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[INTP] intp excuse vs explaining

INTP

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I get accused of making up excuses really often when im only trying to explaing why certain things happened. This really pisses me off since they just wont understand what im saying to them and makes me want to explain why this isnt some stupid excuse and people just seem to think that im making excuses for making up excuses..

Does this happen to other intps often? And what do other types think about these intp "excuses"? Or are certain types just incapable of seeing difference between excuse and explaining things?
 

Shimmy

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Nop, doesn't happen to me. Or more precisely, if people don't believe me I just tell them that I was speaking the truth, sticking to my story, and that if they don't believe me they can either find somebody else to lie to them or go fuck themselves.

Usually people are too lazy to bother checking out other sources and they will accept my explanation.
 

Eruca

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I get the same sort of thing.

Sometimes someone will misunderstand (intentionally?) my argument and parry the argument they think I am giving, when that happens I like to clarify my stance by rephrasing my position more clearly, subsequently rendering their argument invalid. So then they accuse me of changing my stance. It could be down to a difference in the way INTP's and some other types view discussion. As an INTP I care about finding the truth, not "winning", but when I explain this im told im a bullshitter. :huh:

Ok this doesnt happen often but when it does grrrrrrr

Now I think about it, I get the excuse thing to. When someone accuses me of something, if the allegation is true and I still feel justified in doing what I was accused of I will explain my reasoning as such to my accuser. It seems many people aren't used to this straight-forwardness as they will instantly classify my reasons as excuses.

Excuses are used to side-step responsability for doing wrong, reasons argue that what was done wasn't wrong in the first place.
 

JustHer

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Happens to me too all the time, it's probably an NT thing. I get (usually F doms) telling me I am making up excuses just because I am being too objective and not mentioning and "feelings" in my account.
 

ChocolateMoose123

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I get accused of making up excuses really often when im only trying to explaing why certain things happened. This really pisses me off since they just wont understand what im saying to them and makes me want to explain why this isnt some stupid excuse and people just seem to think that im making excuses for making up excuses..

Does this happen to other intps often? And what do other types think about these intp "excuses"? Or are certain types just incapable of seeing difference between excuse and explaining things?

Maybe you are explaining too much and they "see" it as you being defensive rather than you striving for exactitude.

I've found that the less you say the better. You control the situation by letting them ask questions instead of you explaining everything and leaving them sort of dumbfounded as to what to say next. It also makes people feel good to figure something out.

Example:

Boss: Why are you late?
Me: Had car trouble
Boss: what happened?
Me: flat tire
Boss: did you get it fixed?
Me: Yeah.

Instead of:

Boss: Why are you late?
Me: I was driving down the interstate when I must have ran over a nail. My tire went completely flat so I had to pull over. It took an hour for me to walk to the next gas station. I finally got some of that tire foam stuff and I put it in the tire but it's still a little low and I have to take it tomorrow to a shop.
 

krunchtime

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I think the underlying issue is that people are reacting emotionally. Any form of explanation will automatically be dismissed as an attempt to justify your own actions, which to them, is a cardinal sin, because they think you are wrong and unable to admit it. On the other hand, you might be thinking the very same of them. Recriminations result from a clash of wills, neither of which is very useful to understanding the situation. I've also learnt that being unreasonable is not a characteristic exclusive to "other types". NTs also are also capable of getting lost within their own egos.

Alternatively, a more valid accusation would be if and when I contradict myself during an argument. This could be due to 1. Jumping context 2. Refining ideas and definitions through argument (as opposed to before) 3. Failure to state my definitions at the begining.

In social context (i.e. punctuality & etc), I've learnt its better to skip the explanation when people are solely interested in passing judgement. Imagine facing an angry client. The last thing you want to do is to start by explaining why you did what you did. The best thing to do is apologize and move on (easier said than done, I admit).
 

