Well since I joined the forums, I figured I am not the only one with that problem.
I am basically over that period of my life, I am just still wondering about it, cause a person close to me is not over it and he is experiencing a similiar form of sabotaging good things that happen to him.
I know aswell that this is no healthy way and is possibly related to feelings of not wanting to take on responsibility or a twisted form of self-hatred. I just am not satisfied with the explanations.
Maybe because they sound like someone has made the whole issue appear to be very easy and not worthy to be thought about.
I myself picture me in the role now, of a person, who has lived through similiar stages in his life. Cause I see myself there now, I would try to make a good example and share my experience with others, who are facing issues, I once faced myself. To do so, you still need to grasp the root of the problem and I think "self-hatred" or "not wanting to take responsibility" are causes, which lead to the problem, but I am looking for the causes which led to the causes.
So I was looking for something like: "Its the Ne, twisted by the Fe constantly looking for new things not settling on something".
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Basically the discussion is about morales. I am a grown up man know and I have developed a set of standards and morales for myself and I take responsibility serious and can be trusted to follow a clear red line in my emotional reasoning.
What I dont understand is, why, when and what excatly happened to lead to that point and I am basically looking for a in-system deep explanation. That it is a result of growing up, I know myself, but those words are pretty meaningless.
So you have that Ne that constantly likes to compromise topics that look to be ultimately nice, the truth or right, to generate new problems to lead to advancement.
And then suddenly, you compromise your own ability to compromise things, one day in your life and set yourself aswell to so called truths, standards, ultimately nice things, which you always hated and which you declare to be right or good or truthful. And still you know that the very foundation you base your so called morales on, is only possible if you lie to yourself about their "rightness".