[INTP] How to seduce as an INTP

[mortabunt]

But beign an INTP, I understood.

 

[JonJT]

But beign an INTP, I understood.

This whole mutual understanding thing we have going.......sweetness

 

[Wild horses]

Insult them mercilessly... the more cutting the better...seems to be my experience! Weird but it works

 

[A Schnitzel]

Insult them mercilessly... the more cutting the better...seems to be my experience! Weird but it works

You've got the idea.

 

[JonJT]

Insult them mercilessly... the more cutting the better...seems to be my experience! Weird but it works

This actually works with some people, it's baffling.

 

[mortabunt]

^+1.

 

[violet_crown]

Where are all the ENTJ chicks?
My options are in a military HQ or a secret lab.

Evidently the sad puppy noises from the NT commune are drawing us out one by one.

I agree with the other NT ladies that a guy who is intelligent is a huge turn on. I mean, guys who are just attractive arent that hard to come by and get boring quickly. On the other hand, a guy that think circles around me doesnt come around too often, so when I meet one its mesmerizing.

That said, confidence is critical. For me, and I think most women who arent a fan of games, either you have what we're looking for or you dont. So dont overthink it and have fun.

Insult them mercilessly... the more cutting the better...seems to be my experience! Weird but it works

I'd be careful with this. From an ENFP its cute and playful slap on the shoulder, "You're so mean!" kind of interaction. Banter with an unexperienced INTP, on the other hand, can sometimes feel like an invigorating round of tag with sledgehammers.

 

[weminuche]

I have dated plenty of hottest girl in the room types.

You dont need to be anything beyond average looking and wearing average clothes.

Self confidence is key.

To get it, realize that picking up/seducing women just isnt that difficult, but you can't MAKE it happen with every girl though so dont try to force it or take it personally if you get rejected. You need to not really give a crap whether you are successful or not.

In fact, you should be trying to determine whether they meet YOUR standards, NOT trying to get them to like you. This is critical difference in attitude that they WILL notice.

A 10% success rate would be extremely effective. You could easily get a phone number and a future date tee'd up every night. When was the last time you approached 10 different girls in one night? That is the biggest problem. Most people give up after a rejection or two.

As an INTP....

10 Research and analyze
20 Form hypothesis
30 TEST hypothesis
40 Go to 10

Realize a 90% rejection rate is expected, but along the way you will get better at it and gain confidence....and become more successful.

Do some research and learn. We are damn good at that! I suggest these:

Dating/Pickup up girls:

Doc Love
David Deangelo


For the same ideas realistically applied to long term relationships with less games check out this guy. You can easily follow what he says and still be yourself, which is required for anything long-term. I REALLY like this guy and what he says and the way he explains and approaches things really makes sense to my INTP self. Download the "What Women really want" and "Breakup busting 101" ebooks. They are both free, and the ebook that he sells is only $40....cheaper than one date.

David Cunningham

 

[weminuche]

Here is a good article on this from David Deangelo. I deleted out some of the sales pitch stuff and buy links.


What NOT To Say When Approaching Women

A HUGE MISTAKE YOU'RE PROBABLY MAKING RIGHT NOW
WHEN YOU APPROACH WOMEN

Let me ask you something...

When you approach or start talking to a woman
that you're "interested" in, what is your attitude
toward her? How do you treat her? What are you
THINKING ABOUT?

Do you start the interaction by trying to
figure out if she's single?

Do you assume that she probably has a boyfriend
and look for hints that she doesn't?

Do you try to pretend like you're not
interested in her "in that way" and instead try to
be casual about it until you get signals from her?

Do you even THINK about your strategy for how
to talk to a woman at all?

MOST GUYS ARE UNAWARE OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING

Most of us guys are running around doing things
that we're not even AWARE of. Or if we are aware
of what we're DOING, we're NOT aware of what OTHER
people (particularly women) think of our
behaviors.

