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[MBTI General] Getting feely but it is okay cause I'll be in bed soon, so it doesn't matter.

T

ThatGirl

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NTs

Have you ever gotten a tad bit self conscious because you didn't know the proper emotional response in a situation, yet the emo just kept coming?
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
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15,908
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INTJ
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8w9
Anytime there is a lot of emotion involved, I feel somewhat self-conscious. Should I hug them? Should I just touch their hand or something? Should I just ignore it? Yeah yeah ignore it. Should I help them solve their problem (cause of the emotion)? What if there isn't a solution? Should I just default back to the hug? Ugh no and that doesn't feel very productive. Oh why can't I be an ENFJ who always always always knows what to say and do in these situations?! :doh:
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
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7w8
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sx/so
It sounds like NTs have a similar lack of emotional connectivty as STPs .

I'm "emotionally handicapped." I have very little ability to let my emotions take the lead in decision making.

In a situation like you described, your emotions were compelling you to engage with some type of emoptional support/empathy, but you couldn't decide (thinking overpowering things again...) so you did not know how to respond effectively.

I've had that happen a number of times. In my case it was whether or not my wife and I could reconcile our differendces, or should we get divorced. I tried to puth taht decision into a spreadsheet. :doh:

It nearly crippled me with depression for months until I figured out how to let my feelings make the decision, instead of trying to bypass using them and allow my thinking skills to do so. Some decisions are "feelings based." You can't make them by "thinking" about them. This was really weird for me to comprehend...

We stayed together, BTW. We're part of the 50% of couples that were in marriage counseling that made it. Thank God! Now things are great, better than ever before. I'm very thankful for that.

Learn to use your retarded functions; it will help you! :yes:
 

ceecee

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I've had that happen a number of times. In my case it was whether or not my wife and I could reconcile our differendces, or should we get divorced. I tried to puth taht decision into a spreadsheet. :doh:


:wubbie:


I know...I know.
 

Snuggletron

Reptilian
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Sep 25, 2009
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2,224
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INFP
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10
wouldn't this have to do with a lack of developed Fe, rather than just being a T? There are some warm Ts out there. But I think it's because they put skill points into Fe. Just saying because I do what ceecee does too.
 

avolkiteshvara

New member
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Apr 27, 2009
Messages
893
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YaYa
Some decisions are "feelings based." You can't make them by "thinking" about them. This was really weird for me to comprehend...

This is a concept hard to explain to a T. Even harder to an NT.

Didn't know how to do this until a shrink showed me how. I still suck at it.
 

INTP

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Some decisions are "feelings based." You can't make them by "thinking" about them. This was really weird for me to comprehend...

personally i dont make decisions by the feeling. Feeling just guides my thinking and thinking makes the decision. I act on the feeling is thinking says its the smart thing to do. Even if i end up going with the feeling purely and discard the thinking, i think first if i want to do that.
 

Mad Hatter

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personally i dont make decisions by the feeling. Feeling just guides my thinking and thinking makes the decision. I act on the feeling is thinking says its the smart thing to do. Even if i end up going with the feeling purely and discard the thinking, i think first if i want to do that.

Seems plausible.
I wouldn't want to separate "Feeling" and "Thinking" too strongly anyway. Both of them are a cognitive process; only the processing is done differently. F is maybe a bit more simultaneous (and sometimes really scrambled), while T is probably more sequential and much more conscious.
That said, it's often the "F" that actually gets me thinking. If something just doesn't feel right, I try to think it over very carefully to find out where to problem is. I often take a lot of time to explain to myself why I did or didn't make a certain decision. Both of them are essential - I'd like to have as much input as possible.
Referring to the thread's premise: I really need to have my problems resolved to some degree before I go to bed. If I haven't, I'll be thinking over them during the whole night (and that's not very pleasant, tbh).
 

TheLazyAnarchist

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Nov 9, 2009
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ENTP
These moments might be the bane of my existence :D - But through experience, it's always more beneficial to more or less "conform" to the current situation.

For example: A few months ago, at a party, some major BS drama had went down when a boyfriend of 1 and a half years cheated on the girlfriend. We didn't know too many people at the party, but I was decent friends with her. So of course she ended up on my shoulder blasting me with the "emo"/me feeling like a sensotard. Initially I was for a loss at what to do, but then it occurred to me. Using my intuitive nature, I realized that If I continued to act like a sensotard, she would either think that I was a cold asshole/didn't care about her feelings, or my good friend would just feel worse.

Use your Intuition to assess a few possible outcomes, use your judging nature to pick the one best suited for either your or his/her gain, and proceed using logic to plan out the best route for engagement (mine was arm around shoulder/patting the back/telling her to remember the good times, but to be aware that there are always better people out there). The result, was a better relationship, and a night spent, alone, in my dorm ;). In summary: Do your best to conform, despite if it goes against all other gut feelings, because in the end you might get something out of it, instead of appearing to being socially akward or just pure cold. Hope that helps
 

Bowie

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Oct 18, 2009
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ENTP
My friends have learned to come to me for advice and not sympathy/empathy. I'm awful at comforting someone. I have a really good habit of making things worse when I'm just trying to make them feel better.

