• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENTP] Help comprehending angry ENTP

mwv6r

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
208
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Help! An ENTP that I used to be good friends seems to hold a grudge against me and I'd like advice on how to get things back to normal.

My fiance (an ESTP) and I used to be best buds with another couple, a rather wild, over-the-top ENTP and his ESFJ girlfriend. We hung out together all the time, were partners in crime, etc., etc. My fiance and I ended up moving to another state, which our two friends were very bummed out by (particularly the ENTP, who actually seemed angry with my fiance for moving for a couple weeks, but then he seemed to get over it). We were eager to keep in touch with them, and so we visited them soon after. Well, the visit went terribly. The ENTP, who I had always been able to tell held me in high regard and had always been warm and friendly toward me, was incredibly rude and antagonistic to me. Before, he would playfully rib me in a joking manner but I could tell he still considered me a friend; but his behavior that night, in contrast, was simply mean. I was extremely offended and left their house to stay with a friend nearby. (And by the way, I am a very easygoing person who can get along with just about anyone and who will keep quiet about perceived slights until it reaches a severe level.) The ENTP heard through my fiance that I was upset with him, and he claimed that he didn't know what I was talking about and that I was overreacting. But then a few days later the ENTP asked my fiance to tell me he was sorry if he'd been a jerk. A while after the incident, I learned that the ENTP had been on, ermm, mind-altering substances that night, and that made me more understanding of his strange behavior.

Fast forward to yesterday when we went to their wedding. It was the first time seeing them in the six months since the incident. I was (and have long been) 100% ready to put the incident behind me. So I went up and greeted him just like we'd never had a falling out, and I completely expected him to do the same (I mean I am the one who's a big softie NF after all; it seems like if I got over it surely he had too). But no. All evening, he was like a rollercoaster of emotion toward me. One minute he was kind and treated me nicely, and the next he was incredibly rude and disrespectful. He also kept referencing what had happened and acting like I didn't like him. The drunker he got the ruder he was to me. At the end of the night I snuck off to our hotel room and cried. I feel very hurt and just don't understand why he's behaving like this. I have quite a few ENTP friends and get along well with all of them -- most are into playful teasing but they're never intentionally rude like he is being. Do ENTPs hold grudges? I hadn't expected that type to fixate on a negative incident like this.

I'd appreciate any insights on what may be going through his head to make him act like this, and what I might do to make it stop. :huh: Obviously if much more of this goes on I will be at the end of my rope and will revert to an "INFJ doorslam" and simply write him off. But things had been so nice between us two couples before this that I do wish there were a way for things to get back to normal...
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
You need time and calmness. Try to stall away from him but make it reasonable. Like: "Damnit I got a date with my teeth doctor today, I am sorry".

Make it smooth and easily, wait till he forgets, what will take like 3-4 minutes.

Btw. I dont think he is entp, but thats just my take
 

Engler

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
114
MBTI Type
Enneagram
N/A
Frankly, it doesn't seem as though his type has anything to do with his hostility towards you. You mentioned the fact that he was using "mind-altering substances" when you visited him. Furthermore, you also stated that he was drunk during his period of emotional fluctuation at the wedding.

Thus, I am inclined to associate his hostility with his drug use, which, based upon the information that you have presented, is clearly not under control.

My question for you is this: has he always used drugs, and, if so, have you known him to become hostile during use?
 

Qre:us

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
4,890
A while after the incident, I learned that the ENTP had been on, ermm, mind-altering substances that night, and that made me more understanding of his strange behavior.

[...]

He also kept referencing what had happened and acting like I didn't like him. The drunker he got the ruder he was to me.

Redux!

See what happens when/if there's a time that he's sober?
 

BlahBlahNounBlah

New member
Joined
Dec 16, 2008
Messages
1,458
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
I don't think this is about his type. He seems to have some substance abuse problems.



