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[NT] an NT in love....

tinkerbell

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I was chatting with Salt and Pepper on the ENTJ thread and then again with Rag later about NT's and love...

I have a hunch that Nt's are reserved going into relationships because they put those relationships up on a pedistal - making them more important. They seek an idealistic relationship, more so than NF's do.... NT's in love - when they allow themselves are deeply romantic and make great efforts to show that to their partners...

A guy I worked with had notes in is diary for his first meeting with his wife, their aniversary and other big occations... so he would remember to mark them for her.

An alternative is that NT's are just really scared to get hurt so make it hard to let people near....

that NT's use criteria and are not people focused enough to know that 2 or 3 of those criteria tend not to happen in real live people....

Thoughts, challenges, soppy moments, deep love....please share....
 

Gewitter27

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I think you're pretty correct, in my opinion. I've never actually been in a relationship, but I'd say that I'd be pretty close to what you said, both the alternative and your hunch are pretty correct for me in my point of view.

That said I'd say I prefer to be the Seeker, endlessly hunting a female that is just right. From what I read the most attractive type (To Me) is ENTP, so I'm a ENTP female hunter. Course that's probably never going to happen and I'll end up alone all my life, but whatever. I do not see myself as being desirable at all, so I really don't think I have any chance.
 

poppy

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Putting relationships on a pedestal...maybe. I have very high standards for relationships (platonic and otherwise). When I recognize a potentially good relationship, I tend to be slow to move into it lest I overlook some flaw that could give me trouble down the line. I like to smooth out all of the wrinkles before I proceed.

Right now I'm involved in a very intellectual...um...thing with an NT guy. I'm not sure exactly where we're at, but we're taking it very, very slow (perhaps because there is twice as much NT reservation). Anyway, this is the first chance I've had to take a relationship at a pace I'm comfortable with (in the past I've somehow always become involved with Fe dom or aux boys who tell me they love me a week after I've met them...:dont:). It's very nice and I feel like there's real potential, though I can still manage to conjure up a million arguments as to why it's a bad idea. Perhaps NTs just overthink things:D
 

tinkerbell

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though I can still manage to conjure up a million arguments as to why it's a bad idea. Perhaps NTs just overthink things:D

I don't think it ever goes away. Many NT's are risk takers but they just can't seem to get by the arguments against putting themselves out their...

The boys stop proposing after a while and begin to get a bit more real.....

Ode to an NT on a love argument.... (it's such an NF song, and NT would never behave like this)
YouTube - Chris De Burgh The head and the heart
 

kathara

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When I am in love, I am in love, I actually go to that floating state.
 
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1. making them more important.

2. NT's in love - when they allow themselves are deeply romantic and make great efforts to show that to their partners...

3. A guy I worked with had notes in is diary for his first meeting with his wife, their aniversary and other big occations... so he would remember to mark them for her.

4. An alternative is that NT's are just really scared to get hurt so make it hard to let people near....

5. that NT's use criteria and are not people focused enough to know that 2 or 3 of those criteria tend not to happen in real live people....

6. Thoughts, challenges, soppy moments, deep love....please share....

1. I think for me, why my romantic relationships become so important, is that I fully see him as my partner. He's my partner, I depend, trust, admire and respect him. And there's a lot of give and take involved. He becomes a part of my brain, sort of. I make us an entity. He, himself, is a system. Seeing a person from this perspective, of course makes the relationship very important to me.

2. Words can't really give you a fair idea of how I am romantic. "It's kind of like trying to describe a piece of complex art over the phone."* And I'm not sure that it can even be called romantic, but I go out of my way to care about someone, I care about.

3. I do this. But I would never, ever let him know I did.

4. Yes. I don't let people in without a fight, especially true when it comes to romantic relationships. When I tell people I did truly "fall in love" with my ex, I tell them: people fall in love - it happens to the best of us. That's basically my attitude towards love. I think it takes a lot for me to surrender to it, but when I do - all hell breaks loose.

