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[NT] How do you deal with unreliable people?

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Specifically if they've shown signs of reliability in the past then starting becoming really flaky?
 

tinkerbell

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bug the hell out of me...

But I tend to give them a change but I have limited patiences, I will eventually give up or lower my expectations because people don't really change.

At the end of the day it boils down to if you value them or not.... if you value them you will take more crap or manouver around them... if not the realtionship will slowly break away.

Can you get someone who is unreliable to be reliable... NO....
 

Fluffywolf

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I don't tend to rely on other people, period. I suppose I don't have to deal with them. :D
 

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At the end of the day it boils down to if you value them or not.... if you value them you will take more crap or manouver around them... if not the realtionship will slowly break away.

Yeah, I think that's it. I don't like to think in a black and white fashion, but this may be one of the cases where it benefits to do so.

Can you get someone who is unreliable to be reliable... NO....

Exactly.

i dont think there is any way you can

Should I take the easy way out?
 

tinkerbell

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be patient, and don't place too many expectations on them... we need all sorts in our life... functional relationship that are reliable, and colourful ones that are largely entertainement and decorative... You're a whole person with lots of facets, not eveone needs to be functionally viable to be valuable as a realtionship... just don't ask them to bank cheques or put your rent cheque to your land lord...
 

Fluffywolf

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The only way I know off to make any person more reliable than he or she is, is to go totally apeshit on their emotional grounds. Crushing them so badly that they will have to give it serious thought. And consider possible change. But this is dangerous and may not cause the results you had wished for!

Seriously though, people are reliable because they choose to be reliable. Taking away their choice (Either through concrete means = don't rely on them anymore, or through bombardment of their consciousness) is the only method.
 

highlander

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Specifically if they've shown signs of reliability in the past then starting becoming really flaky?

If it is someone where there is a change (they were reliable and suddenly becoming unreliable and it is a problem), I usually talk to them to find out what is going on or is bothering them. Examples of things I've seen in these situations - they're under a lot of stress and/or over-stretched, depression, there was something that happened where they got pissed off at me or something is going on in their personal life.
 

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be patient, and don't place too many expectations on them...

This is something I've definitely tried to do. I've stopped expecting things- but over time I do start to expect things if people are consistent. I think this is my version of "trust."

Seriously though, people are reliable because they choose to be reliable.

Definitely- which is why it can be so frustrating.

If it is someone where there is a change (they were reliable and suddenly becoming unreliable and it is a problem), I usually talk to them to find out what is going on or is bothering them. Examples of things I've seen in these situations - they're under a lot of stress and/or over-stretched, depression, there was something that happened where they got pissed off at me or something is going on in their personal life.

That's true too. I try not to make too many assumptions- and I'm not going crazy if someone who usually comes through cancels a plan with me once in a while. But if I see a pattern of 'deterioration' in how reliable they are, I start to become a little suspicious.

I don't tend to rely on other people, period. I suppose I don't have to deal with them. :D

I wish I had the INTP, "I can have way more fun without people!" power you seem to hold. :tongue:
 

kyuuei

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Someone normally reliable that isn't at the time: It could be a temporary change (like something going on at home, or life has gotten hectic for them, etc.) or an indication of stress/emotional strain. They could have something going on you're unaware of..

Outside of that, I handle them the way I do most people: I distance myself.
 

Robert165

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Specifically if they've shown signs of reliability in the past then starting becoming really flaky?
i miss read that
if they used to be reliable
you need to find out what changed....
 

ceecee

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Specifically if they've shown signs of reliability in the past then starting becoming really flaky?

I don't rely on them or ask anything of them and if they remain flaky, I'll ask what's wrong. If nothing improves or the situation is not improvable, I move on. This is, of course, assuming that I rely on people. Which is unusual.
 

Matthew_Z

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Unreliable is really a misnomer. In the context of this question, one can rely on the fact of another's "unreliableness" and use it as adequate justification to not rely on them being "reliable." If it is given that one cannot complete a task assigned, then it follows that it would be inadvisable to trust them to do what they clearly cannot.
 

simulatedworld

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Unreliable is really a misnomer. In the context of this question, one can rely on the fact of another's "unreliableness" and use it as adequate justification to not rely on them being "reliable." If it is given that one cannot complete a task assigned, then it follows that it would be inadvisable to trust them to do what they clearly cannot.

I don't know wtf ever made you doubt that you were INTP. :coffee:
 

jcloudz

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self doubt in ones own abilities, could be doubt in a decision, maybe its not truly what is wanted. what kind of instance or situation are they being unreliable or what are they doing that is coming across to you as unreliable?
 

Not_Me

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A person is unreliable if they repeatedly fail to do what they have agreed to. I find it detrimental to interact with people like that and will try to minimize it.
 
T

ThatGirl

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People don't generally work up histories with me. Doesn't matter how reliable you were in the past, that was then this is now. I look at each situation for what it is worth.

To answer the question, how do you deal with unreliable people? I don't.
 

INTPness

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I don't know wtf ever made you doubt that you were INTP. :coffee:

:rofl1: I was thinking the exact same thing when I read his post. Matthew Z, that really was a prototypical INTP response if I ever saw one.
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

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I'm not sure this is relevant for you, but when I grow impatient with people, I suspect it has more to do with my attitude towards myself. It stems, I think, from a tendency to be too hard on myself. To judge myself too harshly for making mistakes.

I used to not see any problem with this. I used to think it helped me do things better, helped me become a stronger individual. I also reasoned that, if a side-effect of this was that I was really hard on others, it was ok, because at least I was being fair. It's not as though I was holding anyone to a different standard than i held myself.

Recently, I've reevaluated my opinions. After much thought, I've come to the conclusion that this kind of behavior is good neither for myself, nor for others.

The reason it wasn't not good for myself was that I got really defensive. It made it hard for me to take criticism, even honest, reasonable criticism. I tended to react to criticism with scorn or distress. It wasn't easy for me to admit, in the moment, that I'd done something wrong. I would instead simply shove the blame onto someone else. Because I used to beat myself up over every mistake, it made me less willing to notice my mistakes.

This seemed to be some sort of emotional reaction. On occasions when I made a mistake, I would subject myself to a lot of distress. As a way of protecting myself from this, I think my brain became less receptive to acknowledging mistakes (regardless of who brought them to my attention).

The reason it wasn't good for others was because many people are very sensitive about the way in which they are criticized. One thing people certainly don't enjoy is being criticized in such a way that they are made to feel stupid. People can admit they are wrong, but they are very careful about how they are told that.

I'm not sure if any of this is relevant to the OP or not, but I can say this is definitely something that factors into my annoyance with unreliable people. The reason I bring this up is because ultimately, the only behavior and attitudes you can change are your own. I suppose it's possible to change those of others, but that's more work. I think, rather then trying to find some way to "deal" with unreliable people, you find a way to sort of accept them into the fabric of your life. There will always be unreliable people, so one might as well learn how to deal with them.

It might also help to have a calm discussion about it with the individuals in question.
 
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