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[NT] How do you react to unresolved conflict?

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Does unresolved conflict bother you? What are you most likely to do about it? I'm interested in how each type responds differently to it.
 

Shimmy

New member
Joined
Jun 9, 2009
Messages
1,867
MBTI Type
SEXY
Nothing mostly. It bothers me and I will try to find a solution. But I can usually detach myself from it.
 

Orangey

Blah
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
6,354
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
6w5
I don't like things hanging over my head, so I try my best to resolve it on my end. It bothers me...I obsess about it and dwell. Most of the time, therefore, I take action to resolve things. As long as I've done something about it - even if the other party doesn't cooperate - I feel better.

It also depends on the severity of the conflict, and whether I consider myself obligated to resolve things. If I am having a conflict that is trivial, or that is completely the other person's doing, then I won't budge. It doesn't bother me as much, and I usually forget about it ('til the next time I see that person, of course). Sometimes I forget altogether, if the conflict is small enough.
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
Enneagram
8w9
Hell yes it bothers me.

But I almost always resolve it quickly.
 

redsox44344

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2009
Messages
136
MBTI Type
ENTP
It bothers me, and I try to figure out an answer, but if i can't then I don't dwell on it for too long. After a while, the answer will come to me how to solve this conflict, and I know that.
 

ghoti

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2009
Messages
56
MBTI Type
intj
With conflicts initiated by other people, I prefer to let them go unresolved instead of engaging in drama I don't care about. I figure it's part of a bigger personal problem for them and I might as well not feed it.
 

squibbles

New member
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
77
MBTI Type
INTJ
I'm a firm believer in never letting the sun set on an argument.
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
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783
Does unresolved conflict bother you? What are you most likely to do about it? I'm interested in how each type responds differently to it.

What does that mean "unresolved conflict" ?
 

sunset5678

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2009
Messages
145
MBTI Type
XNTJ
I recently got to the bottom of some unresolved conflict between me and a couple of people and it didn't feel good because it turned out that no one that got dragged into it was really the fault of any of it...god I would love to tell the starter that I smell a rat. But on the other hand the more I avoid this person and try to stay out of their way the stupider this person has to make themselves look to get their side of the story believed...sometimes you can get revenge and not have to get your own hands dirty. Sometimes its all you can do
in those situations where you know you can't go to people because t-
hey are already siding with that person
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
What does that mean "unresolved conflict" ?

Like when you have an argument with a friend that ended badly, but you didn't make up yet. Or he won't listen to your side of the story.

I hate unresolved conflicts. I don't care what the resolution is: breaking up, breaking away, trying harder, whatever - I just want to fix it and be done. The goal is always understanding. It's very difficult to go on with my day if I simply don't understand what went wrong, or someone's point of view.

But if someone is stubborn, or if I am too bothered by the turn of events, it's quite easy to resolve it by forming my own unsubstantiated conclusion. I just accept it as fact, then push it out of my mind and never think of it again. It will literally be forgotten, along with the person, in a matter of minutes.
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
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Like when you have an argument with a friend that ended badly, but you didn't make up yet. Or he won't listen to your side of the story.

I hate unresolved conflicts. I don't care what the resolution is: breaking up, breaking away, trying harder, whatever - I just want to fix it and be done. The goal is always understanding. It's very difficult to go on with my day if I simply don't understand what went wrong, or someone's point of view.

But if someone is stubborn, or if I am too bothered by the turn of events, it's quite easy to resolve it by forming my own unsubstantiated conclusion. I just accept it as fact, then push it out of my mind and never think of it again. It will literally be forgotten, along with the person, in a matter of minutes.

Ah okkk. I think I only now that from my girlfriend, cause my circle of friends is more like non-existent :D.

And that with your girl then yes, sucks
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Ah okkk. I think I only now that from my girlfriend, cause my circle of friends is more like non-existent :D.

And that with your girl then yes, sucks

Yeah, in a romantic relationship, it's a bummer and I hate it.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,585
MBTI Type
INfj
Enneagram
451
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I don't like things hanging over my head, so I try my best to resolve it on my end. It bothers me...I obsess about it and dwell. Most of the time, therefore, I take action to resolve things. As long as I've done something about it - even if the other party doesn't cooperate - I feel better.

