[INTP] INTP Maturity

[Totenkindly]

Basically I just turned 18 and realised at the start of the decade I was 8 and the last 10 years have flown by, but i've realised I haven't really matured at all or developed any self-confidence, is this an INTP thing ?, do you develop confidence at this age from within and carry that to the outside world or are external events more important in creating that confidence ?

I had a horrible time with self-doubt at your age and throughout much of my adulthood. This stemmed from many sources:

- Being INTP. We want to base our confidence on information and knowledge, and since we are honest about what we do not know, often this hamstrings out confidence compared to other people. We cannot easily lie or pretend to ourselves.

- Family. My dad was alcoholic and so all my life the "rules" of relationships were really screwy, I was basically told all my perceptions were wrong (even if I believed they were right), and I just couldn't trust people to be fair or honest. The inherent elements of denial that exist in screwed-up family dynamics really wreaked havoc with my self-assertiveness and self-confidence; basically, I learned instead of believing in myself to just avoid any potential conflicts. I also felt that I was powerless to make changes in my own life, especially in relationships.

- Religion. Not to bust on religion, but it made me doubt all of my instincts and perceptions in the culture I was part of. I was told that I had to accept the revelational truth AND the doctrine spawning from it, and that other ideas I had were either sinful or selfish.

- Lack of life experience. I just did not have experience to speak authoritatively on anything and trust my judgment. All my ideas were theoretical... and thus potentially wrong.


I think life experience will definitely give you confidence. The more you have experienced something and/or acquired information about it and processed it all, the more confident you will feel in your assessment.

You also probably also start to accept that it's okay to promote yourself or take a positive spin on something (rather than a neutral/skeptical one), since positive feelings beget positive action and potential success, where incessant skepticism often derails your endeavors. There are parts of life that are not meant to be analyzed per se, instead they are meant to be CREATED by your attitude and choices and dreams and goals... subjective behaviors, not objective ones.

You might also learn to evaluate relationships (and even build them) via other means than critical analysis. There are things in life meant to be enjoyed rather than constantly deconstructed.

All of this accrued knowledge builds confidence.

I can't speak for everybody, but I think I've been maturing by learning to keep my mouth shut.

Sometimes the thoughts we think are not worth being stated out loud, true... they're just inappropriate or have negative impact for us in that situation.

Only instigate battles worth fighting.

 

[Ethereal]

If you want to become more confident, don't let fear of failure keep you from trying new things or cause you to give up on something you want to do even if it doesn't come easy at first. An INTP's confidence is going to be rooted in their competence and you have to give yourself the opportunity to gain that competence by taking a few risks.

This is so true. INTP's are well known for the inherent doubt within everything. Many times I have overreacted within myself right after I executed an action, fearing the worst. This is the Ti-Ne loop expressing itself in its negative. This is something you will have to overcome...

 

[VagrantFarce]

This is so true. INTP's are well known for the inherent doubt within everything. Many times I have overreacted within myself right after I executed an action, fearing the worst. This is the Ti-Ne loop expressing itself in its negative. This is something you will have to overcome...

This is a pattern I've noticied in my own life as well. I always, always expect the worst when throwing myself into something new, and end up being pleasantly surprised at how tolerable (or even fun) it ends up being. The simple truth is that you have to trust in your own ability to adapt to whatever will happen.

So what if you don't know what will happen? That's exciting, not scary! Revel in it! Hopefully the experience will give you something to take home with you!

Another way of looking at it is: Don't go in expecting to just cruise through on auto-pilot and observe from the sidelines; building a bulwark around yourself is the very reason why you're so security-minded and worried about what might happen. Go in with the intention of getting involved and doing something unexpected. You'll suddenly find yourself not caring what will happen, since you'll have the confidence to deal with it!

 

[Totenkindly]

The simple truth is that you have to trust in your own ability to adapt to whatever will happen.

QFT. Can't be overemphasized.

So what if you don't know what will happen? That's exciting, not scary! Revel in it! Hopefully the experience will give you something to take home with you! Another way of looking at it is: Don't go in expecting to just cruise through on auto-pilot and observe from the sidelines; building a bulwark around yourself is the very reason why you're so security-minded and worried about what might happen. Go in with the intention of getting involved and doing something unexpected.

The tendency to overanalyze before acting, so that EVERY little ambiguity has been addressed, in order to negate any risk and not make any level of mistake, really kills INTPs -- who are usually far more competent and capable of success in the moment than they realize.

And especially a [minor by anyone else's standard] disaster in the social arena early on can derail socialization attempts for years due to self-imposed embarrassment.

