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[MBTI General] ESTJ + ENTP?

hotmale

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2007
Messages
232
MBTI Type
ESTJ
What are the ramifications of our two types together? What kinds of things do the ENTP woman want the ESTJ to do that would make her feel loved?
 

ygolo

My termites win
Joined
Aug 6, 2007
Messages
5,988
What are the ramifications of our two types together? What kinds of things do the ENTP woman want the ESTJ to do that would make her feel loved?

Don't know, but I will provide the functional lasagna model again.

ESTJ
Te-Si-Ne-Fi-Ti-Se-Ni-Fe
ENTP
Ne-Ti-Fe-Si-Ni-Te-Fi-Se

And then make a leap by matching up functions in their respective roles. I'll keep things positive:

  • What leads you is what helps your ENTP make discoveries.
  • What supports you is what your ENTP aspires to.
  • What brings you relief is what leads your ENTP.
  • What you aspire to your ENTP will find comedic.
  • What you use as back-up is what supports your ENTP.
  • What you helps you make discoveries is transforms your ENTP.
  • What you find comedic is what your ENTP uses as back-up.
  • What trasforms you is what gives relief to your ENTP.
 

hotmale

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2007
Messages
232
MBTI Type
ESTJ
  • What leads you is what helps your ENTP make discoveries.
  • What supports you is what your ENTP aspires to.
  • What brings you relief is what leads your ENTP.
  • What you aspire to your ENTP will find comedic.
  • What you use as back-up is what supports your ENTP.
  • What you helps you make discoveries is transforms your ENTP.
  • What you find comedic is what your ENTP uses as back-up.
  • What trasforms you is what gives relief to your ENTP.

Hmmm...Thanks. I was looking for more practical information though. ENTPs seem to primarily live in the abstract world- and I am much more concerned about practical matters that she often overlooks. She's sort of absent-minded- whereas I am very conscientious and seems to spend a lot of time socializing on the internet.
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Hmmm...Thanks. I was looking for more practical information though. ENTPs seem to primarily live in the abstract world- and I am much more concerned about practical matters that she often overlooks. She's sort of absent-minded- whereas I am very conscientious and seems to spend a lot of time socializing on the internet.

Actually, N's do primarily live in the abstract world, and they tend to overlook practical matters. You'll have to be willing to deal with and accommodate that if you want to be friends with any of them.
 

hotmale

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2007
Messages
232
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Actually, N's do primarily live in the abstract world, and they tend to overlook practical matters. You'll have to be willing to deal with and accommodate that if you want to be friends with any of them.

I think it's more that I would like her to spend more time with me- than wanting her to change her personality- which I happen to be very fond of. Since she is very much interested in abstract pursuits, what would be a good strategy for her to accompany me to events which she absolutely hates? I like to go out to a good party- whereas she would rather stay home and read a book. I don't mind she has these interests- it's just sometimes, I would like her to make more of an effort as opposed to me always making the suggestions.
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I think it's more that I would like her to spend more time with me- than wanting her to change her personality- which I happen to be very fond of. Since she is very much interested in abstract pursuits, what would be a good strategy for her to accompany me to events which she absolutely hates? I like to go out to a good party- whereas she would rather stay home and read a book. I don't mind she has these interests- it's just sometimes, I would like her to make more of an effort as opposed to me always making the suggestions.

She probably wishes that you didn't expect her to go places like parties as often as you ask her to, and probably wishes you just wanted to analyze abstract ideas and such. But if you would decide to somewhere with a mix of intellectual and anecdotal conversation, that might be enough. She probably entertains your suggestions because she likes you, but that's probably not what she really finds interesting. Even if it is, she probably isn't really interested in thinking about that kind of thing on her own initiative. You see?

Ironically, trying to get someone to accompany you to events they hate... kind of is trying to change their personality. However, I suppose you could ask what she wants to do, and then say, "I'll do that with you, if you do this with me." You can set it up as a compromise, I presume.
 

Maverick

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2007
Messages
880
MBTI Type
ENTJ
I think it's more that I would like her to spend more time with me- than wanting her to change her personality- which I happen to be very fond of. Since she is very much interested in abstract pursuits, what would be a good strategy for her to accompany me to events which she absolutely hates? I like to go out to a good party- whereas she would rather stay home and read a book. I don't mind she has these interests- it's just sometimes, I would like her to make more of an effort as opposed to me always making the suggestions.

