[INTJ] What you don't like or don't understand about INTJs?

[Virtual ghost]

I see that people are saying a lot of bad stuff about INTJs around the forum.
So I am wondering how many of those claims are for real and how many are said just for the sake of it. I am petty sure that on this forum there must be a thread about this already but I will start a new one.
Also I place it here so that we get more private atmosphere and if someone has a question I will try to answer it.


I am wondering a lot do we really have the what it takes to be scray as some people say?


To reduce generalization I will split INTJs into three groups -balanced , standard and expressed. But I will not define them in detail since that would be too subjective. This is just so that we heve easier time with communication.


Basicly: Balanced are actually quite normal people.
Standard would majority of INTJ and they have many typical INTJ traits. Expressed are very likely to have some personaity disorders and they have an issue with pretty much everything. But this does not imply that they are unsuccesful in life.


There is no need to be too nice here.
But you probably already know that.

 

[Virtual ghost]

In the other thread there is a conversation about why some INTJs are such a emotional retairds. So I will post my explanation here.

The most obvious element of theis is that your feeling side is underdeveloped. But that still means that a person has a chance to have an emotional outburst from time to time.


In my opinion the real reason for this are not analytical methods like Te and Ti which are logical suspects. (we all have 8 functions)
The real cause is actually Ni. Since Ni makes you detached form yourself or it can make you totally in controle of yourself.

Since Ni is an expert for watching things from detached perspective or watching things that wre not there/around you and watching the big picture which many tend to miss.

Here is one old post of mine.

I see that in the last few days many people are interested in Ni and they would want to develop Ni. Of course I can only speak about INTJ Ni.

Everything told so far was the good side but there is a dark side of entire story. I am posting this in this thread because it is related to things like love and sex.


Well the whole thing is that brain is built this way and you are helpless about it. But that would not be such a problem if our reality is "more normal" place.

What I mean by this is that (scientific) knowledge is the key part here.
Scientific knowledge is the fuel for the process(Ni). As knowledge grows the process is becoming more and more complex.


Also many things in that knowledge are against the common sense (S).
So more and more people do not understand you, as you go deeper.
At one point you will get far enough that you can accept things that are not "normal" or obvious.




From more practical view that looks like this.


Since I am geology student I am “driving” hundreds of millions of years up and down every day so my view of the time is different then how most people see it.


Imagine this scenario. I and another person are in the middle of the nowhere.
Then the other person asks “How did those rocks form?”

Me: Well, those rocks were formed in the shallow sea along the northern coasts of Africa some 230 millions of years ago.

That would not be strange in the case that we are not on the mountain some 1200 meters above the sea level and the sea is not visible from the mountain at all. Plus we are in the middle of Europe.



Also only few people are aware of the fact that only a few kilometers/miles beneath our houses there are hellish conditions.
Or knowing, that the Earth will probably not be able to support mankind in it's current number. (Read billions of dead people)


Also I am big fan of Astronomy so I would dare to say that I am more aware then the others about our position if we take a look at the big picture.
This includes knowing that in the car at the 200 km/h you will need about
23 000 000 years to reach the nearest star.
Which is only 4.24 light years away and there are stars that are billions of light years away.
Plus - time is not constant in all parts of the reality, our picture of the world is illusion (it is illusion created by the brain), black holes, asteroid impacts, and countless billions of years that are yet to come.


It is one thing to read something like this in some magazine from time to time and another thing is to be fully aware of it all the time. Since I am professionally into the hard science my chances of forgetting things like this with time are 0.

Why I am saying all of this?

Imagine something quite normal.
Woman had a relationship with some guy for six years. It was a very good and healthy relationship. Plus everybody knew them as a couple and liked them as people.
One day love went away and they brake up. (Actually he brake up with her)
Few hours later woman is desperate, there is a lot of screaming, crying …….
I mean how can I have empathy/simapthy for her?
When you have so much abstractions and so much abstract/negative things in your head and you are so aware of the big picture.
It is very hard to be in contact with emotions of other people if you are like that.

Example number 2: Father of one of your friend dies in a car accident.

Why should someone be unhappy about it?
People die like this every day. Thousands die like this every single day.
Was he better then all those people so he deserves that you feel bad about it? Does your friend have the right to expect for you to feel bad about it?
Ok a guy died but there are still 6 854 927 726 other people that have survived the accident. After all where will you end up if you cry for all the people that died just in your hometown? All of those people are worth of crying why stop on this one?


I admit that I am cold-hearted son of a bitch. I am guilty for that crime for sure. But in my own defence: for example I can be very good ally in times of crisis, I have a sense of humor (dark one, but it is still sense of humor), I don't have problems with stress, I am not violent, I have low probability of getting in trouble (that is because my interests are very narrow)
I don’t enjoy in physical pleasures and I am emotionally very stabile.


I simply can’t be in touch with emotions of other people because I am too abstract as person.
I have lost almost all empathy since I am living with this kind of ideas for years and I am very interested in them.
Problems like ones that are mentioned are simply too small to be really important. This kind of thinking makes person none empathic in the real life and when I am in my abstract world I can’t use emotions normaly since I am detached from everything.


