[INTP] Well adjusted INTP guys

[INTPness]

Absolutely not, to the bolded. They're antsy, mopey, self-defeatist, insecure, and crippled by self doubt since they believe they have to be initiators socially and they don't think they can do it. I don't see this as much in the women.

Are you that way too? Or were you at one time? If so, how did you *escape* that mentality/outlook?

Serious question, by the way. For me, it's gotten much better with age and life experience, but there's still that big pothole in the road that I could easily fall into (i.e. the types of things you mentioned above) if I don't actively avoid it.

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

It is true, though. Men are meant to initiate, for some reason. And INTPs aren't initiators. Though I've found I have to initiate things sometimes to get things happening, because all my friends are IPs and most are rather lazy as well and may be less interested. But it's annoying and I feel whiny and/or uncomfortable when I do it. Is that even what was meant by initiate? Get events going? Because naturally we prefer to sit back and observe as events unfold around us.

 

[rav3n]

Reading these generalisations about INTP men not being initiators, it's for certain, not always the case. But maybe it's the age category of twenties where guys haven't figured out what they're capable of yet and that being rejected isn't the most horrendous trauma that could happen to them.

YMMV.

 

[Robopop]

It is true, though. Men are meant to initiate, for some reason. And INTPs aren't initiators. Though I've found I have to initiate things sometimes to get things happening, because all my friends are IPs and most are rather lazy as well and may be less interested. But it's annoying and I feel whiny and/or uncomfortable when I do it. Is that even what was meant by initiate? Get events going? Because naturally we prefer to sit back and observe as events unfold around us.

I think maybe IxxPs have a laid-back attitude about external standards/obligations and that does not fly too well with our generally ExxJ-ish workforce/society, I can see how some younger INTPs can feel "defective" in this sense. Alot of people just don't understand that happiness and maturity is not always defined by the traditional external standards(getting married, having kids by 30, money, social status, look at how cheerful I am, acting serious and directive, ect). Most IxxPs(and Ps in general) are driven by their internal standards and alot of times this does not exactly line up with external concerns(sometimes it directly contradicts what is to be expected by society).

But just because someone does not "fit in" doesn't mean they're going to be completely disgruntled by this either, there is a sharp difference between a content eccentric and a miserable one. I mean the best one can do is to make to best of their situation, most people are not perfect, almost EVERYBODY has problems, fears, worries, very few people are like the brady bunch. I find the concept of a completely "healthy" person who handles any problem perfectly to be a little dubious.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Are you that way too? Or were you at one time? If so, how did you *escape* that mentality/outlook?

Serious question, by the way. For me, it's gotten much better with age and life experience, but there's still that big pothole in the road that I could easily fall into (i.e. the types of things you mentioned above) if I don't actively avoid it.

Not really. I can see how I could have been pushed into some of those mindsets though, the "seeds" are there, like you say.

For a lot of these young INTPs with these problems, there exists an odd self-consciousness about how they're perceived that I find to be bizarre and...well, un-INTP. I never cared if I was liked, I just did my own thing and people gravitated toward me and they became my friends. If people didn't like me I didn't care, and people never gave me a hard time at all. I was certainly odd and quirky, but not in the way that everybody seems to dislike

Self-doubt is an issue, but this is usually only with regards to personal pursuits. I generally think I can do things better than others, but I think I will fall short of what I expect from myself, if that makes any sense. I've had jobs where I've been underqualified, but I get them because I'm adamant in my ability to learn, improvise, and use my mind to excel, and I demonstrate that rather quickly.

Developing a good self-confidence and trust in one's own mind I think is imperative in the young INTP. That, and coming to grips with the fact that rejection is not the end of the world.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I do believe that even for INTP's true apathy towards society is difficult to create. Society is a terribly strong beast. If you mix enough failures to feed it, within the mix, you have a child/teen/adult very confused with their natural state and what they are told their natural state should be.

 

[Macabre]

I do believe that even for INTP's true apathy towards society is difficult to create. Society is a terribly strong beast. If you mix enough failures to feed it, within the mix, you have a child/teen/adult very confused with their natural state and what they are told their natural state should be.