The best way to increase the chances that she participates in activities with you is by presenting her what you want to do, explaining why it is important to you and letting her freely make a decision without her feeling pressured.

For example, supposing you are invited to A's place. You might present the situation in the following manner: "We're invited to A's place. I would like to go there. I would enjoy it if you came with me as I like being with you at parties. However, I have no problem with you staying at home if that is what you wish. I would not be offended if you do. So, what would you like to do?".

If you have to talk about the issue, do not cause an argument. Simply state things in the following way: "I understand that you don't like participating in these activities. However, I must also tell you that I feel it's a pity because I would like to share my enjoyment of them with you. At the same time, I want to respect your preferences". Importantly, you must never get angry at her for not coming. This may seem counter-intuitive and feel weak in the short-term but it yields higher rewards in the long term. What you have to achieve is to make her empathize with your position instead of feeling obliged to participate. The reason for this is that, if she feels the latter, she will react in a knee jerk manner to re-assert her independence and show she cannot be controlled. This will subsequently make her more resistant to future demands as she will have associated this specific behavioral response to your specific demand. She must feel as though there will be no negative consequences on your behalf if she doesn't. This will not only make her feel loved but it will also maximize the chances of her coming.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
The best way to increase the chances that she participates in activities with you is by presenting her what you want to do, explaining why it is important to you and letting her freely make a decision without her feeling pressured.

Yes, absolutely. ENTP's like to be reasonable and accommodating, but if we feel pressured or emotionally blackmailed or manipulated in any way, we'll either dig our heels in - or take to them! In those situations we can be very cold and ruthless in cutting people dead.
 

hotmale

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2007
Messages
232
MBTI Type
ESTJ
She probably wishes that you didn't expect her to go places like parties as often as you ask her to, and probably wishes you just wanted to analyze abstract ideas and such. But if you would decide to somewhere with a mix of intellectual and anecdotal conversation, that might be enough. She probably entertains your suggestions because she likes you, but that's probably not what she really finds interesting. Even if it is, she probably isn't really interested in thinking about that kind of thing on her own initiative. You see?

Ironically, trying to get someone to accompany you to events they hate... kind of is trying to change their personality. However, I suppose you could ask what she wants to do, and then say, "I'll do that with you, if you do this with me." You can set it up as a compromise, I presume.

Well, she did oblige the last time we had gone out. I suppose in a sense she finds "small talk" dull and won't engage in it. I suppose she was being a good sport. I'm interested in bringing her out of her shell however, as she tends to withdraw very easily and gets lost in her world of books. I'm glad she has such a powerful intelligence, but I have the impression that she thinks we are all part of the scenery- like plants in the background that she forgets to water once in awhile.
 

hotmale

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2007
Messages
232
MBTI Type
ESTJ
The best way to increase the chances that she participates in activities with you is by presenting her what you want to do, explaining why it is important to you and letting her freely make a decision without her feeling pressured.

For example, supposing you are invited to A's place. You might present the situation in the following manner: "We're invited to A's place. I would like to go there. I would enjoy it if you came with me as I like being with you at parties. However, I have no problem with you staying at home if that is what you wish. I would not be offended if you do. So, what would you like to do?".

If you have to talk about the issue, do not cause an argument. Simply state things in the following way: "I understand that you don't like participating in these activities. However, I must also tell you that I feel it's a pity because I would like to share my enjoyment of them with you. At the same time, I want to respect your preferences". Importantly, you must never get angry at her for not coming. This may seem counter-intuitive and feel weak in the short-term but it yields higher rewards in the long term. What you have to achieve is to make her empathize with your position instead of feeling obliged to participate. The reason for this is that, if she feels the latter, she will react in a knee jerk manner to re-assert her independence and show she cannot be controlled. This will subsequently make her more resistant to future demands as she will have associated this specific behavioral response to your specific demand. She must feel as though there will be no negative consequences on your behalf if she doesn't. This will not only make her feel loved but it will also maximize the chances of her coming.

This is very good advice. Thank you.
 