Katsuni

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I get accused of making up excuses really often when im only trying to explaing why certain things happened. This really pisses me off since they just wont understand what im saying to them and makes me want to explain why this isnt some stupid excuse and people just seem to think that im making excuses for making up excuses..

Does this happen to other intps often? And what do other types think about these intp "excuses"? Or are certain types just incapable of seeing difference between excuse and explaining things?

It's not really an INTP thing; it's an NT issue in general.

The difference, is that INTP's tend to express themselves less clearly on average, or going into far more detail then neccesary on points they believe are integral to the explanation.

I explain my reasoning as well, if yeu don't understand why, then yeu can't make use of that information. Knowledge means nothing without understanding.

Yeu know I was late, yeu do not understand WHY I was late. Explaining to the client that yeu held them up for 15 minutes because yeu'd just finished making a deal that would net them several million dollars makes them happy, but only if they understand why yeu were late.

The biggest thing is, honestly, the wording and phrasing when dealing with people. With the correct terms in the correct order, yeu can smooth feelings and get people to listen normally. 'normally', some people just won't listen no matter whot. If yeu came to the door holding a million dollar cheque, they'd slam the door in yeur face.

That being said though, make absolutely sure to explain that yeu have GOOD reason first, and explain the GOOD part FIRST. Going into the long explanation of the lead up to the important information just irritates people, even if yeu believe that information to be essential. If yeu've lost yeur audience before yeu get to the important part, then they never hear it. Make sure to get the key reasoning out first or yeu won't get that far.
 

paperoceans

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I get accused of making up excuses really often when im only trying to explaing why certain things happened. This really pisses me off since they just wont understand what im saying to them and makes me want to explain why this isnt some stupid excuse and people just seem to think that im making excuses for making up excuses..

Does this happen to other intps often? And what do other types think about these intp "excuses"? Or are certain types just incapable of seeing difference between excuse and explaining things?

Same here... and no, I haven't found a solution :/
 

INTP

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Maybe you are explaining too much and they "see" it as you being defensive rather than you striving for exactitude.

I've found that the less you say the better. You control the situation by letting them ask questions instead of you explaining everything and leaving them sort of dumbfounded as to what to say next. It also makes people feel good to figure something out.

Example:

Boss: Why are you late?
Me: Had car trouble
Boss: what happened?
Me: flat tire
Boss: did you get it fixed?
Me: Yeah.

Instead of:

Boss: Why are you late?
Me: I was driving down the interstate when I must have ran over a nail. My tire went completely flat so I had to pull over. It took an hour for me to walk to the next gas station. I finally got some of that tire foam stuff and I put it in the tire but it's still a little low and I have to take it tomorrow to a shop.

:doh:

why didnt i get this lol. i tend to explain all of the reasons i see important with great details. i think i should try to stop that a little or tell people why i do this. or maybe they would just think that i try to make excuses for making up excuses..
 

sandwich

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If they want an explanation they'll ask, otherwise it probably isn't terribly important.
 

INTP

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If they want an explanation they'll ask, otherwise it probably isn't terribly important.

but if i dont explain they wont understand my actions and i want them to understand or else they will get false image from me
 

LostInNerSpace

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The avatars behind the :rolli: 523444355434543543534543534543534 534543534 54334 345543 5343 5543 5654 5322 6578 wqwr :D
 

krunchtime

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but if i dont explain they wont understand my actions and i want them to understand or else they will get false image from me

I know what you mean. But I think explanations often do not work, because you are implying that others need to be corrected in their understanding of the situation. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant, they have already formed an impression of you, and are not interested to learn why they might be wrong. If you've created a problem, the better thing is to apologize, empathise and offer a solution. Alternatively, just do better next time. This would go a longer way in improving your image, if you care enough to do so.
 

INTP

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I know what you mean. But I think explanations often do not work, because you are implying that others need to be corrected in their understanding of the situation. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant, they have already formed an impression of you, and are not interested to learn why they might be wrong. If you've created a problem, the better thing is to apologize, empathise and offer a solution. Alternatively, just do better next time. This would go a longer way in improving your image, if you care enough to do so.

