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[ENTP] Help comprehending angry ENTP

Valuable_Money

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I have a question for you OP. Did you ahppen to put any pennies in any slots recently?
 
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That's a good question. I think if he and I were just friends as individuals, I might have jumped ship by now. But since we're friends as two couples, it makes things a little different because there are two other people involved. I definitely want to remain friends with his wife, and that wouldn't really be possible if he and I don't get along. Similarly I don't want to get in between my fiance and his friendship. If we can get to a point where things calm down between us, it will have been worth it to me to go through this. Hopefully things do calm down. The next time we'll see them will be at our wedding, and it's occurred to me that both times there were negative incidents it was on his turf, so to speak. This time it will be on ours, and there will be so many people around us that I'll be able to pretty tactfully escape and just go talk to someone else if things start to get strange, so I am feeling more optimistic. We'll see.

Uh oh. This ENTP appears to have strong emotions where you are concerned and weddings can be emotionally charged events. I predict you've got more trouble coming unless you find out what's bothering him beforehand. Some of the ENTPs here have said that they don't want to hurt people and would feel terrible if they did. Maybe you should just be open with him about how he made you feel, i.e. tell him that he hurt you. My 2 cents. :)
 

Synarch

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Sounds like:

1. He felt close to you and since you're an INFJ you probably gave him a lot of one on one attention. This leads to confusion. Especially since you probably "got" him better than his ESFJ who was leading him to the alter.
2. He's stressed by the ESFJ's presumable marriage plans.
3. The whole situation is fraught with relationship and friendship stress.

I don't handle interpersonal stress among a group of people very well. This is why I tend to deal with people one on one. I get obsessed with what everyone might be thinking and trying to figure out all the various motives and points of views. It's overwhelming. As a result, I have a couple really good friends and everyone else gets Synarch-lite.
 
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Sounds like:

1. He felt close to you and since you're an INFJ you probably gave him a lot of one on one attention. This leads to confusion. Especially since you probably "got" him better than his ESFJ who was leading him to the alter.
2. He's stressed by the ESFJ's presumable marriage plans.
3. The whole situation is fraught with relationship and friendship stress.

I don't handle interpersonal stress among a group of people very well. This is why I tend to deal with people one on one. I get obsessed with what everyone might be thinking and trying to figure out all the various motives and points of views. It's overwhelming. As a result, I have a couple really good friends and everyone else gets Synarch-lite.

We only get Synarch-lite? :(
 
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Well, Synarch is not me. Not completely. So in some ways you get the whole Synarch and just a version of my real self. I'm pretty boring in reality. Human, all too human.

Hmm.... you are funny, and very intelligent here. :)
 

Synarch

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Hmm.... you are funny, and very intelligent here. :)

You are INFJ so I know you're likely genuine and appreciate that. However, I know you guys also can't help being nice! :steam:

I don't know if other ENTP's are like this, but I always assume that if people like me too much than they don't really know me.

Anyway, back to the thread.

I will say in analyzing this person the OP describes that I often withdraw in group situations, especially if things get tense emotionally or I have to worry about the social dynamics. Who likes who, what's going on, where do I fit in, etc. It's paralyzing sometimes and I'll just pull into my shell after a short time. For example, the last time I went on a trip with like 8 or 9 friends, I had a really good time the first night and socialized like crazy then the rest of the long weekend I was pretty aloof and kept to myself. It just made me self-aware in a very weird way. I didn't understand how I fit in to everything and I couldn't let this go long enough to have fun.
 

jenocyde

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I don't handle interpersonal stress among a group of people very well. This is why I tend to deal with people one on one. I get obsessed with what everyone might be thinking and trying to figure out all the various motives and points of views. It's overwhelming. As a result, I have a couple really good friends and everyone else gets Synarch-lite.

I don't know if other ENTP's are like this, but I always assume that if people like me too much than they don't really know me.

+1

my goodness, glad to know that I am not alone on this one. I could have written your whole post.
 

Synarch

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+1

my goodness, glad to know that I am not alone on this one. I could have written your whole post.

