[ENTP] Single ENTPs

[tedboles]

There is a certain challenge to maintaining a successful relationship that I enjoy.

Your right about freedom though. That was a major problem in my last relationship. I can't name what type she was exactly, cause I did not really pay to much attention to types at the time, but I grew really tired of her neediness.

It's a cool feeling to be wanted, but it's also fuggin annoying as hell sometimes.

 

[SUPER]

Relationships are good for.......

1. Sex

2. Someone to have fun with




I'll get in a relationship if..........

1. They seem worthy of spending time with

2. They put out quick (ENFJ's...lol)

3. They're rich and I think I can get some money out of it




I dont like relationships if.....

1. She gets too close to me too fast, or doesnt give me enough space

2. She's boring

3. A million other things... I will nitpick and find something. She talks too much, contradicts herself, too much drama, too fake, etc... Basically I like F's but they must have some common sense

4. Bad connection/No Chemistry

 

[Kasper]

I'll get in a relationship if..........

3. They're rich and I think I can get some money out of it

Eww, that part's skeezy. You write a good argument for others to not get involved with ENTPs *fist shake*

 

[miss fortune]

I always enjoyed being single when single- as long as I'm getting some somewhere

It takes quite a bit to make me give up my freedom, but I don't regret it- I've found someone who gives me all the space I need but is still there for me if I want for him to be

I like someone who's confident in themselves and comfortable with who they are, who doesn't try to change me into what they really want and who is interesting enough to keep me fascinated over time... and someone who I'm comfortable enough with that I don't mind spending an evening in

 

[teslashock]

I think the ongoing battle between being in a relationship and personal freedom is perhaps explained well by our enneagram/stacking. I recently read this description of my own etype/stack, 7 sx/sp, (provided to me by one of the local enneagram experts), and it basically described all of my relationship insecurities to a T:

The energy of the sexual instinct is, in some ways, at odds with the type Seven fixation. The Seven’s focus is future oriented and outward, away from the inner world, while the sexual variant is instinctual and dwells on the inner self as far as relationships and identity are concerned. This combination can make for a Seven that can be Four-like in many ways. They can have a flamboyant style and be very moody and intense. In relationships, there is often a push-pull quality. They are very attracted to the falling in love part. The buzz and high of that is very stimulating to them, almost drug-like for them. Their problems come when that buzz wears off. They want to recreate it again and again, but they also have a way of becoming attached and sometimes very dependent on their romantic partners. On the down side, they can be very clingy but don’t want at the same time to lose their freedom. When unhealthy, they can be very selfish in these relationships, things become one-sided in a way that favors the interests of the Seven.

Basically we really like the idea of romance and intense relationships, but as soon as we find one, we flip our shit in some form or fashion (even if it's with somebody that we really enjoy) because it makes us feel way too tied down and content. It can be quite childish.

 

[SUPER]

Eww, that part's skeezy. You write a good argument for others to not get involved with ENTPs *fist shake*

pLAYER hATER

 

[Kasper]

pLAYER hATER

HEY! You'll scare off all the rich NFs with talk like that :steam:

 

[SUPER]

^LOL dontworry, im nottrying to hook up off a msg board

 

[VitaB]

I was in the exact same boat you were in, thinking that relationships are not for me and freedom is too priceless to let go of, so I mostly stuck to open relationships or one-night-whatevers. I don't see anything wrong with the way I was living and seeking out a realtionship was not on my list to do's, if anything, I was constantly avoiding it, refusing all offers.
A relationship just sorta happened to me after realizing that a guy that was head over heals with me has given up on ever trying to be loved back by me , and the concept of losing him hit me really hard. So I stepped back inside myself (guh stupid NT) and realized that all my rationality and logical evaluation of relationships has blinded me to the fact that the person I want to spend the rest of my life with was right in front of me (however emotional this statement may be, there was a lot of thought put into it, so I know I'm right).
So we are still together now, and we give each other space at times, and at other times suffocate each other with cutesy lovie thingys that I used to get naucious over. We are exclusive, except for the very occasional orgies (common, that's not cheating, it's just impulsive fun).
I think that the key to a healthy relationship is knowing how to be okay with being alone (physically and emotionally), which is why I think mature NT's are actually really well suited to a realtionships, especially the INT's, the NT's self awarness and constant evaluation makes it perfect. Once a person is mature enough to not be dependant on other people for his/her own psychological well-being than a good realtionship can be achieved, without sacrafising freedoms or jealousy, or cheating, or crying or whatever it is couple seem to always be writing poems about.

by the way, my boyfriend is an INFP.