So, in the end a person end up in situation that it can’t relate to anyone or anything that is part of everyday life (romance included).

This is why expressed INTJs can look like robots in many situartions. It is just that our energy is channeled in the places where you can't observe results/efects. Also this is the main reason why we are so unsocial since our abstract world can provide energy we need and we don't need others to give us this energy.




2500 post

 

[Virtual ghost]

I have question for other INTJs.

When you are with the group of people outside do je tend to walk behind them ?
If so, why do you do this?

 

[jenocyde]

What you don't like or don't understand about INTJs?

why you guys like figging so much.

Ok, just teasing. I like INTJs just fine. My only issue that I've run across is that it takes a long time for them to accept any blame. It's always someone else's fault. But no one is infallible.

I think people get scared because INTJ humor can be very dark and delivered in such a deadpan way that you really don't know if it's a joke or real. But you guys are like a bucket of kittens to me...

 

[wastrd]

intjs are either extremely interesting or extremely boring. i have no judgment to bestow simplistically on all of them.

 

[Thessaly]

intjs are either extremely interesting or extremely boring. i have no judgment to bestow simplistically on all of them.

I can see this. I really like INTJs. I guess because of my nonthreatening presence they often show me some of those feelings you NTs don't seem to enjoy indulging in. I like that they're willing to discuss their interesting ideas and theories with me and humor my irrational tendencies in conversation (once they've opened up and decided to put down their guard).

 

[Saslou]

I didn't think i was allowed to post here. Cool.
I think the protector in me see's how different you lot are to the rest of the world. It pulls at my heart strings. You lot dont like that, i know you dont need protecting etc but there is something captivating about you.

This is why expressed INTJs can look like robots in many situartions. It is just that our energy is channeled in the places where you can't observe results/efects.
2500 post

And that is what i need to be able to see. Results and effects.

My only issue that I've run across is that it takes a long time for them to accept any blame. It's always someone else's fault. But no one is infallible.

I think people get scared because INTJ humor can be very dark and delivered in such a deadpan way that you really don't know if it's a joke or real. But you guys are like a bucket of kittens to me...

Spot on with the blame issue. Their humour i do like. Especially when they let off a smelly fart in a supermarket and run round the corner knowing someone is walking in my direction so will be thinking i let one go. Lmao

intjs are either extremely interesting or extremely boring. i have no judgment to bestow simplistically on all of them.

I like their minds and the way they articulate themselves. I can see the cogs going. Even with subjects i find boring, i still find myself listening. This is only face to face and not on the forums as it comes out as a book and i understand that your trying to get your point across clearly and precisely. So ehhh.

(once they've opened up and decided to put down their guard).

And i thought i had a problem with keeping my guard up. From my perception, its nothing compared to you INTJ's.

 

[Uytuun]

I have question for other INTJs.

When you are with the group of people outside do je tend to walk behind them ?
If so, why do you do this?

Depends on the people involved - I would never impose myself if I even got an inkling of a feeling that the other person preferred to walk/talk with someone else (I'm actually really sensitive to this)...I notice a lot of people "fight" to be able to walk next to someone or not be at the edges of a group picture...I guess I do relatively often end up to the sides or walking on my own just because I don't really care and don't want to put in the effort to elbow my way to the center.

This dynamic is especially obvious with new people and S people when we've just met - they are a bit distrustful, I think. The better people know me, the more often they join me on the sidewalk. And then there are the people that just won't let go from the first meeting.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I have question for other INTJs.

When you are with the group of people outside do je tend to walk behind them ?
If so, why do you do this?

Anyone else ?

 

[FC3S]

I can list any number of both positive and negative traits of INTJs -

One person whom has been both a gaming buddy, competitive PVP (player vs. player) gaming buddy, intellectual opponent, and otherwise all around awesome person is ma buddy Yax. I've known him for six years. We met in Phantasy Star Online. We PVPed, I kicked his ass. He can hold his own. He'll piss and moan about shit, that's his shield of dignity. But he really is rotten to the core.

I wouldn't put it passed him to kick my ass in PVP. Then to start mooing at my dead corpse. He knows what's coming.

My theories in car racing are all messed up - according to him. I can't possibly take him on with a lower class car, and beat him. I smoked him alright. Then with the mooing. He promptly wiped the floor with me next round.

Awesome man, awesome.

Other INTJs I run into - It starts as an uneasy alliance, it takes a number of years to grow. They're greatly tolerate once they know a person.

But I have to deal with their mooing.

 

[entropie]

Well I basically dont like about INTJs that they only seem to ask people questions or respond to peoples comments. Its very rare to see them to come off with something on their own.

Therefore and besides that I cant say much about them: cause dont know them on the forums.

 

[FC3S]

Well I basically dont like about INTJs that they only seem to ask people questions or respond to peoples comments. Its very rare to see them to come off with something on their own.

Therefore and besides that I cant say much about them: cause dont know them on the forums.

To get them to come off of stuff with their own you'll need this handly...

Introvert Prying Crowbar [tm].

