[INTJ] An INTJ's Journey Towards Being Kind To People; or, What's The Point, Again?

[WoodsWoman]

Cranky - your original post - this sounds very much like the one INTJ I know personally - and he would TOTALLY get your sense of humor. The one other factor is age - I don't remember if you've mentioned it anywhere on the forum. He's in his late 50s.

My NT was an ENTJ who I got to know when he was in his 50s - if you could make a solid argument for whatever thought you were presenting, even if he didn't agree with you, would win his respect. He and the INTJ I mentioned before were good friends.

 

[Night]

I don't see the rub.

Why is it difficult for an INTJ to exhibit "kindness"? There's nothing in the handbook that dictates standoffishness or an inability to empathize. Quite the contrary.

To effectively mediate a scenario, one must properly discern and negotiate the relevant variables. In many cases, displaying a friendly, approachable demeanor is central to success. Adhering to the ideology that, by virtue of MBTI type, one is necessarily disinclined to exhibit these tendencies is to concede inferiority of expression - not of type, but of individual personality.

Curious. This realization is generally implicit within human exchange - something most xNTJs learn at an early age.

Sometimes I wonder how many xSTJs believe incorrectly that they are xNTJs? Not to presume that either class suggests hierarchy, but xSTJs will often stick to fundamental principle, whereas xNTJs will concentrate on final accomplishment.

Oh, and I get your humor.

 

[Uytuun]

I don't see the rub.

Why is it difficult for an INTJ to exhibit "kindness"? There's nothing in the handbook that dictates standoffishness or an inability to empathize. Quite the contrary.

To effectively mediate a scenario, one must properly discern and negotiate the relevant variables. In many cases, displaying a friendly, approachable demeanor is central to success. Adhering to the ideology that, by virtue of MBTI type, one is necessarily disinclined to exhibit these tendencies is to concede inferiority of expression - not of type, but of individual personality.

Curious. This realization is generally implicit within human exchange - something most xNTJs learn at an early age.

Sometimes I wonder how many xSTJs believe incorrectly that they are xNTJs? Not to presume that either class suggests hierarchy, but xSTJs will often stick to fundamental principle, whereas xNTJs will concentrate on final accomplishment.

Oh, and I get your humor.

And there you have it.

Why not be kind?

Actually all of the INTJs I know in real life are kind as well. And we seem to have a form of insight into the human psyche by nature.

 

[the state i am in]

the intjs i know in real life are all kind (generous might be a better word). i don't know any intj e5s tho. e5s can be fucking bastards, speaking from my own experience. just very cutting with their sharp edges and fickle porcupine pricklies. and miserly, viewing people as an obstacle and a drain, and pretty much ignoring any legitimacy they may have (as they, of course, are so far inferior to us! we are experts! geniuses! brilliant minds! penetrating visions!).

they can still divorce themselves easier than i can (Te!) with the fall out. infj won't ever steamroll someone completely, it'll always feel bad and try to repair the damage before it finishes turning them into its own rolled crepe. Fe creates a far greater need to think about conduct in an emotional fall-out what-does-this-mean-for-the-self-and-the-self-of-the-other-person and do i want to endorse and represent this or do i not. Te becomes kind when it logically realizes that Te i'm-a-huge-bitch-mode makes everyone fucking hate you and your co-workers have fantasies in which you die painful gruesome gory deaths. + feeling vulnerable. which is the main thing.

without totally SQUASHING tertiary Fi, this is not going to work to produce a happy and healthy person for any reasonable length of time. even if you only commiserate with other ntjs of your own kind.

 

[ez78705]

Well, I'm pretty good at being nice to someone if I choose to. But I'm quite selective because it's exhausting.

 

[Amargith]

Congratz on your first step in social IQ

 

[tinkerbell]

Guess what I've learned? People don't like it when you treat them like idiots when you deign to notice their presence, and they CERTAINLY don't like being ignored. Here's the problem: a great deal of my life is determined by people not under my immediate control. My employer, my doctor, my family, my friends, my landlord, my barista---these people control whether or not I have money, health, Christmas presents (yay!), people who love me, a place to live, and more importantly than anything else: my morning coffee.

