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[NT] Mother of NT's

kelric

Feline Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
2,169
MBTI Type
INtP
... that's always a fun one.

My mom doesn't go the guilt route, it's too complex a behavior for her. She DOES do insane things in terms of giving her money and time to people, and she's dreadfully hurt if you deny her... but she doesn't try to create guilt and seems very unconscious about the impact her giving can have on people who didn't want it.

Because she's so naive and DOESN'T purposefully try to create guilt, I still end up feeling guilt when she goes off and tries to cry to herself in private because I rejected her help in some way... I feel like I have bitch-slapped an eight-year-old who just wanted to help me and I was a mean ingrate about things just because I felt her help was inappropriate, unhelpful, or just wanted her to keep her resources for herself for once.

Ouch, Jennifer. My mom's the same in a lot of ways -- most of the time she doesn't necessarily try to *create* guilt, and can get dreadfully hurt when denied. But when she's feeling hurt, she'll absolutely use proactive guilt and emotional manipulation to... well... I don't know what she expects to get out of it. Control, "her way", whatever, it's unpleasant, to say the least.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and she's great an overwhelmingly huge percentage of the time. But I do tend to be wary around her, to avoid potential... situations.
 

tinkerbell

New member
Joined
Aug 31, 2008
Messages
3,487
MBTI Type
ENTP
hmm, my mum was down right emotionally manipulative... hugely so...

My bro once said "don't make out she is this fragile old lady, she carried an emotional baseball bat around with her in her hambag".... She was a bit scary in all fairness to him
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
ESTJ mother: The dominant parent of the household (dad is an INTP). Strong work ethic and passed these values on to me and my ESTP brother (he prompted rebelled to spite her). She runs a very organized, almost militaristic system in the household. Chores are assigned to each child who is expected to follow them without complaints. But she is diplomatic- moreso than my Dad. Whenever we went on vacation when I was younger, she always went to child-friendly resorts. Perhaps this was because her father always chose places which weren't, and so she doesn't want us to go through the same ordeal. She was always a strict parent. As a runner, she has an athlete mentality, so fitness is another value she holds in high esteem. If I've put on weight, she will be the first to tell me. So at least if I was looking trim, she would say so. As a more mature ESTJ, her Fi is more developed, making her more merciful. I remember two years ago, when I had pet mice, I had an "accidental pairing", meaning one of the mice ended up pregnant. When I told my parents, my dad insisted on releasing them into the wild or killing the babies, but my mum allowed a compromise - I keep the mother and two offspring, but the father and the rest of the litter go back to the pet shop. Despite being INTP, my dad is far less negotiable. I think we become more rigid in our old age.

She shows how she cares by service-orientated things, like changing my bed or doing my laundry - even though I tell her not to. She also surprises me with things like random gifts; "I saw this hooded coat and thought it would look good on you". Now I'm at university, her and my dad are giving my bedroom a makeover. "Just so you have a nice room to come back to".

Despite the above, she does have the ESTJ "control issues". Every secret I have, she ends up finding out somehow, whether it's via snooping through diaries (which I have vowed to never write again) or in my room. I think she finds INTP need for privacy threatening? She always has a go at my dad for wanting to read quietly in the kitchen, rather than spend every second with her. She likes to round everyone up, but with two INTPs and an ESTP, it's as easy as nailing jelly to a wall.
 

teslashock

Geolectric
Joined
Oct 27, 2009
Messages
1,690
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
My mom is an INFP with really strong Fi and Si, and she internalizes a decent amount of Ne but rarely shows it. She's just not very expressive.

I know two other NTs and their mothers' types:
an ENTJ with an ENFJ mother and an ENTP with an ESFJ mother.

Honestly I really don't think parents' types have much say in their child's type though. Maybe the N/S is the most inheritable trait, but the whole theory of character traits based on parents is kind of unfalsifiable at this point. You could say that the character traits of an offspring are similiar to that of a parent's due to genes or psychological indoctrination, or you could say that people take on traits completely unlike their parents as a way to "rebel", and both are decent arguments. Also, children spend varying amounts of time with their parents based on a wide variety of factors, so the extent to which a parent's personality influences a child's personality is hard to qualify and quantify.
 

Qre:us

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
4,890
My mom is an INFP with really strong Fi and Si, and she internalizes a decent amount of Ne but rarely shows it. She's just not very expressive.

My mom has really good memory for dates (of people's birthdays, anniversaries, etc) and event-facts of the past, too.
And, she's really introverted, so like yours, she's not very expressive, unless you cultivate a moment with her, engage her for a bit, and then, what's inside her head/her thoughts, finally appear.

Do you mind describing more of your mom (and your interaction with her)? As another ENTP female with an INFP mama, it interests me.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
ESFx, although a lot of it could be misinterpreting her histrionics [I think she has this disorder, or it could just be acting out because of a terrible self esteem] as her cognitive traits.

Our relationship is nonexistent now.
 

teslashock

Geolectric
Joined
Oct 27, 2009
Messages
1,690
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
And, she's really introverted, so like yours, she's not very expressive, unless you cultivate a moment with her, engage her for a bit, and then, what's inside her head/her thoughts, finally appear.