Call an INTJ out on what he has said. Ask him his reasoning. Never insult him or call him stupid. Don't bother dismissing him. INTJs are arrogant bastards, telling them something they already know (and are quite proud of) is detrimental.

More importantly, the window of opportunity is when they start mooing. The minute they start goofing off - that's the moment to start asking.

 

[Wiley45]

Things that frustrate me about real life INTJ's I know:

-Once they've made up their minds about something, they can be pretty dogmatic and a bit closed to opposing ideas on that topic.

-Occasionally, the dark humor gets a little scary.

-They have little or no patience for people they find to be stupid or incompetent, and can be really cruel with their words.

-Their extremely high standards can leave me feeling strained or slightly nervous about being imperfect or messing up.

-They hate it when I worry about them or fuss over them, so it's hard to know how to show genuine concern when they're having a rough time.

-They get bored so easily. It's exhausting.

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

Things that frustrate me about real life INTJ's I know

Well, that INTJ dude or dudette surely is not TOO balanced then. You might wanna try some partially balanced ones if you are having such problems. =3

When you are with the group of people outside do je tend to walk behind them ?
If so, why do you do this?

Hm. Well, I do not REALLY like group-things per se, just because it will always end up in somebody being left out, which I find extremely unpolite.

If I would have to walk in a group, say because of school or whatnot and I know the people, I might stick to somebody I know.
If I do not know any people, I will just stay by myself.
And if I'd be in a group of friends (so, persons I actually like), I will end up being somewhere in the middle, making sure nobody is left out. Not because of any F-reasons, but because it is polite to make people you like feel at home. I guess this might be a *gene thing* <-- is Italian; hospitality is a big deal there, even as an introvert
In any case: after that day, I will surely need to spend some time alone to get my energy back, because keeping up that host-thing somewhen wears me out. But for friends it's worth it. I would never really do it for some random persons. I couldn't really care less about them.

 

[Wiley45]

Well, that INTJ dude or dudette surely is not TOO balanced then. You might wanna try some partially balanced ones if you are having such problems. =3

I love INTJ's. I really do. Just figured I'd chime in on the things that frustrate me. I am friends with some balanced INTJ's, although one friend who is very unbalanced is still one of my favorite people to talk to. He's kind of a wonder and an awe in his own strange way.

 

[INTJ123]

I actually do tend to walk behind in groups, I think it has to do with not drawing attention to myself. And people hate us cause, well they don't need a reason to hate, sometimes people just look at you and decide they hate you.

 

[Valuable_Money]

I actually do tend to walk behind in groups, I think it has to do with not drawing attention to myself. And people hate us cause, well they don't need a reason to hate, sometimes people just look at you and decide they hate you.

Why do you have a thread like this in almost every type-sub-forum?

 

[lamp]

I know two INTJs in real life, one is probably balanced - my dad. I like him.

The other is my 'friend': probably very expressed, male. We have (or used to) interesting conversation, but I find him incredibly disrespectful: he often does not pay attention to what I am saying (ENTJ friend does this as well), never answers his phone or returns calls or texts, turns down any activities I propose. I have told him that I find this disrespectful. And then he will call me, persuade me to go to lunch with him, then seem disappointed when I do not become very engaged in discussion. I have not seem much of him recently, I need to meet more INTJs and see if I can find one who will update me somewhat regularly.

Also, he calls me at random for help with various questions. Annoys the shit out me, given our situation.

 

[poppy]

I know two INTJs in real life, one is probably balanced - my dad. I like him.

The other is my 'friend': probably very expressed, male. We have (or used to) interesting conversation, but I find him incredibly disrespectful: he often does not pay attention to what I am saying (ENTJ friend does this as well), never answers his phone or returns calls or texts, turns down any activities I propose. I have told him that I find this disrespectful. And then he will call me, persuade me to go to lunch with him, then seem disappointed when I do not become very engaged in discussion. I have not seem much of him recently, I need to meet more INTJs and see if I can find one who will update me somewhat regularly.

Also, he calls me at random for help with various questions. Annoys the shit out me, given our situation.

Now these are very interesting complaints! (And I mean this genuinely, not sarcastically)
I'm prone to dropping off the face of the planet and ignoring calls and texts even from good friends. I don't blame you for being bothered by it, I have no doubt that it comes off as very rude. Sometimes socializing is so tiring though, that I can't seem to muster up the energy to reply, or I know that if I do reply I will come off as hostile because my introvert needs haven't been tended to and I will subconsciously try to get more space by being, well, kind of a bitch.
As far as calling for help with random questions, I think this is his way of trying to show that he values you! There are very very few people I ask for help, and when I do, it's my way of saying "I want to talk to you, but I don't want to engage in small talk, and I think you are competent enough that rather than look this up on the internet I will ask you about it".

 

[Athenian200]

I like INTJs just fine. They're awesome.

I understand most of what they do, but what I don't understand is why they're so driven and motivated by accomplishment, why they care more about making something work than having it make sense. I also don't understand where their motivation comes from, or where they get all those feelings about the goodness of their ideas without any external reinforcement.

In other words, I don't understand Te and Fi.