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[ENTJ] The compassionate ENTJ

Silencio

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2009
Messages
80
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Do any other ENTJ's out there have a strong knack for helping people with troubles they may be having in their life (socially,romantically and career wise)? It may seem strange but a lot of people come to me for advice and mention that i'm the only one who can give them useful insights. I usually don't mind at all lending my time to help them either. It might just be the way my letters come together ( E-55% N-100% T-75% J-55%) but I enjoy the complexities of lifes troubles and trying to work through them (MUCH more than small talk). A lot of the time i'l end up ignoring the same person I gave advice to if they only want small talk (''how was your day?, how's that new job?'' etc) because that bores the hell out of me and I feel trapped in a conversation I don't want to be having. <--- this can sometimes be very off-putting to people who think I must be incredibly interested in them because I'm willing to help them through deeper issues. I havn't read much (if anything) about any NT enjoying these types of things. Do any of you (NT's) tend to be the one people confide in and rely on for insight? Also, I KNOW i'm ENTJ but this is one of the few things that seem very inconsistant.

Note: I'm not just helping for the 'thrill of accomplishing'', I do genuinely care.
 

Mad Hatter

Head Pigeon
Joined
Nov 3, 2009
Messages
1,087
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
-1w
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I made one of my closest friends take a MBTI test recently, and he scored as "ENTJ", which I think is quite appropriate. Of course he's successful and quite sociable (and he can't stand to lose, hehe), but he's usually the first (male) person I get into contact with whenever I have some personal problem. He likes small talk, but he also likes, "big talk", if you will.
Needless to say he can be a greedy, opinionated, cold-blooded bastard, so calm down fellow ENFJs, he's one of you after all. But only in public ;)
 

capricorn009

New member
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Messages
104
Yeah, because I grew up around a few adults that tried to fight all my battles for the sense of accomplishment by trying to convince me that I was weak, an outsider, or stupid. I know what it's like to have all your efforts walked all over and to have your bubble burst. Before that point, I was probably an esfp. So, I try to help people learn to stand on their own two feet or use their own voice. I have a lot of 'friends' and acquaintances, but because of that, I 'need' very few people. And I don't want some people to end up having to feel that way.
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
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8w9
It's truly one of my favorite things to help people with problems.

Thats what we are, problem solvers.
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
Guilty

Not so much anymore though as I have too much shit to do than be there for others. Also I do weigh the value of my advice. For instance if someone is just complaining or looking to validate their current state, I don't waste my time. If someone is genuinely stuck I like contingency planning with them. I enjoy that period.

The only time I actually care about it is if one is motivated, at a loss for solution, and generally didn't earn their current state. Example, if you want to bitch to me about your speeding ticket, I don't want to hear how much it sucks. If you have a legit concern, done everything you can to fix it and still can't, and it is beyond your control, I'll offer my advice.

My only other rule is, I will not offer my advice twice on the same problem unless circumstances beyond control changed.
 

Frank

New member
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
689
Guilty

Not so much anymore though as I have too much shit to do than be there for others. Also I do weigh the value of my advice. For instance if someone is just complaining or looking to validate their current state, I don't waste my time. If someone is genuinely stuck I like contingency planning with them. I enjoy that period.

The only time I actually care about it is if one is motivated, at a loss for solution, and generally didn't earn their current state. Example, if you want to bitch to me about your speeding ticket, I don't want to hear how much it sucks. If you have a legit concern, done everything you can to fix it and still can't, and it is beyond your control, I'll offer my advice.

My only other rule is, I will not offer my advice twice on the same problem unless circumstances beyond control changed.


Well said. I especially liked the bolded portion as a good general rule to follow. I could have saved myself alot of b.s. in the past if I had followed that rule.
 

phinny5608

New member
Joined
Aug 21, 2009
Messages
39
MBTI Type
INFP
My ENTJ best friend is my main confidante. He's not really tender-hearted or anything, but he genuinely cares. His advice tends to be very coherently put together, often involving a sequence of concrete actions I should take to better my situation. And he silently expects me to follow through because, as an NT, he generally knows what he's talking about. If I don't and things don't turn out well, his silent disapproval at my not listening to him is also very well understood. I don't always dig his inter-personal advice, but his life and career choice advice is usually terrific.
 

