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[ENTJ] Fellow ENTJ's, help me

bLAze

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I have this one friendship that I feel is getting out of control.
Let me start by explaining how it came to be.

I go to high school with very few white kids. It is a huge public school, but we are no doubt in a huge minority. I am fine with this. I like the culture my school gives me in contrast to my all white/asian private school I had previously attended.

I switched into my current school start of junior year. In all of my classes, I noticed that there was one other white kid. I befriended him, naturally, and soon learned that he smoked weed. Now, me being a lover of the fine herb, a connection was formed between me and this kid that I hardly even knew.

Now, here is the thing that gets me, and where my ENTJ side comes out. This is the side of myself that I hate (and the side that I presume all ENTJ's hate). This kid is nice. Really nice. So much so that he began smoking me out (paying for my weed) everyday without anything in return. At first I thought that this was cool because he was a really chill guy. A guy that was fun to smoke with, pass hours with in school, and best of all, he provided the herb.

I soon learned that we were incompatible. I am the obnoxious ENTJ that soft people hate, but headstrong people love. Love me or hate me and that is what I have come to accept. Every single thing that ENTJ's classically hate in people this guy fit the bill. The most forgetful, incompetent, soft, feely guy... a good guy, but WAY TOO NICE. Just not the right match for my personality type. And I soon realized this, but I kept hanging out with him because it was something to do and weed to smoke. Soon, he became full on clingy, following me everywhere in and out of school. It began to piss me off.

I hate that I could be such a shallow person, rejecting such a nice guy merely because I deem him incompetent, but the truth is that it would just never work. So I have been attempting to drop the relationship totally because I feel that I am only hurting him (He is a feeler, always depressed). I am just far too overbearing and I know that deep down he doesn't like me. He likes what I bring to the table - fun, humor, command, other friends of mine that he would have never been "cool" enough to meet on his own.

I was always seeing this friend because of the isolation at our school and the refuge we found in cutting a class and smoking a bowl amongst 2, 3, 4, however many friends. It was fun, but I didn't want the relationship to continue. What can I say? I just can't stand people who make me drive 20 minutes to a location only to remember that they forgot the weed at home. Little shit like that that just RIPS me up with anger.

So basically my dilemna is this - the kid is full on clinging to me. How can I get him to back the fuck off and preferably end the friendship altogether? I am in every single class with him so there is no avoiding contact. And he doesn't drive so i need to give him a ride home from school everyday. I am not a dick - if it is a good friend I will gladly give them a ride, but that is not the case. No matter how much I try to trick my mind into being nicer to him, we just don't click. I want him out of my life, following me around and having him cling on to me, texting me LITERALLY once every other hour throughout the day.

I would love to just be my brute, honest self and end it, but the kid is mad depressed and I still need to see him everyday for school and give him a ride home. And usually, he tempts me with weed to make me hang out with him. As great a speak that I am, he always manages to manipulate me when weed is involved.

So my question to this obscenely long post (and the length of this post is a testimony to how much the situation pisses me off), how do I end a friendship with somebody that I am forced to see everyday and also actively communicate with without causing their depression to destroy them? I am an ENTJ. I know what is of no use to me.
 

Gewitter27

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Whooooa, that was quite a big post you just destroyed there!
 

Gewitter27

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Heh...... Quite a situation there......

I'd never have any problems with this sort of thing because the whole 'Free Grass' would never have gotten me in the very beginning... I personally want to stay away from drugs, they screw your mind up... And my mind is the only thing I've got!
 

bLAze

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Heh...... Quite a situation there......

I'd never have any problems with this sort of thing because the whole 'Free Grass' would never have gotten me in the very beginning... I personally want to stay away from drugs, they screw your mind up... And my mind is the only thing I've got!

I put it back out of curiosity from hearing others responses. :)
For me it isn't so much the free grass but moreso something to do at school other than school, if you know what I mean. Although, I do admit I have a mild mental addiction.
 

tinkerbell

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can I suggest you befreinded him because you felt like a minority, so he likel feels the same, why not introduce him to some pther people you think would suit his disspossition and slowly wean him onto someone else... then he may get more involved with them than you.... you can keep him as a casual aquantance.. and not be a dick...

Just a thought...
 

BlackCat

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Don't be too extreme with this, you don't need to fully cut off the friendship, you just need distance.

Make some more friends, that would be the preferable solution, you both need more people to associate with other than each other.
 

bLAze

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Don't be too extreme with this, you don't need to fully cut off the friendship, you just need distance.

Make some more friends, that would be the preferable solution, you both need more people to associate with other than each other.