5. That sounds about right. I expect a lot from my partner. I think quite a few of those expectations/standards are sort of subhuman. :D I'd be better off with a really hot robot.

6. I wanna share a couple of sappy moments from my only deep love:
- On our first date he asked me: What inspires you?
- When we started dating he asked me: What process created you?
- Some time into our relationship he said to me: I wanna know everything you know.
- When we lived together he said to me: Lets make a lemon, baby.

*stolen quote.
 

Alwar

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I tried to start a relationship with poppy but she hit me over the head with her giant leather purse with spikes on it. And Salt n' Pepper chased me away with a boar spear.

Pedestal may not be the right word, I have high standards as poppy said not because I'm some robot with OCD but because I have seen too many peers get into relationships on shallow grounds, only to end in disaster. Also, why bother if you know it isn't going to work. Even in highschool I took relationships seriously and never understood how people could have a new boyfriend/girlfriend every week.
 

Fluffywolf

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Heck yes I put relationships on a pedestal.

I don't see a point to a relationship unless I feel right in it. :)
 

poppy

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I tried to start a relationship with poppy but she hit me over the head with her giant leather purse with spikes on it.

Sorry 'bout that dear :blush:
 
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I tried to start a relationship with poppy but she hit me over the head with her giant leather purse with spikes on it. And Salt n' Pepper chased me away with a boar spear.

Oh. I thought that was foreplay. :cry:

Also, why bother if you know it isn't going to work.

That's the question. What's the point.
 

paperoceans

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I'm guilty of this as well... I think that I have only been in love once? And that took me a good year. Unfortunately, it was with an ESFP so that did not end very well at all. We did not understand each other and were often at each other's throats. Ever since I am very very picky when it comes to relationships. I know what qualities to look for and what to avoid. Strangely enough, I have become infatuated with someone who I hated briefly. It's very strange. I think I fell in love with them because I find their voice so soothing and because he plays the acoustic so well (music is the most important thing to me, it's what I live for).

And strangely enough, I'm not bothered by this at all. After eight months of knowing each other I finally figured out his type and he's an INTP as well. I think I fell in love with my clone. I guess we are pretty narcissistic!

I think that we are so choosy when it comes to relationships because it is rare for other types to understand us completely. They will either take the things that we say personally, or think that we are too detached. But I've noticed that once I really like someone, I spend the majority of my time with them and I don't mind them being around me 24/7. The love life of an xNTP is a mystery and even I sometimes do not understand it.
 

ceecee

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I have a hunch that Nt's are reserved going into relationships because they put those relationships up on a pedistal - making them more important. They seek an idealistic relationship, more so than NF's do.... NT's in love - when they allow themselves are deeply romantic and make great efforts to show that to their partners...

Absolutely. I don't apologize for putting my marriage on a pedestal. We have high standards for us and there are specifics we won't go without.


An alternative is that NT's are just really scared to get hurt so make it hard to let people near....

Yep. It's my downfall, always has been. I work at it and improve and that's the best I can do. It's simply more risk than I can handle.


1. I think for me, why my romantic relationships become so important, is that I fully see him as my partner. He's my partner, I depend, trust, admire and respect him. And there's a lot of give and take involved. He becomes a part of my brain, sort of. I make us an entity. He, himself, is a system. Seeing a person from this perspective, of course makes the relationship very important to me.

Yes. This is why I say "we" more than "I".

2. Words can't really give you a fair idea of how I am romantic. "It's kind of like trying to describe a piece of complex art over the phone."* And I'm not sure that it can even be called romantic, but I go out of my way to care about someone, I care about.

It sickeningly sweet at times and I can't even admit how much in public. :wubbie:

4. Yes. I don't let people in without a fight, especially true when it comes to romantic relationships. When I tell people I did truly "fall in love" with my ex, I tell them: people fall in love - it happens to the best of us. That's basically my attitude towards love. I think it takes a lot for me to surrender to it, but when I do - all hell breaks loose.

:yes: It made me panic. I felt so out of control and unable to think straight, I thought I must have some horrible fatal disease. Falling in love is somewhat of a mental illness so I wasn't totally wrong but realizing it was terrifying for a little while.