Also, most of us guys allow others to control
MOST or even all of how we act. Now, we won't
ADMIT that we try to do or say whatever we think
will please a woman, and we won't ADMIT that we're
even mentally anticipating what she's going to
think and acting on it... but it's happening.

And it's happening ALL THE TIME.

In fact, if most of us could just get a
realistic look at how much we're trying to read
women's minds and act in a way that pleases women,
we'd BITCH-SLAP ourselves silly and we'd mentally
yell to ourselves "HEY, WAKE UP!"

Think about the following scenario:

You're out at a bar, and you start talking to
an attractive young woman while trying to order a
drink. And let's even say that she starts the
conversation by commenting on how busy it is and
how many people are in line for a drink.

You're thinking to yourself, "I wonder if she
has a boyfriend... I wonder if she's here with
someone... I wonder how old she is and if she'd
like a guy my age... I wonder if I should buy her
a drink so she'll feel obligated to talk to me and
I can keep her attention... I wonder if I should
just wait and talk to her later..."

Then, you remember that you've been reading my
newsletters and my eBook... and learning from my
Advanced Dating Techniques Series... and you
decide to use some of your new techniques.

So you say, "Hey, do me a favor. I'll let you
go in front of me if you order my drink for me.
All the bar tenders are guys, and they'll give you
more attention than they'll give me, OK? I don't
usually use women just for their bodies this early
on in the relationship, but in this case I'm going
to make an exception".

She laughs.

You think you're on a roll.

You then say, "But I'm not going to let you pay
for it, OK? I don't want you thinking that I'm
easy and that I'll give you my number or come home
with you just because you paid for my drink."

At this point, she turns around and gives you
the "You're a loser" look, and walks away.

Now let's think for a moment about what could
be going on here...

- She might be married

- She might be in a bad mood

- She might be a lesbian (not all that bad,
actually)

- She might be offended

- She might be emotionally unstable

- She might have misheard what you said

- She might have gotten nervous

- She might have thought you were ugly

...or the possibility exists that the technique
you used might have been horrible.

But what do MOST guys typically do in a
situation like this one?

Most guys typically let their emotions take
over and they think, "Well that stuff doesn't
work", and they STOP even trying Cocky & Funny
humor.

WHAT A MISTAKE THIS IS!

A side note: If you're not quite "getting" the
Cocky & Funny humor thing, then you need to LEARN
it. This technique will create more attraction
with women than just about anything else I know.
And here's the best way to learn:

Cocky Comedy

A lot of guys will even try something and have
it WORK for them, then have it NOT WORK just ONCE
and quit using it because they stop believing in
it.

This is a HORRIBLE mistake.

Let me try to say this all a different way...

Out of a random sample of 100 beautiful women,
you'd probably find that only 20 of them (or so)
are:

- Single

- Emotionally Stable

- Able to carry on an interesting conversation

- Not stuck up

- Not psycho

This is just an estimate from my own personal
experience, but I think you get the point.

Now, here's the important part of this
concept...

Let's say that you started talking to all of
these 100 women, one after the other, and you had
to use the same basic attitude and opening with
each of them.

What would you do?

If you treated all of them like they were
probably NOT single, interesting, stable, etc.
(which is the case), then you'd probably scare off
the single ones who were your targets, because
they'd think you were acting strange.

For instance, let's say you started a
conversation with a very attractive woman in her
mid twenties, who was open-minded, funny, and
wasn't concerned with how old the men she dated
were (there are a lot of women out there like
this... I know this for a fact). But let's say
that you were "playing it cool", not saying
anything that might offend or appear "too
forward", and generally treating her like she was
probably married or had a boyfriend. You'd
probably be trying to figure out if she was
single, not really paying attention to what you
were saying, and you might finish up by saying,
"So, can I take you out to dinner sometime?"

And what is this hot, smart, desirable woman
thinking while you're acting like a dork? Right...
she's thinking that you're a dork. Duh.

Now, let's take the flip side.

Stay with me here.

Let's say that you treated ALL of the 100
attractive women like they were AVAILABLE, smart,
interesting, etc.