JustHer

Pumpernickel
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
1,954
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Well what specifically about ENTJs would make them NOT want to help people, compared to other types??
 

Silencio

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2009
Messages
80
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Guilty

Not so much anymore though as I have too much shit to do than be there for others. Also I do weigh the value of my advice. For instance if someone is just complaining or looking to validate their current state, I don't waste my time. If someone is genuinely stuck I like contingency planning with them. I enjoy that period.

The only time I actually care about it is if one is motivated, at a loss for solution, and generally didn't earn their current state. Example, if you want to bitch to me about your speeding ticket, I don't want to hear how much it sucks. If you have a legit concern, done everything you can to fix it and still can't, and it is beyond your control, I'll offer my advice.

My only other rule is, I will not offer my advice twice on the same problem unless circumstances beyond control changed.

Yeah I follow this rule too. It gets really annoying when people come to you for advice and then it becomes evident that they were just looking for someone to vent their problems on, rather than seeking advice.
 

Silencio

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Sep 27, 2009
Messages
80
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ENTJ
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8w7
Well what specifically about ENTJs would make them NOT want to help people, compared to other types??

Some people might say that a weak Fi (or any feeling preference) would mean a lack of compassion and time for people with problems, especially because we're seen as 'busy people'.
 

phinny5608

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Aug 21, 2009
Messages
39
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INFP
Let's not forget how ENTJ's love presenting themselves as evil insensitive jerks. Mostly in jest, I think, because I bet their actions speak differently (as is the case with my best friend).
 

Silencio

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ENTJ
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8w7
This is not a joke thread, is it? :huh:

This thread is made to expose the misconceptions people have of an ENTJ:pornstar: Well... not necessarily, I was just trying to see if any other ENTJ's possess similar qualities.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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This thread is made to expose the misconceptions people have of an ENTJ:pornstar: Well... not necessarily, I was just trying to see if any other ENTJ's possess similar qualities.

My problem has often been that I care too much.
 

Vanitas

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May 7, 2009
Messages
46
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3w2
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
My problem has often been that I care too much.

Agree. Although might not look like it.

Can't stand whiners whose whining not proportional with the problem though, or thinking that their angst allows them to be insufferable.
 

Silencio

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Sep 27, 2009
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ENTJ
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8w7
Agree. Although might not look like it.

Can't stand whiners whose whining not proportional with the problem though, or thinking that their angst allows them to be insufferable.

Agreed. This is very common and intolerable.
ENTJ's are INFJ at heart :blush:
 

Sizzling Berry

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Apr 5, 2009
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185
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INFP
Old thread - but I was pondering it lately.

ENTJs are great problem-solvers and can give really spot on advice. On the other hand when you need somebody just to listen to you they can become really confused and are not sure what you require from them.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
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6w5
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sp/sx
I can see how this could work.

I am curious - would you guys say that ESTJs are or can be quite similar to you in this regard, or not so much, and what are the differences? I've had a couple of experiences with ESTJs where they simultaneously seemed extremely willing to help, and they wanted to be, but at least in one case there was kind of an obliviousness to the feelings of the person they wanted to help, too. An interesting combination (and ultimately frustrating).
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Old thread - but I was pondering it lately.

ENTJs are great problem-solvers and can give really spot on advice. On the other hand when you need somebody just to listen to you they can become really confused and are not sure what you require from them.

I can see how this could work.

I am curious - would you guys say that ESTJs are or can be quite similar to you in this regard, or not so much, and what are the differences? I've had a couple of experiences with ESTJs where they simultaneously seemed extremely willing to help, and they wanted to be, but at least in one case there was kind of an obliviousness to the feelings of the person they wanted to help, too. An interesting combination (and ultimately frustrating).
ETJs are typically 8s or 3s, so there's usually a desire to integrate to 2 or it's a wing. You'll see the desire to help manifest rather materially though; they'll help through either actionable plans that solve your problem or they'll attempt to remove material constraints that are troubling you. Think Nucky Thompson in Boardwalk Empire.

The obliviousness to the feelings is part of the type. They won't immediately think the solution to your problem can be resolved through simply listening or by being sympathetic, so that's not what they think to supply.
 
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