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[MBTI General] Defining people as 'Locks', Insulting?

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I once told my girlfriend that I saw getting the truth or information out of people like opening a lock

Kind the right key, and apply the right amount of pressure, and whula!

She kinda got insulted, saying I shouldn't view people as locks to open.

Is what I did actually offensive? (I have my own opnion but am interested in what you all think)

It could very easily have been offensive. Whatever her degree of fondness for you is, by telling her that she likely saw it as applicable to not only information, but her feelings; it's not only an objectification thing. She may be feeling that her affections for you are a result of manipulation on your part and that you have done this by 'finding the key to her lock and applying the right amount of pressure.'
 

kyuuei

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Locks don't share information with people because they feel the other person cares about them enough to want that information.. Locks just get popped by any low life that knows the right way to tweak them.

What you said: You're like a lock.
What she heard: I can get anything out of you if I just poke you in the right way and make you believe you can trust me and that I really care about you. And so could anyone else.
 

BlackCat

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I don't see why it's offensive.

However I'd say that if someone DID get offended by it, that Amargith was pretty much spot on with why that would occur-

Grin, I can see her point.
You basically just told that you view people as an obstacle that you enjoy getting past and that it's not the person that counts, but the information.

I take it she an..NF? To us, it's people that matter, and it's disrespectful to ignore the person and give priority to something over someone. You'll have to explain her that even if your interest lies in the information peope contain, you will be treating the lock like a beautiful antique in the process as you value what it contains dearly, as well as its beauty :devil:

Also, most likely...it subconsciously made her feel like a means to an end to you. You're supposed to love her for who she is..not for the services/information she can provide. It's unnerving to think that your boyfriend might consider you as such, even if you *know* in your heart that you are most likely an exception ;)

EDIT: If someone I was really close to said that to me, it wouldn't change my opinion of them at all. Their philosophy wouldn't change had they not told me, so why should I expect things to change from there on? It's the person that takes it wrong who does the changing.
 

kyuuei

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If you see someone being an asshole to everyone he comes across, you're probably going to assume he will be an asshole to you.. Why? Because he's an asshole to people. You're in the people category, right?

So, when the rest of humanity is treated like an object by someone, why would anyone think they were special enough to be treated differently? How you respect the people around you reflects on you, and in turn, the people in your life. She projected how he thinks of people on herself.. naturally, since she's 'people' too.
 

Jaguar

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I once told my girlfriend that I saw getting the truth or information out of people like opening a lock

Kind the right key, and apply the right amount of pressure, and whula!

Is what I did actually offensive?

I don't find it offensive, per se.
But it tells me you suck at getting information if you have to use "pressure" or manipulative tactics.

Perhaps you should take up basket weaving. Lol.
 

Athenian200

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Hmm... I don't think it sounds insulting, unless you meant that you view people as little more than locks in general. If you meant that just in the context of trying to get information out of them, you can view their defenses as being like a lock (or as I prefer to visualize, a firewall or encryption method), then that's fine. Sounds like an effective mental image to use when you're attempting to learn something. But why would you tell a typical ISFJ about this? They don't value information for it's own sake.
 

kyuuei

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^ Locks normally do not come with a positive connotation.
 

kyuuei

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It's more the fact doors need locks. Everything needs locks lately. Locks aren't very secure at that, and are easily thwarted. The word "lock" isn't necessarily one that brings about warm and fuzz. A thin layer of protection, maybe. But it isn't necessarily a complimenting word to begin with.
 

Athenian200

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It's more the fact doors need locks. Everything needs locks lately. Locks aren't very secure at that, and are easily thwarted. The word "lock" isn't necessarily one that brings about warm and fuzz. A thin layer of protection, maybe. But it isn't necessarily a complimenting word to begin with.

Oh, now I get you.

Yeah, I guess mine is a little nicer, comparing it to hacking a computer, which usually has more layers of protection and is much harder to access than your typical dime store lock. And of course, I would make sure to draw a distinction between the information stored in the person I was trying get at, the security layer, and the person as a whole when saying that. Though I prefer not to share such metaphors with others, generally...

It is funny how forgetting one or two distinctions can end up creating a completely different mental image... I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it the way it was taken, though. I suppose it comes down to what's more important... intentions, or image? I guess image is more important because more people respond to it, and it's more consistently perceived between people, though intentions tell you far more about the individual if you can divine them.
 

kyuuei

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Intentions can get you pretty far.. but the problem is, relying on intentions and people understanding your intentions means people have to assume for you. People generally never assume what you want them to. It leaves for a lot of flaws.
 

Athenian200

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Intentions can get you pretty far.. but the problem is, relying on intentions and people understanding your intentions means people have to assume for you. People generally never assume what you want them to. It leaves for a lot of flaws.

Right. That's one of the reasons I try to rely on image instead. But it does mean I can't be as honest with people as I'd like.

