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[NT] NTs and social anxiety

Take Five

Supreme Allied Commander
Joined
Aug 26, 2008
Messages
925
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Do many or any NTs suffer from social anxiety? How does this affect you? Does this have anything to do with the "socially awkward" stereotypes of INTJs in particular?
 

Misty_Mountain_Rose

New member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
1,123
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
I don't think I'm socially awkward... probably more like socially inept.

Oblivious is a good word too.

The up side is that actually stopping to think about how I am considered in social settings happens so rarely that I remain happy in my own little world, not caring much one way or the other. When I do stop to look around and see where I might stand with others, I tend to make very Ni based judgements from looks, actions and other minutia (Often times my assessment can be based on a single act, phrase or look) to determine if a person regards me with any esteem. If they don't, I write them off my list and they kind of fade into oblivion. If they do, I'll check in with them again when I start looking around the next time and see if the arrangement has changed.

Repeat ad finitum
 

Raphael

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2009
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3w4
I certainly get socially awkward at times; though usually after I've said or done something rather blunt (go go power of Extraversion). Most of my anxiety comes from focusing too strongly on regret and past mistakes particularly in social situations - usually the person has completely forgotten the incident that I'm dwelling on, but it makes me flip from E to I with that person until I've forgiven myself.
 

Orangey

Blah
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
6,354
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
6w5
Do many or any NTs suffer from social anxiety? How does this affect you? Does this have anything to do with the "socially awkward" stereotypes of INTJs in particular?

Yes, I suffer from a certain form of social anxiety. How does it affect me? I find that I often avoid social situations with strangers for fear of making a fool of myself, and if I am thrust into such a situation against my wishes, it is difficult for me to speak. The reason it is difficult for me to speak is that I really really want to avoid having to replay humiliating situations in my head later on, which I know will happen if I say something embarrassing or stupid. And I am not confident enough in my social abilities to be able to count on myself NOT to say or do something stupid or embarrassing.

I don't know about "socially awkward." To me, socially awkward people are the ones who try to be social, but are so inept at it (and unable to perceive the affect they are having on others) that they make interaction with them weird and uncomfortable. I am not like that, I don't think. I am completely capable of being smooth socially, but it's the fear and lack of desire to do so that usually gets me. So I'm either/or - either fairly charismatic (if and when I feel like being) or totally quiet.

My social anxiety only extends to situations with strangers, though. Or gatherings of more than six people.
 

Kra

Black Magic Buzzard
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
912
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
I wouldn't say that I'm "socially awkward." I never shy away from a situation because of a fear of strangers or being unsure if people like me or not. If I find an event fun or interesting I will not hesitate to go even if the potential for social involvement is high.

I suppose that my social deficiency lies in my willingness to reach out to others. I find that I am almost never the person who initiates a conversation with a stranger, despite being rather self-assured. On the other hand, if they approach me, I'm amiable and friendly. I have no problem meeting their outreach halfway, though I may politely withdraw if I find them uninteresting.

For instance, I excel at continuing and contributing to friendly conversations, I'm just abysmal at starting them.
 

Engler

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
114
MBTI Type
Enneagram
N/A
Yes, I suffer from a certain form of social anxiety. How does it affect me? I find that I often avoid social situations with strangers for fear of making a fool of myself, and if I am thrust into such a situation against my wishes, it is difficult for me to speak. The reason it is difficult for me to speak is that I really really want to avoid having to replay humiliating situations in my head later on, which I know will happen if I say something embarrassing or stupid. And I am not confident enough in my social abilities to be able to count on myself NOT to say or do something stupid or embarrassing.

I don't know about "socially awkward." To me, socially awkward people are the ones who try to be social, but are so inept at it (and unable to perceive the affect they are having on others) that they make interaction with them weird and uncomfortable. I am not like that, I don't think. I am completely capable of being smooth socially, but it's the fear and lack of desire to do so that usually gets me. So I'm either/or - either fairly charismatic (if and when I feel like being) or totally quiet.