I think you are spot on, sadly many NT's take a very long time to learn that being intellegent doesn't make life easier... Hail the F function... NF's have a much nicer life because they have people who want to do things for and with them... NT's have a battle of intellect which is just stupid... being right and alone is not a good outcome....

 

[Cranky]

I'll help you on your quest for kindness if you'll help me on my quest to become mastermind of the universe.

There can be only ONE!

 

[runvardh]

I got the humour. I once new an INTJ in his 30s who was nice and I complemented him on it; he stated that it was a "recent development."

tinkerbell: About NFs having it easier... every rose has it's thorns.

 

[tinkerbell]

tinkerbell: About NFs having it easier... every rose has it's thorns.

I know - getting seen as serious may be the one I spot the most. But generally people like them and warm to them.

 

[runvardh]

I know - getting seen as serious may be the one I spot the most. But generally people like them and warm to them.

I tend to only be liked by people who are significantly older or younger than me. It's rare for someone of my own generation to like me unless they're "weird" themselves and even then, only half the time. This isn't the place for me to be whining though, ^_^

 

[tinkerbell]

I tend to only be liked by people who are significantly older or younger than me. It's rare for someone of my own generation to like me unless they're "weird" themselves and even then, only half the time. This isn't the place for me to be whining though, ^_^

I find that strange, but then maybe I'm a sulker for NF's

 

[runvardh]

I find that strange, but then maybe I'm a sulker for NF's

NTs tend to be covered under the weird people. Ever since I got to a new city it's been an INTP, an INTJ, and an ENTP who got closest to me.

 

[tinkerbell]

Ah you are picking up on N types, I'm strugglign right now with S's... but N's make up 30% of the population so there a fair few of them, learn to identify them... that might help to expand your social network

 

[runvardh]

Ah you are picking up on N types, I'm strugglign right now with S's... but N's make up 30% of the population so there a fair few of them, learn to identify them... that might help to expand your social network

Not all N types, only certain ones; I seem to scare most other NFs pretty bad IRL.

 

[tinkerbell]

Not all N types, only certain ones; I seem to scare most other NFs pretty bad IRL.

thats a bit unusal how the hell do you mange that (it might come in handy some day)....

 

[EccentricB]

no we are not. The only time that kind of thought may even have popped into my head is when im explaining something to someone who may not be the quickest of learners. other than that i think ts absolutely terrible to judge poeple without talkin to them

 

[Uytuun]

the intjs i know in real life are all kind (generous might be a better word). i don't know any intj e5s tho. e5s can be fucking bastards, speaking from my own experience. just very cutting with their sharp edges and fickle porcupine pricklies. and miserly, viewing people as an obstacle and a drain, and pretty much ignoring any legitimacy they may have (as they, of course, are so far inferior to us! we are experts! geniuses! brilliant minds! penetrating visions!).

they can still divorce themselves easier than i can (Te!) with the fall out. infj won't ever steamroll someone completely, it'll always feel bad and try to repair the damage before it finishes turning them into its own rolled crepe. Fe creates a far greater need to think about conduct in an emotional fall-out what-does-this-mean-for-the-self-and-the-self-of-the-other-person and do i want to endorse and represent this or do i not. Te becomes kind when it logically realizes that Te i'm-a-huge-bitch-mode makes everyone fucking hate you and your co-workers have fantasies in which you die painful gruesome gory deaths. + feeling vulnerable. which is the main thing.

without totally SQUASHING tertiary Fi, this is not going to work to produce a happy and healthy person for any reasonable length of time. even if you only commiserate with other ntjs of your own kind.

I'm a 5w4, bitch! Albeit with a strong 3w2 heart fix. And at least to me having good connections with other people is important...no matter the type. And in fact I prefer a mixed group.

I wonder what gives you that impression...the e5 one. What behaviours...

 

[Laurie]

I've always known nice INTJs. Not always socially adept, but always nice.

 

[joslynk]

Cranky - I get the same stunned expressions if I ever do anything considered nice whether it be errands or complements. I was amazed at how people looked at me differently after I attempted to be "nice". I never realized people thought I was so cold/heartless. I always thought of myself as quirky & insane but lovable..to a point. HAHAHA

But it's not something I can do 24/7. I try to mix it up once in a while, get some variety in life. Heh.