 

[simulatedworld]

The relationship thing is fine as long you allow for the compulsive need for freedom. If you date another ENTP they'll understand this and you'll let each other live your lives without getting clingy or smothering each other.

 

[Amethyst]

I can't say...I've never been in a relationship before. I used to regret being single, hell, I regret being too picky. I can instantly read people and see if they're good, bad, compatible, what have you, and a lot of times I read the bads too quickly. I'm just calling it a day and sticking to asexuality for now. No one really seems interest anyway...actually I lied. I'm too oblivious a rock can pick up social cues before me.

 

[mrcockburn]

I was thinking the past few days about how nice relationships sound in theory, but I can't reconcile it with my compulsive need for freedom. Are there any single ENTPs that regret being single? Are there partnered ones that have regrets about being in a couple? I'm just trying to figure out if happy long term relationships for this type can really happen or if I'm just kidding myself...

I sort of forced myself to commit myself to a serious relationship, for the stupidest reason: I ought to stop playing drinking games in bars with people who I always end up bedding within hours, as it's high time I started acting like "everyone else", and get into a "real relationship."

It sucked. I put myself through this "norm" for a whole year, and felt like a caged animal who would constantly try to escape and always get caught and tossed back in. He was even another NT (ENTJ, low on the N, ULTRA HIGH on the J), but he completely SMOTHERED me and even tried proposing to me twice. Whoa. However, I think he had a mental disturbance or two...

I sucked at the "relationship" thing anyway...I admit I "slipped" a bunch of times in terms of "monogamy"...

Anyway, long novel short, I broke up with him about 2 days ago. Back to running wild like I was built to.

 

[Ajax]

I think the ongoing battle between being in a relationship and personal freedom is perhaps explained well by our enneagram/stacking. I recently read this description of my own etype/stack, 7 sx/sp, (provided to me by one of the local enneagram experts), and it basically described all of my relationship insecurities to a T:

The energy of the sexual instinct is, in some ways, at odds with the type Seven fixation. The Seven�s focus is future oriented and outward, away from the inner world, while the sexual variant is instinctual and dwells on the inner self as far as relationships and identity are concerned. This combination can make for a Seven that can be Four-like in many ways. They can have a flamboyant style and be very moody and intense. In relationships, there is often a push-pull quality. They are very attracted to the falling in love part. The buzz and high of that is very stimulating to them, almost drug-like for them. Their problems come when that buzz wears off. They want to recreate it again and again, but they also have a way of becoming attached and sometimes very dependent on their romantic partners. On the down side, they can be very clingy but don�t want at the same time to lose their freedom. When unhealthy, they can be very selfish in these relationships, things become one-sided in a way that favors the interests of the Seven.

Basically we really like the idea of romance and intense relationships, but as soon as we find one, we flip our shit in some form or fashion (even if it's with somebody that we really enjoy) because it makes us feel way too tied down and content. It can be quite childish.

This is why I really think I am a ENTP.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Would wanting to be in a relationship, then once achieved, wanting to exit said relationship be an enneagram 7 trait?

 

[StrawMan]

I used to regret being single, hell, I regret being too picky. I can instantly read people and see if they're good, bad, compatible, what have you, and a lot of times I read the bads too quickly.

I tend to see the bad and possibly incompatible sides of people quickly and perhaps somehow pay too much attention to them. Even if you are quite attracted to the person, it feels kind of deceitful to even start a relationship, when you can see the "inevitable" downfall of it. Maybe Ne+Ti working in disastrous ways?

 

[citizen cane]

who wants to make the single ENTP club here?