What would happen?

Well, you'd probably start flirting with them
all right from the beginning, or you'd communicate
very quickly that you weren't just another
friendly guy who wanted to talk about the weather.

And what would happen?

Well, as you can imagine, a lot of the women
who were either unavailable or unable to have a
normal conversation would "reject" you. They just
wouldn't be interested. Their minds would be
closed to the possibility of continuing the
relationship with you, and they would end the
conversation with you in one way or another.

Now, let's go TOTALLY out into space, and
imagine that you were a LAB RAT, and that you had
a bar that you could press. And let's say that 80%
of the time when you pressed it you got shocked,
and 20% of the time you got a treat.

How long would you keep pressing the bar?

And keep in mind that this is a random system.

You can't line up all the shocks (or all the
rejections from women, in the non-rat experiment
that most men live in day-to-day).

You might get 7 shocks in a row at first.

Or you might get 1 treat, then 5 shocks.

Well, for most men, the THOUGHT of being
"rejected" by a woman is worse than a shock for a
lab rat.

So what do we do?

We don't even try.

And we miss the opportunities with all of those
wonderful, single, available women who are out
looking for a man who has the balls to find them.

So what's the solution?

The solution is to use a little technique
called behaving AS IF she's single, available, and
interesting.

You must learn to overcome your initial self-
doubt and your doubts about a woman, and behave AS
IF every woman you start talking to is SINGLE and
AS IF she's going to be THE ONE, MOST INTERESTING
AND WONDERFUL WOMAN EVER.

You must do the things that will attract THAT
woman, and forget about the rest.

And you must learn to NOT take the things that
happen in between meeting the wonderful ones
PERSONALLY.

Gary Halbert, one of the top marketing geniuses
in the world, talks about this principle.

He basically says that out of 100 people
reading your ad or seeing your commercial, maybe
ONE of them is someone who would buy your product
anyway.

SO QUIT TALKING TO ALL OF THE 100 PEOPLE, AND
ONLY TALK TO THE ONE!

In his words: "Don't worry about the DOGS,
concentrate on selling the FOXES".

I like the metaphor.

Talk to the women you meet AS IF they're
single, open, interesting, and wonderful. And
don't worry about the ones that don't turn out to
actually BE single, open, interesting, available,
and wonderful!

Use the things you're learning from me, and
KEEP USING THEM... even if they don't work
sometimes. There are all kinds of reasons why
women aren't interested... or stop being
interested... or whatever.

That doesn't mean that you should stop doing
what works!

...which leads me to my next point.

When you first start talking to a woman, your
BELIEFS about women and dating are CRITICAL.

If you don't know how to use your BODY LANGUAGE
and other communication to INSTANTLY show her that
you're a sexually aware, confident man, then
you'll probably be overlooked and mentally
discounted within SECONDS.

Of course, in order to PROJECT the correct
beliefs that are attractive to women, you must
KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, and UNDERSTAND THEM.

In other words, you can't just "fake" them. You
actually have to have a DEEP understanding of how
women think, and what makes them feel a POWERFUL,
gut-level emotional ATTRACTION for a man.

It's taken me YEARS to figure out this critical
point.

I used to try all kinds of techniques to meet
women.

But when it came down to it, no matter how well
the techniques worked, the women always seemed to
slip away at one point or another, and lose their
interest quickly.

This was because I didn't GET IT.

So one of the things that I try to teach guys
is how to GET IT, and how to show women that they
GET IT.

But "getting it" isn't as easy as it sounds.

You can't learn to be a Black Belt in a martial
art by learning a few techniques. It takes a
DEEPER, more profound understanding.

And you can't learn how to be super-successful
with women by learning a few pick up lines.

It just won't happen that way!

After spending literally YEARS making mistakes,
trying different things, and putting the pieces
together, I've created a systematic way for men to
learn ALL of the various aspects of how to be
successful with women and dating.

<snipped off more sales stuff>

 

[A Schnitzel]

I deleted out some of the sales pitch stuff and buy links.