Im mainly talking about situations where something really isnt my fault or there isnt eny problem that i created. If i do something wrong, i usually say it if there are other things effecting the situation(where im partly guilty) that werent my fault, i tell yes this is my fault and this happened too, then people see it as 100% excuses and that im trying to say that it wasnt my fault, even when i do say that it was mostly my fault..
 

krunchtime

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Im mainly talking about situations where something really isnt my fault or there isnt eny problem that i created. If i do something wrong, i usually say it if there are other things effecting the situation(where im partly guilty) that werent my fault, i tell yes this is my fault and this happened too, then people see it as 100% excuses and that im trying to say that it wasnt my fault, even when i do say that it was mostly my fault..

In the first scenario, basically, you're not directly involved and are just explaining the situation? In that case, check whether your listener is interested in hearing explanations? If they are not, they'll just dismiss it. In the second scenario, well, shouldering half (or 80%) the responsibility is often considered insufficient by angry people. They want you to shoulder all (100%) of it.
 

INTP

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In the first scenario, basically, you're not directly involved and are just explaining the situation? In that case, check whether your listener is interested in hearing explanations? If they are not, they'll just dismiss it. In the second scenario, well, shouldering half (or 80%) the responsibility is often considered insufficient by angry people. They want you to shoulder all (100%) of it.

I mean the kind of situations that would look that its my fault, but really isnt and trying to explain why its not.

This kind of situation makes me want to explain much too and happens me at times. I got this really nice camera with really nice lens and really nice flash(worth 5k+ € together new and im not rich). Im no professional photographer and i wouldnt really need this good equipment at this point, but im planning of getting profession out of photography and i bought them when i was working and had the money(but still this kind of setup is much for the money i made(not working enymore)). When (new)people see my camera theyr usually like wow shit and i get the feeling that they think im trying to brag or show off with it or just think that i dont need that good of camera and its stupid for me to spend so much money on it. This makes me want to explain why i bought it or they will get false image out of me, because im really not enything like that. But since theyr new people and i would just sound even more idiot if id start to explain this to them suddenly, i dont do it. But i got this huge urge to explain it still and i feel bad because i cant, unless they ask and they usually wont ask..
 

krunchtime

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Sorry, I'm revising this post to monitor my own communication skills. Saying "dont worry" can be read as a sign of dismissal rather than comfort. Let me rephrase it. What I want to say is, all of it is happening in your mind, but might not actually be taking place in reality. They are expressing admiration for the camera, but might not necessarily be judging you. You need time to let others get to know you, instead of worrying about how they perceive you. Okay, done.
 

sunset5678

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I get it a lot too, must be an NT thing. I'm just glad when I was older and I had more options to be around people that actually had brains who gave me advice like "You don't
have to take people's crap."
 

Unique

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OMG this happens to me so much

"Stop making excuses!"

It's called flawing your logic! Deal with it!
 

Blank

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I mean the kind of situations that would look that its my fault, but really isnt and trying to explain why its not.

This kind of situation makes me want to explain much too and happens me at times. I got this really nice camera with really nice lens and really nice flash(worth 5k+ € together new and im not rich). Im no professional photographer and i wouldnt really need this good equipment at this point, but im planning of getting profession out of photography and i bought them when i was working and had the money(but still this kind of setup is much for the money i made(not working enymore)). When (new)people see my camera theyr usually like wow shit and i get the feeling that they think im trying to brag or show off with it or just think that i dont need that good of camera and its stupid for me to spend so much money on it. This makes me want to explain why i bought it or they will get false image out of me, because im really not enything like that. But since theyr new people and i would just sound even more idiot if id start to explain this to them suddenly, i dont do it. But i got this huge urge to explain it still and i feel bad because i cant, unless they ask and they usually wont ask..

Quit making excuses already.
 
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