It also depends on the severity of the conflict, and whether I consider myself obligated to resolve things. If I am having a conflict that is trivial, or that is completely the other person's doing, then I won't budge. It doesn't bother me as much, and I usually forget about it ('til the next time I see that person, of course). Sometimes I forget altogether, if the conflict is small enough.

this is me too.

i don't have much conflict in my life anymore because i take care to say what i mean (and if the other party misconstrues what i've said, then orangey's statement applies), or i erect my boundaries pretty quickly when i see i'm being drawn into a situation (discussion) that could result in conflict (if someone is speaking rudely or disrespectfully to me, i just say i don't like the way 'x' is speaking, and i don't want to talk about 'y' anymore right now tyvm).

EDIT: i don't consider bantering back and forth on type c conflict, btw. i consider that fun. conflict to me is when something i've said has been misconstrued or misunderstood or when someone has gotten his feelings hurt. i really don't get my feelings hurt easily, and if i do, i take responsibility for them. i don't expect apologies, although they are welcomed.
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
9,581
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INTP
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9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Romantic relationship aside (Don't have one at the moment anyhow) unresolved conflicts don't bother me for the sake of it being unresolved.

Although if the conflict is of such a nature that it keeps surfacing it's annoying and I may look for easy solutions.

If the conflict is with someone I respect greatly I would feel sadness and start my best on resolving the issue.
 

Shimmy

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Jun 9, 2009
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1,867
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SEXY
If the conflict is with someone I respect greatly I would feel sadness and start my best on resolving the issue.

Happened to me, I don't respect the guy any more and he knows it, I make sure of that. Revenge is not my thing, and options are always discussable, but cross my path and you can better hope we don't get invited to the same party again.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
I'm mostly interested in what happens with conflict between you and someone in your inner circle - SO or family or very close friends. And what do you do if your attempts to solve the situation don't work?
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
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sp/sx
Like I said, when it is someone important to me I will resolve it. And the way us INTP's resolve things is to sit down together and have a good long chat. And my god, we can chat for extremely long times in those situations. :yes:

I will show unending patience and the will to try and relate and compromise in any acceptable and rational manner I can think off. And I'll be able to think of many, most likely.


But I only show that to people really close to me, if you're not close you're screwed. :p
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,585
MBTI Type
INfj
Enneagram
451
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm mostly interested in what happens with conflict between you and someone in your inner circle - SO or family or very close friends. And what do you do if your attempts to solve the situation don't work?

this makes me curious, fidelia. are you experiencing conflict with someone close to you right now?

that's a bit tougher. since family or very close friends are people with whom you have to interact, at least on an occasional basis, it presents a different dynamic, doesn't it?

i'm not a very good example i'm afaid. after years of my father (estj?) not really getting me (but loving me unconditionally nonetheless) and a mother (istj?) who tried everlastingly to control me and make me her puppet, down to a sister (isXp) who always degraded me because i liked to be in charge in some areas of my life ("jeez, calm down, you're gonna have a heart attack! god!" [when i was mearly minorly upset!]) i have to say by the time i was leaving for college (actually long before) i withdrew from them emotionally, and therefore, i became less and less available. i still have a soft spot for my sister even though we feel like exact opposites, but she's on the other side of the world so we don't really keep in touch.

i guess my answer to conflict and family is just to take more than i can handle til i blow up in a yelling/cryfest, then withdraw. my family (parents/in-laws) came of age in the 50's and it's kinda like their way or no way. this pattern continued until i withdrew all the way to montana........and now i'm basically out of touch of all my family and in-laws and i actually honestly like it this way. they just never got me. if they got me, i didn't get the level of respect and acceptance i like. i can find that in my friends, so why bother?
 

stigmatica

New member
Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
308
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I'm mostly interested in what happens with conflict between you and someone in your inner circle - SO or family or very close friends. And what do you do if your attempts to solve the situation don't work?

They ALWAYS work ;) - else they wouldn't be in the circle in the first place. That said, I never let things sit unresolved (to a fault, maybe). If I detect an issue, I want it out in the open and discussed immediately, while others in my circle would prefer to pretend nothing is wrong until everyone forgets. Where I see it as discussion, others see it as argument and label it as bad. Pffft! Besides, I'm always right ;) - lol
 
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