It passes pretty quick if there is a level of dtatchment from society. As an INTP, my society generally hates me and my type, hence resulting in fewer of us. those that remain are absolutely nuts. There is this tremendous backlash against the system, despite already not being part of it. so we intp's are maladjusted by these standards. sue us, G-men.
ea

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

You still have an opinion on society which prevents you from being completely ambivalent.

 

[mrbluey]

You still have an opinion on society which prevents you from being completely ambivalent.

Do you mean equanimous?

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Yes. I was sure that meant something else... Huh. Thank you for the correction.

 

[Macabre]

Presence of opinion is not equivalent to lack of apathy. I couldn't care less if modern society went to hell in a handcart, or reached soaring heights. I'd just prefer the former. Apathy is a lack of desire to affect the subject at hand, or change its future path. It means that the apathee is unaffected on a basic level about the fate/lack of fate of (insert here). Everyone is apathetic about something, and for INTPs, it's the society that they exist in. This does not indicate apathy towards the people, but rather the system the people are in.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

So how does apathy allow opinions to exist? You couldn't have an opinion on the thing that you were apathetic about unless the opinion was formed out of... Logic? It was still a preference based on a feeling you have towards it. I mean even apathy started with feeling, that is unless you see something that does not effect you directly, in which case you don't care because of that fact. So are you saying that since you don't believe society affects you, the apathy was born out of that? If so how do you think you avoid societies symptoms?

 

[Macabre]

Stay out of society. My "society" is highly limited. Very little contact with people. The society of the country I live in, now that I am apathetic to. The difference is a fine one, but valid. It's like how I have a low opinion of say Siberian society, or that of china. It's detatched and removed.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I suppose I don't understand what it's like to be in a detached society. America is anything but that.

 

[Octarine]

So how can you predict the difference (before you know them well) between well adjusted INTP guys and the ones described here: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nt-rationale/23861-intp-s-relationships.html ?

 

[So It Goes]

I am a well-adjusted INTP because:

I take a shower every day.

Sometimes I wear ties.

I remember to eat at least once a day.

I always wipe up the drool stains on my shirt.

I can express feelings.

For example, "Hello, you look nice today. I like your hair."

This is followed by two to three pats on the shoulder or back to show sympathy.

See, we're not all such bad guys and gals.

We have hearts (although they are protected by killer robots, lasers, security cameras and motion sensors)

 

[raindancing]

I am a well-adjusted INTP because:

For example, "Hello, you look nice today. I like your hair."

Now that is impressive. I didn't even think INTPs noticed that sort of thing...

I could, maybe, see the "I like your hair part". But "You look nice today"? Isn't that way too objective of a statement for an INTP? Surely it would need to be bracketed with qualifiers. "In my ever so humble opinion", etc.

My husband (yes an INTP), made a comment when I had my hair done yesterday.

"Your hair looks nice, I think."

"Oh thanks." I laughed. "You aren't sure? It actually might not look nice? Maybe you need to leave your options open in case your opinion changes?" (yes i was mocking him just a little.... he's very good natured about it )

"No, I meant, "I" think. Because other people might have different opinions."

Took me a little while to recover after hearing that...:yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[So It Goes]

Now that is impressive. I didn't even think INTPs noticed that sort of thing...

I could, maybe, see the "I like your hair part". But "You look nice today"? Isn't that way too objective of a statement for an INTP? Surely it would need to be bracketed with qualifiers. "In my ever so humble opinion", etc.

My husband (yes an INTP), made a comment when I had my hair done yesterday.

"Your hair looks nice, I think."

"Oh thanks." I laughed. "You aren't sure? It actually might not look nice? Maybe you need to leave your options open in case your opinion changes?" (yes i was mocking him just a little.... he's very good natured about it )

"No, I meant, "I" think. Because other people might have different opinions."

Took me a little while to recover after hearing that...:yim_rolling_on_the_

Thanks. That was a nice post, I think.

 

[Mia.]

My cousin is a very well adjusted INTP and is one of my best friends. He's affectionate, social, and can even be romantic.

 

[JocktheMotie]

So, what can we do to get justxher a well-adjusted INTP?

Mission Accomplished!

I meant it when I said:

Happy thread anniversary!

Even though you're not here anymore, let this attest to the fact that I will continue to torment you until the end of time.