Could you also edit out the capslock and preachy, simplistic writing style?

 

[weminuche]

Could you also edit out the capslock and preachy, simplistic writing style?

I know.... The nuggets of wisdom are covered in a thick film of cheesy infomercialesque slime. But there is some seriously useful info to be had underneath it.

I'm not into games or systems, but you can learn a lot about why men and women behave the way they do, common mistakes and weaknesses, etc. Incorporate what feels right to you, for who you really are ....and flush the rest.

David Cunningham does not write like that....at least not in his ebooks. I find him much more mature and insightful.

Here is an example interesting article from David C.... It copy/pasted as a bit of a mess. You can d/l the pdf with this and bunch of other articles here:

http://www.makingherhappy.com/Break-Up Busting 101 Free Report.PDF

Love, Attraction, Need and Lust –
the “Relationship Emotions”


Today we’re going to talk about the reasons and emotions that cause people to come
together in long-term relationships, how to identify them and distinguish between them,
and most important of all, how to know if you’re in a relationship for the right or wrong
reasons.

I write about this subject frequently because it is so vital to the success of anyone
seeking a happy life in a relationship, and I want to write about it every day, because it
is indeed the cornerstone of every well-rounded, well-matched, and happy relationship.
These emotions, needs, and reasons are love, attraction, need, and lust. What happens
if you confuse them? Did you know that they are different?

Unfortunately, most people don’t, and they are indeed not only different, but entirely
independent of each other, as you are about to see. Thanks to Hollywood, poets, and
poor grammar, among other things, many people use the word “love” in referring to all
four of these very different and entirely unrelated conditions. Do you have any idea of
the potential impact of such a mistake?

What if you feel as if you can’t live without somebody, which is need, and mistake that
for “love,” which simply is “to value”? Will you be valued by someone whom you need,
treat with jealousy and fear of losing them, causing you to try to control them and abuse
them when they scare you? Hardly.

What if you are addicted to sex, and confuse the gratification it gives you with love, or if
your sense of self-worth mistakenly comes from self-medicating your insecurities about
your masculinity with frequent sex and marry someone thinking that the feeling you
have will make the marriage work, when you don’t value the other person, and worse,
don’t share their values? It’s a disaster that you can look around you and see every day,
and an all-too-common cause of broken marriages.

Let’s stop with the what-if’s, since many may not see the difference at this point, and
define these four conditions:

To love is to value, to hold in high regard. Over the years, dictionary writers have
included the other three conditions in their listed definitions for love, not because it was
correct, but because it had become prevalent in our language as everyone sought
prudish euphemisms for emotions and conditions they did not want to name because
they would then have to face them.

Attraction is also biologically-triggered, automatically and consistently, but it manifests
as emotional excitement and desire for intimacy and sex with a specific person who has
triggered it; engaging a person for whom you do not feel attraction will not fulfill the
desire it creates, which differentiates it from lust. It is not, however, a feeling or
indication of value, because a person can feel attraction for someone they literally
despise, such as women who crave the attention of men who beat them and wait for
them to come home for prison, telling themselves it will be different this time, or men
who try to drink themselves to death or engage in other self-destructive behavior
because they can no longer sleep with the wife that just left them and took everything
he owned to boot.

Lust is a purely physical, biologically-caused desire to engage in sexual acts with
another person – any person. Lust can even be at least partially satisfied by
masturbation because it is just physical. The orgasm (sometimes multiples are required)
sets off a cascade of chemical reactions that ends the state of heightened sexual
desire. Neither love nor attraction is required to experience lust; in can indeed by
induced by oral or injected medication, including testosterone, the male sex hormone.

Need is just that, a demand placed upon another person for something they have,
usually their life. Where love is characterized by a strong feeling of happiness when with
its object, and wanting the object of your love to be happy as well, looking forward to
your next meeting, etc., need is characterized by a fear of losing another person, and
thoughts center around what will happen if they are no longer in your life, creating an
overwhelming concern for not being able to live without them. Where love causes one to
do nice things for another and enjoy it, need causes one to either try to “buy off”
someone with nice gestures or to overwhelm, manipulate, and/or control them,
resenting them and the power they hold over one at some – if not all – times.