I guess that means there's three ways people typically go through life... clumsy and honest, pissing people off by being yourself; polite and well-liked, wearing a mask and never letting anyone see the real you; or trying to balance the two in various ways, never getting the full benefits or disadvantages of either one.

I tried the first up until age 12, didn't get me far. I've used the second ever since, and it's gotten me this far. Now I'm contemplating whether to stick with it, or move on to the third.
 

entropie

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Last time someone defined me as a Lock I put a DoT on him

warlock_t4.jpg
 

kyuuei

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Right. That's one of the reasons I try to rely on image instead. But it does mean I can't be as honest with people as I'd like.

I guess that means there's three ways people typically go through life... clumsy and honest, pissing people off by being yourself; polite and well-liked, wearing a mask and never letting anyone see the real you; or trying to balance the two in various ways, never getting the full benefits or disadvantages of either one.

I tried the first up until age 12, didn't get me far. I've used the second ever since, and it's gotten me this far. Now I'm contemplating whether to stick with it, or move on to the third.

I suppose it's all situational. I guess in the end find one that benefits you the most and stick to it.

In conclusion to the OP: If you're not wrong, you're still not right.

Last time someone defined me as a Lock I put a DoT on him

[/QUOTE]

:doh:
 

Shimmy

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I once told my girlfriend that I saw getting the truth or information out of people like opening a lock

Kind the right key, and apply the right amount of pressure, and whula!

She kinda got insulted, saying I shouldn't view people as locks to open.

Is what I did actually offensive? (I have my own opnion but am interested in what you all think)

Try explaining to your friend what a metaphor is, she does not seem to know.
 

thisGuy

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lol...you sounded manipulative. id bet 50 bucks that your gf does it too...you just generalized it
 

Valuable_Money

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Try explaining to your friend what a metaphor is, she does not seem to know.

To an more sensitive romantic type that sounds cold and manipualtive "I say just the right things, mae them feel comfortable, then once I know what I want Im through with them."

Now imagine hannibal lecter saying that. Now you get why she was offended.
It was really just poor wording on his part.
 

The_Liquid_Laser

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I once told my girlfriend that I saw getting the truth or information out of people like opening a lock

Kind the right key, and apply the right amount of pressure, and whula!

She kinda got insulted, saying I shouldn't view people as locks to open.

Is what I did actually offensive? (I have my own opnion but am interested in what you all think)

I think one the problem is that metaphors can be interpreted a variety of ways. So what you meant may not be the same as what she interpreted. For example if you meant:

"Trying to understand people involves knowing the right questions to ask. Once I find the right question I find the information opens up just like a key opens a lock."

I don't think anyone would be offended by such a thing. On the other hand if you meant:

"People are just small obstacles to me getting whatever I want. All I need is to manipulate and pressure them and I get what I want just as easily as a key applying pressure to a lock."

I think a lot of people would find you to be a jerk in this instance. So if your girlfriend is offended by what you said, it might be best to clarify what you really meant, so that you can both laugh it off as a misunderstanding. On the other hand if you really are a jerk it might be best just to keep things to yourself. ;) In the words of Jack Handy, "Cindy was offended when I said the word 'puke', but that is what I thought her dinner tasted like." :D
 

therationaledge

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Lol.

Thanks guys. She was offended at the time but has pretty much gotten over it, dunno if she even remembers cause it was months before the thread started.

I guess what I mean is it is like picking a lock because its part gentle and part forceful, depending on whom it is, what situation.

Basically what I do is find the way to make someone tell the truth, ussually it is to make them comfertable or make them think its thier idea, stuff like that, though on occasion I have...erm...pickaxed a mine for gold as opposed to pick a lock.

But thats ussually in a situation where I have no sympathy for someone, because they dont deserve it. But this is a rarety.

I would say it is because she thought i was objectifying people, which I was I suppose.

"Putting together a puzzle" sounds less intimidating, but also seems like lying because thats more like figuring something out on your own, with clues, which I do too.

BAsically it came down to me being honest, too honest apparentyl (though it was without thinking and will probably happen again) because thats how i view getting the truth out of someone. They are resistant, the lock. The information is past the door, and I must find a way into the door.

The thing is though that I don't acctually have to do that too often at all, I can ussually put it together liek a puzzle...

Maybe i should call it "befriending the mutant sea bass with lasers fixed to thier heads to get crackers on the other side of the pool"

I think it sounds catchy lol :bananallama:
 

Antimony

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I once told my girlfriend that I saw getting the truth or information out of people like opening a lock

Kind the right key, and apply the right amount of pressure, and whula!

She kinda got insulted, saying I shouldn't view people as locks to open.

Is what I did actually offensive? (I have my own opnion but am interested in what you all think)

Besides being taken in a completely different manner, I do not view this as offensive at all. I tend to have problems with my wording and the like, and my friends tend to get offended.

I, however, see it as perfectly normal.
 
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