 

[Tallulah]

I tend to see the bad and possibly incompatible sides of people quickly and perhaps somehow pay too much attention to them. Even if you are quite attracted to the person, it feels kind of deceitful to even start a relationship, when you can see the "inevitable" downfall of it. Maybe Ne+Ti working in disastrous ways?

I do this, too. And it's hard to fully commit yourself when you can see that it probably won't last. Sucks. Sometimes I'd rather just be blissfully ignorant.

 

[1487610420]

my desire for a relationship is based on being able to get a girl i like interested in me, nothing more.

for me, it's merely just an ego boost (and rejection is hard on the ego, that's why i never tried it). and dumping her afterward is good for entertainment purposes, especially if she thinks it's something more. (maybe it's just me, but i just love seeing beautiful things whither and die.)

because honestly, i don't think i could take the drama that goes on in relationships. all the nagging, the neediness, the waste of perfectly good money, and kissing your favorite hobbies good-bye. i can't imagine why any sane person would want to be in a full-blown relationship.

what are the rewards in it?

Yeah[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dXalqyeAuQ"]this[/YOUTUBE]

 

[hilo]

I feel ya. I've always known that I would always be single and I am ok with it. Actually, more than ok with it.

But hearing about all these supposed great relationships are making me wonder what it's like, so I'm just curious if it's even possible to be satisfied and happy with another person... at least as much as I am happy being alone.

(If you'll accept the comments of an semi-extroverted INTP...)

What's your ennea-type?

I completely understand the "I'm happy alone" feeling - certainly preferable to any kind of situation where you feel trapped/obligated to be with someone when it isn't what you really want.

Have you ever been in love with someone? It's hard to imagine being in love and also thinking you didn't want to be with that person in the future. If you've never had that experience - finding a person that knows you, accepts you, challenges you in all the good ways, would fight for you, can be your best friend and lover - then yes, I think you're missing out.

I'm not saying you can't have as great of a life (in a different way) single, but there is something - a part of human existence - that you're missing if you never have this.

And I'm not talking something that has to lead to marriage. Forget all the societal trappings of "relationships" and think what it means to connect with another human being. I know of no reason why an ENTP could not connect in a mindmate/soulmate way with the right person - though yes, the right person for you might be a rare individual. (sidenote: If you believe that we match up well with NFs, you'll be looking for an INFJ or INFP male - unfortunately not so common)

I will say that for the person that I finally really had this amazing connection with, I knew it within a few days of meeting them. I think you'll notice when such a person shows up.

And until then, rock on with your independent self! It's GOOD to be happy with your own life.

 

[LunarMoon]

I’ve never understood the appeal of most relationships. It seems as if most people are together simply because they have opposite parts and because the person they’re with has a reasonable level of physical attractiveness. If they were of the same sex they would assumedly have nothing to do with each other. It’s almost as if individuals are placed into different boxes based upon sex: in one box are individuals of the same gender, for which deep, meaningful relationships can be formed, based merely upon the desire to speak with and be around them. On the other is romantic love, based upon a chemical infatuation, and in which the participants may have very little to do with each other personality-wise.

The idealized “wife-kids-picket fence” relationship seems to promote this. You have the career driven, stoic man of the relationship combined with the emotional house wife with few aspirations other than to be a housewife. The specifics of this type of coupling seem to be as dead as the Post-War 1950s Americana from which it originated from but the general ideas still linger. The thoughts expressed in this thread about people merely wanting to be entertained while in a relationship with the opposite sex only confirms this.

As for me, I’ve never been able to motivate myself into pursuing one. Emotionally, it felt awful to reject advances back in high school, but I eventually went on a date for the simple matter of figuring out what all the hoopla was about. I absolutely hated it, in that I felt as if I was simply sitting around for more than an hour in order to be judged like a piece of meat. Nor did I find any real enjoyment out of any of it. I suppose that I could become more interested in the dating game if I could find someone that I could actually connect with mentally, but the idea of entering a relationship simply to enter a relationship seems illogical to me. Quite frankly, I’d rather be part of a best friend relationship in which I would still be creepily close to that person even if I wasn’t biologically attracted to them on the basis of sexual dimorphism.