Not one of these four conditions is in any way related to or dependent upon another;
any of the four can be experienced in the total absence of the other three. This blows a
lot of poetic notions and language right out of the water, such as “making love,” “in
love,” “love child,” etc., but that’s irrelevant. What is supremely relevant is that you must
accept these conditions and their differences as they are, understand them, and
appropriately create them, enjoy them, or guard against them (as in the case of need,
lust, and at times, even attraction) in your own committed relationship or marriage:

• Yes, you want to love and be loved. If you’re not valued by the person you value,
or don’t value a person who values you, you’re mismatched, and doomed to a life
of boredom and resentment at best, and most likely headed for conflict,
resentment, affairs and divorce.

• If you experience lust and indiscriminately desire sex with people outside your
relationship, your partner may resent it tremendously, as you might if the shoe is
on the other foot (not all people regard sex as exclusive to a single partner –
“open relationships,” etc.). Such hedonistic desire and values can only work in a
relationship where both partners share such a value structure and view of sex,
and rarely if ever is it enough to support a relationship.

• Attraction for your partner is a wonderful thing, as is having them attracted to
you, but attraction outside the partnership can be disastrous in the same way and
for the same reasons as lust, except it can be worse because of the emotional
element that goes with attraction. A relationship without attraction between the
partners is a simple friendship, and a boring one. Such a relationship with love
but no attraction is the relationship where you hear about partners having affairs,
saying, “I love my husband/wife dearly, but I need more.” That “more” is the
excitement, fun, etc., that are created by attraction, and if they are missing,
trouble’s coming or already upon you.

• Need is bad for everybody. If you or your partner is being needy, the negative
emotions described above will be present, especially in a codependent pair. If the
symptoms of need are found, somebody needs to start an intense effort to
increase self-esteem to a healthy level. If it can’t be done, the relationship is
virtually doomed, and a “defensive exit” must be considered after all other
options are exhausted. Partners want partners, not dependents, and I can’t tell
you how many times I’ve heard women say, “He was fun when we met, but he
turned out to be so needy I just couldn’t stomach him,” or men say, “Well, she
waited on me hand and foot, and that was the problem. It wasn’t because she
cared that much about me, it was that she was that insecure and just smothered
me to death.”

Gentlemen (and Ladies!) I know many of you may be thinking that this is a load of
crappy opinion and that it doesn’t work that way for you, but it’s not. It works this way for
everyone, and unfortunately, many are unable to see it until so much damage has been
done that they are forced to drop all pretenses in a last-ditch effort to salvage and
redeem their lives. Don’t let this happen to you. Accept reality and make the choice to
use it to your advantage in fixing and enhancing your relationship instead of fighting it
while your relationship continues to come apart. It’s not hard to do when you know how.

I can’t and won’t tell you that everything that you could possibly ever want to know is in
“THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” but there is more than enough
included to fix issues that can be fixed and help you identify both major and minor
issues that can’t be fixed (such as drug addicts, abusers, codependent partners, etc.)
and deal with them appropriately as well. It’s been tested and worked for everyone that
has used it so far, and to this date I have yet to be asked for a refund – can you imagine
how significant that is in an industry where people frequently buy downloadable
information with full intention of asking for a refund and keeping the information??? It’s
so profound and works so well that even people who may not be intending to pay for it
are deciding it’s worth every penny. Read the writing on the wall, make the choice to
take responsibility and improve your life and relationship, and take charge by getting
your copy today at Advice to Save YOUR Relationship and Marriage. I know I sound like a broken
record, but life really is too short to spending it wishing you had answers when they are
this readily available and affordable.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

 

[violet_crown]

^^One other note--that PUA stuff is bullshit. I had it done to me once and it comes off douchebaggy and very very weird.

