[NT] ENTP/INTPs, come here. Now.

[HotpinkHeatwave]

Wow, I love the replies so far. They are very helpful, thank you all so much.

 

[jenocyde]

I like ENFPs a lot. There is always something to talk about. As long as they can deal with me not wanting their tokens of affection and other stuff they do to "reinforce emotional bonds", then we are cool. Seriously, when I am with ENFP friends, it can be nothing but laughter. Unless they are uneasy or paranoid about something or trying to insist that they know me better than I know myself because of their "ability to read people" - in which case they become my absolute least favorite type to be around.

It also annoys me when they do self-centered things that have a negative effect on other people - things like showing up really late or being generally flaky - which presumes their importance over everyone else's. But beyond that, I love ENFPs.

They are warm and caring and funny. And almost every ENFP I know is extremely talented in whichever artistic realm they are drawn too. Lovely people.

 

[Sarcasticus]

Haha oh boy. Was the winking face supposed to imply something? Hehe.
And yeah, I LOVE most other ENFPs I know. They're just..Really easy to get along with.

This is true. I find that I get along great with all the NF types. Probably the least with the INFPs.

Edit: so are you asking because you have an xNTP love interest?

 

[VagrantFarce]

I had an ENFP friend once. He was insane, always full of energy and everything made him happy. It was intimidating.

 

[proximo]

I've one in my family and have known three definite ones in my social circles at various points in my life.

Good: Available, truthful, helpful, enthusiastic, adventurous

Bad: Needy, manipulative, self-righteous, insensitive, professional gaslighters

Addendum: "truthful" doesn't equal "honest". I've had various ENFP's deliberately and knowingly "selling" me arrangements and ideas that are very much to my disadvantage, without actually telling any lies - just selective truths!!

Edit:

This is true. I find that I get along great with all the NF types. Probably the least with the INFPs.

That's weird, cos they're my fave NF's Be interesting to see how that correlates to our different preference strengths...

 

[Sarcasticus]

That's weird, cos they're my fave NF's Be interesting to see how that correlates to our different preference strengths...

Well it's relative. I'd take an INFP over an ESFJ any day (no offense to you lovely ESFJs. We just don't click). I just find it draining to always be trying to draw the INFPs out of their shells. Maybe I just haven't met the right ones.

 

[Liquid and Flammable]

Good: Available, truthful, helpful, enthusiastic, adventurous
Bad: Needy, manipulative, self-righteous, insensitive

Wow. That's exactly that, I experienced.

It's strange. I had two big ENFP-contacts in my life. Both had a very warm aura, when I said something, I felt understood. But "out of sight, out of mind", after we met (intimate) they didn't invest anything. I felt understood in some subjects, but I did not see any interest in my person. That's something, I did never understood. I began to reproach myself for that situation.

At the beginning of the interaction both did very silly things. Like running away, fleeing. They captured the conversation, and sometimes they talk 90 per cent of time, and I could count the questions about me on only one hand. I felt powerless, like a thing they can use and throw away, whenever they want. When I suggest a date, they tried to give conditions, that are almost respect-less. And all the early dates were initiate by me.

And I really hate that. I appreciate loyality and honesty, and a working-together. The manipulative part was obvious. Both were girls, and both used to pull their fingers exactly in that wound, I hided. I cannot explain, why they did it. For a strange reason (maybe because I was reproaching myself for this unsecure situation?) it made me addicted, and let me suffer emotional pain.

All in all: Funny people, very warm, can hold very deep intelligent conversations - but much too self-centered and ruthless.

Anyone experienced the same?

 

[proximo]

Well it's relative. I'd take an INFP over an ESFJ any day (no offense to you lovely ESFJs. We just don't click). I just find it draining to always be trying to draw the INFPs out of their shells. Maybe I just haven't met the right ones.

Ah, yeah - actually I don't find it difficult to draw INFP's out once I have them present with me. It's getting them to be present that's the difficult part! You know, that whole thing where you always have to initiate everything and you're supposed to be secure (to arrogant levels) in the knowledge of their regard for you, enough to keep believing that they like you even though they never contact you?

It's strange. I had two big ENFP-contacts in my life. Both had a very warm aura, when I said something, I felt understood. But "out of sight, out of mind", after we met (intimate) they didn't invest anything. I felt understood in some subjects, but I did not see any interest in my person. That's something, I did never understood. I began to reproach myself for that situation.

Hm, I think it's down to secondary Fi... I think that's why I prefer the INFP's, because their Fi seems to produce a powerful sort of sincerity that, when it's shoved to secondary importance, seems to turn into "situational attachments" that can be used to morally 'prop up' their decisions, and can leave a person feeling quite "used" - this page here describes it in a way that seems to tally with my experience... edit - it's rather like Ti in NTP's - in the INTP where it's primary, they love gaining knowledge for its own sake and pursue it doggedly, whilst the ENTP, having Ti as secondary, it becomes "situational" like the ENFP's Fi, and rather serves the needs and promptings of Ne.

