[NT] ENTJs (or maybe NTs) - always being told to "calm down"?

[Fluffywolf]

Yea I get the whole overly passionate, intense, over energetic... the last bit mainly at work... but stuff needs doing...

Ensuring you are not over streached if you can.... don't take on too much.

Right now I'm trying to work on defensiveness... to varing sucesses, not good at establishing boundaries working on that to help with the defensiveness

Learn from Buddha!

Buddha, the boundary establisher.

 

[tinkerbell]

Learn from Buddha!

Buddha, the boundary establisher.

And....? :s

 

[Memphis]

I relate, all too well. I've been accused of being pissed, angry, grumpy or any other negative emotional state when I'm just, talking, responding ect. By people who know me, like family. It's extremely tiresome. I hate that I get interrupted or what I'm saying doesn't stick, simply because I sounded angry - then I'll have to explain myself and repeat what I was saying. Fucking annoying!

I mean, even if I don't really care about the issue, I get intrigued by challenging the issue, if that makes sense. And I guess maybe people feel like I'm challenging them instead?

I constantly get the "shhyyy" when I talk about something I think is interesting. I don't even notice getting into this "intense mode", I'm loud and I'm fast, what can I say. That's why I'm so glad I have this INTP friend in my life, cause I can just let loose and don't think about how I come across or remember to hold back my excitement, not anger. He doesn't get offended, or think that I'm offended.

I'm very short with words and I usually walk away when I am angry.

 

[onemoretime]

 

[Fluffywolf]

And....? :s

I see your problem.

 

[InvisibleJim]

I can't remember the last time I was asked to calm down

 

[tinkerbell]

I see your problem.

sorry I didn't get your buddist point, you ahve to agree, a bit left of centre/obtuse... I don't see how it relates to boundaries..

 

[ceecee]

ENFJ man tends to grab ahold of my head and say SLOW...DOWN when my mouth moves faster than his brain can process. There's just a lot going on between my brain and mouth sometimes.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Actually pretty much everbody would like that it is much easier to get me excited.

 

[theplacesyoullgo]

I constantly get the "shhyyy" when I talk about something I think is interesting. I don't even notice getting into this "intense mode", I'm loud and I'm fast, what can I say. That's why I'm so glad I have this INTP friend in my life, cause I can just let loose and don't think about how I come across or remember to hold back my excitement, not anger. He doesn't get offended, or think that I'm offended.

Yeah, I totally relate. It would be hard for me to sort of censor my behavior to some extent because I frankly don't even realize when I'm transitioning from normal to scary.

 

[Fluffywolf]

sorry I didn't get your buddist point, you ahve to agree, a bit left of centre/obtuse... I don't see how it relates to boundaries..

Actually, buddha teaches a lot about boundaries. The importance of having them, as well as the importance of not having them. It's really quite complicated if you start analyzing it. But fun.

More to the point, the "I see what your problem is." was a joke in response to your uninterested reply to my buddha post. Making it fairly obvious you don't really care much for learning about boundaries to really bother with them. As if it was a huge issue for you, you would've likely saw it fit to inquire further.

Unless you think I'm always full of crap on this site, which you're entitled to think. But then it doesn't matter much what I say anyhow.

 

[tinkerbell]

Actually, buddha teaches a lot about boundaries. The importance of having them, as well as the importance of not having them. It's really quite complicated if you start analyzing it. But fun.

More to the point, the "I see what your problem is." was a joke in response to your uninterested reply to my buddha post. Making it fairly obvious you don't really care much for learning about boundaries to really bother with them. As if it was a huge issue for you, you would've likely saw it fit to inquire further.

Unless you think I'm always full of crap on this site, which you're entitled to think. But then it doesn't matter much what I say anyhow.

middle paragraph lost me again...

Ok lets take the buddah thing onto a different thread later...

I didn't take offense to your post... so middle paragraph realy doens't make sense... but hey it's not important... and No I don't think you are full of crap. As for not interested in your reply, I genuinely didn't understand it... so wanted more info

 

[Fluffywolf]

middle paragraph lost me again...

Ok lets take the buddah thing onto a different thread later...

I didn't take offense to your post... so middle paragraph realy doens't make sense... but hey it's not important... and No I don't think you are full of crap. As for not interested in your reply, I genuinely didn't understand it... so wanted more info

Oh, you made it sound like "Yeah, right.".

