• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INTP] Signs an INTP *dislikes* you.

INA

now! in shell form
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,195
MBTI Type
intp
Cloud's a clown.

ooops. I broke the cardinal rule.


Usually conveying dislike is not tough - I simply refuse to acknowledge their existence or their possession of humanity. That is pretty rare and reserved for pigheaded, dense, scum of the earth.
What is tough is not giving false positives where people interpret dislike from obliviousness.
 

Salomé

meh
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,527
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I basically ignore them, don't make eye contact, don't respond to anything they say, treat them like they don't exist.
This is how I treat everyone. Is that why people think I don't like them?
;)

Mostly I don't even register people on a like/dislike scale. I'm indifferent. Sometimes I dislike someone because they are loud or obnoxious or in my face or it's just a personality clash. In that case, if ignoring them isn't working, I'll probably cut them with words to force them to keep their distance.

If I really dislike someone, it's probably because they have harmed me or mine in some way. And then they really need to watch out. Because I'm a vengeful sonova bitch. And they never see it coming.

In my experience a judgement about the other person is often made based on very limited data and INTP-specific assumptions that need not necessarily apply to the other person.

(I don't mean to target you specifically Tallulah. It's just something that bothers me about a fair number of the INTPs I know, so quick to judge.)
Would that be you making a judgment about other people making judgments? :p

So what if it is a judgment? Everybody makes judgments consciously or unconsciously when they meet someone within, what is it 7 seconds? That's what we're wired to do.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,145
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
So what if it is a judgment? Everybody makes judgments consciously or unconsciously when they meet someone within, what is it 7 seconds? That's what we're wired to do.

Well, true -- it's a survival mechanism, it's better to make a judgment and decide rather than stand there and get eaten.
 

INA

now! in shell form
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,195
MBTI Type
intp
Would that be you making a judgment about other people making judgments? :p

So what if it is a judgment? Everybody makes judgments consciously or unconsciously when they meet someone within, what is it 7 seconds? That's what we're wired to do.

QFT - Our critical faculties are not there to languish, unused, to our detriment. But usually people only have problems with your use of judgment if the outcome is not favorable to them. Otherwise it shows character!
 

ThinkingAboutIt

New member
Joined
Apr 8, 2009
Messages
264
MBTI Type
INTP
Cloud's a clown.

ooops. I broke the cardinal rule.


Usually conveying dislike is not tough - I simply refuse to acknowledge their existence or their possession of humanity. That is pretty rare and reserved for pigheaded, dense, scum of the earth.
What is tough is not giving false positives where people interpret dislike from obliviousness.

I have only had to do that once as I usually have no problem getting along with anyone. But, I did have a woman I worked with years ago...an adult, but really psychotic that I had to handle. Everyone was scared of her and tried to 'be her friend', but since I was not 'adhering' as well, she decided she needed to intimidate me. It wasn't that I didn't like her - I just didn't care for her complete lack of class. Nasty verbal comments within my vicinity resulted in nothing more than inattentiveness or amusement, so she intentionally 'bumped' into me with her shoulder while walking down the hall. I laughed, and continued to walk down that hall just as I always had. So, she joined a 'group' I was taking a break with and started making comments about 'beating people up' that she doesn't like and looked right at me. Since we were standing, I simply turned my back on her in front of everyone and stayed that way until she left. She blew a gasket and started yelling, but never did anything more than stomp off. Everyone's mouth was hanging open when I turned back around. Sorry, I just don't make time for nonsense, and I have far too much moxie to be intimidated by such.
 

INA

now! in shell form
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,195
MBTI Type
intp
Nasty verbal comments within my vicinity resulted in nothing more than inattentiveness or amusement, so she intentionally 'bumped' into me with her shoulder while walking down the hall. I laughed, and continued to walk down that hall just as I always had. So, she joined a 'group' I was taking a break with and started making comments about 'beating people up' that she doesn't like and looked right at me. Since we were standing, I simply turned my back on her in front of everyone and stayed that way until she left. She blew a gasket and started yelling, but never did anything more than stomp off. Everyone's mouth was hanging open when I turned back around. Sorry, I just don't make time for nonsense, and I have far too much moxie to be intimidated by such.
ROFL.
I guarantee, the safest way to enrage a hothead like that is to be unimpressed by the displays.
 

ThinkingAboutIt

New member
Joined
Apr 8, 2009
Messages
264
MBTI Type
INTP
ROFL.
I guarantee, the safest way to enrage a hothead like that is to be unimpressed by the displays.

That has been my only experience with a person of that nature...it was enlightening. If you knew me, you would know that I would never instigate or invite that kind of situation, nor am I by nature rude, but sometimes we find ourselves in a situation without choice and we have to handle it. I did what I thought was best. Perhaps in the future she will hesitate before aggressively forcing another to 'engage' her when they make it obvious they would prefer not to :yes:
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
9,581
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
In casual off-work situations, people I dislike I simply avoid.