Perhaps NTs just overthink things:D


You don't say. :D
 

Fluffywolf

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Over thinking depends entirely on perspective.

To non NT's, we will definatly seem to be over-thinking. But to us, they just don't think enough.

So you could say that there is no such thing as over-thinking. Even when you think about something, reach a conclusion that differs from yoru initial guess, that turned out to be wrong. At the time you started thinking, you had sufficient reason to do so. And despite being wrong eventually, you didn't neccesarily over-think at all. And took the right course of action.

Anyhow, just wanted to say that I am definatly not an over-thinker, I'll think whatever I like, whenever I like. So nyer.
 

ceecee

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Over thinking depends entirely on perspective.

To non NT's, we will definatly seem to be over-thinking. But to us, they just don't think enough.

So you could say that there is no such thing as over-thinking. Even when you think about something, reach a conclusion that differs from yoru initial guess, that turned out to be wrong. At the time you started thinking, you had sufficient reason to do so. And despite being wrong eventually, you didn't neccesarily over-think at all. And took the right course of action.

Anyhow, just wanted to say that I am definatly not an over-thinker, I'll think whatever I like, whenever I like. So nyer.


I definitely don't see over thinking as a flaw. I think as much as I require.
 

Fluffywolf

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I definitely don't see over thinking as a flaw. I think as much as I require.

Exactly, we'll show them chaps calling us over-thinkers...

Some day... *waves fist*
 

INTJ123

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I was chatting with Salt and Pepper on the ENTJ thread and then again with Rag later about NT's and love...

I have a hunch that Nt's are reserved going into relationships because they put those relationships up on a pedistal - making them more important. They seek an idealistic relationship, more so than NF's do.... NT's in love - when they allow themselves are deeply romantic and make great efforts to show that to their partners...

A guy I worked with had notes in is diary for his first meeting with his wife, their aniversary and other big occations... so he would remember to mark them for her.

An alternative is that NT's are just really scared to get hurt so make it hard to let people near....

that NT's use criteria and are not people focused enough to know that 2 or 3 of those criteria tend not to happen in real live people....

Thoughts, challenges, soppy moments, deep love....please share....

I hate that up on a pedestal phrase. People who say that are sluts or man whores themselves and are trying to tell you to be more like them. Or they watched 40 year old virgin one too many times.
 

Grungemouse

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Over thinking depends entirely on perspective.

To non NT's, we will definatly seem to be over-thinking. But to us, they just don't think enough.

So you could say that there is no such thing as over-thinking. Even when you think about something, reach a conclusion that differs from yoru initial guess, that turned out to be wrong. At the time you started thinking, you had sufficient reason to do so. And despite being wrong eventually, you didn't neccesarily over-think at all. And took the right course of action.

Anyhow, just wanted to say that I am definatly not an over-thinker, I'll think whatever I like, whenever I like. So nyer.


Ergh. You don't know how many potential relationships were ruined by the other person not thinking enough. Both were SPs, funnily enough. The ESP was particularly aggressive about it, constantly pestering me for an answer. There wasn't enough space to think. At one point I just severed all means of contact. Although admittedly, I'm an over-thinker. If the other person is relying on me taking the initiative, they're sadly mistaken.

Also, I'm prone to becoming all gooey and soft in a relationship. I'm not the most compassionate person, but relationships provide a safe outlet. I love showing I care in spontaneous acts of service, such as travelling long distances to see them or simply surprising them with a small gift.

I'm not sure my partners were aware of how I felt about them, though. Internally, it was like, "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day? :wubbie:"
Outwardly, it was, ":wacko: Gryerewerdyflerg."
 

Salomé

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I have a hunch that Nt's are reserved going into relationships because they put those relationships up on a pedistal - making them more important. They seek an idealistic relationship, more so than NF's do.... NT's in love - when they allow themselves are deeply romantic and make great efforts to show that to their partners...

It is NT anti-idealism that is the problem, if anything. "Falling in love" is irrational, after all.
 
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