INTJ: stress in meetings

[ed111]

I find it impossible to bite my tongue in meetings. I suppose I feel that if I were to just sit there I may as well not attend and just have the minutes emailed to me. I have to give my opinions and this can cause me to offend members of staff (as I did today). The whole affair makes me stressed and upset, but I know I speak the truth.

Does anyone else have this problem? If so, how do you deal with it?

[iwakar]

I know you're looking for NT input, but I hope you won't mind my two cents. I often have the same trouble myself in meetings, because I'm very good at identifying a litany of problems and cobbling together long-term solutions. (Change is usually met with a lot of resistance, but I wouldn't suggest if it I didn't think it was advantageous, effective, and positive.)

INxJs in general seem to use their Ni-power (whether it's Fe or Te directed) to troubleshoot and problem solve and this can be viewed as a very hostile act by those that are A) insecure or B) content with the status quo (i.e. lazy). As types, we are both highly motivated to effect change for the sake of improvement. Sometimes our ability to incisively 'cut to the chase' and 'see the big picture' rubs people the wrong way.

FWIW we both mean well. However, I think INFJs have a natural advantage in presenting said information in a more diplomatic ("let's grease these people wheels") sorta way. INTJs can get good at this by adding the appropriate half-smile at speaking intervals, politely nodding at others' input, and prefacing many ideas with "Maybe we could..." and suffixing with "...in order to make things better for everyone."

[Economica]

OP: Examples, please!

[avolkiteshvara]

Just do what us Ps do and doodle while mentally assaulting your colleauges into shutting up.

[jenocyde]

Just do what us Ps do and doodle while mentally assaulting your colleauges into shutting up.

+1

I draw pics of the offensive parties in excruciatingly painful torture devices. I get quite a kick out of it.

Ironically, the offensive party is usually a long winded xSTJ or a cynical and bitter sounding xNTJ... (kidding)

[Ruthie]

Just do what us Ps do and doodle while mentally assaulting your colleauges into shutting up.

Ps don't have the market cornered on that one. My favorite was a mini-comic strip of all the "accidents" that could befall the speaker.

[nightning]

It's difficult not to speak up when you see how things can potentially flop belly up. Unless I'm not at all responsible for the project and I feel like letting them hang on their own rope. Otherwise I do throw in my 2 cents.

My typical response to long energetic rambling.

I'm not sure if that might fly. Have you considered the issue of ... I think you need to resolve that/find a workaround for that in order for it to work. Another approach could be ... perhaps you should also look into that and compare the two.

I guess one of the things people get frustrated about is you shooting down their ideas without offering something constructive. So I tend to bring up ways of addressing the shortcomings whenever possible.

[ed111]

OP: Examples, please!

I work as a lecturer and I was offended that colleagues in the department had spent £17000 photocopying notes for students when the college is paying £1000s of pounds for a virtual learning environment. All resources should therefore be electronic. I described spending money on photocopying as disgraceful. At the end of the meeting I was collared by another lecturer who seemed very upset by it all and came up with a number of excuses as to why he had to photocopy stuff.

To be honest I'd been getting angry all through the meeting at other items on the agenda (which I had to give my opinion on as well). The photocopying was just the icing on the cake.

Anyway, I've subsequently emailed the entire department offering my help on how to produce electronic resources. I've had several thankyous from staff, and have the full support of management. I've done it to isolate the people that are refusing to accept change.

[iwakar]

LOL! The exact opposite way I would implement change. Strike that. My last resort for implementing change would be the above.
^^

You'll have to help me hone my gang-star skillz if I can't get my point across.

[Uytuun]

I suppose I feel that if I were to just sit there I may as well not attend and just have the minutes emailed to me.

Exactly my attitude - I can be half an hour late to class, but when I'm there, I cooperate fully. You learn more, time goes faster...

I can't STFU either - I'm probably mentally assaulted by INTPs a lot. Their passivity in turn frustrates me sometimes. Last time I checked it's not lethal to be involved/show some enthusiasm/cooperation rather than indulge in contrary snobbery. It's a vicious circle in which I can end up dominating the conversation with fellow NJs or ETs.

INTPs: are you sometimes reluctant to speak up because you need more processing time? I remember one INTP asking to be given Qs beforehand so he could prepare them and the discussion would be more focussed/structured/relevant.