For instance - I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding recently, and she was nervous about tripping and falling...I didn't know how to make her feel better, so I tried to be funny and say, "Yeah! And they'd ALL be looking at you!" Needless to say, that didn't work too well.

I try to keep my mouth shut, let them rant/cry, and tell them if they need something, to let me know and I'll help in anyway I can. Other than that, I'm just not much help.
 

Halla74

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My friends have learned to come to me for advice and not sympathy/empathy. I'm awful at comforting someone. I have a really good habit of making things worse when I'm just trying to make them feel better.

For instance - I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding recently, and she was nervous about tripping and falling...I didn't know how to make her feel better, so I tried to be funny and say, "Yeah! And they'd ALL be looking at you!" Needless to say, that didn't work too well.

I try to keep my mouth shut, let them rant/cry, and tell them if they need something, to let me know and I'll help in anyway I can. Other than that, I'm just not much help.

Oh, this has happened to me too. Ooops. :huh:

Just as bad, someone comes to you for help, you listen, ID the problem, formulate a solution to their problem, then tell them how to fix it, and suddenly:

THEY ARE MAD AT YOU! :ranting:

I always say :wtf:"You asked me for advice on how to solve your problem, I did it, and now you're mad at me. Why?"

THE ANSWER:

"Damn it, I just wanted you to listen!" :shocking:

It's hell being a thinker sometimes..but I love it. :devil:
 

93JC

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Dec 17, 2008
Messages
3,989
NTs

Have you ever gotten a tad bit self conscious because you didn't know the proper emotional response in a situation, yet the emo just kept coming?

Yes.

It eventually comes to a breaking point where I either completely withdraw, or lose my senses and have the emo inappropriately pour out.
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
Yes.

It eventually comes to a breaking point where I either completely withdraw, or lose my senses and have the emo inappropriately pour out.

Excellent responses, this one in particular.

That was exactly the problem. But it was more like in situations where I want to show appropriate emotion, but I didn't know how. So I would think things like, what would other people do in this situation, or what is the appropriate response, but it always feels off. I either get frusterated and withdrawl or end up overly zealous.

Today though I realized something really fucking cool. Lol, that makws you more akward than just owning your shit and taking chances.
 

Bamboo

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My friends have learned to come to me for advice and not sympathy/empathy. I'm awful at comforting someone. I have a really good habit of making things worse when I'm just trying to make them feel better.

For instance - I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding recently, and she was nervous about tripping and falling...I didn't know how to make her feel better, so I tried to be funny and say, "Yeah! And they'd ALL be looking at you!" Needless to say, that didn't work too well.

I try to keep my mouth shut, let them rant/cry, and tell them if they need something, to let me know and I'll help in anyway I can. Other than that, I'm just not much help.

For what it's worth, I laughed really hard at this.
 

Thalassa

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For what it's worth, I laughed really hard at this.

It actually sounds like something that one of my best friends from high school would say. But she'd say it in such a manner that it would be comforting, so it would be appropriately hilarious.

I'm pretty sure she's an ENFx though...
 

Edgar

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I've noticed that sometimes even when an answer is supported by facts and reason, yet still doesn't feel right, it is best to listen to one's heart.

For someone who tests at or close to 100% on T, it took me a some regrettable decisions to figure that out. But hey, better late than never.
 

93JC

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Messages
3,989
Today though I realized something really fucking cool. Lol, that makws you more akward than just owning your shit and taking chances.

Agreed. Having no visible response or an overly zealous response end up much more awkward than your initial 'gut' response, and neither accurately reflect your feelings.
 

ceecee

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Oh, this has happened to me too. Ooops. :huh:

Just as bad, someone comes to you for help, you listen, ID the problem, formulate a solution to their problem, then tell them how to fix it, and suddenly:

THEY ARE MAD AT YOU! :ranting:

I always say :wtf:"You asked me for advice on how to solve your problem, I did it, and now you're mad at me. Why?"

THE ANSWER:

"Damn it, I just wanted you to listen!" :shocking:

It's hell being a thinker sometimes..but I love it. :devil:


and you're left standing there looking like this :huh: <----me

If you wanted an hug/ear/shoulder why didn't you ASK ME FOR ONE??? I'm not a mindreader you goddamn assclown!! I might suck at it but I can try!

No that this has ever happened to me before or anything.
 

Andy

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Nov 16, 2009
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I can think of one situation in particular that suits this thread. I was out looking for a new room to stay in, and had arranged to meet the land lord. However, he was late, so I was met at the door my one of the tenants. She had a bandage around one leg, so to make conversation while we waited, I asked her how she had hurt herself. This was my mistake, because she hadn't been injured, but was rather dying of m.s, and only had a very limited number of years left to live.

This social gaff rapidly caused the conversation to go down hill as she was overcome by emotion and collapsed into a sobbing heep. I wonder if there are any Fi/Fe types out there who know what to say inorder to recover such a situation? Certainly I didn't have the faintest clue.

P.s. I tuck the room.
 
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