[NT] Why are INTs so... NICE?

[Totenkindly]

If you are mean, you burn bridges, which limits possibilities?

This would bother INTJs, who see the big picture and plan a great deal (strategy).

This would bother INTPs, who avoid closure, and prefer to keep possibilities open?

Just an idea I'm throwing out there; I could be way off base.

No, I think that plays into it. (And INTx's all strategize, just in slightly different ways.)

Being mean throws additional random perturbances into the system -- you are adding uncontrollable factors into the mix (i.e., pissed-up people sometimes do unexpected things, or at least do SOMETHING... and you want to LESSEN the complexity, not increase it, if you want to predict and control/stabilize the environment).

Only if pissing someone off will lead to a fairly predictable reaction that plays right into your long-range strategy is it really worth doing.

 

[Spamtar]

also tit for tat pissing people off (dishing out what is dished out to you or peremptory dishing out/calibrating) is OK as long as not done to a neurotic wackjob hell bent on revenge on the smallest slight; often works fine as an unenvious strategy play. Like two pawns facing each other, unable to move on a chessboard.

 

[Totenkindly]

also tit for tat pissing people off (dishing out what is dished out to you or peremptory dishing out/calibrating) is OK as long as not done to a neurotic wackjob hell bent on revenge on the smallest slight; often works fine as an unenvious strategy play. Like two pawns facing each other, unable to move on a chessboard.

Life is just one big game of Hearts where I'm trying to shoot the moon, so I'm either trying to goad people into acting (as planned) when they shouldn't, or else doing nothing and thus still act predictably and not intervene in time to save themselves.

Of course, if I am not shooting the moon, I'm just trying to slough off hearts as much as possible... on different people... and otherwise stay out of their way so I don't get a Queen dumped on me.

It's all about strategy.

 

[Helios]

You know, it recently occurred to me that I've actually very rarely had an INTx say something rude or blunt to me. I mean, occasionally, yes, but not more often than Fs, who seem equally likely to lash out at me.

I tend to assume that they would be more willing to, but often they aren't.

What's more, it seems like while they aren't very overtly expressive, they tend to go out of their way to offer advice, information, explanations, or other kinds of help with something. Even in situations where I wouldn't have bothered or thought it wasn't really my responsibility.

In fact, much of their frustration with people seems to stem from their perception that people are "demanding too much" from them, when it's actually their own sense of obligation and helpfulness that makes them feel pressured to do all of these things.

Am I just imagining this, or am I onto something?

I think much of this "niceness" may be ostensible only. I come across very politely and even gently in my conversations with people, yet, as I have informed an ENFJ friend of mine, I am almost indifferent to whether the person with whom I have just spoken gets run over by a car five minutes after I've finished talking to them.

 

[Jwill]

I think being nice just became a habit for me. Many people have mentioned that it's easier to get what you want to just be nice. That's true for me to a degree as well.

HOWEVER, the main reason I try to be nice is because most people are often offended or intimidated by my natural INTJ-ness. I'm quiet, rational, and decisive. That worries a lot of teachers in elementary school. A few years ago, this girl from my 11-year-old soccer team admitted to me that she was "always afraid of me" because I was so intense. And I never did anything remotely mean to her, either. I thought we were kinda friends. So yeah, I think sometimes I'm trying to live down the bad social vibes I put off.

That's not to say that I'm always nice. Sometimes I intentionally put off the nice act and and wear the "neutral" face that most people perceive as a glaring frown (like when I'm in a really bad mood or a salesperson is pestering me at the shoe store). My intimidating aura can come in quite handy sometimes.

 

[istpunk]

they can be rude or crass, please stop generalizing.

 

[Unique]

I consider myself a nice person I guess, I don't go out of my way to do anything nasty

As for why, its just easier that way, less hassle then telling everyone exactly what you think of them, besides we can't fix everyones flaws, we have to live our own life

 

[PoprocksAndCoke]

I think it's sort of one difference between ENTP and ENTJ and INTP and INTJ coming in to play - a lot of INTs aren't social people and figure with their logic that just being polite won't result in a long, drawn-out conversation. Plus they mull over ideas in their heads for the most part, and like to keep what they're really thinking to themselves. Just a theory. The ENTPs I've known are a lot more rude than the INTPs I've known. I love rudeness/bluntness, by the way

 

[ajblaise]

INTs are the most drama-averting of all the types. I think a certain surface level politeness and niceness is just the common method used to ensure smooth riding.

 

[ceecee]

INTs are the most drama-averting of all the types. I think a certain surface level politeness and niceness is just the common method used to ensure smooth riding.

I hate..HATE drama and want no part of it so I will do what's needed to avoid it. That means being nice/picking my battles/letting some things slide. Sometimes I just care less about asserting my views on things and so often...I just don't have any feelings on whatever topic. That's apparantly difficult for some to believe so niceness saves me from explaining till my head is ready to explode.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Drama is so obstructive, and often if not always without sufficient reason.

 

[Contemptus]

I'm nice because it is in my interests...