[INTJ] Hate an INTJ? Tell us why!

[Biaxident]

I think everyone needs a hug.

 

[Dailtone]

I think everyone needs a hug.

Sure, but with those big arms I think I need to have my oxygen tank on standby for recovery

 

[Biaxident]

I promise to be gentle.

 

[weakshadeofblue]

They like to be blunt and critical, but they can't take it. They need sympathy and understanding, but they can't give it. They're like babies. Very practical, organized, serious-minded, calculating babies.

Actually, most of em can and will do those things just fine, but you have to 'earn' it with them or they just pretty much dismiss you or consider you not worth the effort automatically

That's one of the things that scares me about them. I feel like I'm handling nitroglycerin. That's one of the reasons I'd rather leave them to NFPs who actually know how to take care of their Fi as well as the rest of them, but so few of them do!

The scary thing about being an INFJ, though, is that I don't actually have to see you do those things to know you're sensitive. I can just see it in you. You really have no idea how overwhelming it can be to suddenly be aware of an INTJs sensitivity... oh, wait... never mind. The thing about INFJs, we may not be overwhelmed by our own feelings, but we sure are aware of other people's feelings if they get intense. That's what overwhelms us. YOUR feelings, not our own. But at least with INTJs, the feelings aren't so raw and incompatible with our basic worldview and outlook like it would be with some other types.

Anyway, I'd never accuse an INTJ of being unfeeling. I might think they're a little rude, blunt, maybe embarrassing, but that's the worst I might think. And that would be based on their public behavior, not their private behavior.

This pretty much sums up a lot of my experiences with my INTJ best friend.
- She would take constructive criticism from me because I've EARNED her trust.
- ...but like Athenian200... I'm too afraid to give it (I wonder if lots of INFJs feel this way in relationships with INTJs?)

- If someone she doesn't respect or trust doles out criticism, you can be prepared for a BLUNT, SARCASTIC, "I could care less what you think" response. Which is probably deserved.

Athenian - I have experienced the nitroglycerin explosion before. It was HORRIBLE. It was when I was getting married and I think she felt insecure like she would lose me (she's always been pretty possessive of me, as I'm her only friend that she's kept throughout life - others were college-only or church-only, etc.). I honestly didn't do anything. But she perceived I did, and... :steam:

**looks for a nuclear explosion emoticon**
Nope, there's not one.

Anyway, I was like: :horor:

But we've remained close friends through that horrific experience (I guess because she perceived my friendship as worth the effort of working through it - other people she would've left immediately). Now I'm just extra EXTRA careful and pretty much walk on eggshells.

But to be positive (because there's been a lot of negativity on this thread from what I've seen): she is the most loyal friend I have, VERY trustworthy, very honest (which is helpful and hurtful at times), very rational and we think the same in a lot of ways (I can be incredibly sarcastic and pretty much use words as a knife, but I don't say it TO the person, ). She is also very caring and very thoughtful - she makes sure the people she loves know that she loves them and communicates it in ways that are best for them.

 

[weakshadeofblue]

Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.
-Sun Tzu

Whoa, great quote. I should remember that and use it .
You've read the "Art of War," then?

 

[WoodsWoman]

I'm sure he has.

for everyone...

 

[Amargith]

You know, this might be the real problem. It's not so much that the NFPs suck us dry as cause us to close off even more. You're USED to having feelings that leak out all over the place. When we show you the tiniest bit of the goofiness and compassion inside, and you reject us, it only makes us more determined to be closed off.

I go to movies alone so I can cry in peace without worrying about my mascara; they're cathartic for me. If you see me cry, or help an old lady with her groceries, or pick up a baby bird and take it to the vet, or do handsprings, you're seeing something that no one else sees.

If we show you that, and you reject us for being too unfeeling, it is confusing and painful. It feels like I'm tearing off a scab to show you those feelings.

Hehe, I actually am endeared when I see an INTJ do that. I'll even tease them about it, but I'll never reject them for it. On the other hand, I have a female INTJ friend as well and yes, she' gets a lot of flak about her behavior because she tends to Te or either try desperately to use Fe and fuck it up. It also makes it look not genuine, making other suspicious as to why you are in fact being feely when you usually are not...do you want something?

I think it might be that female T-problem thing again...

 

[nonsequitur]

The scary thing about being an INFJ, though, is that I don't actually have to see you do those things to know you're sensitive. I can just see it in you. You really have no idea how overwhelming it can be to suddenly be aware of an INTJs sensitivity... oh, wait... never mind. The thing about INFJs, we may not be overwhelmed by our own feelings, but we sure are aware of other people's feelings if they get intense. That's what overwhelms us. YOUR feelings, not our own. But at least with INTJs, the feelings aren't so raw and incompatible with our basic worldview and outlook like it would be with some other types.

You know, it's too bad we can't just split the INTJs brain from the INTJs heart. That way, I could keep their Ni and Te and share ideas with them and get practical advice, while the INFP could keep the Fi and Se and have them raw and real. We'd both get the parts we liked best.

... and you have no idea how scary it is to an INTJ to have someone just "see" their sensitivity. It feels like you're completely transparent and open to exploitation. That is why I really like INFJs, but don't trust myself around them, and don't emote much around them. They seem to like me a lot better when I hide my Fi-intensity and am aloof, too. So I withhold personal feelings that I might share with a less sensitive type. Splitting the head from the heart isn't necessary if said INTJ knows what the situation/people dynamics calls for.

