manipulation to get to me..
One moment she's all :
"Oh if I never married that lousy piece of trash, your father! I would still be well off now! If you were never born, I wouldn't have a stupid child like you!"

The next moment, she tries to smother me with "love" but really? :
"You could be so much more, if you only tried harder! If you listened to me! If you had listened to me on getting in those classes! (Oh and how she ends it off is really ironic.) I love you!".
And whenever I didn't give her a response and just hid under the bed (Because really... I can't go about saying it back to her. Why should I?), she would wait till my father was home... and they would get violent. All the lies,dirty deeds... whatever shit that made them broken... I was exposed to it all. And it was a cause-and-effect thing really, after they were done fighting he would drag me into it and it starts all over... again.

When I was a little kid, this used to make me feel guilt-ridden... It made me feel like I was never doing enough.. And that she was pitiful, my father never did his part - and she's punishing me for his mistakes.

But now I know that whatever I do is never enough for her.
The effort you put into your work? If it isn't done by HER WAY, it's trash to her. Your interests? If it's seen as ridiculous to her, it's trash to her.
The A's you get in school, she would compare them with others - relatives and friends.

But why do I care about that anymore really? I don't.. yet the road ahead is still so rocky and danger still lies.
I'm not even sure if I can ever prove to this damn dysfunctional family that I'm worth something ... maybe throw loads of money in her gullible face and walk off. We'll see.
Manipulative? Check.

Maybe it's just her and not any other ISFPs ofcourse, I've always had the idea that she had afew mental illnesses... but she never visits a shrink. She's stubborn... a very overbearing woman.

I'm probably as damaged as her, but there's one thing I know... and it's that I'll never be how she was to her kids.
I'd be a good mother. Whatever their personality is, I will accept them.. let them have their own say, and just guide them along the way... Sometimes ignorance is bliss. And if children can't be children, what's the point of a childhood?
Everyone's an individual, so treat them as that - and not pin your silly delusional desires on them.

One day... I will be free. I may not always succeed in whatever I do, But I like to think I try... and If I don't, I'm young.. unattached... not a burden to anyone.. I do have afew close friends, but they'll live if I'm gone... what's there to lose really?

So yeah, this NT's mother is one hell of a "role model".

sounds shockingly familiar...
I was convinced mine was ESxJ until now, but reconsidering...

 

[TiNe_2_IP]

I empathize equanimity, hang in there.

You sound like you are still young and living at home and as a result you have no power over your life at this time. But you can make goals and you can nourish your soul in preparation for the time when you can be independent of your parents. Never fall into the trap of thinking that there is no exit, there is always an exit, you just have to lift your head up and look for it and then have the courage to take it. It may require endurance and patience before you can avail yourself of it but if it is in sight you will have hope and hope gives you the strength to endure and then the courage to act.

Be proactive, look for ways to heal and nourish yourself emotionally and mentally. If that means self-help books, listening to Dr. Phil, these forums, the bible and getting to know God, make use of them. I know many here will pooh pooh the idea of involving God in their lives but I found he became the parent I never had, the one person who could guide me and teach me to be balanced emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

As to proving to your family that you are worth something, don't burden yourself with that mindset. You are worth something already, every human is worth something. If you feel you need to prove that to someone prove that to yourself but not to those who will not/or are incapable of acknowledging it in the end anyway.
Everybody makes their own choices in life, whether they are consciously made or not, and unfortunately those choices can hurt and scar others, especially children. We all have to pay for those choices in the end. Leave the guilt for other's choices with them and try not to accumulate too much of your own as you go through life.
I truly believe that 'what does not kill you will make you stronger'. One day you will be able to take your childhood experiences and realize that they have made you an empathetic, strong and hopefully wise woman who will have the skills to be a great Mum.

 

[Oom]

I'm not sure what my moms type is. She's definitely not pushy.

She's a very unassuming person, she doesn't ever give her opinion on anything unless she is asked. She doesn't engage people very much and at the same time she's very charismatic and sociable.

This is weird, I can't come up with much else. I've never analyzed my mother like this before. It's just that she never reveals anything about herself unless you pry it out of her.

 

[proximo]

Hey guys

What's your mum like? I'm interested in if they were strong confident women or softer types.

My own was a bit on the formidable side...she needed to be, having 11 kids .... Protective and a bit on the controlling side (I'd say an ENTJ - although I've swithered with if she was a P type). She was good at keeping people on the moral straight and narrow, no mean achievement.

Please share.....

Christ on a motorised tie rack - 11 kids?! I thought our family was big!

My mum is one of 9, and I'm the middle one of her 5 (two intended, three accidental pregnancies! I was the first planned one!). She's a fantastic grandma and aunty, for the same reasons she would never've scored high as a mother. She likes to pet and fuss over kids and hug them and do all the happy nice stuff, but when it comes to the long-term commitment, effort and investment of supporting them through hard times, pushing them to do their best at school, funding and helping them to develop their talents, miss your favourite TV show while you spend an hour in your son/daughter's room comforting them through a heartbreak or other anxieties, and generally spend most of your money on your kids so there's only a small percentage left over for yourself (par for the course for parents, I think you'll agree)... well, she didn't like that part so much.