At work, people I dislikes but have to deal with, I usually deal with swiftly, get them away from me as soon as possible by any acceptable means possible. But without actually fracturing the relations. (Coupled with a lot of "Grow the fuck up" thoughts et al.)
 

Uytuun

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
1,633
MBTI Type
nnnn
Would that be you making a judgment about other people making judgments? :p

So what if it is a judgment? Everybody makes judgments consciously or unconsciously when they meet someone within, what is it 7 seconds? That's what we're wired to do.

Your interpretation of that little piece says a lot about certain assumptions you make - "so what if it is a judgement" doesn't really apply to what I was trying to convey. It was meant as a description of my experiences or of actions rather than a judgement of the person or type an sich...I thought you might enjoy reading an outsider's perspective on INTP behaviour. I cannot at the end of the day judge people for what they essentially are though I might express annoyance/judgement at certain actions they perform.
 

Orangey

Blah
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
6,354
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
6w5
Yeah, I usually just keep my dislike or annoyance with someone to myself. This is because I know my opinion of them is open to change, and it's not really worth making enemies with someone or making them feel bad because at one given moment in time I feel like I don't like them. If I don't like them to a high enough degree, then I can just avoid spending a lot of time with them. Unless the person is actively antagonizing me, in which case I can be provoked into antagonizing back. Sometimes, if it's bad enough, I can get nasty.

Even then, however, I don't really think "oh God, I hate this person for all eternity." This has gotten on some people's nerves because they wonder why my value judgments are so inconsistent.

For instance, there is this one girl who has an annoying and sort of grating personality, and has a history of not being nice to me and a couple of my friends. One day we were talking about something she was doing during class (she was making weird facial expressions), and my friends all ascribed the worst possible motivations and intentions to her behavior. I started arguing that we don't even know whether that's the case or not, and they were all like, "Orangey, you know she's a jerk. Remember how she treated you and so and so that one time? How can you not think that her motivations are bad?"
 

Salomé

meh
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,527
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I thought you might enjoy reading an outsider's perspective on INTP behaviour.

Ahh. That was your first mistake.

We are a law unto ourselves, didn't you know? ;)

Orangey said:
Even then, however, I don't really think "oh God, I hate this person for all eternity." This has gotten on some people's nerves because they wonder why my value judgments are so inconsistent.
We aren't very good at holding grudges.
Orangey said:
I started arguing that we don't even know whether that's the case or not, and they were all like, "Orangey, you know she's a jerk. Remember how she treated you and so and so that one time? How can you not think that her motivations are bad?"
Heh. It's partly because we are often detached from the way we feel or the way others make us feel, and partly because we can never be certain of anything, we always have to allow the element of doubt. Seems to be a common theme for INTP women anyway, we've just been talking about this stuff.
 

Zoom

Self sustaining supernova
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
1,045
Enneagram
9w8
I generally deal with the person as little as possible if I dislike them... I will not address them, involve them in a conversation, nor will I show emotion toward them whatsoever except for a slight detachment. If I hate someone, I will completely ignore them - and dress them down verbally if they push the issue. Hate is rare with me, though.
 

yenom

Alexander the Terrible
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
1,755
Yes well, i might hate someone, and vice versa. I am a human being, not a saint. But my hate could purely be based on my own prejudice on that person, rather than actually the person is actually good or not. So even if i hold antagonism towards that person, I would not let it cloud my judgement.

But I do often make enemies , and I am not hesitant to say it straight in their face. Conflict occurs when there is a mutual clash of interests, rather than based on my personal hate of that person:yes:

But self-interest always comes first, I can gladly make peace and shake hands with someone i intensely dislike if it serves my long term interest. This is not an easy thing to do.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
This is why this is a discussion of some of the signs INTPs might typically show when they don't like someone, it's not a workshop on how an INFP feels about people and what they think the best course of action is.

(Although I agree that your approach I think is more productive long term. But then again, people are at where they're at, and they're who they are... and you really have no idea of the actual situation, you're sort of projecting your INFP perceptions on "what this guy must be feeling and why he is behaving this way." Maybe the guy actually IS annoying, and being nice to him will not fix that. We just cannot be sure right now, without observation.)

And that's my response to why the INTP's typical response is not effective, and why this one in particular is immature.

I asked for clarification, but the OP's description sounds very typical of the situation I described. If you want to start pulling MBTI on me, then I will claim better ability to read people's feelings than INTPs :tongue:.
 

Blank

.
Joined
Mar 10, 2009
Messages
1,201
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Awww....my heart breaks for this poor kid. He just wants someone to accept him and be his friend and you're looking for ways to reject him. This sounds very, very high school. I guess when you get older you're less judgmental towards people. What is so terribly annoying about this guy?
Why don't you take him under your wing and cultivate his better qualities?
I bet half his issue is insecurity and being rejected by people (that's why he tries so hard). Some of my best friends came out of people who annoyed me a bit at first.

