[NT] Why are INTs so... NICE?

[Athenian200]

You know, it recently occurred to me that I've actually very rarely had an INTx say something rude or blunt to me. I mean, occasionally, yes, but not more often than Fs, who seem equally likely to lash out at me.

I tend to assume that they would be more willing to, but often they aren't.

What's more, it seems like while they aren't very overtly expressive, they tend to go out of their way to offer advice, information, explanations, or other kinds of help with something. Even in situations where I wouldn't have bothered or thought it wasn't really my responsibility.

In fact, much of their frustration with people seems to stem from their perception that people are "demanding too much" from them, when it's actually their own sense of obligation and helpfulness that makes them feel pressured to do all of these things.

Am I just imagining this, or am I onto something?

 

[VagrantFarce]

we're only humouring you, and only because it causes us less grief to act nice and play along (instead of just telling you to fuck off and leave us alone GAWD)

Strategy trumps feelings :hi:

 

[King sns]

we're only humouring you, and only because it causes us less grief to act nice and play along (instead of just telling you to fuck off and leave us alone GAWD)

Strategy trumps feelings :hi:

 

[Oaky]

It's because the majority of us think we are more intelligent than everyone else and would like to show it.

 

[Athenian200]

we're only humouring you, and only because it causes us less grief to act nice and play along (instead of just telling you to fuck off and leave us alone GAWD)

Strategy trumps feelings :hi:

Ah. Well, it doesn't matter if you really feel it or not, I appreciate your observing it. Sometimes, it's an act for me as well, depending on the situation.

Fi users might disagree, though...

It's because the majority of us think we are more intelligent than everyone else and would like to show it.

How does this facilitate showing it?

Come to think of it, if you're so sure you're more intelligent than everyone else, why do you care what stupid people think about your intelligence?

 

[Amargith]

Yup. Then again, I enjoy their bluntness.

 

[Saslou]

I had a friend .. well kind of .. It was just strange and he was the nice.
He would listen to what i had to say but rarely reply and if he did, it would be one word replies .. Confident, rarely swore and would basically get his head down at work and be in charge. On our cigarette breaks we would stand near me and again listen but rarely actually partaked in the conversation.

However on one work-do night out, we all crawled back to the pub and people starting drifting home so there was only 3 of us left. I was tipsy .. OK drunk and made my excuses to leave .. He turned round to me and said .. Don't leave, get a another drink you F**king slag .. I was so gobsmacked that 1, he had swore and 2, he was soooo rude. I just walked away.

He never apologised for that comment.

So yeah .. Thay can be very nice .. Maybe INT's, alcohol and me don't go well together.

 

[Totenkindly]

You shouldn't push us too far.

INTs usually just withdraw or avoid, it's best not to get entangled.
P's don't like to commit to anything either.
There's also a big picture sense at play, plus the natural detachment which reduces overtly emotion-driven behavior. And I know for me I see where people are coming from and try to make allowance for their way of thinking and why they might hold to a particular thought, out of fairness.

But if you catch someone in the wrong context, or you violate a core principle (such as continued ignorance or unwillingness to learn), you could catch a bullet between the eyes.

(At least afterward you can expect the situation to go right back to neutral, though.)

In fact, much of their frustration with people seems to stem from their perception that people are "demanding too much" from them, when it's actually their own sense of obligation and helpfulness that makes them feel pressured to do all of these things.

Conceptually, for INTP's, that an inferior Fe for you, coupled with a potentially weak personal ego. The ego is not tuned into what it desires (from a feelings perspective), it can only determine what it should 'rationally want'; hence, it can't stand up for itself in matters involving personal preference or desire; hence, when someone else requests something, the INTP has a lot of trouble saying 'no' outright, especially because saying 'no' might create bad will and later conflict that will impose on one's freedom even moreso. So it's easier to comply, but it's not done willingly.

I remember so many times not wanting to do what someone wanted but feeling like I had "no rational reason" to say no, so now I had no choice... but i was resentful over it because I tried very hard not to request anything from others and I felt like they were being unfair. It was easier just to stay away from people.

 

[Oaky]

How does this facilitate showing it?

Being nice
??????????
Show off intelligence

Twas just one conclusion of a possible many. Don't take it with too much seriousness.

Come to think of it, if you're so sure you're more intelligent than everyone else, why do you care what stupid people think about your intelligence?

Never said I was. Just saying it's what the majority of the ignorant INTs think. I'd think it is because these INTs have to live with 'stupid people'.

 

[93JC]

There's no good reason to be mean.

 

[Litvyak]

If I'd be rude to every single person I find stupid, incapable, annoying etc. I'd be swearing my head off. What's the point? Swapping a mosquito won't remove the swamp, I pretend to be nice instead. A little sarcasm now and then is usually enough.

(e)NFs have this "I'll change people's bad habits, YAY"-attitude, INTs don't.

 

[Soar337]

INTPs are rude inside their heads

 

[Gothmawg]

we're only humouring you, and only because it causes us less grief to act nice and play along (instead of just telling you to fuck off and leave us alone GAWD)

Strategy trumps feelings :hi:

Not sure if you were joking or not, and not specifically directed at you. Just my own experience with other NTs

...and honestly I wish you wouldn't. For mature NF, nothing annoys me more than someone humoring me, and I can usually tell. However, I can understand that ones not so developed may need that coddling

 

[JustHer]

You're including INTJs in this???

