[NT] an NT in love....

[jenocyde]

I love being alone - no muss, no fuss. So to let someone in, that person has to be damn near perfect for me. No room for any doubts at all. I don't see the point of a partnership unless it's a true partnership in every sense of the world. I also believe that to be realistic, rather than idealistic. There are no false hopes and dreams, just pure unadulterated planning and compatibility.

 

[Spamtar]

I am not a big fan of feelings. They disrupt me. Sometimes they hurt when there is no apparent reason, (these are the worst, especially on my Ti). Wonder if Fs feel similar about thinking?
Relationships often bring out these feelings more. Sex is something much more pleasurable than feelings…I think sex would be better if this was not where babies came from and something distinct in itself.

 

[jenocyde]

Wonder if Fs feel similar about thinking?

I've often wondered about this.

 

[tinkerbell]

I've often wondered about this.

++1

 

[tinkerbell]

There does seem to be a perfectionist thing going on... I wonder how many of us actually creat criteria so strict we have no real chance of finding a fit... Humans after all are all falwed or they would be really dull...

 

[StrappingYoungLad]

Wonder if Fs feel similar about thinking?

It hurts when I realize how could I make such a stupid mistake. I cringe at myself LOL.

 

[jenocyde]

There does seem to be a perfectionist thing going on... I wonder how many of us actually creat criteria so strict we have no real chance of finding a fit... Humans after all are all falwed or they would be really dull...

I think it's less of creating impossible criteria and more of weighing how much you are willing to put up with, especially if you are absolutely fine with the way your life is to begin with. I see some people sacrifice so much of themselves to be in a relationship, due to a desperate fear of being alone. I have no such fear, so I don't feel the need to make compromises that I am not comfortable with. It's only when the benefits outweigh the annoyances do I even consider it. And even still, the annoyances have to minor...

 

[Spamtar]

I think it's less of creating impossible criteria and more of weighing how much you are willing to put up with, especially if you are absolutely fine with the way your life is to begin with. I see some people sacrifice so much of themselves to be in a relationship, due to a desperate fear of being alone. I have no such fear, so I don't feel the need to make compromises that I am not comfortable with. It's only when the benefits outweigh the annoyances do I even consider it. And even still, the annoyances have to minor...

I understand how you feel. I am only curious that this is coming from an E and not an I.

 

[Spamtar]

It hurts when I realize how could I make such a stupid mistake. I cringe at myself LOL.

Ok, sometimes I feel the same way about feelings too. Its just more frustrating to me when I don't see the cause and effect. The "mistake" as it was, that causes the feelings, especially painful ones. Luckily it doesn't happen too often but even once is enough.

 

[jenocyde]

Being E has nothing to do with it. Especially when the E in question is Intuition, which is still an introverted or solitary process. Most ENTPs, and to a lesser degree ENFPs, that I know are quite content to be loners. I don't like my thought process to be interrupted and I need a lot of solitude to process things.

ENTPs are often called one of the most introverted extroverts. INTPs are often called one of the most introverted introverts. We both have Ne and Ti as our top two functions, and both functions are pretty reclusive.

 

[Spamtar]

^Thx for illuminating

 

[tinkerbell]

I think it's less of creating impossible criteria and more of weighing how much you are willing to put up with, especially if you are absolutely fine with the way your life is to begin with. I see some people sacrifice so much of themselves to be in a relationship, due to a desperate fear of being alone. I have no such fear, so I don't feel the need to make compromises that I am not comfortable with. It's only when the benefits outweigh the annoyances do I even consider it. And even still, the annoyances have to minor...

You know do you think that NT are just too content (sometime for the own good), with their own company/projects etc... to the point they deny needing relationships and deny themselves of that type of growth opportunity?

 

[jenocyde]

You know do you think that NT are just too content (sometime for the own good), with their own company/projects etc... to the point they deny needing relationships and deny themselves of that type of growth opportunity?

Yes, without a doubt - at least in my case. It's not like I denied needing relationships, I just denied needing certain types of relationships. And I still do. I don't believe that everyone "needs" a specific thing.

 

[tinkerbell]

Yes, without a doubt - at least in my case. It's not like I denied needing relationships, I just denied needing certain types of relationships. And I still do. I don't believe that everyone "needs" a specific thing.