This sounds exactly like my mother as well. She is VERY VERY VERY introverted. I once asked why she doesn't go out more and be social, and she was like "I just find being with people so exhausting. If I never had to go to a social gathering again, I wouldn't. I enjoy myself so much more when I'm reading, watching TV, surfing the web, walking my dog, or gardening."

She has really strong convictions, but she only shares them with those closest to her (me, her sister, and some times her parents). She was pretty liberal growing up in the hippie era. She was all about environmentalism and social welfare. However, she became a lot more economically conservative since joining the workforce 30 years ago. She is completely against public health care, and she doesn't think that the rich should have higher taxes or anything like that. She has a soft side for the downtrodden though still. She invests a decent amount of money into charities for children, especially around Christmas time. She won't donate to charities at the cash register though; she finds those kinds of requests intrusive and obnoxious. She's also pretty passive aggressive and into subtle guilt tripping whenever I do something that doesn't meet her expectations. I think Fi is evident in a lot of these beliefs.

As far as her Si goes, you can tell that it's a function that has developed for her later in life. She used to be a lot more free-spirited and optimistic about change. Now she easily gets stuck in ruts and is afraid to do anything that goes against her ruttish routine. She talks about change like she wants to pursue it, but I know that she's pretty afraid of it. She's not very detail-oriented, but I think her ability to pay attention to the details has heightened through the years. She is also leagues better than me at remembering where she's left things and sticking to plans (there's some Te showing through with that).

Her Te is also fairly developed. She was once very disorganized with her external world, but she has learned how to handle her money effectively, she files away important documents, and she has certain places in the house meant for certain items so she can better keep track of things. She also is a lot better at getting shit done than when she was growing up.

Again, she is very very introverted, so I don't see her Ne too much. I can tell she appreciates Ne very much though. She laughs at Ne-based humor, and if you get in a heated discussion with her, it's evident that she uses Ne connections to support her claims (even if I do find them "irrational" at times).

I get along with her fairly well, so long as we don't talk about politics. I just can't empathize with her arbitrary convictions. She is really into the green movement, and while I see the benefits of living "greener", I don't really attempt to live by "green" standards the way she does. I also just don't really give a shit if people are "rude" or go against my beliefs/expectations the way that she cares.

When I was growing up, she was a bit protective, but when it really came down to it, she pretty much let me do whatever I wanted, so long as it wasn't immediately life-threatening. She also values fueling her intellect and she can really get going on an abstract argument, so we get along well in that light. And she understands and empathizes with my flakiness, so if I am forgetful, unorganized, and/or irresponsible about some things, she doesn't really get upset with me for it. She's pretty open-minded for the most part (and when she's upset about something, she really doesn't let you know and just kind of keeps it to herself...very passive), but there are these minor things that she's pretty nit-picky about. For the most part, she's living in her head and doesn't care too much about jumping out of her head and landing in the real world.
 

Uytuun

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
1,633
MBTI Type
nnnn
ESFJ...had to cut my own ties because she certainly wasn't planning on doing any cutting. Get along better now that the independence thing is behind us and I am more mature (like with Jennifer's mother, she doesn't seem to be able to crawl into my world, so now I have learned to crawl into hers from time to time). She's at the same time domineering and child-like (ish). I appreciate the warmth and the support and I encourage her to be herself (I think she has been starved for Fe in her marriage to an INTJ...literally most of the time a kind word is all it takes to solve something). It's good to have an F parent around now that I'm developing my feely side more. I just make sure my boundaries are in place.

Strangely enough I've never had the feeling that she wanted me to be different.
 

Silencio

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2009
Messages
80
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Wow seems like a lot of NTs have SFJ mothers.

Mine is an ISFJ!

Mine is ISFJ aswell... We are definitely VERY different people and her passive behavior can become very annoying I.E she'll complain over and over about something until I ask her if she would like me to fix it, rather than just asking me to fix it in the first place. She's not a bad person though... just way to passive and S-F-J is sort of an annoying combination, for N-T-J's atleast.
 

VagrantFarce

Active member
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
1,558
My mother's an EFJ of some kind.

Her intentions were sincere, but seriously, fuck off! :D Moving out was elating for me.
 

Ulaes

loopy
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
850
MBTI Type
crak
Enneagram
sax
ISFJ. she's showed me exactly who i never want to be. her presence is determental to my condition, she's like a poisonous gas leak. i look forward to the day when i'm a large distance away from her and the rest of my family and they can't affect my life anymore.
although, i greatly admire her capacity to care for other people and her strength to carry on each day when something as little as a typo in her name on a letter adressed makes her upset (lol).
 

Ulaes

loopy
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
850
MBTI Type
crak
Enneagram
sax
LOL SJ = 55% of the population... it would be surprising if they didn't show up to an extent....

It does seem like most NT mammas are pretty stronge people..... NF mums are different, seem more emo

maybe it's just their/our perception? F's place feelings as highly important, so they'd delve into when describing a person. an NT's autobiography might be written like a sc-fi or docementary whilst an NFs autobiography might seem like a romance/drama novel.

also, i'm quite certain i project strength onto people i love. F's i know project emotion on to me which is annoying, it's like they're in denial.