Anyhow, as far as Buddha goes, the best discovery is self-discovery.

Hey, I'm a P too.

 

[tinkerbell]

Oh, you made it sound like "Yeah, right.".

Anyhow, as far as Buddha goes, the best discovery is self-discovery.

Hey, I'm a P too.

LOL no my "and" was WTF? LOL you were a teeny tiny bit obtuse... LOL I have looked at some buddisim, Taoist stuff, but found the reading heavy weather - maybe it was the writer not the subject... sorry for the crossed wires

 

[Fluffywolf]

LOL no my "and" was WTF? LOL you were a teeny tiny bit obtuse... LOL I have looked at some buddisim, Taoist stuff, but found the reading heavy weather - maybe it was the writer not the subject... sorry for the crossed wires

Buddhism is an ironic sensation. It's full of win to read about. But learning is not understanding.

It's enough to keep you busy thinking for several lifetimes to come. (For Ti+Ne anyways, Ne+Ti isn't that different. )

 

[tinkerbell]

that much I got already.... role on life

 

[corey_vann]

I was just accused by a friend of always appearing on the verge of being pissed off. As far as I know, I've never actually been pissed off at this friend. The thing is, most of the time when I appear pissed off (or close to being pissed), I'm really just being very animated and passionate. That's my default mood when I'm speaking. I know some fellow ENTJs have complained about this same thing. I'm guessing other NTs probably wouldn't be in the same camp, but I figured I'd leave the question open to everyone on here.

How do you deal with such an accusation? Getting defensive and worked up about it probably isn't the way to go, but on the other hand, it's so frustrating that a lot of others seem to think that passion and enthusiasm for a particular thing means that we're offended or angry. I find that I appear rant-y about things when I ultimately don't even care that much about them, and it actually takes a lot to truly offend me. I guess the natural response might be just to tone it all down a bit, but my personality is pretty ingrained at this point, and I don't want to have to make a conscious choice throughout the day to have to tone myself down.

(And yes, I realize the irony in starting a thread bitching about my friend's remark...)

I've read that, at least for ENTJs as far as i can recall, when we're excited we can seem pissed off. Many times have I been asked to calm down when excited. I also have ADHD, which might have something to do with it. Another annoying experience I've had more than once in when being quiet and just thinking people asking me if I'm ok.

 

[htb]

Often. Sometimes justified, sometimes not.

 

[InfiniteIntrigue]

I've had an ESFP/ESTP tell me to calm down. sheer hilarity, because she talks in a much louder tone and tends to over-react.

 

[King sns]

I was just accused by a friend of always appearing on the verge of being pissed off. As far as I know, I've never actually been pissed off at this friend. The thing is, most of the time when I appear pissed off (or close to being pissed), I'm really just being very animated and passionate. That's my default mood when I'm speaking. I know some fellow ENTJs have complained about this same thing. I'm guessing other NTs probably wouldn't be in the same camp, but I figured I'd leave the question open to everyone on here.

How do you deal with such an accusation? Getting defensive and worked up about it probably isn't the way to go, but on the other hand, it's so frustrating that a lot of others seem to think that passion and enthusiasm for a particular thing means that we're offended or angry. I find that I appear rant-y about things when I ultimately don't even care that much about them, and it actually takes a lot to truly offend me. I guess the natural response might be just to tone it all down a bit, but my personality is pretty ingrained at this point, and I don't want to have to make a conscious choice throughout the day to have to tone myself down.

(And yes, I realize the irony in starting a thread bitching about my friend's remark...)

I'm an abuser of the "calm down" line. I don't know what it is. When people seem worked up something deep inside of me gets unsettled and it's the only way I know how to deal with it, even if I know that sometimes the person isn't really all that worked up. ENTJ's seem so passionate about everything to me. Sometimes the seeming obsession about little things makes my brain want to explode. I know it's not right to tell anyone to "Relax", or "Calm down" or "Take deep breaths" but in my experience it's actually been successful. Not that it really actually calms the person down, but then they don't want to keep getting worked up after being told something like that so then they just bottle it all up. It's just like the most effective winning statement in this case.

Not really sure how you'd stop someone from saying that.