[INTJ] social INTJ

[joslynk]

I'm an INTJ and for the past year/year and a half I have been actively trying to be more sociable. When I found out I was an INTJ (and subsequently researched what the hell that meant) I realized I didn't want to be the stereotypical misunderstood&angry/don't-approach-me-you-dumbass INTJ.

So. Does anyone know of any (relatively) social INTJ out there? To you fellow INTJs out there, how do you balance being sociable & still being authentic (being yourself)?

INTJs and non-intjs, feel free to respond.

 

[Metamorphosis]

Yeah, learning about being an INTJ is a lot of what originally got me working on my social skills too. In regards to the last question, I think it's easier to be authentic whenever you are not afraid of putting yourself out there.

 

[entropie]

There are plenty on this forum, but one word of wisdom: dont copy, research your own style or you wont be happy in the long run.

 

[poppy]

*raises hand*

I'm fairly social, especially now that I'm at college. The thing is, I require a lot of alone time, but when I'm with people and have spare energy, I find it pretty easy to engage and interact (though from what I've heard, people I feel neutrally about still generally think I hate them...so it's a work in progress).

I've found though, that I sometimes interact with people in a way that isn't "me", but probably more akin to an ESFP (makes sense, the whole ESFP shadow thing), which I tend to regret. I think it's best to just put yourself out there as whatever you are, while trying to make people feel comfortable. There are a lot of simple things you can do to minimize the surly/arrogant vibes, while still retaining the good qualities of INTJ-ness.

 

[joslynk]

Hey Poppy - can you elaborate further?

When I'm in a decent mood, I'm fairly friendly and slowly learning to relax in large social events. However, when I'm not in a good mood I just CANNOT make the effort to be friendly. It's during those moments that I feel like I'm acting sociable, and not being sociable.

Interestingly enough, I'm slowly craving more and more socializing.

 

[poppy]

Hey Poppy - can you elaborate further?

Sho thang. There are a lot of little social rituals, they might seem common sense but they're easy to forget, and putting some extra energy into them usually gets positive results. Things like smiling and shaking someone's hand when you meet them, using their name/addressing them directly, once you know people a bit better highlighting things you have in common (using "we" phrases). And try to get rid of the efficiency mindset, be willing to entertain ideas and conversations that aren't entirely logical. INTJs have a pretty quirky sense of humor, so you can use that to your advantage (without ridiculing people who are within earshot ). But yeah, friendly and relaxed is good, and usually comes with remembering to just be yourself.

It's just important to remember that it's ok to be your slightly chilly, quirky self. Not everyone will be nuts about you, but a lot of people will respect you and grow fond of you over time anyway.

When I'm in a decent mood, I'm fairly friendly and slowly learning to relax in large social events. However, when I'm not in a good mood I just CANNOT make the effort to be friendly. It's during those moments that I feel like I'm acting sociable, and not being sociable.

I find there's not much to be done for that. If you're in a bad mood, it's best not to force yourself to interact (if you have other options).

 

[thisGuy]

i worked with this brilliant dude...we had a blast at work and during lunch time...on and off work....i thought that he, for the most part, was a mature ENTP who had gotten the P and Ne under control

he did the test and scored INTJ. i made him read the description and it resonated with him

 

[poppy]

Oh yeah, and if you can, get yourself an ENTP sidekick

(Re: the above )

 

[thisGuy]

are you asking me out?

only if you bring extra candy

 

[poppy]

are you asking me out?

only if you bring extra candy

Sure, I have some candy in my van. It's just around the corner.

 

[thisGuy]

i said 'bring'

 

[poppy]

i said 'bring'

You ENTPs are so difficult. This is why I can't take you guys to nice threads!

 

[thisGuy]

such a type-profiler...why do you have to be like that

 

[joslynk]

thisGuy can you elaborate further? I'm not too familiar with the whole P Ne Ni thing..

 

[Frank]

Sometimes I think I might be a social INTJ. I think I have just seen the importance of developing a social side and like a true INTJ, have mastered it.

 

[INTJ123]

been there, done that, it comes and goes. It's gone for now.

 

[Luet]

These little social rituals that Poppy was talking about work but here's a thing I sometimes struggle with: I cannot start any 'smalltalk'. I hate sitting at dinnertables with people that aren't that very familiar to me and no interesting conversation going on. I will have nothing to say. When a silence comes up, don't look to me for a new opening of conversation....

 

[JustHer]

What you need to do is get an ENTJ sidekick and spend alot of time with them.

ENTJs that are highly extroverted will have awesome social skills, but will still stay true the Ni and Te.

 

[poppy]

These little social rituals that Poppy was talking about work but here's a thing I sometimes struggle with: I cannot start any 'smalltalk'. I hate sitting at dinnertables with people that aren't that very familiar to me and no interesting conversation going on. I will have nothing to say. When a silence comes up, don't look to me for a new opening of conversation....

Yeah, I've never really been able to do small talk. Once someone else gets it going, I'm good to join in (assuming it's not a subject that's totally off my radar). Actually for small talk, pretty much anybody makes a good sidekick. Personally I get pretty bold when I'm backed by someone, and once they start it off I can even take the lead. Some groups just don't have a good dynamic though, so I've learned to just forget about it if I'm not going to be able to get into the conversation.

 

[WordGeek]

These little social rituals that Poppy was talking about work but here's a thing I sometimes struggle with: I cannot start any 'smalltalk'. I hate sitting at dinnertables with people that aren't that very familiar to me and no interesting conversation going on. I will have nothing to say. When a silence comes up, don't look to me for a new opening of conversation....

Really hate small talk, always makes me extremely uncomfortable (for the longest time, I couldn't understand why anybody would want to waste time on it). Still driving me crazy, although not as much as it used to.