As much as I hate to admit it, it is probably low self-esteem, in my case. That, and I don't even really understand or enjoy having a self, per se. I am very critical and by thinking so much about how things could be better in myself and others it keeps me from really enjoying anything. I operate on instinct and habit and this is just not enough sometimes to feel good about life.
 

jenocyde

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As much as I hate to admit it, it is probably low self-esteem, in my case. That, and I don't even really understand or enjoy having a self, per se. I am very critical and by thinking so much about how things could be better in myself and others it keeps me from really enjoying anything. I operate on instinct and habit and this is just not enough sometimes to feel good about life.

I don't know if it really is low self esteem, actually. But that thing about not enjoying having a self rings many chords in me.
 

Synarch

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I don't know if it really is low self esteem, actually. But that thing about not enjoying having a self rings many chords in me.

Yes, but self-denial is often the result of poor self-esteem.
 
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You are INFJ so I know you're likely genuine and appreciate that. However, I know you guys also can't help being nice! :steam:

I don't know if other ENTP's are like this, but I always assume that if people like me too much than they don't really know me.

Yes, I'm genuine. I also tend to look for the good things in people and ignore the not-so-good things. Therefore, even if I really knew you, I would probably still tend to focus on your good qualities and ignore the rest. That seems to be my default mode of dealing with people.
 

Synarch

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Yes, I'm genuine. I also tend to look for the good things in people and ignore the not-so-good things. Therefore, even if I really knew you, I would probably still tend to focus on your good qualities and ignore the rest. That seems to be my default mode of dealing with people.

I admire that. I am trying to learn it.
 

jenocyde

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Yes, but self-denial is often the result of poor self-esteem.

I'm not in self denial, but it's more like I wish I could transcend the self. I just get bored so easily that I withdraw. I think it boils down to me not wanting to always be the entertainment.
 

Synarch

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I'm not in self denial, but it's more like I wish I could transcend the self. I just get bored so easily that I withdraw. I think it boils down to me not wanting to always be the entertainment.

But why should you want to entertain people in the first place? What does that give you?
 

jenocyde

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But why should you want to entertain people in the first place? What does that give you?

You know what I mean... It doesn't give me anything. But you know how it is - people must do the same to you. Invite you places because you are so lively or whatever. Then after a while, you sit back and think "what the hell do I get out of this???" and then you withdraw. At first, it's cool to be the center of attention, then you just realize how pathetic everyone else is. (sad to say, but it's the truth from my perspective) So then you sit back and analyze and deconstruct and pick apart, which causes further withdrawal. Then this lethargy sets in where you wish you could just transcend this physical plane for a bit. Or maybe it's just me.
 

Synarch

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You know what I mean... It doesn't give me anything. But you know how it is - people must do the same to you. Invite you places because you are so lively or whatever. Then after a while, you sit back and think "what the hell do I get out of this???" and then you withdraw. At first, it's cool to be the center of attention, then you just realize how pathetic everyone else is. (sad to say, but it's the truth from my perspective) So then you sit back and analyze and deconstruct and pick apart, which causes further withdrawal. Then this lethargy sets in where you wish you could just transcend this physical plane for a bit. Or maybe it's just me.

This only used to happen when I was drinking more, which I was doing when I was feeling like shit and lonely. Then I was the entertainment. Impromptu dance parties, etc. I felt like I had to be crazy just to keep people interested. I would push the envelope in a very dangerous way because I really didn't care about anything in my own life. I always cared about everyone having a good time, but I was just acting a role. Now that I've stopped drinking and getting into things they just invite me to hang out and do stuff.
 

jenocyde

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This only used to happen when I was drinking more, which I was doing when I was feeling like shit and lonely. Then I was the entertainment. Impromptu dance parties, etc. I felt like I had to be crazy just to keep people interested. I would push the envelope in a very dangerous way because I really didn't care about anything in my own life. I always cared about everyone having a good time, but I was just acting a role. Now that I've stopped drinking and getting into things they just invite me to hang out and do stuff.

It has nothing to do with alcohol, for me. I think people see me as some strange novelty. I don't know. I guess our reasons are different, but the end result is the same.
 

Synarch

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It has nothing to do with alcohol, for me. I think people see me as some strange novelty. I don't know. I guess our reasons are different, but the end result is the same.

Do you mean they don't see the real you? Or, what do you mean? Why would they see you as a strange novelty?
 
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