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

This is true. I find that I get along great with all the NF types. Probably the least with the INFPs.

Edit: so are you asking because you have an xNTP love interest?

Haha. XNTPs are amazing, of course.

 

[Salomé]

Wow. That's exactly that, I experienced.

It's strange. I had two big ENFP-contacts in my life. Both had a very warm aura, when I said something, I felt understood. But "out of sight, out of mind", after we met (intimate) they didn't invest anything. I felt understood in some subjects, but I did not see any interest in my person. That's something, I did never understood. I began to reproach myself for that situation.

All in all: Funny people, very warm, can hold very deep intelligent conversations - but much too self-centered and ruthless.

Anyone experienced the same?

Self-centred? Can be. Ruthless? No.

Despite their effusive and seemingly open, accepting natures, they actually play their cards close to their chest - they let very few people get really close.

People like other people (or don't) because of how they make them feel. ENFPs really know how to make people feel good. And so everybody loves them. But most fail to realize that this doesn't really say anything about how they feel about you personally. It's just their default way of being.

 

[INA]

People like other people (or don't) because of how they make them feel. ENFPs really know how to make people feel good. And so everybody loves them.

lolwut?

There are lots of them here, but I'll still say that, while I find some ENFPs splendid, they are also the type that aggravates me most often. I suspect it has to do with some of that same "make everybody feel good" style.
Not. Even. SJs., which sounds unbelievable for an INTP to say, but 'tis true.

 

[Salomé]

lolwut?

There are lots of them here, but I'll still say that, while I find some ENFPs splendid, they are also the type that aggravates me most often. I suspect it has to do with some of that same "make everybody feel good" style.
Not. Even. SJs., which sounds unbelievable for an INTP to say, but 'tis true.

Like many extroverts, they don't tend to shine online. 'Tis true. There are some on here that actually make me heave.
But I never met one IRL who couldn't turn me to butter.

 

[INA]

Like many extroverts, they don't tend to shine online. 'Tis true. There are some on here that actually make me heave.
But I never met one IRL who couldn't turn me to butter.

One of my really good IRL friends is ENFP and she's amazing but sometimes I wanna shake some sense into her. I will say that few people can drive me bonkers like that. It must be a talent.

 

[proximo]

*but sometimes it can get a little stalky.

One ENFP I knew who was incredibly needy, and who ditched me very unequivocally as a friend ("fuck off, I never want anything to do with you again!" were her words) several months ago, because I found myself unable to share all my inmost thoughts with her after having known her for a whole six weeks, used to use Facebook to gain leverage/presence in my life. After she ditched me (at which I was, frankly, relieved), she blocked me from her Facebook, and not long afterwards I deleted my account for totally separate reasons (family plots and feuds, just had enough of them).

Just last night I created a brand new account, using my middle name and putting all my profile in French. I began to add some of my friends from the previous account. I had one friend in common with her, and by this morning I got an FB message from her saying "I just wondered if you knew this person, it seems a bit of a coincidence that you have the same surname and write in French, and he knew French, and you have all the same friends as me".

Now, why would she do that? Doesn't that seem crazy/neurotic/stalky? Why would she care to check up when she'd declared herself that she wanted no more dealings with me? Why would she say "all the same friends" when there's only one in common? What was she planning to do if I had replied "yes, it's me, I'm the same person"???

I realise this is probably more a "crazy person" thing than an ENFP thing, but I thought I'd add it, anyway, cos it is a sort of extreme version of behaviour patterns I have noted in other ENFP's, to a less extreme degree

 

[enfp1091]

One ENFP I knew who was incredibly needy, and who ditched me very unequivocally as a friend ("fuck off, I never want anything to do with you again!" were her words) several months ago, because I found myself unable to share all my inmost thoughts with her after having known her for a whole six weeks, used to use Facebook to gain leverage/presence in my life. After she ditched me (at which I was, frankly, relieved), she blocked me from her Facebook, and not long afterwards I deleted my account for totally separate reasons (family plots and feuds, just had enough of them).

Just last night I created a brand new account, using my middle name and putting all my profile in French. I began to add some of my friends from the previous account. I had one friend in common with her, and by this morning I got an FB message from her saying "I just wondered if you knew this person, it seems a bit of a coincidence that you have the same surname and write in French, and he knew French, and you have all the same friends as me".

Now, why would she do that? Doesn't that seem crazy/neurotic/stalky? Why would she care to check up when she'd declared herself that she wanted no more dealings with me? Why would she say "all the same friends" when there's only one in common? What was she planning to do if I had replied "yes, it's me, I'm the same person"???

I realise this is probably more a "crazy person" thing than an ENFP thing, but I thought I'd add it, anyway, cos it is a sort of extreme version of behaviour patterns I have noted in other ENFP's, to a less extreme degree

Well, I'm a male ENFP and maybe she wants to to be there always for her. I don't mean it like a slave it's more like a true friend. She wants support and she wants to get to know you very well. Maybe she noticed that you were indifferent to her or maybe you said something that made her mad. If she talked to you, it most be that she is just curious or she actually wants to be friends again with you.