?
 

tcda

psicobolche
Joined
Nov 17, 2009
Messages
1,292
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5
^^^In my case it's not projection, my mumma is one tough cookie.

Btw - 55%, as high as that? wow.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
...Strangely enough I've never had the feeling that she wanted me to be different.

My mom was weird that way.

She never would really think of asking me to be someone else, she just agonizes over things I do she might not understand. And being a country Baptist, she allowed me to play RPGs and allowed me to pick scifi/fantasy books growing up and read pretty much anything I wanted, she just really always wanted me to be happy regardless. I haven't quite figured it out since her beliefs and the freedom she gave me doesn't really gel.
 

Matthew_Z

That chalkboard guy
Joined
Jun 15, 2009
Messages
1,256
MBTI Type
xxxx
I haven't fully typed my mother, although xxFJ seems certain, and I'm leaning towards ISFJ. She's highly conflict averse. I'm not entirely sure how I've responded to that.
 

kelric

Feline Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
2,169
MBTI Type
INtP
She never would really think of asking me to be someone else, she just agonizes over things I do she might not understand.
...

I haven't quite figured it out since her beliefs and the freedom she gave me doesn't really gel.

I suspect that, if your Mom's like mine, that it comes down to her wanting what's best for you, and wanting you to be happy. I can pretty easily see her saying "I know I need to let Jennifer be her own person" and simultaneously (and likely erroneously) say "If Jennifer is going to be happy, she needs to do X, not what she's doing!" (because she may not understand your motivations or requirements for happiness). Good intentions, misapplied perhaps?
 

theadoor

*hmmms*
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
586
MBTI Type
esfp
Enneagram
8w9
I'm more than sure that mine is xSTJ, with a strong Ne. Now when she's divorced and together with her new bf for approx. 5 years I would rather say she's E, but when she was with my father she was definitely I. I think they had really unhappy marriage, though they could make really good friends. They just had completely different way how they see things. My mom was more like a cold rational person, my dad was rational, but also extremely emotional. But they both are psychos compared to me :D She's a rule psycho and he's just a random judging psycho, I'm just chill :D.

I really don't know how to type my father, I think he's pretty emotional, takes things personally, he's a good and demanding leader, but he has no feeling of prospective. He's extremely neat (both of my parents are) and it's extremely easy to make him mad or irritated. He's a really controversial person, because in a way he's strongly driven by his logic, but his reactions to other people's actions which he thinks is wrong seems really radical and in a way hysterical. So it's hard to say if he's F or T, though I think he's definitely S. And it's hard to say if he's E or I, I would just say he's a misanthrope :D He doesn't have many friends, but he enjoys discussions and it seems he likes being around people and his public face is completely different than the one that I see. At home I would consider him kinda stingy (and it always pissed my mother off), but in society he seems pretty generous. On the other hand he likes to judge people a lot (not in public) and it seems that he thinks that he's the only normal person in the world :D
He always wanted to be successful, but he never knew how. Though sometimes I think he has some brilliant ideas, but he's not courageous to make them real alone, he's kinda dreamy and absolutely not down to earth in a way. Right now he's being divorced to his girlfriend and I'm pretty sure he's suffering from 40 year old crisis. I'm having a hard time with this, because i think I'm the only really emotionally close person and as an extremely optimistic person I hate to listen to his complaining and judging and I can't say, c'mon stop it, because I know it's gonna end up with hysteria and something like ''you don't love me''.

We used to have a really strong emotional contact with my father, because we always got good psychological discussions and opinion sharing, but now when I'm finally slowly starting to set my own life, I appreciate my mother's logic and the way she thinks about the future. I've never had really warm feelings and relationship with her, though I always admired the way how she can get things done and see the future prospective.
What do I hate about both of my parents? They're both really uncreative. well at least my mum always cared about my education, that's why she always went to opera, ballets, galleries and museums with me, but i never had a surprise birthday parties or a surprising presents. For me it was so important and it still is. When I was smaller of course I was extremely annoyed by that, but now I see.. Gosh I'm really grateful! I think it's the best mum I could ever have, because even though she's so cold, she learnt me how to get things done and how to see which things I should get done.
 

poppy

triple nerd score
Joined
May 30, 2009
Messages
2,215
MBTI Type
intj
Enneagram
5
Hey guys

What's your mum like? I'm interested in if they were strong confident women or softer types.

My own was a bit on the formidable side...she needed to be, having 11 kids :D.... Protective and a bit on the controlling side (I'd say an ENTJ - although I've swithered with if she was a P type). She was good at keeping people on the moral straight and narrow, no mean achievement.

Please share.....

You had 11 siblings *introvert death*

My mom is ISFJ. Everything she does is based on how things "should" be. She cares a lot about appearances and etiquette. She is emotionally expressive and a little overbearing at times, but generally I would say she is of the "softer" variety...gentle and sensitive. Compared to me she is sort of a bunny rabbit...I have to be careful not to stomp all over her with my Te.

We connect in our shared need to plan out our next moves before going forward, but otherwise we are very different people with very different priorities, which she doesn't always realize.
 
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