Otherwise, I say grow a spine and be direct. Outright tell him he is not invited when you make plans.
Your current approach is obviously not clever or effective.

You don't need to be clever or effective to make someone gtfo. Plus, I'm the kind of INTP who prefers to be direct and avoid bullshit. If it's not important, it's not worth my time which could be used for other things...like slacking. I was direct with this kid, but I wasn't trying to offend him and just say, "Dude you act like a little middle schooler, now gtfo."

The best metaphor I can ascribe to this kid is that he's like a little gay toy poodle who's constantly trying to hump other dogs, which ignore him.

The dude's a fucking creeper, for instance, he followed my one friend everywhere, even to the bathroom while he was trying to brush his teeth and shit. He'll just stand there and watch people, and it's fucking creepy. He also makes annoying sounds and asks the same fucking questions over and over even after you've given him a proper response. Example:

"Hey dude, can I borrow ten dollars?"
-"No."
"Oh...So can I borrow ten dollars?"
-"I'm not giving you ten dollars."

And the way the conversation continues, he's not even trying to be an annoying little bastard, he just is one. When people have told him he's not invited to things, he'll just show up anyway, or wait outside like a lost puppy.

My approach has been effective because he's stopped bothering me, but he still bothers my other friends. As for being "high school," I'm generally pretty open and forgiving, but this kid just gets under the skin with his creepiness and annoyance. He truly acts like a middle schooler. If anything, I could insinuate that you're just being too motherly and optimistic, believing that we should "take him under our wing." Seriously? Get your head out of the clouds, that's not how people operate. It's not my M.O. and I would need to sort out the problems in my life before I would work on anyone else's.
 

lunalum

Super Senior Member
Joined
Dec 20, 2008
Messages
2,706
MBTI Type
ZNTP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
INTPs can dislike people? :huh:

I'm not sure if I've really disliked anyone overall. There have been some times where a person's actions towards me would be very frustrating, but once the emotional reaction has fade away, I just remember that this person has this particular weakness, and I don't waste any of my energy toward disliking them.
 

Verfremdungseffekt

videodrones; questions
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
866
MBTI Type
INTp
Enneagram
5w4
Yeah, basically going out of the way not to engage. Even if it means inconveniencing myself in other ways.

If every time I go somewhere I'm beset upon by someone I can't abide, then I just don't go there anymore -- even if it's the only place I see several people whom I do enjoy, or if I generally make things difficult for myself by doing so. At least that's in my control, whereas I've no control over other people. Nor do I particularly want it.

Though I've started to notice a certain perverse glee that, in retrospect, I've always taken from rejecting people. I'm not proud of it; neither am I ashamed, exactly. More puzzled. Lately I'm just trying to figure out what to make of it, as an impulse.

I don't think it's a personal thing, so much; I've nothing against most people. It's more a sense of accomplishment, not unlike what one gets after organizing one's files or straightening the apartment. Perhaps weeding the garden is a more appropriate metaphor. Ha, yes; I got rid of another one! Turned back another invasion. Score goes up; on to the next level.

It seems to come from a certain wacko over-protectiveness of my personal, mental, emotional space. I think it may be an unhealthy side effect of my father's invasiveness, which I spent so much energy trying to guard against.
 

sunset5678

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2009
Messages
145
MBTI Type
XNTJ
ITA...I had a friend like that once too...I finally had enough and basically told her that she was such a halfwit that the lint she had an obsession with pic- king off of things would be jealous of her personality. She was in her twenties but her room looked like a preschoolers room. She would sing songs from those infomercials for CDs that have stuff like songs about bugs on them and would expect you to be by the phone the second she got off work so you could be ready if she called and would leave you hanging if she plan- ned something else (like stealing a guy she said she'd set you up with...gee I wonder why because she was too immature to hang onto her own for more than two months) and she thought she was hot stuff when she only wore a skirt like once a year if even that. If you made plans with anyone else she would invite herself and try to make up annoying rules to get rid of the other person but if she went to do stuff with someone else she'd make you go but talk to you like a child she'd never take again if you tried to speak or partic- ipate but if you didn't drop everything to be ignored you were 'being a brat' so I pretty much told her she had the brains of a crayon and never spoke to her again. Especially when she went after my BEST friend with her head games. I mean i have friends whos easily amused sense of humor I find funny and enjoy but this kind of stuff is where the line must be drawn...mainly because she made a new rule we had to spend the night at one of each others houses pretty much every night and it was literally like one of those movies where someone gets stuck with a creepy roommate and think every time i turn around...
 

LostInNerSpace

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2008
Messages
1,027
MBTI Type
INTP
Threads like this really make me wonder. Who are you people? I really hope you're not in charge of anything important.
 
Top