[NT] Loneliness while single

[Fluffywolf]

Feeling lonely is an utter waste of time. Why bother. I got way better things to do in my life than to wither away silently.

 

[bluebell]

How do you guys get over being lonely while single?

I'm not lonely. It took a couple of months (after having been with him for nearly 18 years) before the occasional loneliness pangs faded completely, but now, I enjoy being single and living alone. I get my socialising needs met from my friends (online and IRL) as well as working in a fairly chatty team.

 

[Shimmy]

In Law School. College was great I did the fraternity thing and had plenty of buddies.

Hey yeah, that's a great way to make friends. I joined a student rowing club for this reason.

 

[Virtual ghost]

How do you guys get over being lonely while single?

Without any problem.

 

[substitute]

I can see why introverts might get this, on the one hand, because if they don't actually live with another person, their human contact might be very low indeed - yes, fair enough, part of that's healthy introversion and "me time", but I know with most introverts I've known, quite a chunk of it's less healthy, fear-driven, "don't know how to socialize/nobody likes me/what if I go out and have a good time, and then people expect me to go out AGAIN another time, when I don't feel like it?/easier to stay in" stuff... all people need some human contact, however introverted, IMO.

Extraverts like me, who have been single long-term, I might reason, would be at less risk of loneliness since I spend so much of my time around people, both in and out of the home.

BUT, on the other hand, you could say the reverse. The introvert that does go out and about, would probably be GLAD to have the house to himself, the socializing he does at work or school being more than enough for him, so he wouldn't get lonely when alone at home (Scenario 3). Meanwhile, the Extravert, whether they go out a lot or not, still might need more company and feel the absence of it at home more keenly.

Then you have the weird ENTx's, who can be quite happy with their own company, whose extraversion is more about an orientation to the external than "needing people" per se. Maybe with us, we'd be more like the healthy introvert in the handily, retroactively (as I type) named Scenario 3.

Some people though, regardless of what other socializing they do or don't do, seem to need a romantic relationship, and feel incomplete without one. I think this is often painted as a "most people" thing, when in fact, more people would be happy single than we think, and a lot of people who think they can't be, actually could - the unhappiness isn't coming from singleness itself, but the societal pressure it puts on them, the feelings of failure and patheticness that affect their self confidence when others judge them for being single.

Meh.

 

[bluebell]

BUT, on the other hand, you could say the reverse. The introvert that does go out and about, would probably be GLAD to have the house to himself, the socializing he does at work or school being more than enough for him, so he wouldn't get lonely when alone at home (Scenario 3).

:hi: (my god I hate that smilie. Shoot me now. Anyway.) That is, if you add online socialising to the mix.

 

[INTJMom]

I get lonely from the lack of someone to share my soul with.

 

[thisGuy]

get hobbies where you'll meet people? swimming at the public pool? karate class?

 

[Owl]

1 Cor: 7

 

[Willfrey]

I don't know if being alone depresses me, but if it has been a week or more since I've gone out and really done anything I am more motivated to contact people I know and make plans to do something.

 

[Mondo]

When I'm single, I'm not actually alone.
I have a lot of friends to hang out with.
Not everything is about physical intimacy.
If there's some sort of intellectual connection- I can feel connected in some sort of way.


EDIT: I just read this.

The alternative is going places with Friends™, but this requires Friends™, currently not sold in stores and only available through special promotional offers.

Lol- exactly! Thankfully, I know where to find those-

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I get lonely from the lack of someone to share my soul with.

This is why I'm lonely. Its not that I don't have friends, I have plenty, and it its not that I don't go out, I go out a bunch, its that I'm tired of waiting for that special person to share myself (all of myself with). I feel like shes out there waiting to be found (or to find me), and I just have to wait.

 

[INTJMom]

1 Cor: 7

So... your answer is get married if you're lonely?

Just for the record... I was lonely even when I was married...
My husband didn't have the energy to listen to my heart very often.

 

[substitute]

:hi: (my god I hate that smilie. Shoot me now. Anyway.) That is, if you add online socialising to the mix.

Add it, yeah, though too many substitute it entirely or almost entirely, IMO. Which I isn't really good... I mean it's not the same, is it? You can only get to know two dimensions of a person at most, when you're only able to "see" them as they wish to paint themselves, if you can't see them with your own eyes and observe their behaviour towards others in person, that sorta thing.

INTJMom - I know that feeling, marriage made me lonelier by far than being single. But... the sort of thing you describe, I'm not sure if some of your perceived loneliness might not be because of having built up a desire for something that I don't think is really realistic... is that your tertiary Fi on the loose there? Victim of your own idealism like my Fe gets me in a headlock sometimes and makes me a prisoner to my own philanthropy!

Mondo - totally. My feelings exactly. I don't really want emotional intimacy though, not to the level a lot of people seem to think is the holy grail of their lives When I really thought it through to its conclusion, all it entails and all that, it didn't really look that attractive, after all

 

[runvardh]

I was feeling lonely for a while, then I started going to tavern and fight practice - I'm not so lonely anymore.

Edit: actually, I've recently realized that most of what feels like loneliness for me these days has just been sexual frustration. The thing that sucks about that is that I am emotionally incapable of one night stands and masturbation just isn't satisfactory.

 

[Zoom]

It doesn't happen extremely often, but I read, and go to windswept natural places where the melancholy of being lonely can taste almost sweet.

I also write letters to friends, and focus on other parts of my life (work, activities, etc).

 

[substitute]

I was feeling lonely for a while, then I started going to tavern and fight practice - I'm not so lonely anymore.

Edit: actually, I've recently realized that most of what feels like loneliness for me these days has just been sexual frustration. The thing that sucks about that is that I am emotionally incapable of one night stands and masturbation just isn't satisfactory.

Heh, yeah that's what you wanna do, sweat it all out in sports

 

[runvardh]

Heh, yeah that's what you wanna do, sweat it all out in sports

Eh, there is a hope I can sweat it out through sports. Problem is physical activity increases how effectively I can use energy, so...

I once went for a 6 hour bike ride and when I came back I spent another two hours with the girlfriend I had at the time.

 

[substitute]

ah yes. the "I could conquer the world right now" feeling you get from an afternoon of very strenuous manual labour... know it well. and its rather more unwelcome tag-along, the "I could conquer YOU if I wanted to, so why don't I?" feeling. And even I know that I'd regret acting on that.

 

[runvardh]

ah yes. the "I could conquer the world right now" feeling you get from an afternoon of very strenuous manual labour... know it well. and its rather more unwelcome tag-along, the "I could conquer YOU if I wanted to, so why don't I?" feeling. And even I know that I'd regret acting on that.

Apparently she didn't mind , just absolutely confused as to how the hell I had the energy.

Without a girlfriend I end up kind of stuck trying to figure out what to do because of the other stuff I already mentioned...