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[NT] Female NTs and Men: What do you need in a relationship?

Firelie

Magical
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
836
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5
Often it seems like the type of men who are most drawn to me are the ones who are kind of weak-willed and who want to be controlled by their partner. This is a turn off for me, not only because it's a trait I dislike in both genders and in all people, but because I don't want to be bothered with controlling someone else. I don't worry that I have a tendency to be controlling. If I say "We will do this" and that doesn't work for someone, they need to stand up and say so. I can't be constantly worrying about what someone else is doing and where they are and blah blah blah blah. I've got better things to do and I need more space than that. I need someone who's independent because I am too.

Eh, I have that problem, too. Submission can be kinky in the bedroom, but as a normal mode of living? Ugh.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Not necessary =/= not welcome. Ask her where exactly she stands ;)

Last I heard she's not looking anyway; which is too bad since some of us can give pleasure and pull our own weight.
 

Algora J

New member
Joined
Jun 5, 2008
Messages
122
Hi everyone,

I am new to the forum and am trying to find out more information about female NTs and what they need both in terms of initial attraction and for a relationship to work long term.

I have been discussing with a couple female NT friends and this is what we have come up with so far:

(1) The man has to be as smart as the female NT and capable of holding his own in intellectual debates
(2) The man can not be a pushover emotionally - some female NTs have a tendency to exploit weakness in their partners and can become controlling (especially NTJs). Female NTs will not respect a man who will allow them to do this.
(3) NTs seem to be attracted to men with a high degree of talent, sense of adventure, and/or spontaneity... but we are not sure if these relationships will work long term.

Thoughts?

I've dated very extroverted-feeler type men, and most of them I find myself unfulfilled after awhile. I don't really want a guy who is more of a social butterfly than I am and certainly not a guy who is controlling and manipulative.

Personally, I think men who had the following professions always attracted me:

novelist
composer
university professor

Basically, I fall in love with men first through words, so being able to communicate verbally is quite important to me. I think as an NT female, I constantly need my mind to be stimulated, and when my mind is neglected, I fall into a state of despair and engage in all sorts of excess.

In relationships, unlike most other personality types, I prefer a great deal of stability. In that, the man I am seeing is reliable, grounded, stable and dependable. I dislike men who are rude, obnoxious, boisterous and controlling.

In a room full of people, I will always gravitate towards the quiet, mysterious, aloof man in the group. I think it's due to the fact that I really do not prefer extroverted men, unless they possess extroverted thinking (Te). My scale of extroversion is around 60, so that when in quiet reflection, a man who can nurture or bring out that pensive quality in myself is what I look for.

In this day and age, it's too easy to become complacent and conformist, a man who questions the world around him and sparks debate is what stimulates my Te. Usually these types of men tend to be university professors- typically in philosophy and mathematics.

I also think that being down-to-earth is an important quality. Someone who is sort of a genius, but very modest and quiet about his achievements. I detest men who brag and strut their peacock feathers.

Looking through my past behaviour, I always seem to vacillate between two groups of men:
1. quiet intellectual
2. blue-collar labourer

I find that I am attracted to the latter type because they tend to be hard-working and devoted to their families, and do not mind that I am aggressive, ambitious, opinionated and intelligent.

In the end though, I think it really comes down to asking oneself questions about the nature of the relationship rather than list specific qualities.

For example: Does this person love me unconditionally?
Do I trust this person?
Do I respect this person?
Does this person inspire me to be better?
 

Simplexity

New member
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,741
MBTI Type
INTP
You know I actually kind of had a little crush on my English comp professor. She was young and new too, I should have seen how far I could've joked with her.

Damn it.

It's times like these I wish I were an extrovert
 

Spartacuss

wholly charmed
Joined
Apr 27, 2008
Messages
677
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Sanity. Levelheadedness. Intelligence. A bit o' Class. A sense of humor. And no stick up the rear.
For starters.
 

INA

now! in shell form
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,195
MBTI Type
intp
She intended to give it quite the tonguing.
 

INA

now! in shell form
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,195
MBTI Type
intp
Schwwing!
Death by lesbo sextoy . . . sounds about right.
 