I could have given a more thorough description but I didn't feel like typing any longer. :)

I have a lot of other friends, and he does too. Mine are more respected socially whereas his are not as much so. He is jumping into my friendships with other people and just clinging onto my life all the time because like I said, he likes what I am bringing to the table. By hanging out with me he thinks he gets "+ cool points" which is the completely wrong way to look at a friendship in the first place.
 

bLAze

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can I suggest you befreinded him because you felt like a minority, so he likel feels the same, why not introduce him to some pther people you think would suit his disspossition and slowly wean him onto someone else... then he may get more involved with them than you.... you can keep him as a casual aquantance.. and not be a dick...

Just a thought...

I have introduced him to my friends and they like him. I am glad for that, genuinely. But he clings to me.

Also one more thing that I didn't want to mention but now I feel I must. Objectively speaking I am a good looking guy. People tell me this often and I try to be as humble as I can possibly be (which is hard for an ENTJ). This is the main reason he is drawn to me so deeply, and I know for a fact that he is bisexual. Anyways, it is hard to convey the complexity of the situation through text and without actually experiencing it yourself, but I have thought this through. I just need to know how to end it. It is what is best for ME. But I do not want to hurt this kid.
 

BlackCat

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Oh wow. I guess I missed that detail where you mentioned other friends.

Well in that case... Shit.

I don't know man. If you want to end the friendship or change it you could tell him that you aren't really comfortable with what's been happening.

But I don't really know. Apart of me wants to tell you just to end it because that's what you want to do, and another part of me wants to tell you to not end it...

I've had experience with becoming distant with people I was really close to. If he could find some other way of getting home, or if something conveniently happened to your car to where you couldn't, then you would get much more distant. But the fact that you have classes with him poses a problem.
 

tinkerbell

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Also one more thing that I didn't want to mention but now I feel I must. Objectively speaking I am a good looking guy. People tell me this often and I try to be as humble as I can possibly be (which is hard for an ENTJ). This is the main reason he is drawn to me so deeply, and I know for a fact that he is bisexual. Anyways, it is hard to convey the complexity of the situation through text and without actually experiencing it yourself, but I have thought this through. I just need to know how to end it. It is what is best for ME. But I do not want to hurt this kid.

Can any of your friends give him a ride home occationally? if so why not get them to share the load.

I've got the T shirt on alternative sexual preferences hitting on you and I know it can be uncomfortable. But treat it as a compliment unless he makes a move which he wont I wouldn't think.

Alternatively, you could gt yourself a girlf friend which would solve a number of issues for you :D you could legitmately have less time to hang out...

Actually you could join an activity which would have the same impact as a gf - if you are an emo retard.
 

bLAze

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Oh wow. I guess I missed that detail where you mentioned other friends.

Well in that case... Shit.

I don't know man. If you want to end the friendship or change it you could tell him that you aren't really comfortable with what's been happening.

But I don't really know. Apart of me wants to tell you just to end it because that's what you want to do, and another part of me wants to tell you to not end it...

I've had experience with becoming distant with people I was really close to. If he could find some other way of getting home, or if something conveniently happened to your car to where you couldn't, then you would get much more distant. But the fact that you have classes with him poses a problem.

I can't tell him that I want to end the friendship though. I just could not do it. It would hurt him too much.

And even if I did tell him, what's the point? I still have to see him for every single class. And the year has only just begun...

I think my best bet may be to force the counselor to change up my schedule and cite some BS reason as to why? It is my best plan at this point, I think :huh:
 

BlackCat

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Yes do that, if the year has just begun then you still have a chance.

I feel for you though, I hate clingy people. It's like you are nice to them and they take that as a cue that you are now their best friend because you were nice to them. But then they start to treat you way too well and then just get really annoying.
 

bLAze

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Can any of your friends give him a ride home occationally? if so why not get them to share the load.

I've got the T shirt on alternative sexual preferences hitting on you and I know it can be uncomfortable. But treat it as a compliment unless he makes a move which he wont I wouldn't think.

Alternatively, you could gt yourself a girlf friend which would solve a number of issues for you :D you could legitmately have less time to hang out...

Actually you could join an activity which would have the same impact as a gf - if you are an emo retard.

I trust he wouldn't make a move, although I can't say that it is not in the back of my mind. His sexuality is not my concern though, which is why I didn't include it in the OP. That is his own thing. I'll leave that to him as long as he doesn't push it upon me.

No on else to give him a ride I'm afraid. At public school very few people can afford to drive. I am his only friend with a car.
 

bLAze

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Yes do that, if the year has just begun then you still have a chance.

I feel for you though, I hate clingy people. It's like you are nice to them and they take that as a cue that you are now their best friend because you were nice to them. But then they start to treat you way too well and then just get really annoying.

Thank you for not demonizing my stance! I feel awful disliking such a nice guy, but it is just who I am. I cannot trick my brain into liking him, and his presence is ruining the quality of my life.