MinorThreat

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2007
Messages
2
MBTI Type
ENTP
I think it's more that I would like her to spend more time with me- than wanting her to change her personality- which I happen to be very fond of. Since she is very much interested in abstract pursuits, what would be a good strategy for her to accompany me to events which she absolutely hates? I like to go out to a good party- whereas she would rather stay home and read a book. I don't mind she has these interests- it's just sometimes, I would like her to make more of an effort as opposed to me always making the suggestions.

I'm ENTP that goes through phases of intense self-imposed isolation when I avoid social situations; these are characterised by vast quantities of reading - either of fantastical fiction, or factual books on politics, economics or history. At these times I have a low desire for social interaction.

Eventually I will choose, or be coerced to be social - go out for a drink, to a party etc... When this happens, I can "switch" very quickly into a talkative, affable, wise-cracking type that wants to drink tequila slammers and hit the dancefloor... Do not expect her to want to go to a party in the middle of nowhere with no opportunity for "escape" or something more exciting around the corner - whilst I like that kind of thing in certain circumstances, I am generally happier "out on the town" where I can visit lots of different bars on a whim - another idea would be to present a night out as an "open ended" venture... "lets go to xxx and then see where it takes us" sounds a lot more enticing than "we will do x at y time, then go to abc, etc..."

The way you approach the suggestion is pretty key too - personally, I don't like to commit to doing something until I'm sure that a) I will be in the mood for it, and b) There is definitely not something better about to happen; my partner has much more sucess enticing me into things when catching me in an upbeat mood and suggesting them the day before, or even at a couple of hours notice.

Personal freedom is massively important to me: being "allowed" this without resentment is key. Therefore, I am not very good with arrangements or suggestions that generate too much obligation to go to please somebody else - "come because it will be great!" is much more of an enticement than "come because I want you to".

Be careful not to mis-interpret if she is forgetful about those calls or texts like "I'm with x and I will be home in 3 hours" - if I want to know where my partner is or what she is up to, I phone her - I don't expect her to "check in" and I often forget to "check in" with her - more regimented types can easily interpret this as symptomatic of an inconsiderate/uncaring attitude, when it is just how I am.

With the abstract nature of an ENTP, there will probably be minor things she is hopelessly disorganised at or bad at tackling even though they are easy and not especially time consuming. I don't mind shopping, love to cook, happily decorate, repair cars, do not enjoy but am pretty good at making financial arrangements BUT I am absolutely terrible at motivating myself to do regular repeatable tasks with no possibilities for a new experience, challenge or an interesting result - tidying anything up or putting it away in it's "rightful" place is akin to torture. When my girlfriend does this for me, I am deeply grateful - she is wise enough not to be a push-over or let me take her for granted though!
 

Ndtrevi

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2018
Messages
1
What are the ramifications of our two types together? What kinds of things do the ENTP woman want the ESTJ to do that would make her feel loved?


Im an entp woman, and I have an estj boyfriend, so I know exactly what she wants! Entps LOVE originality, spontaneity, unconventionality, abstract-hipstery stuff. She probably really appreciates unconventional music and art, so take her to some jazz concert, an artsy foreign film, or a music festival then take her to a restaurant with interesting food and/or stylish vibes, like sushi, Vietnamese, Indian--it doesn't have to be expensive, just interesting or new. She probably does like to go to parties, but only when she likes the people and when she can do fun unconventional silly things--NOT the frat scene. Be spontaneous! Take her salsa dancing or to couples painting or something. We also like to learn/we're really curious people, so take her to a museum or take her somewhere where you can explore. I don't know if this is an entp thing, but I love surprises, so maybe don't tell her what you're doing on your date until you're there.
I know estjs don't really like not having a plan and don't really like trying new things, so if you want to please her you need to go with the flow a little. I'm sure if she sees that you've put in so much effort into doing things that she likes, she'll want to do things that you like.
I love my estj though! I love that hes so honest and blunt and not full of bs. I love that he's a leader and knows what he wants. I love how powerful he is. (Not that he's a senator or the president or something, but it's just a vibe he gives off. It's freaking hawt!) I love knowing that he's so strong and fierce, but with me he's sweet and gentle. It makes me feel powerful too. And I love how he always wants me to have a good time. I really appreciate how committed he is to our relationship 😊
 
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