 

[tcda]

I get onw ell with ENFP's. My only criticism is I often find them quite obnoxious and in-your face, demanding one minute, then compeltely cold-shoulder you the next as soon as they get bored. :s

 

[Spamtar]

I tend to love ENTPs in general. Only thing is sometime they can sapp my energy. Sometimes they invade my space...but they tend to be very intuitive and eventually make the appropriate adjustments without me having to tell them.

 

[Yaxblud]

ENFPs really know how to make people feel good. And so everybody loves them. But most fail to realize that this doesn't really say anything about how they feel about you personally. It's just their default way of being.

Ha, I just said this on another thread, and it's so true IMO.

A lot of the less-positive aspects of ENFPs that people mentioned are traits that I had at some point in my life, but dealt with or grew out of. I think a lot of the behaviors people are describing just boil down to immaturity.

But I still struggle with the issue highlighted above. I don't know how to be around people without being warm, and supportive, and fun. But that doesn't mean I want to be everyone's entertainment all the time, and it doesn't mean I'm actually everyone's best friend.

The problem is, no matter what you do as an ENFP, people will always place the blame on you if they aren't getting what they want from you, because to them your behavior seems inconsistent, even though it really isn't, internally. Basically, a lot of people think that you "owe" them something, even if you are very careful not to make any commitments. People infer commitment just because you're nice to them and they feel comfortable opening up around you. However, these same people rarely feel that they owe you space or understanding- you should just be happy that they want to hang out with you and be your friend!

So, for example, I have multiple groups of friends who think I'm flaky because I won't agree to hang out with them every weekend. What they can't see is that I have TONS of people asking me to do things, all of whom think that I'm closer to them than anyone else, not because I've ever said so, but because, to them, I MUST be- we all have so much fun whenever we hang out, right? So I'll get invited to 2 or 3 things by one group that I can't make, which pisses them off, then go to the 4th thing, which makes them think we're besties again, then not go to the 5th, and suddenly I'm the asshole all over again.

It's kind of a catch-22. Your options as an ENFP are either to be less fun to hang out with, or to stretch yourself really thin trying to meet everyone else's needs from you. People rarely take the time to understand your true intentions, but they constantly want you to conform to their expectations of you. It is exhausting and frustrating.

I can't speak for all ENFPs, but what I wish people in my life would understand about me is that I will only- and always- be with them when I want to be. This may seem flaky to some, but to me it seems like a fundamental component of being honest in relationships. Why would you want me to hang out with you when I'd rather do something else? I certainly don't expect that of anyone else. And just because I want to do something else doesn't mean I don't like you any more- I think that's the thing a lot of people don't get.

Of course I'll be there for people when they really need me. But you can't "need" me every other day and expect me to drop everything to prop you up and show you a good time- I have my own things to worry about, and I can only have that type of commitment with a couple people at most at a time. I know the party is more fun when I'm around, but that doesn't mean I owe it to you to be around.

Man, that does sound ruthless when I look at it haha. It seems weird to complain that people like you too much. But when that affection turns into demands or judgment, especially with people you've only known for a short while, then it really can become a problem, even though it springs from a great place.

The upshot of this is that recognizing this problem has made me MUCH better able to deal with my own ENFP neediness, which is basically gone now. So I got that going for me...

 

[jenocyde]

So, for example, I have multiple groups of friends who think I'm flaky because I won't agree to hang out with them every weekend. What they can't see is that I have TONS of people asking me to do things, all of whom think that I'm closer to them than anyone else, not because I've ever said so, but because, to them, I MUST be- we all have so much fun whenever we hang out, right? So I'll get invited to 2 or 3 things by one group that I can't make, which pisses them off, then go to the 4th thing, which makes them think we're besties again, then not go to the 5th, and suddenly I'm the asshole all over again.

I think all ExxPs go through this. People don't think I'm a flake (anymore) because I stopped saying yes to things that I can't possibly attend. Sometimes, having the best of intentions isn't good enough - just be realistic. People tend to call you a flake if you keep saying you'll show up but never do. If they are calling you an asshole for some other reason, maybe it's time to find new friends.

 

[Yaxblud]

I think all ExxPs go through this. People don't think I'm a flake (anymore) because I stopped saying yes to things that I can't possibly attend. Sometimes, having the best of intentions isn't good enough - just be realistic. People tend to call you a flake if you keep saying you'll show up but never do. If they are calling you an asshole for some other reason, maybe it's time to find new friends.

Yeah, this is good advice, and that's pretty much the tack I've been taking lately. The toughest part is when you actually do think you want to do something, but still really don't want to be held to any commitments.

But I'm getting better about respecting that some people don't like flying by the seat of their pants quite as much as I tend to, as well as appreciating the utility of planning things out in advance. I just need to get over feeling that firm social commitments are a threat to my freedom and self-determination haha...