 

[Shimmy]

You know, it recently occurred to me that I've actually very rarely had an INTx say something rude or blunt to me. I mean, occasionally, yes, but not more often than Fs, who seem equally likely to lash out at me.

I tend to assume that they would be more willing to, but often they aren't.

What's more, it seems like while they aren't very overtly expressive, they tend to go out of their way to offer advice, information, explanations, or other kinds of help with something. Even in situations where I wouldn't have bothered or thought it wasn't really my responsibility.

In fact, much of their frustration with people seems to stem from their perception that people are "demanding too much" from them, when it's actually their own sense of obligation and helpfulness that makes them feel pressured to do all of these things.

Am I just imagining this, or am I onto something?

Part of it may be that introverts think before they say something, they are probably neutral rather then 'blunt' or 'nice'. And another part I think is that NT's place everything in context, including our and other's feelings. An NT who lashes out is probably more 'deliberately T-based' angry or nice, instead of 'genuinely F-based' angry or nice.

As for the helpfulness, I think helpfulness isn't really an INTX thing, I do like to have things clear for everybody though, and if anybody has any questions or problems I always prefer to see them being resolved, even the small things. Resolved situations are better then problems.
I think INTX's would love to help you improve on your work, but if you tell them your relationship problems they'll just stand there being utterly clueless, thinking what a silly person you are (and then off course realizing it would be rude to tell you you are being silly, and not tell you we are thinking that).

 

[Kra]

I will generally play nice/be polite/etc. because it's less of a hassle to get what I want that way.

On the other hand, I will often play devil's advocate for sport... so I guess it's a mixed bag.

 

[Totenkindly]

You're including INTJs in this???

I admit it was a stretch, but I tried to play along...

 

[TopherRed]

My best friend is an INTJ. He's also a complete asshole. I'm not saying that all INTJs are assholes rolli, but he definitely fits the criteria of committing to rude, obnoxious behavior toward others. Honestly, I wouldn't put up with his tearing apart of my character, except I find something extremely valuable in his assininity: self-awareness. He reflects me, though granted it's a distorted mirror, it's a view I am mostly blind to and almost never have on my own.

I just met my first INTP in the wild last week (I see her about once a week). I know she's thinking about saying something the INTJ would normally express, but she doesn't say it. Can't help thinking good for her. For my Fe, such corrections are better expressed when asked for.

 

[Athenian200]

You shouldn't push us too far.

Ooh, I'm so scared. Not!

INTs usually just withdraw or avoid, it's best not to get entangled.
P's don't like to commit to anything either.
There's also a big picture sense at play, plus the natural detachment which reduces overtly emotion-driven behavior. And I know for me I see where people are coming from and try to make allowance for their way of thinking and why they might hold to a particular thought, out of fairness.

Well, that makes sense.

But if you catch someone in the wrong context, or you violate a core principle (such as continued ignorance or unwillingness to learn), you could catch a bullet between the eyes.

Remind me never to get anywhere near an INTx with a gun... hehe.

Hmm... maybe they're nice to me because they fear my wrath? LOL.

Conceptually, for INTP's, that an inferior Fe for you, coupled with a potentially weak personal ego. The ego is not tuned into what it desires (from a feelings perspective), it can only determine what it should 'rationally want'; hence, it can't stand up for itself in matters involving personal preference or desire; hence, when someone else requests something, the INTP has a lot of trouble saying 'no' outright, especially because saying 'no' might create bad will and later conflict that will impose on one's freedom even moreso. So it's easier to comply, but it's not done willingly.

I remember so many times not wanting to do what someone wanted but feeling like I had "no rational reason" to say no, so now I had no choice... but i was resentful over it because I tried very hard not to request anything from others and I felt like they were being unfair. It was easier just to stay away from people.

Aww. Yeah, that can suck. I haven't felt exactly like that, but there have been more than a few times I did something I didn't want to do or didn't feel was reasonable because I didn't want to disappoint someone. Fe can do that. Especially if you have lousy Fi to boot.

Never said I was. Just saying it's what the majority of the ignorant INTs think. I'd think it is because these INTs have to live with 'stupid people'.

Oh, I see. I've seen those kind. I guess living with stupid people can drive them nuts. Makes sense, though.

Part of it may be that introverts think before they say something, they are probably neutral rather then 'blunt' or 'nice'. And another part I think is that NT's place everything in context, including our and other's feelings. An NT who lashes out is probably more 'deliberately T-based' angry or nice, instead of 'genuinely F-based' angry or nice.

As for the helpfulness, I think helpfulness isn't really an INTX thing, I do like to have things clear for everybody though, and if anybody has any questions or problems I always prefer to see them being resolved, even the small things. Resolved situations are better then problems.
I think INTX's would love to help you improve on your work, but if you tell them your relationship problems they'll just stand there being utterly clueless, thinking what a silly person you are (and then off course realizing it would be rude to tell you you are being silly, and not tell you we are thinking that).

Ah, yes. And I'm less effusive myself as an Introvert, so I probably don't notice that it's more neutral than nice.

Well, I suppose that's helpfulness if the problem you're resolving doesn't actually benefit you, though I guess the motivation is different.

Tell an INTx about my relationship problems? Ahaha. That would be like telling a priest about my computer problems. Don't worry, I usually elect to resolve those on my own anyway.

 

[entropie]

One shouldnt forget tho that rudeness can have different faces