My social anxiety only extends to situations with strangers, though. Or gatherings of more than six people.

I identify perfectly with virtually everything stated here.

Now, I'm skeptical of MBTI's ability to predict behavioral patterns, but I must say, it strikes me as no coincidence that we should also have the same type.

-------------------------------

To apply cognitive functions to the social anxiety/ineptitude for the INTP:

Dominant Ti ---> critical evaluation of personal behavior

Secondary Ne ---> tendency to perceive different [potentially negative] perspectives

Tertiary Si ---> uncomfortable remembrance of previous mistakes made during social interaction

Inferior Fe ---> underdeveloped ability to act appropriately in a social context


-------------------------------

^Feel free to disagree with my interpretation.
 

Willfrey

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
615
MBTI Type
IsTP
Orangey took the words out of my mouth.

I'm calm and collected among people I know well, but throw just one stranger in the mix and I'll clam up.
 
Joined
Jun 6, 2007
Messages
7,312
MBTI Type
INTJ
I definitely have all the social anxiety an INTJ might be expected to have. Picking up the phone is like picking up a manhole cover, even for people I like. I also find it very difficult to get out the door to do something social, although when I can make myself do it I generally have a good time. It's the inertia I have to fight. I constantly worry that my precious few friends will give up on me. Predictably, the situation also makes dating an extremely rare event.
 

yenom

Alexander the Terrible
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
1,755
social anxiety is not difficult to conquer. I find most people who are good at public speaking are actually introverts. There are people who can speak to thousands of people without fear and improvise as he go along. Imagine people who make a fool out of themselves in front of thousands of people and everyone knows about it.

Avoiding is not the best way to deal with it. The best way to deal with your fear is to confront it and forgive yourself when you can't face it. I done alot of things that I felt ashamed of, but I know its all part of the process.

A billion words are being spoken on this planet every day (maybe a trillion I don't know, but a very large number). What words are classified as stupid?
 

CJ99

Is Willard in Footloose!!
Joined
Jan 5, 2009
Messages
582
MBTI Type
ENTP
I can relate to this a lot. It wasn't untill up to the last year that I started to get a hang of the whole socialising thing.
I'm still clueless about parts of it, like girls, still useless there, but I'm a lot better than I used to be in general.
I was always a bit nervous in social situations because people didn't always react well to me. It was always all or nothing with me. Either you get full pledged eat your brains weird/odd/randomness or quiet antisocial dude and most people prefer something inbetween.
 

Feops

New member
Joined
Feb 15, 2009
Messages
829
MBTI Type
INTx
It would seem reasonable that people weaker on the "feeling" would have inferior emotional development.

It's certainly a weakness of mine. I fare poorly in large social settings without any structure to them - like a club, or a party. Very hard to just throw myself out and start on the random smalltalk. Or even worse, body language. On rare occasion alcohol will remedy this.

On the bright side I'm pretty confident in any sort of public speaking. Having a concrete topic gives me something to focus on. I can speak my mind and worry about presenting good, rather than how I should navigate personal exchanges.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
I have no social anxiety, but chances are that I am pretty socially awkward - I'm just oblivious to it, for the most part.
 

