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[INTP] Younger INTPs: Prone to sulking?

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
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...or, you know, the older folks too. If you still do it.

The thought came to me just this morning. In relationships (platonic or romantic) looking back I find that when I have felt wronged or attacked by the other person, I instinctively withdraw into myself and cut all means of contact with them during this time. In some ways I feel that in doing so, I'm "hurting" them so that they feel as dismayed as they have made me. But mostly it's to retreat and have the time and space to ruminate.

Example: If I've had a heated argument with my mother, out of spite I'll ignore her phone calls, or quickly hang up. This will ensue for about a day (or shorter, depending on how I feel).

Another example: When I was PMSing, there as one evening where my partner didn't have the means to contact me (I won't bore you with the details). I came to the irrational assumption that their actions were deliberate, and that they could contact me but didn't want to. After a while of dwelling on this, I remembered days when they couldn't talk to me for long, and I justified that as finding me dull and leaving early, rather than the reasons they gave. So, rather than reply to their apologetic email, I ignored it and refused to contact them for a number of days.


I can't remember any other poignant examples, but when I'm offended my natural response is to sulk. Are younger INTPs prone to this? If you're an older INTP, have you had a number of sulky episodes?
 

MacGuffin

Permabanned
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Yes, AKA passive-aggression.
 

Matthew_Z

That chalkboard guy
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Seeing as I've been accused of passive-aggressiveness today, I'll comment.

As an intro to this post, I'll say that this week has easily been the most stressful week of '09 for me. I haven't exactly been showing the best colors this week. Skipping ahead to the point, I wasn't content with something a friend of mine was doing and planned on continuing to do. For the next hour or so, we go through a few cycles of me not responding to her and me trying to softy persuade her to change her mind.

Throughout the whole affair, I'm balancing two main trains of thought in my head that each lead to their own course of action. The first train is the one that would prefer to take the acceptance route. "Things happen, things adjust, and this person is still a friend regardless of one issue. There is no need nor rational reason to hold anything against this person. Everything will work out much more smoothly if I let this pass as it normally would." represents what that side was thinking. The other side went more along the lines of "I've had enough of this crap. This issue needs to be dealt with and letting the other person have their way without any of my ideas influencing things is a sign of weakness. She needs to get the idea that she is not in charge of things and this is a two-way street. Until she will listen to this she will not be listened to herself."

</rant>

In contrast to the OP, I wouldn't classify my behavior as an attempt to retreat.
 

Shimmy

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I do tend to do this, but not nearly to the extent the OP describes.
 

The Decline

(☞゚∀゚)☞
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My family claims I sulked occasionally. If you ask me though, I say they're overdramatizing. I was probably just attempting withdraw/seclusion tactics following a stressful, social & emotional event.
 

Oom

Your time is gonna come.
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I don't think I sulk. I tend to try and ignore things instead. It doesn't end up working.
 

Totenkindly

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Go here: INTPCentral.
Second choice: INTPforum.



....

I used to sulk, AKA Passive-Aggression.
Nowadays (seriously!)... I just kick ass.

The problem was feeling like I wasn't in control and people were making me do things I didn't want to do but I didn't want to engage or didn't know how to engage emotionally enough to work through it and be potent and get a better outcome. (Some of it involves in setting proper boundaries in relationships too, something INTPs suck at -- their preferred method is just lock out everyone if possible... but at some point, you can't reasonably do that anymore and haven't yet developed coping skills.) So I'd sulk and feel like a victim.

Nowadays, I generally don't sulk.
I know I'm capable of investing and getting a better result.
it just takes some time to develop the experience and confidence.
 

A Schnitzel

WTF is this dude saying?
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I don't think I do, but answering this question would require self-awareness. Something I'm not willing to commit to.
 

Redbone

Orisha
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I can sulk but try not to. If there are conflicts with my partner (ESFJ), I'm driven to solve them (even though he prefers to be pissed off). With other people, I'm inclined to withdraw: avoid phone calls, ignore emails, etc. I don't really consider that sulking--I just don't want to be bothered with their shibbit.
 

Invisiblemonkey

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Sulking, whilst illogical, is personally unavoidable in the sense of a general negative impact on my life, as opposed to being batmanesque. Thankfully, I'm nowhere near that. (I don't have the skills or tiny gimmick shurikenesque weaponry.)
 

slowriot

He who laughs
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Yes I still sulk and Im +30. When you have noone else but yourself to take care of its easier to sulk I think. Im just saying it seems to be important for the intp personality to keep a focus on things. Like now Im at a 6 weeks course and if I have over 20% of sick days I wont get the diploma for the course and I already have 4 days of sick days so two more and I might not get the diploma. And since I really need this diploma to get work in the 3D industry its a motivator to not have more sulking. Its a simple example I know and its tougher when its a longer school year so....

What I figured out is that I needed some alone time when I got home from work, like 30 minutes to an hour. Or Id feel drained. A suggestion could be going for a walk to unwind. Just unwind and its easier to get up and do stuff the next day. Im a night person so the morning is not the best time for me.
 

Hera

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Very rarely do that. My close friends seem to be very confused when I get upset at them because I lash out at them. My instinct is to attack when I'm offended/hurt, and boy do I have a lot of ammo. I'm more of an observer. I notice little things people do/say to piss me off and once I explode I send it all back to them. I hurt them more that way, feel better about hurting them for that hour, and then I have that annoying sense of guilt that makes me wonder if I should apologize. Even though, let's be honest, apologizing is not a strong suit for INTPs. Or maybe just me. I just like to pretend the problem is gone, hoping they take that to mean I'm sorry. Actually, I think my entire life in my "good moods" is spent sulking, I seem to withdraw from people I'm not close to and ignore their calls, messages, texts, etc. I don't like talking to people unless I really like you, because I'll run out of things to say. So I just took up ignoring people.

The point in that was that I don't usually sulk, and that said, I should probably get anger management because what I just described is making me apprehensive about how I react to anger lol.
 

Haight

Doesn't Read Your Posts
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I'm pretty sure this is an INFP thing.
 

Fluffywolf

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I don't think it's sulking what we INTP's do. We don't do it in order to gain sympathy or because we feel resentful towards someone.

We are just naturally aloof, because we're always busy thinking.

But it's not sulking.
 

fripping

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sulkmaster checking in. i mean i don't want to call it sulking because i don't isolate myself in order to influence other people. but it gets interpreted that way in the greater world so yeah, sulking.
 
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