 

[Athenian200]

... and you have no idea how scary it is to an INTJ to have someone just "see" their sensitivity. It feels like you're completely transparent and open to exploitation. That is why I really like INFJs, but don't trust myself around them, and don't emote much around them. They seem to like me a lot better when I hide my Fi-intensity and am aloof, too. So I withhold personal feelings that I might share with a less sensitive type. Splitting the head from the heart isn't necessary if said INTJ knows what the situation/people dynamics calls for.

Well, technically speaking, a person doesn't have to see your sensitivity for you to be open to exploitation. A person could make do with any strategic weakness. You're always at risk of exploitation around other people...

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

What's really creepy, is that this was my favorite song when I was younger... I didn't realize how negative it was until later.

Anyway, it's also possible that the person would pity you and choose NOT to exploit you because of your sensitivity, though.

 

[MonkeyGrass]

Because the damaged ones can be inflexible, volatile bastards.

 

[Amargith]

... and you have no idea how scary it is to an INTJ to have someone just "see" their sensitivity. It feels like you're completely transparent and open to exploitation. That is why I really like INFJs, but don't trust myself around them, and don't emote much around them. They seem to like me a lot better when I hide my Fi-intensity and am aloof, too. So I withhold personal feelings that I might share with a less sensitive type. Splitting the head from the heart isn't necessary if said INTJ knows what the situation/people dynamics calls for.

Fi-intensity rules though

 

[Biaxident]

Whoa, great quote. I should remember that and use it .
You've read the "Art of War," then?

*Nod*

And several other book type things.

I repeat.

Y'all need more hugs.

 

[Gothmawg]

... and you have no idea how scary it is to an INTJ to have someone just "see" their sensitivity. It feels like you're completely transparent and open to exploitation. That is why I really like INFJs, but don't trust myself around them, and don't emote much around them. They seem to like me a lot better when I hide my Fi-intensity and am aloof, too. So I withhold personal feelings that I might share with a less sensitive type. Splitting the head from the heart isn't necessary if said INTJ knows what the situation/people dynamics calls for.

And responsible NFs will nurture and cherish it. Ones not so responsible will leech onto it...it's about as pure as you can get. How's that for scary?

Most of the NTs I know I can see very easily. One of them is even more transparent than that. While I trust myself to not abuse, use and manipulate this, if I see another do it...well, it ain't pretty.

Oh, and fyi, it also gets very scary for the NF when they can see the NT and there are feelings. This can lead to the NF trying to hide from the NT.

*Nod*

And several other book type things.

I repeat.

Y'all need more hugs.

I prefer purrs and rubbing

 

[poppy]

Because the damaged ones can be inflexible, volatile bastards.

Yes, yes they can

my intj threatens to kill me at least 12x per day. our banter gets pretty aggressive tho.

That's just what we call pillow talk, baby.

Anyway, you should just know... Amargith is really only telling NFPs to do what NFPs already know how to do instinctively... form parasitic relationships with INTJs and leech the life out of them. It's the only way they can survive.

Hahaha. This thread is fabulous.

Yes, then they're all like , " You've got me in this state, now what are you going to do about it?" almost threateningly. Which is awesome.

:blushing: I am so guilty of trying to express this exact sentiment.

 

[Kra]

Don't you just hate how they don't know whether to hug us or run from us?

Sirens! All of you!

 

[cinema]

Oh, and fyi, it also gets very scary for the NF when they can see the NT and there are feelings. This can lead to the NF trying to hide from the NT.

I don't get this part. Please explain.

 

[Cranky]

I don't get this part. Please explain.

Actually, yeah, can you please explain? It might shed some light on my previous situation with Mr. INFP, as you well know.

:hi:

 

[the state i am in]

... and you have no idea how scary it is to an INTJ to have someone just "see" their sensitivity. It feels like you're completely transparent and open to exploitation. That is why I really like INFJs, but don't trust myself around them, and don't emote much around them. They seem to like me a lot better when I hide my Fi-intensity and am aloof, too. So I withhold personal feelings that I might share with a less sensitive type. Splitting the head from the heart isn't necessary if said INTJ knows what the situation/people dynamics calls for.

i like it, but i've grown up with infps. and 4s. i could melt the polar ice caps, given enough time.

also, as they get over their own insecurities and fears, infjs become way more open and warm and flowing like enfps. we have to take much slower bites, but we are deeply sensitive and can become very compassionate and benevolent. and we may treat your problems like an idea, but we love all of god's little ideas like enfps love all his little creatures.

i definitely would get a little anxious if an intj were letting out all of the Fi, if it was coming up, after having it pushed down pretty far for a long time. it's kind of like an earthquake and requires high alert. nfps have an easier time acting all like, oh don't worry, this isn't a big deal, i've been thru WAYYYY worse than this (bc they deal with the feeling weight rather than the idea). they're not concerned with erratic behavior bc they think they have found the right feeling-note and already KNOW.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

This thread is supposed to be about hating on the INTJ's. Lets get back to that. I'm more comfortable with that. All of this hugging is making me nervous.

 

[Athenian200]

This thread is supposed to be about hating on the INTJ's. Lets get back to that. I'm more comfortable with that. All of this hugging is making me nervous.

Okay, then. New rule:

Ahem. Let's get down to business.

1. INTJs tend to be perfectionists.

2. INTJs can be irritatingly rigid and focused.

3. INTJs live too much in their heads, and try to plan ahead rather than living in the moment.

4. INTJs can be paranoid.

5. INTJs can be too certain of their own ideas and competence.

6. INTJs may tend to intellectualize situations rather than work through them emotionally.

*spoken as if read from cue cards with no enthusiasm*

"Argh, I really hate those things about INTJs. It's so annoying to be around a person like that. I don't know how they live with themselves."

Better?