Hence, I'm pretty sure that if I were to describe any ten days from my childhood, picked at random, it'd be enough to have her arrested retrospectively for criminal negligence. But she didn't mean any harm.... just clueless.

Her negligence did force me to learn to be very independent and to shift for myself. By the age of 12 I was earning money to feed myself and my two younger sisters, and cooking for them and acquiring my own clothes, because mum would spend all the money on cigarettes, perfume and... fuck knows what else, so there was never any food in the house. I think my improvising talent and resourcefulness owe themselves to the way I was (not) brought up!

 

[astroninja]

You guys realize something?
The majority of our mothers are IS's, or at least an S.
Trace the thread to see this is rather true

My mother is an ISTJ.
My dad is an ESTJ
And I'm an INTP. So you can only imagine the clashes I get with the two of them so often.

As a younger adult,
they tried to teach me about 'proper Asian values'. I didn't listen. What the flying pancake are 'proper Asian values' supposed to be anyway?!
Coming from an Asian country, and ruled by a somewhat conservative governing system, my parents would oftentimes remind me that I needed to contribute to society in constructive ways. So I joined a hard rock band, made it a career, and got in trouble ever so often for loud and lewd public conduct.
They said that having pink hair would attract the wrong kind of attention. And I thought I'd like that kind of attention, because the 'right' kind of attention is obviously pretty predictable and boring.

But despite all that, I love them. Their rules and regulations, appreciation for systems and normalities have instilled more discipline in me than I would have otherwise (being a rather fickle minded INTP). I appreciate the deep love they have for each other, and for our family. There is nothing in the world they wouldn't do for my sister and me, and I do not take that for granted one bit. But somehow, I've never been able to meet their standards of a 'clean room'. They just don't get that my seemingly disorganized room (to them) is actually a perfectly devised system of chaos that only I can decipher

Just to add, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread about all your various mothers, and how each of you handled both the trying and loving times in your families.

 

[miss fortune]

my mom is an isfj... she's patient, curious, likes to be at home, values family and church and tends to cry at movies

she has a quirky side that comes out with randomly singing whenever a word or phrase reminds her of a song and loves self improvement type ideas- she's exactly like what many midwesterners hope their child's elementary school teacher will be like, and she teaches elementary school... she also sings in the church choir

 

[proximo]

You guys realize something?
The majority of our mothers are IS's, or at least an S.
Trace the thread to see this is rather true

Well uh, the majority of people, period, are S's, so that's no huge revelation

 

[tinkerbell]

Well uh, the majority of people, period, are S's, so that's no huge revelation

yes

SJ = c 43-55%
SP = c 20-36%
NF = c 12-14%
NT = c 5-10%

And yes, my family is pretty huge... I had 25 neices and nephews...



As for mum's there seems a fair few strong women in the pack. For those of you who are struggling with mum's for what ever reason, they are human, they do what they can, even if for some of them it is limited and sometimes limited by who they are.

 

[TheMonocle]

I'm the mom to a teenage ENTJ. I love the child to pieces. He has seriously warped my view of direct men though. Don't mess with me. I know what you were like when you were 12.

I have wondered what it is like to have an INFP as a mother. I take on the J role a lot attempting to direct him. I have one ENTJ and one INFP. Talk about having to switch hats.

 

[milkyway2]

INTP. But as she's getting older getting profusely more F than T. From the way she describes herself at my age she sounds almost exactly like me. She is smart, a logical thinker, not very girly, and loves to read fantasy and things like that. To exercise her imagination and think about cool stuff. She also did a lot of acid when she was my age. So pretty open-minded... But then she found God and now she's a super Christian who bases everything in her life off of the Bible and how she feels.

It just makes me wonder how I'm gonna end up

 

[Unique]

INFJ and extremely irrational

 

[Fluffywolf]

I still don't know what type my mom really is. ExxJ is the furthest I've come so far. She's hard to read.

 

[MeVexatPede]

wow, so far about 67% of mothers are SJ. Yes, i know it's common, but is it *that* common? it's funny, whether it's a coincidence or not...
anyway, no offence to guardians, but no wonder so many rationals seem kinda snappy haha i imagine it might be tough growing up with a S mother.
then again, my boyfriend (intj) has an (i think) SJ mother, and they get along great...
I have a wonderful INFP mother

 

[tinkerbell]

wow, so far about 67% of mothers are SJ. Yes, i know it's common, but is it *that* common? it's funny, whether it's a coincidence or not...
anyway, no offence to guardians, but no wonder so many rationals seem kinda snappy haha i imagine it might be tough growing up with a S mother.
then again, my boyfriend (intj) has an (i think) SJ mother, and they get along great...
I have a wonderful INFP mother

yes SJ's are that common, well aroun 55% and given those above who don't know - you can't assume SJ

Actually 70-75% of the pop are S types, so yea, N's are not too common.