trollgrinder

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2009
Messages
6
MBTI Type
INTP
Psychology has been an avid interest of mine for a while, and before discovering these different systems and theories of personality typing, I thought maybe I suffered from avoidant personality disorder. After finding out I'm allegedly an INTp type and what that entails, I'm not so sure if I suffer from it or if extreme social avoidance is just a part of my nature. Then again, after discovering my type, I wondered if at least the I and T parts might not be a result of suffering from avoidant personality disorder. I'm never fully certain of anything. Either way, in regards to socializing, I've always avoided it where possible, because I've always been worried I could make some blunder that I would find personally inexcusable. I hate having to be so keenly aware of myself and everything I do on the spot like that. Not to mention, I hate having to react on the spot like that to. However, I've read about INTp's being social chameleons, and I'm actually quite good at that role when I'm forced into socializing. Also, whatever part of us that allegedly accounts for us being able to be weird or eccentric, but in a lovable, dorky sort of way, I'm very thankful for, as I use that a lot with the opposite gender, and with some degree of success. The real problem, for me, is when it comes time to "drop the act", so to speak. When I start trying to develop an actual relationship with someone, my Ti and the true weakness of my Fe start to shine through. I start to alienate them a bit with both, either by going off on theoretical rants on some esoteric interest of mine, or by reacting to a situation in a way that makes it blatantly obvious that I'm oblivious to their feelings. I have to say, nothing has caused me more troubles or grief, in my well established relationships, than my weak Fe, especially in my romantic relationships. If I have to hear that I'm cold, detached, and distant, one more time, I'm going to go the rest of the way insane! :steam: I live in Western society, I thought being an insensitive jerk was appropriate behavior for a guy and a turn on, but apparently that only applies as an initial attraction. lol
 

Qre:us

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Nov 21, 2008
Messages
4,890
Do many or any NTs suffer from social anxiety? How does this affect you? Does this have anything to do with the "socially awkward" stereotypes of INTJs in particular?

No...this is quite a foreign concept to me. Sorry, also not an INTJ. I actually get more excited about new social situations than going to meet the same people, in a previously visited setting. Although, I'm sure that some of the things I say (that elicit groans and crackles) may be perceived by others as 'oh shit', 'no she didn't' 'what is she on?'.....this, however does not elicit anxiety in me, but rather, amusement.

I know an INxJ (recently I think I'm becoming certain that he's actually INTJ)...and he grumbles and groans about social situations. Once there, he's more likely to sit back and listen, with isolated commentary (moments of insights), or in a bigger group setting, when he does converse, it's usually 1-on-1.
 

CJ99

Is Willard in Footloose!!
Joined
Jan 5, 2009
Messages
582
MBTI Type
ENTP
Not really anxiety, there's just a barrier you have to break to get me open

Thats it exactly! :yes:
I take a while to feel comfortable in the situation but once I do I'm fine, actually I can be quite good in them. According to a lot of people I'm a funny nice sociable guy. Its just it used to take me weeks or months to get comfortable with people like that. Now I can do in minutes with only a few people or days with big groups.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
I know the popular perception is that extraverts don't experience social anxiety, but this is really not true at all...

Yes, I do experience it a lot. I just override it, because I have objectives beyond myself and my own comfort or whatever. I leave about 80% of social encounters feeling sure that I've made a total idiot of myself and wishing I'd just stayed at home.

Yet the sky does not fall on my head... so I carry on.
 

SecantSquared

New member
Joined
Jul 10, 2009
Messages
229
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
I know an INxJ (recently I think I'm becoming certain that he's actually INTJ)...and he grumbles and groans about social situations. Once there, he's more likely to sit back and listen, with isolated commentary (moments of insights), or in a bigger group setting, when he does converse, it's usually 1-on-1.

That is exactly like me. I would much rather stay at home and spend time with...inanimate objects...than go out in a social setting. and even if someone, somehow, gets me there, I don't really do much. I'll still behave exactly like me. I've been told that I tend to sit back and listen, then throw out a sentence or two, and analyze the results. This sounds exactly like me, and how i have a tendency to turn everything that I do into some sort of "experiment". It's actually somewhat fun, though. :D
 

Shimmy

New member
Joined
Jun 9, 2009
Messages
1,867
MBTI Type
SEXY
Yeah, I tend to analyse my social interaction quite a bit. Trying to notice what effect my words, body language and actions have on people. Eventually a concept I discover becomes so natural to me I don't have to think about it though. At this point in my life I have pretty good people skills, and have overcome my social anxiety. On the other hand, if I don't really have anything to say I will still be the quiet guy in the corner, but looking far more confident then I used to be, knowing that I can do well socializing and making friends.
 
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