Gotta push forward, gotta put yourself out there.
Once things start to click, they really move forward.

 

[Ethereal]

In defining the 8 functions, I often find the introverted ones to be more difficult to define. This is because they are all executed in our unconscious whereas the extroverted ones require conscious action to use.

This is important because we can turn off the E functions, but the I functions will always be with us, and always be active.

This could very well be where INTP anxiety stems from. We can't dismiss it, and we can't not think certain thoughts, they come in automatically. It's just dealing with these thoughts that is most important.

 

[Moiety]

There are parts of life that are not meant to be analyzed per se, instead they are meant to be CREATED by your attitude and choices and dreams and goals... subjective behaviors, not objective ones.

Solid advice (or consideration) irrespective of type.

 

[INTP]

never!

 

[sleepy]

but i've realised I haven't really matured at all

INTPs are doomed to be children all their lives. Better not to worry about it. It's an NF thing to wish for something you cant have.

 

[human101]

well thanks for the contributions so far wasn't expecting that, feel really motivated to make something of my self at the moment

 

[Eruca]

What it is to be mature can be seen as different for each individual. So we must ask which ideas of maturity the INTP is likely to develop, and which he/she is unlikely to develop.

On the following page are several people's ideas of what traits define maturity.

What traits define maturity? | Answerbag

Notice that many of them have similar virtues in their lists, that we could attempt to seperate into type:

"The ability to laugh at one's self.
The ability to not take life too seriously, but still take it seriously enough.
The ability to not partake in childish drama." -SP

"peace, joy, love, long-suffering, meekness
these traits are difficult to find but are extremely valuable." - NF

As observors we can see that all of these virtues are important parts of a mature individual. However, can't we feel a bias towards the importance of our own natural virtues such as "Ability to tolerate and accept other points of view, and ability to think before you act and speak.".

To me the question is not "can INTPs mature" but is rather "is there only one way an INTP can mature?" and "how does one person's avenues of maturity relate to anothers?".

Should we strive to mature as INTPs (work on our strengths) or as whole people (strive to gain the natural strengths of other types)?

 

[Cheetah]

The tendency to overanalyze before acting, so that EVERY little ambiguity has been addressed, in order to negate any risk and not make any level of mistake, really kills INTPs -- who are usually far more competent and capable of success in the moment than they realize.

This, many times over. In other words, this. Go out. Take risks. Do things just to go do them, and don't worry that you might screw them up or that they might not be fun. If they're not fun, then you wasted a few hours you would otherwise have spent bored anyway. Go out and live sometimes. Just because you're an INTP doesn't mean living in your head is all you need.

 

[kelric]

I admit that I was pretty tempted to joke around with a serious topic and simply respond with . I restrained myself, and then I read this:

The tendency to overanalyze before acting, so that EVERY little ambiguity has been addressed, in order to negate any risk and not make any level of mistake, really kills INTPs -- who are usually far more competent and capable of success in the moment than they realize.

And especially a [minor by anyone else's standard] disaster in the social arena early on can derail socialization attempts for years due to self-imposed embarrassment.

As usual, Jennifer's nailed my INTP-experiences to a "T" (pun intended ). I feel like a hypocrite for suggesting this, as I've certainly not mastered or even really been able to do it much at all myself, but realize that perfection of possibility in your own mind is not the prerequisite for action.

Double that for social embarrassment. It's hard to do in or after such circumstances, but laughing a bit at yourself instead of being hard on yourself can sometimes really pay off in the long term (and sometimes even in the short term).

 

[_Violence_]

This, many times over. In other words, this. Go out. Take risks. Do things just to go do them, and don't worry that you might screw them up or that they might not be fun. If they're not fun, then you wasted a few hours you would otherwise have spent bored anyway. Go out and live sometimes. Just because you're an INTP doesn't mean living in your head is all you need.

Sometimes it's hard, when you meet a cute girl, and start trying to act fucking prescient and like analyze every single possible course of action (speech, physical demeanor, etc), and have 15 fucking contingency plans LOL.

Yeah yeah I'm shy whatever.

 

[Matthew_Z]

If I matured enough to balance a social life, I wouldn't be able to spend so much time on forums.

 

[Cheetah]

Sometimes it's hard, when you meet a cute girl, and start trying to act fucking prescient and like analyze every single possible course of action (speech, physical demeanor, etc), and have 15 fucking contingency plans LOL.

Yeah yeah I'm shy whatever.

I didn't say I'm good at following my own advise, now, did I?