I was meaning need in terms of personal growth...

I guess is boils down to a risk reward type balance....

 

[Salomé]

I think it's less of creating impossible criteria and more of weighing how much you are willing to put up with, especially if you are absolutely fine with the way your life is to begin with. I see some people sacrifice so much of themselves to be in a relationship, due to a desperate fear of being alone. I have no such fear, so I don't feel the need to make compromises that I am not comfortable with. It's only when the benefits outweigh the annoyances do I even consider it.

+1
People tell me my standards are too high, but I don't even have a conscious set of criteria. I just don't give it any thought - until I meet someone who makes me think, that is.

 

[Kra]

I've always had rather high expectations from relationships. Probably because I have high expectations of my own character that I'm very rigid about.

 

[Bubbles]

Oh, Fs aren't too different. For me I overthink being in a relationship to an alarming degree. It hurts my brain because I'm not used to this at all; I become highly pessimistic initially if I can't get the plausibility of a long term relationship settled in my head.

And then I turn around and am like, wait wait. Where did my nice numbing F go? Why did it leave me?! COME BACK! Because overthinking depresses me so much.

I've discovered just talking about it with my INTP helps because he can logic me out of all my confusion. And then he throws all the idealistic Fe he posseses on me. ^^;

 

[Totenkindly]

It was sort of funny, when I was younger I was much more Ti-rigid about relationships, expecting people to engage rationally, mocking and shunning sentiment. I remember even articulating for the person i eventually married that I couldn't tell them I loved them because it would be an irrational comment so early in the relationship, and I took love far more seriously than just to say something that would reflect transient feelings.

(I was really the romantic, wasn't I? Gawd.)

I still take my relationships very seriously, but I accept people as who they are nowadays rather than judge them stringently by my criteria. I can appreciate people for their own strengths; it's just that I know what sort of people I can make a deep personal investment in and which ones I can like and accept but just can't feel much for on a romantic and personal level.

I have a lot of trouble just having a "fling" and enjoying things until they dissipate. I will either hold part of myself back or I just won't bother. My intuition tells me upfront whether something will work and/or how much it will cost me to have a chance, and so I nip things in the bud up front; I've been in enough hard relationships to know now what I am willing to invest and not invest. I finally am in a spot where I *could* choose to indulge in a casual fling if I desired, but it's still a very weird feeling to me, to view a relationship as so transient.

With LTRs, I really really take it seriously and have to trust the person. I have a very playful casual side to me on the surface that I wear as a mask, to disarm people and keep them from reacting in extreme ways (I keep things low-key), and I suppose it's not really a "mask" because it is a valid facet of who I am; but inside I can get very serious and touchy especially with boundary issues. I want to go to the core of someone's being and have them to the core of mine, I want to be entirely emotionally intimate as human beings... but I can smell control issues a mile away and shy away from anyone who I feel is trying to manipulate or control me.

So it is this weird mix of playfulness on the surface but serious and passionate intensity underneath it all, it's hard to find people who can do both, who can go deep fearlessly without trying to control me to protect themselves.

 

[jenocyde]

So it is this weird mix of playfulness on the surface but serious and passionate intensity underneath it all, it's hard to find people who can do both, who can go deep fearlessly without trying to control me to protect themselves.

I hear ya, sistah. This is definitely another part of it... I was very lucky to have found my similarly thinking INTP guy. Although if he were to leave me tomorrow, I would be quite content to go it alone for the rest of my duration here (after I hospitalized him, of course )

 

[Totenkindly]

I hear ya, sistah. This is definitely another part of it... I was very lucky to have found my similarly thinking INTP guy.

The closest I've found right now is this INFP guy with a strong balanced T streak (works as a programmer too). I'm the more impersonal of the two but we overlap in the middle, and we both like to "N" around.

For some reason I thought I would like ENFJ guys but... something is off there, not sure what. We're not quite in sync.

Although if he were to leave me tomorrow, I would be quite content to go it alone for the rest of my duration here (after I hospitalized him, of course )

Well, of course; if both of his legs are broken, you know exactly where he is. (Well, and with that feeding machine attached.)

Ahh..... NT wubbies -- how romantic!