Salomé

meh
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,527
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
^ :offtopic:

*points to thread title*

You two try to control your fantasizing about me, please!

The rest of you may continue.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
^ :offtopic:

*points to thread title*
You two try to control your fantasizing about me, please!
The rest of you may continue.

Isn't a fleshlight what you, an NT female, is looking for in a relationship?
(Totally apropos!)
 

Salomé

meh
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,527
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Isn't a fleshlight what you, an NT female, is looking for in a relationship?
(Totally apropos!)

Perhaps we should start a Female NTs and Women/Sextoys thread.

That should start tongues wagging! (amongst other things...:ninja:)
 

Uytuun

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
1,633
MBTI Type
nnnn
Chemistry, honesty, intimacy/loyalty, respect, to be treated as an individual, not just as a woman, to be accepted the way I am and loved for it...
 

mbeerti

New member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
62
MBTI Type
INTP
Hi everyone,

I am new to the forum and am trying to find out more information about female NTs and what they need both in terms of initial attraction and for a relationship to work long term.

I have been discussing with a couple female NT friends and this is what we have come up with so far:

(1) The man has to be as smart as the female NT and capable of holding his own in intellectual debates
(2) The man can not be a pushover emotionally - some female NTs have a tendency to exploit weakness in their partners and can become controlling (especially NTJs). Female NTs will not respect a man who will allow them to do this.
(3) NTs seem to be attracted to men with a high degree of talent, sense of adventure, and/or spontaneity... but we are not sure if these relationships will work long term.

Thoughts?

(1) Yep
(2) Yep (and for whatever reason, I seem to attract the emotionally weak/dependent!)
(3) Oh, I like talent. Ha.

*(3) In all seriousness I've mulled over this question- whether adventure/spontaneity is necessary, and if yes, to what degree? Well, I don't know, but I know that he can't be spontanaeity-averse. Whomever I end up with, I know he can't be more "P" than me (Disaster). Yet, he cannot be a rigid "J"...I have yet to meet a good in-between (I like a guy who can make decisions yet bend to my whims, I mean, good ideas). Maybe I'm naive, but I/E is negotiable; just so long as it isn't, like, > 80% either end of the spectrum ...If that makes sense.
 

Kangirl

I'm a star.
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
1,470
MBTI Type
ENTJ
(1) The man has to be as smart as the female NT and capable of holding his own in intellectual debates
(2) The man can not be a pushover emotionally - some female NTs have a tendency to exploit weakness in their partners and can become controlling (especially NTJs). Female NTs will not respect a man who will allow them to do this.
(3) NTs seem to be attracted to men with a high degree of talent, sense of adventure, and/or spontaneity... but we are not sure if these relationships will work long term.

1 = very true, but with the caveat that I recognize that smarts aren't necessarily going to manifest themselves in other people the way they manifest in me personally.

2 = yeah, I think. I think for myself I would reword this simply as 'emotionally intelligent' - it's a big deal for me to be with someone who isn't a moron about feeeeeeelings.

3 - yes, yes, yes. I need adventurous/spontaneous people to balance me out. My INFP boyfriend is very useful for this, seeing as he appears to be allergic to planning anything.
 

sonata

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
iNtJ
Basically everything Kangirl said, QFT. I don't need a guy to be smart at the same things I am (math and physics and typical NT junk). Writers are cool. Anyone insightful. Actually, yes, any form of talent is good, including sports if you're not the stereotypical jock type (not that that sort of guy would go for me anyways). Emotional intelligence is a plus, so is spontaneity, but I don't expect someone to be much better at those than me. I like a certain degree of awkwardness.

Being full of yourself is a complete turn-off. Now I know that most women would say that, but they then go for those guys, over and over again. I won't.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
738
Somebody mentioned the occasional intercourse or is it too lowly materialistic to be talked about?
I mean except for immature comments maybe.
 

Ardea

o edward cullen!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
729
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
7
To sum up Kangirl and sonata...

We need someone on our level. That we respect.

((and that respect us, but that goes without saying...))

The end.
 
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