 

[jenocyde]

I know.... The nuggets of wisdom are covered in a thick film of cheesy infomercialesque slime. But there is some seriously useful info to be had underneath it.

Then edit just to that, jeez. The whole point is be confident and look attractive right? I hope you didn't give this guy too much of your money... I admire him, really. It takes a great bullshitter to have someone willingly give you their money for teaching them how to overcome insecurity, by attacking their insecurities. Bravo.

Now, there's a bridge I have that you might be interested in...

Let me explain how to "get" a girl: you can't. Either someone likes you, or they don't. And even after that initial attraction, there is compatibility to be thought about.

But if you are really desperate, beg your female friends for help. I have a friend who begs me to go to events with him because I am so extroverted. I tend to talk to anyone around me and bring them into conversations. I make the girls he's interested in relaxed and somehow me being there "vouches" for him...

 

[violet_crown]

Let me explain how to "get" a girl: you can't. Either someone likes you, or they don't. And even after that initial attraction, there is compatibility to be thought about.

Couldnt have said it better myself.

But if you are really desperate, beg your female friends for help. I have a friend who begs me to go to events with him because I am so extroverted. I tend to talk to anyone around me and bring them into conversations. I make the girls he's interested in relaxed and somehow me being there "vouches" for him...

The wingman thing can be good, but can also be a double edge sword depending how attractive friend who is a girl is. Interested females may just as likely be pulled in as frightened off by the apparent competition.

 

[jenocyde]

The wingman thing can be good, but can also be a double edge sword depending how attractive friend who is a girl is. Interested females may just as likely be pulled in as frightened off by the apparent competition.

Possibly. But it's better than never going out and never speaking to anyone. Plus, out here every woman is hella attractive so it's no big deal. NYC is full of confident and beautiful people, and it takes more than just a pretty face to make someone intimidated. I know most women here would not want to be with a man who had unattractive friends or exes, because they "don't want to be a part of that club". I'm not joking.

 

[violet_crown]

Possibly. But it's better than never going out and never speaking to anyone. Plus, out here every woman is hella attractive so it's no big deal. NYC is full of confident and beautiful people, and it takes more than just a pretty face to make someone intimidated. I know most women here would not want to be with a man who had unattractive friends or exes, because they "don't want to be a part of that club". I'm not joking.

It wasnt an all or nothing thing, just a caveat. Also, in almost any scenario NYC is going to be the exception and not the rule.

 

[jenocyde]

Also, in almost any scenario NYC is going to be the exception and not the rule.

Why almost any scenario? There are a few differences but men and women are men and women all over the globe.

 

[weminuche]

Let me explain how to "get" a girl: you can't. Either someone likes you, or they don't.

The question of the OP wasn't how "get" a specific girl. I have never met anyone who didn't have plenty left to learn about maintaining a healthy relationship, and it is safe to say that most INTP's could benefit from learning and honing their skills for meeting and interviewing prospective candidates in order to find someone with whom they might share mutual attraction and compatibility.

There is plenty of free info out there.

Since you already know all there is to know on this matter and consider the topic pointless, I'm left wondering why you are here reading and responding to this thread.

 

[jenocyde]

Since you already know all there is to know on this matter and consider the topic pointless, I'm left wondering why you are here reading and responding to this thread.

When did I ever say I considered the topic pointless? No, just your post.

 

[violet_crown]

Why almost any scenario? There are a few differences but men and women are men and women all over the globe.

Because the city has a culture thats relatively unique, and therefore when people use an example from that culture as a general principle for anything other than how things work in NYC it probably does not apply. Same is true for DC, LA, Paris, London or any other large city thats also a major cultural center. The kind of competitive, status dating that you described is probably something youd find in very limited circles outside of where you live. For that reason, it was a moot criticism to the point I made.

As for your second point, I agree with you. That's why we made similar comments on the importance of confidence when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, and that the buddy system is helpful in most situations in the dating scene. And also probably agree that just getting out there is the best policy, as opposed to the counterproductive, stilted bullshit weminuche posted.