I don't hold grudges. If I don't like someone, I just disconnect from them altogether. But for me, there's no anger.
 

digesthisickness

✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
3,248
MBTI Type
ENTP
i think the fact that you believe you know 'quite a few ENTPs' says something. indeed, i doubt this has anything to do with type, and probably has quite a bit to do with drugs, but maybe, just maybe, you don't know as many as you think. if you insist on taking type into account, you may want to consider this.
 

Qre:us

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
4,890
Shall we tell her at that point that she may be not infj cause we are totally pissed by the post btw ? or shall we wait and watch ?

Only positives are type-applicable, negatives are only individually applicable. Duh!
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
Ok, I didnt understand that, but I tried deleting my post...

Thank you !
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
And I was deleting my sentiment and thus not wanting to be commented on, you masterbrain
 

Qre:us

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
4,890
And I was deleting my sentiment and thus not wanting to be commented on, you masterbrain

Why?


Actually it's a phenomenon I've seen so often on this forum, and, I probably sometimes subscribe to this too. And, not just limited to ENTPs. Any type, in general, whenever there's a negative commentary on that type, others of those types fall over themselves to point out how it's something about the individual, not type (e.g., unhealthy...which, imo, in this particular case, is prolly true due to the substance use angle), but, not so for the positives. Quite interesting...
 

Economica

Dhampyr
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
2,054
MBTI Type
INTJ
Irrespective of type I'd consider the possibility that he might have a crush on you.
 

digesthisickness

✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
3,248
MBTI Type
ENTP
Why?


Actually it's a phenomenon I've seen so often on this forum, and, I probably sometimes subscribe to this too. And, not just limited to ENTPs. Any type, in general, whenever there's a negative commentary on that type, others of those types fall over themselves to point out how it's something about the individual, not type (e.g., unhealthy...which, imo, in this particular case, is prolly true due to the substance use angle), but, not so for the positives. Quite interesting...

i'm well aware that ENTPs have faults. i pointed out what i did because whenever anyone announces that they know 'quite a few' Ns in real life, then i'm naturally doubtful of their typing skills.
 

digesthisickness

✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
3,248
MBTI Type
ENTP
i picture 'quite a few' meaning more than they should based on averages? it's not like you're supposed to be able to swing a cat and hit ten of them.
 

Economica

Dhampyr
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
2,054
MBTI Type
INTJ
i picture 'quite a few' meaning more than they should based on averages? it's not like you're supposed to be able to swing a cat and hit ten of them.

Sure. You just need to swing the cat in the right places.

Please tell me you're not wasting your life in some hick town, digest...

Although, if you are, then you should either move over here to Europe or forget I said anything! :yes:
 

digesthisickness

✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
3,248
MBTI Type
ENTP
Sure. You just need to swing the cat in the right places.

Please tell me you're not wasting your life in some hick town, digest...

Although, if you are, then you should either move over here to Europe or forget I said anything! :yes:

yes, actually, i am.

are you going to pay for the ticket and let me crash at your place until a millionaire falls desperately in love with me?
 

Economica

Dhampyr
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
2,054
MBTI Type
INTJ
yes, actually, i am.

It's times like this I go :BangHead: at ENTPs.

are you going to pay for the ticket and let me crash at your place until a millionaire falls desperately in love with me?

I'm actually planning on buying you a plane ticket just as soon as I become a millionaire myself! :D

In the meantime, you could totally crash at my place until you got settled over here. :yes:

I'm serious. I'd love to have you, and so would my lineup of N friends (especially the male INJs in their thirties) ;), although none of them know that yet.
 

digesthisickness

✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
3,248
MBTI Type
ENTP
It's times like this I go :BangHead: at ENTPs.



I'm actually planning on buying you a plane ticket just as soon as I become a millionaire myself! :D

In the meantime, you could totally crash at my place until you got settled over here. :yes:

I'm serious. I'd love to have you, and so would my lineup of N friends (especially the male INJs in their thirties) ;), although none of them know that yet.

this post goes so well with your sig. :newwink:
 
Top