For example, when the bell rings I will bolt out of class and try to meet up with some other friends and he will shout my name across campus telling me to wait up for him(him lagging behind ALWAYS, inefficient as HELL). It is just tiresome. It happens everytime. He is always following me everywhere, and as much of an ass as I am, I have soft spots. I feel bad for him so I don't have the heart to tell him to fuck off.
 

tinkerbell

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I trust he wouldn't make a move, although I can't say that it is not in the back of my mind. His sexuality is not my concern though, which is why I didn't include it in the OP. That is his own thing. I'll leave that to him as long as he doesn't push it upon me.

No on else to give him a ride I'm afraid. At public school very few people can afford to drive. I am his only friend with a car.


Ok I didn't think he would make a move, my experience in simiar situation was similar... just a crush... not much different than any other.

I feel for the whole ENTJ -which can be a bit exploitative at the best of time, so it's good that you are trying to put some distance into the relationship.

I really think finding activities he likes more than you or you are better at than he is that creates some division in time will serve you well.

I fully agree you have all year to put up with him if he really is that annoying... that said you could use it as a development opportunity for tollerance.

sorry I'm bottoming out of solutions
 

bLAze

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Ok I didn't think he would make a move, my experience in simiar situation was similar... just a crush... not much different than any other.

I feel for the whole ENTJ -which can be a bit exploitative at the best of time, so it's good that you are trying to put some distance into the relationship.

I really think finding activities he likes more than you or you are better at than he is that creates some division in time will serve you well.

I fully agree you have all year to put up with him if he really is that annoying... that said you could use it as a development opportunity for tollerance.

sorry I'm bottoming out of solutions

All that this kid wants to do is smoke weed. I tell him no because I have better shit to do or because I simply don't want to, and he starts giving me that " am I not good enough for you?" look, and I succumb because I feel bad for him. Here is the difference

My good friends I have zero problem saying no to. I love them because they take what I say directly. I can be straightforward with them and they will not be offended.

This guy I need to hold everything back because he is a feeler and gets all emotional. I can't be direct with him. He is jealous of me so much so that he clings, and honestly, I am far from perfect myself. I have shit of my own to deal with, not his BS as well. Am I being unfair?

I am trying to look at this as objectively as I can...
 

tinkerbell

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All that this kid wants to do is smoke weed. I tell him no because I have better shit to do or because I simply don't want to, and he starts giving me that " am I not good enough for you?" look, and I succumb because I feel bad for him. Here is the difference

My good friends I have zero problem saying no to. I love them because they take what I say directly. I can be straightforward with them and they will not be offended.

This guy I need to hold everything back because he is a feeler and gets all emotional. I can't be direct with him. He is jealous of me so much so that he clings, and honestly, I am far from perfect myself. I have shit of my own to deal with, not his BS as well. Am I being unfair?

I am trying to look at this as objectively as I can...

No I don't think you are beign unfair (and I'm a tough audience;)) .....

You need to stop the weed, you know you are developing issues with it, and it can have long term effect that can cause huge issues in the future...

walking on egg shells with people can be exhausting... I don't really have much more to suggest other than trying to find more productive ways of distancing while at school.

Find him a love interest might be another, but if he has a crush that might be tough...

Sorry I'm not being very useful to you
 

bLAze

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No I don't think you are beign unfair (and I'm a tough audience;)) .....

You need to stop the weed, you know you are developing issues with it, and it can have long term effect that can cause huge issues in the future...

walking on egg shells with people can be exhausting... I don't really have much more to suggest other than trying to find more productive ways of distancing while at school.

Find him a love interest might be another, but if he has a crush that might be tough...

Sorry I'm not being very useful to you

Yes, the weed is not good. It is my vice. I am confident that if I needed to I would be able to excercise the self-control to quit.

No worriesthough , I know it is very complex. It is even more complex in real life. Thanks for listening though, I think I have a clearer understanding of the situation now.

Worst case scenario, I go to college in a year and he disappears from my life. I'll just try my best to turn it into a positive and make it a tolerance experience, all the while trying to minimize contact...
 

tinkerbell

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Yes, the weed is not good. It is my vice. I am confident that if I needed to I would be able to excercise the self-control to quit.

No worriesthough , I know it is very complex. It is even more complex in real life. Thanks for listening though, I think I have a clearer understand of the situation now.

Worst case scenario, I go to college in a year and he disappears from my life. I'll just try my best to turn it into a positive and make it a tolerance experience, all the while trying to minimize contact...

My flag on the weed isn't about addiction (it's not THAT addictive just habitual which you know).

Weed can cause very pronouced paranoya and trigger mental health issues in people. It doens't take that long a tennure to create problems.....

Yes actually a year is too long, you have holidays and breaks and school terms are only about 8 months so when do you finish - June?

It's a tricky call because school life is pretty all consuming....

How about getting yourself a part time job or something....
 
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